How to invite forgiveness to bless your life…
Forgiveness is both a decision and a process. Choose one of the ways listed in this infographic to implement in your life for one week. Assess how it has blessed you and then try a new way until you feel the weight of hurt and bitterness lessen.
If you have trouble making final decisions, you may want to explore a few causes of your indecisiveness. Then, if you discover you’re doing these things, you can eliminate them and start making decisions much faster.
To overcome these decision-making blockers, train your mind to think differently. Instead of thinking of any of these issues, think about what your goals are and whether this decision affects those goals at all or not. If they do, ensure they take you closer to achievement, but if they don’t, consider that your choice for this one thing may not even matter in the scheme of your life.
Self-care is no longer a luxury for our busy, stressful lives. It is a necessity! Use this self-care self-assessment on how well you are taking care of yourself. The examples here can be used as ideas, but you are not limited to this list…work to be consistent with your self-care plan and/or add new ideas to keep things fresh.
Taking care of yourself better is not only important to you but also to everyone around you. When you aren’t practicing self-care daily, you are probably not as healthy as you could be. This means you aren’t at your best, and you aren’t able to help others much.
To help you optimize and/or increase your self-care, fill in each section of this self-care assessment sheet to give you an idea of what you need to work on to feel better yourself, and to be there for others.
For each of the following, rate how well you rate each item. Use the number system with 1 being poor and 5 being the best. Write your score in the line by the item. Then total up the numbers in each section and put it on the total score line by the section title.
Physical Self-Care – Total Score ________
___ I exercise 3-5 times a week.
___ I eat 3 healthy meals daily.
___ I eat healthy snacks.
___ I follow a healthy sleep routine.
___ I avoid eating at fast food restaurants.
___ I visit my family doctor regularly.
___ I visit my dentist regularly.
___ I drink water for better hydration.
___ I incorporate weights in my exercises.
___ I take medications as prescribed.
I want/need to build/enhance these qualities:
Mental Self-Care – Total Score ________
___ I write in a journal regularly.
___ I keep up with current news & events.
___ I play cognitive games that challenge me.
___ I engage in at least one hobby a week.
___ I listen to relaxing music.
___ I call or write to keep in touch with people I care for.
___ I volunteer regularly.
___ I visit places that I enjoy at least twice a week.
___ I learn to do something new each week.
___ I practice self-compassion and acceptance.
I want/need to build/enhance these qualities:
Emotional Self-Care – Total Score ________
___ I journal about things that bother/worry me.
___ I talk about troubling thoughts with a trusted friend.
___ I make it a point to be kind to others.
___ I don’t take hurtful things to heart.
___ I listen to upbeat or sad music as needed.
___ I watch inspiring or funny movies/shows to cheer up.
___ I don’t allow my anger or frustration to affect others.
___ I read the news or books to keep my thoughts in perspective.
___ I tell people what I really think, in appropriate ways.
___ I effectively limit the time I spend with toxic people.
I want/need to build/enhance these qualities:
Social Self-Care – Total Score ________
___ I schedule one-on-one time each person in my immediate family.
___ I participate in community events regularly.
___ I am part of several community groups.
___ I encourage my family and friends to try new things.
___ I check on my friends/family regularly.
___ I tell my friends and family why I appreciate them.
___ I effectively balance the time I need for myself and with others.
___ I ask for help when needed.
___ I offer help when I see another’s unfulfilled need.
___ I make new people feel welcome and valued.
I want/need to build/enhance these qualities:
Business Self-Care
___ I arrive/begin work on time.
___ I work with a peer-support group.
___ I work with others a team-player.
___ I compliment others on their work.
___ I follow the rules/instructions set for my job.
___ I read industry-related information regularly.
___ I regularly build and enhance my job skills.
___ I keep my desk/office clean and organized.
___ I take time off only when needed.
___ I take 15-minute breaks as needed.
I want/need to build/enhance these qualities:
How do you deal with defiance in teenagers? All teens can be defiant some of the time. It can be a sign of healthy development as teens work to assert their own identity, but what happens when it is the daily pattern?
For oppositional behavior to be a true mental health diagnosis, a child must show a pattern of symptoms of angry/irritable, argumentative/defiant behavior, or vindictiveness for at least six months. Children and adolescents with ODD may have trouble controlling their temper and are disobedient and defy authority figures. Teenagers who present with these symptoms often have a history of depression or anxiety that coincides with this disorder. Treatment and medication that addresses these issues can reduce disruptive behavior as well.
As you can imagine, individuals with oppositional defiance also have problems making or keeping friends, performing in school, and can’t hold on to a job. Big problems with their own emotional regulation create chaos in relationships inside and outside the home.
Parents can learn new skills to manage their child’s disruptive moods and behaviors. Modeling how to collaboratively solve problems and using natural consequences decreases arguments and fights.
Using harsh discipline or aggressive behavior toward teenagers causes the situation to be worse. Authoritarian styles of parenting make get some control of teen behavior in the short term but create more problems over the long term and may ruin relationships with teens as they grow into adulthood. It may push teens into social conduct problems that result in them having trouble with law enforcement and being removed by social services.
Professionals use a “Child Behavior Checklist” to screen for criteria that meet the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders definition of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Other comorbid disorders may include ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Depressive or Bipolar Disorder, Intellectual Disability, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Language and Expressive Disorders, Social Phobia, and Anxiety.
Individual and group therapy for teenagers can be helpful. Parents can also learn new skills for managing oppositional behaviors. Learning about attachment styles and generational patterns of trauma can also be beneficial. Reading books on normal teen development is also recommended.
If you need more help with your teen or want to learn how to better parent, contact Ron Huxley today and schedule a session.
Did you wake up in a mood today? We often wake up thinking about the problems we have to face today. We rehearse the past memories and circumstances that create a hyper state of arousal, using the natural cortisol levels of the morning to increase anxiety, fear, irritability, and anger.
Before your feet hit the floor, use gratitudes to change how you think and feel. Use the natural energy of cortisol to direct your thoughts and behaviors in the morning. Engage in meditation and focus for the day and be more productive and creative with using that cortisol. Make today better than yesterday. Make your inspiration greater than your suffering!
Let Ron Huxley help you find more power in your life by scheduling a session today or using the power-full tools at FamilyHealer.tv
Schedule an appointment today with Ron Huxley and learn this an other important life skills today!
When people treat you wrong, it is very easy to hold a grudge. You may not understand how it could be possible to forgive someone for a slight, especially if the action was especially hurtful. Maybe you think forgiveness is about the other person and somehow,they benefit from you forgiving them. Forgiveness is not about the other person; it is about you.
Forgiving another person does not always mean they stay in your life. Sometimes you do not even let them know you are forgiving them. You do not even need to trust them again. Just forgive them to eliminate the negativity in your life.
Even horrific crimes can be forgiven. For safety reasons, you may want to use an indirect way of forgiving them instead of contacting them directly. Write a letter as if you plan on sending it to the other person. Talk about how what they did made you feel, and about how it made you think about yourself. Write about how you are no longer going to allow them space in your head and how you forgive them for what they did to you.
When you finish writing, seal up the letter in an envelope and put their name on the front. Then either throw it away (shred it first!) or burn the letter. It does not have to actually be read by the person you are forgiving, this exercise is to help you get past the negativity and the chains that are holding you back as a person.
If you find you can’t forgive on your own, you may want to talk with a professional. Therapy can really help you get past this hurdle. Especially if the person committed a serious crime. If you have been abused, particularly over a long period of time, you may need therapy to help you get past what was done to you. There is nothing wrong with seeking help.
Once you have forgiven the other person, you will feel like a weight has been lifted, or chains have been removed. Grudges are not healthy for you and they do not affect the other person. When you bottle up negative feelings, you can increase your risks of developing heart disease, and other health conditions. You tend to age faster as well. Not forgiving others can dim your overall outlook on life, so why put yourself through all of that?
Remember that forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about eliminating the negativity in your own life. So free yourself today by forgiving others for the wrongs they have done to you.
Scientists tell us there are certain things we can do to improve our mental wellbeing. These techniques will help you feel more positive about yourself.
They teach you how to ride the lows and wait out the lows. Once you know that, nothing can stop you from getting what you want out of life.
Today, we’re going to share with you five ways to boost your mental health. Keep reading for more.
1. Connect With Others
Good relationships don’t need years to build. They can form in a matter of months, or weeks even. Plus, they don’t have to be an all-in, best-friends-for-life type of relationship.
Just talking to a neighbor or members of your church can have a great impact on your mental health. You learn to listen, empathize, and build a strong sense of self-worth and value.
Have you and a friend not seen each other in a while? Then, reach out and try to arrange a coffee date so you can get together and catch up.
How about your children or other family members? Why not try to set an hour during the day where you talk or play games?
We all know how social media has become an important part of our lives. And it’s made it easier to stay in touch with important people in our lives, especially if they live far away.
It’s good to text and chat on a regular basis. Just make sure technology isn’t replacing your face-to-face communications with people.
2. Learn New Skills
Learning a new skill or hobby can have a significant boost on your mental health. It’s an excellent way to meet new people and improve your self-esteem.
It’s nice to have a sense of purpose, other than your work. It gives you something to look forward to each day.
The problem, however, is many people complain they don’t have enough hours in the day. Luckily, though, technology has made learning more accessible.
Here are some of the ways you can use those high-tech gadgets you have to good use:
• Sign up for an online course, like learning a new language or a practical skill like programming
• Look for free video tutorials online to help you out with a DIY project
• If you enjoy cooking, find healthy recipes and learn how to make them
• Try a new hobby that challenges and entertains you, like painting, writing, or gardening
• Learn to play a new sport or physical activity
3. Pay More Attention
We’re all guilty of not paying attention to people and things going on around us. We’re always busy with work or scrolling through our social media feed.
Learning to focus all your senses on the present moment can improve your mental well-being. It also boosts your mood and lowers stress levels. Experts call this type of focus ‘mindfulness’.
When you practice mindfulness, you enjoy the little things in life. Things like watching a bird soar overhead or taking in the nuances of nature are just two small examples.
When you’re in tune with the small details, you feel more relaxed and at peace. Plus, you start to get a better understanding of what makes you happy or anxious, which is a healthy way to approach life’s challenges.
4. Get Physically Active
When you do any type of physical activity, you boost your physical fitness, as well as your mental wellness. It could be a short 15-minute walk, an hour of cycling each week, or 30 minutes at the gym. You pick the activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good.
Then, once you start noticing the difference, you start to feel good about your looks. That’s when your confidence will soar through the roof.
In addition, your brain signals the nervous central system to release ‘feel-good’ hormones known as endorphins. These wonder chemicals trigger a positive response, which boosts your mood. They also reduce feelings of pain and anxiety.
Check out the following tips on how to get moving to boost your mental health:
• Look online for free activities catered to your fitness level
• Find local centers where you can dance, swim, or cycle
• Try running with a ‘couch to 5K’ app or podcast
• If you have a chronic health condition or a disability, there are many exercise’s and physical activities that can be customized to meet your needs
5. Give to Others
According to research, acts of kindness and giving are great ways to improve your mental well-being. The reason is that when we help others, our brains trigger the release of another ‘feel-good’ hormone called oxytocin.
This chemical promotes feelings of empathy and trust. It also makes us calmer, happier, and more inspired to do more.
Giving to others could be volunteering at a local shelter or helping out someone on a personal level. The point is to offer your time and energy doing something for other people. In return, you’ll feel good about yourself, knowing that you’re valued and appreciated
How Can a Healthy Imagination Help Our Relationships?
There’s no doubt about it; relationships are hard. It can seem nearly impossible when you are trying to make two lives work together. If you are struggling in your relationship, it may be worthwhile to examine your imagination. Believe it or not, a healthy imagination can truly help your relationship.
It has been said that “the world of reality has it limits; the world of imagination is boundless.” (Jean-Jacques Rousseau)
It has also been said that “imagination is more important that knowledge.” (Albert Einstein)
Imagination (Re) Ignites Passion
When you are with the same person for so long, it can often seem like the passion will fade, or maybe things will seem to get a bit boring. Well, imagination is one of the main ignitions of passion. If you improve your imagination, the passion in your relationship will improve as well.
For example, you could cook your significant other a fancy dinner and serve it to them on a picnic blanket on the floor. Then use your imagination to imagine you are in Paris! You might just be surprised by how much fun the two of you have with imaginative ideas like this.
Imagination bring hope back into hopeless situations. You don’t have to give up on your relationship situation. You can reignite the passion by igniting the imagination of how things could be…in the future.
Imagination Helps You Make Plans
One of the main indicators of caring about someone is making plans that involve them. Without a healthy imagination, it can be difficult to see past the dreariness of day-to-day life. If your relationship seems to be in a rut, then it’s time to tap into that imagination to create something fun for the two of you to do! Try to think of something you haven’t done before, and don’t be afraid to try something incredibly unique.
Start small and take small risks in your relationship. Step out of the comfort zone. The effort itself will prove your willingness to try to change even if things don’t do perfectly for you.
Imagination Can Help You Through the Rough Patches
All relationships have rough patches, where you may not be happy with your partner or feel that you aren’t going to make it as a couple. Sometimes, if the relationship is truly worth it, you need to persevere to get there, and imagination can help you through that. Imagination can help you envision a future together where things are better.
It can help you solve problems that are causing challenges in your relationship. It can even remind you of past times you have had together and how fun they were, even if things are currently difficult.
Whether or not you realize it, imagination is essential to helping your relationship last. Imagination is an integral part of passion, making plans, and surviving the rough patches that will inevitably come along. So if you are in a relationship that is currently struggling, it’s time to work to improve your imagination today. Even if you aren’t currently in a relationship, a healthy imagination is a great method of preparing yourself for future relationships that may come your way.
Use Love Languages to be creative in your imagination
The 5 love languages was created by Gary Chapman and written about in a book by the same name. The languages include words of affirmation, quality of time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Speaking your partner or family members love languages makes them feel loved. We tend to speak our own love languages which may not match up with others missing the mark. Knowing others love language allows us to use imagination that has a more powerful influence for the future.
Resiliency is the ability to adjust to life’s difficulties and overcome challenging and stressful situations. On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how resilient are you? How resilient is your child?
Resilient parents don’t automatically have resilient children. This can be frustrating for parents who want their kids to get motivated about school, say no to bad choices, or accept rejection and failures. If your child scores low on the resiliency scale, you can build new skills to help them grow emotionally and mentally.
Resilience has several attributes that parents would love to see in their children:
Creating this in your child will be a process that occurs over time. The hope is that children will show these characteristics by the time they turn 18 and leave the home but even if it takes longer it is a goal parents will want to continue nurturing in them.
Don’t compare your child to others. Focus on the qualities of your child only! Comparisons places to much pressure on you and your child and will sabotage your efforts to develop this mental strength.
Parents have to model resiliency. You can’t preach resiliency if you don’t practice resiliency. Children will always do what you do over what you say. Put words and actions together to encourage resiliency.
Peers have a strong pull on children actions contrary to what your teenager tries to tell you. Be aware of who they are interacting with and work to know your children’s friends and their family, if possible. You don’t have to ban a friend you feel is the best influence on your child but you can talk with your them your concerns and offer suggestions on how to set boundaries and stand up for themselves and what they believe in.
Start with emotions. The more you validate and empathize with your child the stronger their conscience development. A strong moral compass will help your child overcome tough circumstances and follow the right path. This way you don’t have to be hovering over their shoulder every minute. If your child handles a situation poorly or makes a wrong decision, be empathic but encourage them to try again. Isn’t this how we all learn? Focusing on your child’s emotional awareness will produce more resilient people. about changes in behavior and encourage your child’s friends to be at your home and offer your supervision over them. Children with high emotional awareness will be more resilient people.
Young children will need to increase their emotional vocabulary. Label feelings, explore different feelings, validate positive and uncomfortable emotions. Make feelings ok and don’t push them down or brush them off but don’t over focus on them. A good healthy, emotional balance translates into greater resiliency.
Older children can have more complex conversations about feelings and social situations. Don’t shy away from cultural discussions and world situations. Use them to explore thoughts and ideas, helping the older child to see all sides of an issue. A more open-minded approach will rap children who have better judgment and compassion.
You can learn more about resiliency by consulting with Ron Huxley through a free online course at FamilyHealer.tv or schedule a session today.
Ron Huxley LMFT 