Posted on

Overcoming Perfectionism for a Happier, More Peaceful You

Are you someone who often finds themselves striving for flawlessness in everything you do? Do you frequently worry that your efforts aren’t good enough or that you will make mistakes? If these thoughts sound familiar, you might be dealing with a common challenge known as perfectionism.

In this article, we will introduce you to the world of perfectionism, explaining what it is and how it can affect your life. But don’t worry; we will also explore strategies for breaking free from the perfectionism trap and embracing imperfection as a path to a happier and healthier you.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by setting excessively high standards for yourself and relentlessly striving to meet them. It often goes hand-in-hand with being overly self-critical and experiencing significant stress and anxiety when things don’t go as planned.

Signs of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can manifest in various ways, including:

  1. Setting unrealistically high goals: You might often set expectations for yourself that are nearly impossible to achieve.
  2. Fear of failure: The mere thought of making a mistake or falling short of your goals can fill you with dread.
  3. Overemphasis on mistakes: When you make a mistake, you may dwell on it excessively and have difficulty letting it go.
  4. Procrastination: In an attempt to avoid making mistakes, you might find yourself putting off tasks or projects.
  5. Low self-esteem: Perfectionists often tie their self-worth to their achievements, so they may struggle with feelings of inadequacy.

The Impact of Perfectionism

While striving for excellence can be a positive trait, extreme perfectionism can adversely affect your mental and emotional well-being. It can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and physical health problems. It can also strain relationships as you may have unrealistic expectations of others.

Embracing Imperfection: How to Break Free

The good news is that you can overcome perfectionism and learn to embrace imperfection. Here are some friendly and essential strategies to get you started:

  1. Challenge Your Inner Critic: Pay attention to your self-talk and challenge negative, perfectionistic thoughts with more realistic and compassionate ones.
  2. Set Realistic Goals: Break your goals into smaller, achievable steps, and celebrate your progress along the way.
  3. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a struggling friend.
  4. Learn from Mistakes: Instead of fearing them, see mistakes as valuable opportunities for growth and learning.
  5. Mindfulness and Relaxation: Techniques like mindfulness meditation and deep breathing can help you stay present and reduce anxiety about the future.
  6. Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support on your journey to overcoming perfectionism.

Remember, it’s okay to be imperfect. Nobody is flawless, and life is full of ups and downs. By letting go of perfectionism, you can reduce stress, boost your self-esteem, and lead a happier, more fulfilling life. In upcoming articles, we’ll explore these strategies in more detail, so stay tuned for more tips on your journey to embracing imperfection!

Take a complete course on overcoming perfectionism and anxiety with the Freedom From Anxiety course today at FamilyHealer.tv

Posted on

Creating Positive Moods in Your Children

As parents, one of our most important tasks is to help our children navigate the colorful landscape of emotions. From giggles of joy to moments of frustration, children experience a wide range of moods as they grow and learn. Understanding the factors influencing their mood and equipping ourselves with practical strategies can play a significant role in nurturing their emotional well-being.

The Mood Spectrum

Just like adults, children experience a spectrum of moods. Happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, and everything in between contribute to their emotional world. Remembering that all emotions are valid and serve a purpose in our children’s lives is crucial. By acknowledging and validating their feelings, we create a safe space for them to explore and express their emotions.

Factors Influencing Mood

Several factors can influence a child’s mood, including:

  1. Sleep: Adequate sleep is essential for emotional well-being. Children who consistently get enough sleep tend to be more balanced and cheerful.
  2. Nutrition: A balanced diet rich in nutrients supports physical and emotional health.
  3. Physical Activity: Regular exercise helps release endorphins, promoting positive emotions and reducing stress.
  4. Social Interactions: Healthy relationships with family, friends, and peers contribute to positive mood development.
  5. Environment: A safe, nurturing environment at home and school set the tone for emotional well-being.
  6. Stress Management: Equipping children with coping mechanisms to deal with stressors can prevent negative moods from escalating.

Creating Positive Moods

As parents, we have the power to foster positive moods in our children:

  1. Open Communication: Encourage your child to talk about their feelings. Create a judgment-free space where they feel comfortable sharing their emotional experiences.
  2. Model Emotional Regulation: Children learn by observing. Demonstrate healthy ways of managing emotions, such as taking deep breaths or calming activities.
  3. Validate Feelings: Let your child know their feelings are understood and accepted. Avoid dismissing or belittling their emotions.
  4. Create a Routine: Consistency provides stability, which can positively impact mood. Establish a daily routine with ample sleep, play, and relaxation time.
  5. Encourage Play and Creativity: Play is a natural way for children to express their emotions and work through challenges. Encourage creative outlets like drawing, painting, and imaginative play.
  6. Promote Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Encourage nutritious eating, physical activity, and adequate sleep to support their overall well-being.
  7. Empower Problem-Solving: Teach your child problem-solving skills to handle challenges constructively, boosting their confidence and reducing frustration.
  8. Practice Mindfulness Together: Introduce simple mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or guided imagery to help your child manage strong emotions.

Nurturing positive moods in children is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and an unwavering commitment to their emotional well-being. By recognizing the factors influencing their moods and implementing strategies promoting positivity, parents can play an instrumental role in shaping their children’s emotional landscapes. Through open communication, validation, and a nurturing environment, parents can help their children navigate emotions with confidence and resilience.

Posted on

Cracking the Anxiety Code: Understanding Your Triggers

Living with anxiety can be challenging, especially when we are caught off guard by overwhelming emotions and racing thoughts. It’s important to remember that anxiety triggers can differ from person to person, making it crucial for individuals to identify and understand their unique triggers. By creating awareness around these triggers, we gain valuable insights and empower ourselves to take proactive steps toward managing our anxiety. In this article, we’ll explore a comprehensive anxiety trigger checklist that can serve as a roadmap to self-discovery and offer guidance in navigating the complex terrain of anxiety.

  1. Life stressors: Life can throw curveballs our way, and major life changes like moving, starting a new job, or ending a relationship can significantly impact our well-being. Recognizing these stressors allows us to acknowledge their influence on our anxiety levels and seek support during transitional periods.
  2. Social triggers: Social interactions can be both energizing and anxiety-inducing. Pay attention to situations that trigger anxiety, such as parties or public speaking engagements. Identifying specific fears, such as judgment or rejection, helps us understand our social anxiety and develop coping strategies to navigate these challenges.
  3. Health-related triggers: Our physical health and well-being can substantially affect our mental state. Chronic illnesses, fear of medical procedures, or lack of sleep can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Prioritizing self-care and seeking appropriate medical support can help manage these triggers.
  4. Environmental triggers: Our surroundings can profoundly impact our anxiety levels. Consider how crowded or noisy environments, overstimulation from bright lights, strong smells, or specific phobias affect your anxiety. Creating calm and organized spaces and avoiding triggering environments can help alleviate anxiety.
  5. Cognitive and emotional triggers: Our thoughts and emotions can influence our anxiety. Negative self-talk, perfectionism, and catastrophizing can fuel anxious thoughts. By challenging these cognitive patterns and nurturing self-compassion, we can develop healthier mindsets and reduce anxiety triggers.
  6. Media and information triggers: In today’s connected world, exposure to distressing news or social media overload can affect our mental well-being. Being mindful of media consumption and setting boundaries can help prevent anxiety triggers. Unplugging when necessary and engaging in positive and uplifting content can contribute to a healthier mental state.
  7. Physical triggers: Our physical habits can impact our anxiety levels. Stimulants like caffeine, irregular eating patterns, sedentary lifestyles, or substance abuse can affect our overall well-being. Prioritizing balanced nutrition, regular exercise, and healthy lifestyle choices can positively impact anxiety management.

Understanding our anxiety triggers is a significant step toward self-discovery and empowerment. Utilizing the anxiety trigger checklist provided, we can identify the unique factors contributing to our anxiety and develop personalized strategies for managing it effectively. Remember, seeking professional help from therapists or psychiatrists is crucial in gaining a deeper understanding of our triggers and receiving personalized guidance. With self-awareness and proactive measures, we can navigate our anxiety journey with greater confidence and well-being.

Posted on

Breaking out of Negative Thoughts and Rumination

Do you ever feel like your mind is racing or your thoughts are stuck in a loop? You might be experiencing what’s called negative thinking or rumination. People who engage in this tend to overthink things, strive for perfection, look at the downside of events and miss the good stuff that happened to them.

Coping with negative thoughts and rumination can be a challenge. But it’s not impossible to overcome, and it’s not something you have to live with forever.

The good news is that you can learn ways to cope with negative thinking and rumination without using medications. Here are some things that might help:

1) Practice mindfulness meditation. This involves focusing on the present moment without judgment, especially when you have negative or repetitive thoughts. You can try this by focusing on your breath, listening to music or nature sounds (like rain or waves), or simply sitting quietly in silence and noticing what’s happening around you (or inside yourself).

2) If you are spiritual, pray! Prayer is a powerful weapon against depression and anxiety. It can be hard to pray when you are overwhelmed by negative thoughts, but if you commit yourself to prayer as a daily routine, it will help keep your mind focused on what matters most.

3) Get some exercise. Exercise releases endorphins into the brain, making us feel better about ourselves and more optimistic about our lives. So if you’ve been feeling down lately, try getting out for a run instead of staying cooped up inside all day!

4) Eat healthy foods! Eating well helps regulate hormones in our bodies that are responsible for mood swings (like serotonin). So if you’re feeling down, try eating something like strawberries or almonds—they contain nutrients that promote happiness and contentment. Ever heard the expression: “Your mental health is at the end of your fork”? It’s true.

5) Try writing down your feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside where no one else can see them except for yourself (and even then, only if you want to share them with others. Grammer and punctuation aren’t necessary. The point is to let that negative go.

6) Identify the areas where you were hurt or traumatized. Destructive thought patterns can result from betrayal, abandonment, unfair actions, and traumatic events. We can internalize external actions and believe we are the problem or too broken, leaving us in a vicious loop of negative thoughts and feelings.

7) Work with a professional therapist specializing in trauma-informed practices and Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Together, you can get to the unhealthy core beliefs causing so much pain and suffering and find alternative perspectives on your life.

Negative thinking and rumination are exhausting. It ruins your sleep, and it interferes with your day. If you want help finding a way out of this destructive pattern, contact Ron Huxley and set up an appointment to start feeling good immediately! Click here now…

Posted on

Breaking the Cycle of Fear and Worry (FamilyHealer.tv Conversations)


Join me, September 23rd, from 12:15 pm to 1 pm (Pacific Standard Time) for the latest FamilyHealer.TV “Conversations”: This weeks topic is how to “Break the Cycle of Fear and Worry in Children”.


This is an education and supportive Zoom event. Parents and professionals will not want to miss this one! In this conversation, we will look at why children have anxiety, how to increase your child’s Emotional IQ, what parents can say to comfort their children, and how to help children become Worry Warriors and Fear Fighters!

This Conversations Show is part of our training course “Big Worries” at FamilyHealer.tv.

*The training portion will be recorded. Q and A is private.

Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86568232529?pwd=ZTJMQXZQTGVuSWNrbFE0bDcvYk1KZz09

Meeting ID: 865 6823 2529
Passcode: 929523
One tap mobile
+16699006833,,86568232529#,,,,*929523# US (San Jose)
+13462487799,,86568232529#,,,,*929523# US (Houston)

Dial by your location
        +1 669 900 6833 US (San Jose)
        +1 346 248 7799 US (Houston)
        +1 253 215 8782 US (Tacoma)
        +1 312 626 6799 US (Chicago)
        +1 929 205 6099 US (New York)
        +1 301 715 8592 US (Washington DC)
Meeting ID: 865 6823 2529
Passcode: 929523
Find your local number: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/kejqtplGg8

Posted on

People-Pleasers Don’t Know Their Own Voice

A lot of people confess that they don’t like the fact that they are people-pleasers. Although pleasing others isn’t all bad, it is the negative qualities of always saying “yes,” taking on others’ problems and feelings, not standing up for themselves, assuming things are always their fault, and wanting others to like them or approve of them to feel valuable. If this describes you, you probably don’t like this side of you either.


People-pleasers let others’ voices be louder than their own. When left alone, they don’t know what they think or how to make the right decision. They are so used to listening to what others think or what other people want that they don’t know their minds. Practicing the art of listening to ourselves will help people-pleasers learn to know their thoughts and risk trusting their intuition.


The voice is the connection between the head and the heart.

Turning it on and up is the key to breaking the codependent pattern of people-pleasing. Start by saying your thoughts and feelings out loud. Speaking things into the space of your room makes thoughts and feelings more real. When they are in your head/heart, they can be easily dismissed or distorted. Practice this alone and build confidence for doing it in public.


When you get a thought, write it down. Words have life when written! Write it on post-it notes, as reminders on your phone, and start journaling. There is ample research on the power of handwriting your inner movements that will bring greater insight and clarity to your life. Don’t worry about grammar, making sense, or writing it perfectly. The point is to learn to recognize your thoughts and voice.


Record your voice and listen to the tone and content. How assured do you sound? Are you making excuses for your needs and wants. Do you have to apologize or qualify what you are communicating? If so, re-record it in a firmer tone and with more command.


Listen to affirmative, inspirational talks and decide what you agree with and what you don’t. Practice making statements about your likes and interests. People-pleasers often defer to others’ interests and feel they are rude or don’t have a right to say what they want. When practicing this with others, don’t expect everyone to agree with you suddenly or ask your forgiveness for controlling everything. They may act surprised that you are speaking up but will have more respect for you doing so.


People-pleasers are kind people. They want to keep the peace. The world could use more kind and peaceful people in it but don’t forget to show up. The world also needs people who are confident and can stand up for themselves too.

Get more tools for better mental health and relationships at FamilyHealer.tv

Posted on

Trouble with Anxious Thoughts?

Do you have racing thoughts and anxiety attacks? It’s hard to focus on anything else when anxiety takes control of your mind. It can ruin sleep, relationships, and your health. All you want to do is calm down and rest. 

Fortunately, there are ways to control anxious thoughts. And it just takes practice to master the techniques. 

Try these tips to control your anxiety: 

  • Distance yourself from the worrisome thoughts. Learn to look at your anxious thoughts differently.
  • The key is to reshape how you think about things.
  • When you get an anxious thought, immediately identify it as a sign of your worry and not reality. 
  • Labeling your thoughts raises self-awareness and makes it easier to control them. It also gives you something else to focus on instead of a constant worry.
  • Ask yourself questions. When you get an anxious thought, stop and ask yourself these questions:
  • What is the real reason for this anxious thought? What am I terrified about?
  • Is there a real danger, or is my mind merely playing games with me?
  • Is the negative outcome I imagine likely to happen?
  • How can I stop or change these negative thoughts into something positive? 
  • View your thoughts as data. Sometimes it’s helpful to view your thoughtss as data and your mind as a data processing center. 
  • You’ll get a lot of data coming in throughout the day. Some of this data can be incorrect and confusing. This is an example of anxious thoughts. 
  • You may also misunderstand the data. This means you allow the anxious thoughts to take over and control you. You let them grow and fester. 
  • As the data processing center, you get to decide how to handle all the information. Remember, you’re in control. This means you can choose to toss out or ignore the incorrect data. 
  • Also, keep in mind that the brain is designed to detect danger and is hypersensitive to it. You may pick up on things that aren’t even real. 
  • Focus on the present. Many anxious thoughts are focused on either the future or the past. You can break free by focusing on the present.
  • Avoid overthinking about the past or future by interrupting these thoughts. Notice when you’re thinking about the past or future and guide your thoughts back to the present moment. 
  • Sometimes thoughts from the past can make you afraid of the future. Remember that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. You have the power to change how your future will look. 
  • Take action. Anxious thoughts often prevent you from taking action. They keep you stuck in fear and worry. Learn to take action even when you’re afraid.
  • Find one thing you can influence positively at that moment and take action.
  • Action can decrease the number of anxious thoughts you have daily. It can show you that there’s nothing to be afraid of, that you’re powerful, and that you can make a positive difference.
  • Get rid of unhelpful thoughts. Some thoughts may be real, but they aren’t helpful. 
  • Learn to tell helpful and unhelpful thoughts apart. 
  • Then, start to filter out the unhelpful ones. For example, if you know that the odds of making a perfect presentation at work are low, but you still have to do it, this is an unhelpful thought. It doesn’t encourage you to do your best. 

Anxious thoughts don’t have to control your life. You can use these tricks to effectively take control of your mind when you find yourself worrying. If these tips aren’t enough, consider talking to a therapist for additional help.

Posted on

Emotional Mastery: Surfing Unpleasant Emotions

I was watching a TED Talk on YouTube about Emotional Mastery: The Gifted Wisdom of Unpleasant Feelings. Emotional mastery of these feeling states is a timely question as we deal with a Pandemic, teaching children from home, and struggling with the uncertainty of our social, financial future. Knowing how to manage unpleasant emotions is always a key question for our mental health and success in life.

Unpleasant emotions include feelings of shame, guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety, depression, fear, and grief, to name a few.

The TED Talk speaker explores how emotional mastery is demonstrated by our ability to move past/through these unpleasant emotions and not be shut down or run from them.

By “move through,” she refers to the neuroscience idea that when an emotional feeling gets triggered, chemicals flood the body, activating bodily sensations that can put into a survival state of fight, flight, and freeze. Interestingly, we experience these unpleasant emotions in our bodies before we cognitively understand them. The body always reacts first, fast, and defensively. If unpleasant feelings come from a traumatic event, we will develop emotional programs that will be set in the body to protect us from other unpleasant feelings or situations. We may make a conscious vow to never “trust people again,” be put “into an embarrassing situation ever again,” or “never take such a risk like that again” to further protect ourselves from such unpleasantness. Emotional programs (from the unconscious body-mind) and cognitive vows (from the conscious thinking-mind) paint us into a corner. Although they protect, they also prevent us from growth and success.

The goal is to “move through” unpleasant emotions and not avoid or dissociate from them. To do this, we have to “surf” the wave of bodily chemical sensations and stand up on the board of our own conscious choices. That unpleasant wave of chemicals only lasts 60-90 seconds. That is less time that a song on the radio, explains the psychologist from the TED Talk. Unpleasant emotions rush and then flush from the body.

It is the fight or flight from unpleasant emotions that make the waves more significant and more threatening than they are, and the vicious cycle of the more chemical reaction and mental obsessions continue.

How do we “move through” emotionally unpleasant feelings? The psychologists claim that the uncomfortable sensations are like a wave of chemicals that go through us like a wave. It lasts only 60-90 seconds and then dissipates. Rush and then flushed by the body.

Different unpleasant emotions have different patterns of waves: Grief has waves after waves. Anger is perhaps a big roaring wave. Sadness is a slow, lingering wave. Shame a sneaky, rip curl of a wave. But all of them come and go. We can get back on the beach and feel stable again. The beach is the place of acceptance in this metaphor.

The speaker’s recommendation is to learn to surf the unpleasant waves, let them rise, and then let them retreat. Stop fighting them, fleeing them, or freezing in the middle of them. With consistent practice, insights into life and your character will develop. The speaker describes how we will be better able to pursue the goals you dreamed about, have courageous conversations, and feel more conformable in your skin. Surfing them won’t take a lifetime. It only takes a moment. The present now where change always starts.

If you would like more information on how to surf the waves of unpleasant emotions, schedule a one-on-one session with Ron here or take a FamilyHealer.tv course at your convenience.

Posted on

Reflections for Resiliency: I Live A Worry-Free Lifestyle

In order to develop a more resilient sense of self, Ron Huxley has created a new series called “Reflections for Resiliency”. The reflections are free to use for your inner development and self-care. This is a sample of what you will get in a new course on resilience at FamilyHealer.tv, coming Fall 2020.

In this first blog on personal reflections, Ron Huxley provides direction on living a worry-free life. Use them as proclamations over your life and shift the atmosphere of your home and relationships. Use a journal along side each reflection to write our thought own thoughts and feelings. Answer the Self-Reflection Questions at the end to help you apply them to your life.

You can download a PDF version of this reflection : Click Here!

Be sure to share this blog post with your family and friends…

I Live A Worry-Free Life

There is no better way to live than to live a life full of joy, health, peace, and happiness.

I choose to live a worry-free life because I know that anxiety crowds out productivity. I can and do plan for the future, but I realize that the only moment I can control is the present.

I use the creativity and wisdom I have gained from my experiences to make the best plans I can for the future. I realize, however, that even the most carefully laid plans are just ideas – figments of my imagination susceptible to factors outside my control. By acknowledging that I have no control over the future, I free myself from the dead end of worry.

I choose to conserve my mental and emotional energy by keeping my focus on the reality of what is in front of me. I make the most of this moment and trust that I will be able to handle the next when it comes.

When my focus is on this moment, I am alert and able to recognize the people who are invaluable to me. When my focus is on this moment, I am able to take advantage of new opportunities that come my way and create a life that is rich and rewarding.

By letting go of worry, I free myself to use my energy to be productive in the here and now.

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. Am I wasting time fretting about something that is outside my control? Why?
  2. What do I realistically gain by worrying?
  3. What can I do, today, to help me live a worry-free life?
Posted on

What is Anxiety and How to Manage Pandemic Uncertainty

In this first video of five total video series on Building Family Resiliency we talk about how to manage anxiety in a time of uncertainty. Learn powerful tools that will help you and your children find freedom from anxious thoughts. Discover bodily-based strategies that don’t require lecture, rationalization, or complex ideas to bring peace to your life.

Get more free tools at FamilyHealer.tv or schedule a time to talk to Ron today!