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Dealing With Your Traumatic Memories

Finding A Pathway to Healing

Traumatic memories can cast long shadows over our lives, affecting our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Whether stemming from childhood abuse, accidents, or other life-altering events, these memories can remain buried in our subconscious, influencing our behavior and thoughts in ways we may not fully understand. Though often challenging and painful, confronting these memories is crucial to healing and reclaiming control over our lives.

The Nature of Traumatic Memories

Traumatic memories differ from regular memories in intensity and how they are stored in the brain. They often remain fragmented and disjointed, resurfacing unexpectedly and triggering intense emotional and physical reactions. These memories can lead to symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues if not addressed.

Why Confront Traumatic Memories?

1. Breaking the Cycle of Avoidance

Avoidance is a common coping mechanism for dealing with trauma. We may avoid places, people, or situations that remind us of the traumatic event. While this can provide temporary relief, it often reinforces the trauma, making it more challenging to manage in the long run. Confronting traumatic memories helps break this cycle, reducing the power they hold over us.

2. Processing and Integration

Facing traumatic memories allows for the processing and integrating these experiences into our broader life narrative. This process can transform fragmented, distressing memories into coherent stories we can understand and accept. This integration diminishes the emotional charge associated with these memories, reducing their impact on our daily lives.

3. Regaining Control

Trauma can leave us feeling powerless and out of control. By confronting our traumatic memories, we reclaim agency over our experiences. This empowerment is a critical step in healing, allowing us to move from being victims of our past to active participants in our recovery.

4. Improving Mental and Physical Health

Unresolved trauma is linked to a range of mental and physical health issues, including chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical ailments like cardiovascular disease and weakened immune function. Addressing traumatic memories can alleviate these symptoms, improving overall health and well-being.

How to Confront Traumatic Memories Safely

1. Seek Professional Support

Working with a mental health professional trained in trauma-informed care is essential. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Somatic Experiencing can provide structured and supportive environments to process traumatic memories.

2. Create a Safe Environment

Ensure that you are in a safe, supportive environment when addressing traumatic memories. This might involve creating a comfortable physical space, having trusted friends or family members nearby, and practicing self-care routines promoting safety and stability.

3. Take it Slow

Confronting trauma is not a race. It’s essential to go at your own pace and not force yourself to relive painful experiences before you’re ready. Gradual exposure and processing are key to ensuring the process is therapeutic rather than re-traumatizing.

4. Use Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques can help manage intense emotions and connect you to the present moment. Techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and focusing on physical sensations can provide immediate relief when confronting difficult memories.

Confronting traumatic memories is a challenging but vital step towards healing. By facing these memories, we can break the cycle of avoidance, process and integrate our experiences, regain control, and improve our overall health. With the support of trained professionals and a safe, gradual approach, we can transform our trauma from a source of pain into a pathway to resilience and growth. Remember, the healing journey is personal and unique—take it one step at a time and honor your progress.

Here’s a list of trauma therapy techniques and models that are widely used to help individuals process and heal from traumatic memories:

Trauma Therapy Techniques and Models

  1. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR):
  • Uses guided eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help the brain process and integrate traumatic memories.
  1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):
  • Focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors associated with trauma. A specific form, Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT), is often used with children and adolescents.
  1. Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE):
  • Involves gradual exposure to trauma-related memories, emotions, and situations to reduce the distress they cause over time.
  1. Somatic Experiencing (SE):
  • Emphasizes the body’s role in trauma recovery, helping individuals release stored trauma through body awareness and physical sensations.
  1. Narrative Therapy:
  • Encourages individuals to rewrite their trauma story, reframing their experiences and separating their identity from the traumatic event.
  1. Internal Family Systems (IFS):
  • Helps individuals identify and heal different “parts” of themselves that may hold trauma, such as protective or wounded parts.
  1. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT):
  • Combines CBT techniques with mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation, which are especially helpful for trauma survivors with complex emotional responses.
  1. Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT):
  • A specialized form of CBT designed specifically for trauma, often involving both the individual and their caregivers.
  1. Psychodynamic Therapy:
  • Explores unconscious patterns and past experiences that influence current behavior, often delving into childhood trauma.
  1. Brainspotting:
    • Utilizes eye positioning to identify, process, and release trauma stored deep in the brain.
  2. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy:
    • Integrates somatic (body-based) therapy with cognitive and emotional processing to address how trauma affects the body.
  3. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR):
    • Uses mindfulness and meditation techniques to increase awareness and acceptance of thoughts and feelings related to trauma.
  4. Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART):
    • Combines elements of EMDR with guided visualization to change the way traumatic memories are stored in the brain.
  5. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) / Tapping:
    • Involves tapping on specific acupuncture points while focusing on traumatic memories, aiming to reduce emotional distress.
  6. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP):
    • Gradually exposes individuals to trauma-related triggers while helping them manage their responses, often used for PTSD and OCD.
  7. Hypnotherapy:
    • Uses guided relaxation and focused attention to access and process trauma stored in the subconscious mind.
  8. Art Therapy:
    • Encourages the expression of trauma through creative outlets like drawing, painting, or sculpture, facilitating emotional release and processing.
  9. Play Therapy (for children):
    • Allows children to express and process trauma through play, a natural medium for young minds.
  10. Group Therapy for Trauma Survivors:
    • Provides a supportive environment where individuals can share their experiences, learn from others, and gain a sense of community.
  11. Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET):
    • Combines narrative techniques with trauma processing to create a coherent life story, particularly effective for survivors of complex trauma.

These techniques vary in their approaches but share the goal of helping individuals confront, process, and heal from traumatic memories. Each method can be tailored to the individual’s needs, allowing for a personalized path to recovery. Let me know if you’d like more information on these techniques!

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The Four Stages of Competence and Personal Growth

The Four Stages of Competence model, developed by Martin M. Broadwell in 1969, provides a framework for understanding the process of acquiring new skills or knowledge. This model can be applied not only to learning specific tasks but also to personal growth and transformation after traumatic experiences.

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence

In this initial stage, an individual is unaware of their lack of knowledge or skill in a particular area. They are oblivious to their incompetence and may even overestimate their abilities.[2] In the context of personal growth, this stage represents a state of unawareness or denial about the need for change or self-improvement.

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence

At this stage, the individual becomes aware of their deficiencies and recognizes the gap between their current state and the desired level of competence.[2] This realization can be uncomfortable and even painful, as it challenges one’s self-perception and confidence. In the realm of personal growth, this stage often follows a traumatic event or crisis that forces an individual to confront their limitations or unhealthy patterns.

Stage 3: Conscious Competence

In this stage, the individual actively engages in learning and practicing the new skill or knowledge. They are consciously aware of their progress and the effort required to improve.[3] Regarding personal growth, this stage involves actively working on self-improvement, seeking support, and implementing new strategies or behaviors to overcome challenges and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence

At this final stage, the individual has mastered the skill or knowledge to the point where it becomes second nature, requiring little conscious effort.[1] In the context of personal growth, this stage represents a state of integration and embodiment of the positive changes, where the new behaviors or mindsets have become ingrained and automatic.

The Four Stages of Competence model can be particularly relevant in the context of post-traumatic growth, which refers to the positive psychological changes that can occur after experiencing a traumatic event or adversity.[4] The process of post-traumatic growth often involves moving through these stages:

  1. Initially, individuals may be in a state of unconscious incompetence, unaware of the need for personal growth or change (Stage 1).
  2. The traumatic event or crisis forces them to confront their limitations, vulnerabilities, or unhealthy coping mechanisms, leading to conscious incompetence (Stage 2).
  3. Through therapy, self-reflection, and active efforts, individuals work on developing new perspectives, skills, and behaviors, entering the conscious competence stage (Stage 3).
  4. Over time, the positive changes become integrated and automatic, leading to unconscious competence and a sense of personal growth and resilience (Stage 4).

By understanding the Four Stages of Competence, individuals can better navigate the process of personal growth and post-traumatic transformation. It provides a framework for recognizing and embracing the discomfort of conscious incompetence as a necessary step towards growth, and it offers a roadmap for the journey towards embodying positive changes and achieving a sense of mastery over one’s life.[1][3]

Citations:
[1] https://www.mentaltoughness.partners/stages-of-competence/
[2] https://blog.hptbydts.com/in-a-nutshell-four-stages-of-competence
[3] https://scottjeffrey.com/four-stages-of-learning/
[4] https://www.businessballs.com/self-awareness/conscious-competence-learning-model/
[5] https://themindcollection.com/four-stages-of-competence/

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Unlocking Inner Healing: The Role of Procedural Memory in Trauma Recovery

Trauma leaves an indelible mark on our minds and bodies. Whether it’s a single distressing event or prolonged exposure to adverse circumstances, trauma can disrupt our sense of safety, trust, and well-being. As mental health practitioners, we strive to guide individuals toward healing and resilience. One powerful ally in this journey is procedural memory.

What Is Procedural Memory?

Procedural memory is a type of implicit memory—meaning it operates unconsciously. It involves the memory of how to do certain things. Think of it as the mental blueprint for tasks we’ve learned over time. Riding a bike, tying shoelaces, cooking an omelet without a recipe—these are all examples of procedural memories.

Why Is Procedural Memory Relevant in Trauma Recovery?

  1. Implicit Learning and Skills:
  • Trauma survivors often struggle with conscious memories related to their traumatic experiences (declarative memory). However, procedural memory remains relatively intact.
  • Psychologists can leverage this by focusing on activities that engage procedural memory. Engaging in repetitive, rhythmic, or sensory experiences can help regulate emotions and create a sense of safety.
  1. Mind-Body Connection:
  • Trauma affects both the mind and body. Procedural memory links physical sensations and emotional states.
  • Psychologists can guide clients to notice bodily sensations during therapy. By paying attention to these cues, clients can process trauma more effectively.
  1. Mindfulness and Presence:
  • Practices like mindfulness enhance procedural memory.
  • Psychologists can teach trauma survivors mindfulness techniques to regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and stay grounded.
  • Mindfulness helps clients access their present-moment experiences, aiding in trauma processing.
  1. Completing Traumatic Memory Processing:
  • Trauma memories are often fragmented and incomplete due to dissociation (a protective mechanism).
  • Procedural memory can help fill in gaps. By engaging in activities that evoke procedural memory (e.g., drawing, dancing, playing music), clients access implicit aspects of their trauma.
  • This completeness contributes to healing and resolution.
  1. Integration of Multiple Approaches:
  • Complex trauma requires an integrative approach.
  • Psychologists combine evidence-based techniques, including mindfulness, somatic experiencing, and cognitive-behavioral strategies.
  • Procedural memory allows for a holistic treatment approach, addressing both cognitive and somatic aspects of trauma.

Practical Applications

  1. Art Therapy: Engaging in creative activities (painting, sculpting, writing) taps into procedural memory. It provides an avenue for expression and healing.
  2. Movement-Based Therapies: Yoga, dance, and tai chi activate procedural memory. These practices promote relaxation, embodiment, and emotional regulation.
  3. Breathing Exercises: Focusing on breath patterns engages procedural memory. Deep, rhythmic breathing calms the nervous system.
  4. Grounding Techniques: Sensory grounding (touching objects, feeling textures) connects clients to the present moment.

Conclusion

As mental health professionals, we honor the resilience within each person. Procedural memory, with its implicit wisdom, guides us toward inner healing. By integrating it into trauma therapy, we empower survivors to reclaim their lives—one procedural step at a time. 🌟🧠

Remember, healing is a journey, and every small step matters. Let’s walk alongside our clients, fostering hope and transformation. 💙

Disclaimer: This article provides general information and is not a substitute for professional advice. Consult a qualified therapist for personalized guidance.

References:

  1. Schacter, D. L., & Tulving, E. (Eds.). (1994). Memory systems 1994. MIT Press.
  2. van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin.
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Creating a Resilient Mindset for Challenging Situations

Life is an unpredictable journey filled with twists and turns, presenting us with a wide array of challenges and difficult situations. In such moments, the power of resilience becomes paramount. Resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity, is not an innate trait but a skill that can be cultivated and nurtured. In this article, we will explore how we can draw inspiration from popular books, renowned authors, poets, and philosophers to develop a resilient mindset that empowers us to face life’s difficulties head-on.

Embracing the Power of Mindset:

One of the fundamental aspects of building resilience is adopting a growth mindset. In her book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” Carol S. Dweck emphasizes the transformative potential of embracing a growth mindset. By understanding that challenges are opportunities for growth, we can shift our perspective and view difficult situations as stepping stones towards personal development.

Drawing Inspiration from Literature:

Throughout history, literature has been a source of solace and inspiration for individuals facing hardships. Authors like Viktor Frankl, in his work “Man’s Search for Meaning,” remind us that even in the darkest moments, we can find purpose and meaning. By seeking out stories of triumph over adversity, such as “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho or “The Odyssey” by Homer, we can glean wisdom and resilience from the journeys of fictional characters.

Wisdom from Philosophers and Poets:

The wisdom of philosophers and poets transcends time and provides us with timeless insights into resilience. Marcus Aurelius, in his “Meditations,” highlights the importance of accepting and adapting to circumstances beyond our control. The poet Maya Angelou, through her words, encourages us to rise above difficulties and discover our inner strength. “Still I Rise” serves as a testament to the power of resilience in the face of adversity.

Cultivating Self-Compassion:

In challenging times, self-compassion becomes a vital component of resilience. Kristen Neff, in her book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself,” emphasizes the importance of treating ourselves with kindness, especially when facing difficult situations. By practicing self-compassion, we create a nurturing inner environment that fosters resilience and self-growth.

Building Supportive Relationships:

Resilience is not a solitary endeavor. Building and maintaining healthy relationships can be a source of immense strength during tough times. Author Brené Brown, known for her work on vulnerability and courage, explores the power of connection in her book “Daring Greatly.” Surrounding ourselves with a network of supportive individuals who uplift and encourage us can significantly enhance our resilience.

Setting the right mindset for a specific situation or relationship can greatly contribute to positive outcomes. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help establish a resilient mindset:

  1. What is my desired outcome in this situation or relationship?
  2. What are my strengths and how can I leverage them to navigate this situation or relationship effectively?
  3. What are the potential challenges or obstacles I might encounter, and how can I prepare to overcome them?
  4. Am I approaching this situation or relationship with an open and non-judgmental mindset?
  5. What assumptions or preconceptions do I have, and how can I challenge or reframe them?
  6. What opportunities for growth and learning exist within this situation or relationship?
  7. How can I practice empathy and understanding to better connect with others involved?
  8. Am I focusing on what I can control or influence, rather than fixating on things outside of my control?
  9. What self-care strategies can I implement to maintain my well-being throughout this process?
  10. Am I willing to communicate openly and honestly, and actively listen to the perspectives of others?

In the face of life’s challenges, resilience becomes the anchor that keeps us grounded. By cultivating a growth mindset, drawing inspiration from literature, embracing wisdom from philosophers and poets, practicing self-compassion, and nurturing supportive relationships, we fortify our resilience. As we navigate the ups and downs of life’s journey, let us remember that difficult situations are not insurmountable roadblocks but opportunities for growth and self-discovery. With the wisdom of renowned authors, poets, and philosophers as our guiding lights, we can cultivate an unwavering mindset that empowers us to face adversity with grace and resilience.

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The Pillars of Resilience in Trauma-Informed Care: Insights from SAMHSA’s Guidance


In Trauma-Informed Care (TIC), resilience is an essential factor that enables professionals to provide effective and compassionate support to individuals affected by trauma. In its guidance for a trauma-informed approach, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has identified key elements of resilience. By understanding and incorporating these elements, TIC workers can improve their ability to handle difficult situations while also maintaining their own well-being.

  1. Being self-aware is crucial to building resilience. As a TIC worker, it’s essential to have a deep understanding of your personal triggers, emotions, and stress responses. This knowledge enables you to respond appropriately and prevent any negative impact on your interactions with trauma survivors. With self-awareness, you can identify when you require additional support or resources to maintain your well-being.
  2. Taking care of oneself is crucial to maintaining physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This is especially important for TIC workers, who need to prioritize their own self-care in order to effectively support others. Engaging in healthy activities like exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, and relaxation techniques can help build emotional resilience and prevent burnout. It is important to remember that taking time for oneself is not selfish, but rather a necessary step towards maintaining personal well-being and professional longevity.
  3. Establishing Relationships: Fostering Supportive Connections and Building a Robust Social Network. Having stable and supportive relationships is vital for developing resilience. TIC personnel gain advantages from nurturing relationships with coworkers, mentors, managers, and other experts in their area. These connections offer opportunities for collaboration, debriefing, and peer support, fostering a sense of belonging and reducing feelings of loneliness. Constructing a powerful social network grants TIC professionals a support system that can aid them in navigating difficult situations, providing insights and guidance when required.
  4. As a key element of resilience in TIC, flexibility plays a crucial role in supporting trauma survivors. TIC workers must be able to adapt to various challenges and respond effectively. This involves embracing change, considering different perspectives, and finding innovative solutions. By remaining flexible, TIC workers can better support individuals throughout their recovery journey and address the changing needs of trauma survivors.
  5. Practicing present-moment awareness and self-reflection is what mindfulness is all about. It is an incredibly useful tool for building resilience, especially for TIC workers. By staying fully engaged and attuned to the needs of trauma survivors, mindfulness enables them to listen and respond with empathy and compassion. Additionally, self-reflection is crucial as it helps TIC workers examine their thoughts, emotions, and responses, fostering personal growth and enhancing their ability to provide trauma-informed care.


Building resilience is paramount for Trauma-Informed Care workers in their mission to support individuals affected by trauma. SAMHSA’s guidance outlines critical elements of resilience, including self-awareness, self-care, connections, flexibility, and mindfulness. By incorporating these elements into their practice, TIC workers can enhance their ability to navigate challenging situations, maintain their well-being, and provide compassionate support to trauma survivors. Remember, resilience is an ongoing journey, and investing in these critical elements will contribute to personal growth and professional effectiveness of Trauma-Informed Care.

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Reflection and Journaling for the New Year

Reflections and journaling are powerful tools that can help us better understand ourselves and our lives. They can provide a sense of clarity, direction, and purpose, and can even lead to personal growth and transformation.

What is reflection?

Reflection is the process of thinking deeply about something, considering different perspectives, and learning from past experiences. It involves evaluating and analyzing events, actions, and feelings, and considering their significance and impact.

Reflection can take many forms, including self-reflection, where we reflect on our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; and external reflection, where we reflect on the experiences and perspectives of others. Reflection can also be formal or informal, depending on the context and the purpose of the reflection.

Why is reflection important?

Reflection is an essential part of the learning process, as it helps us make sense of our experiences and understand how they relate to our goals and values. It can also help us identify patterns and trends in our behavior and thought processes, and identify areas for improvement or growth.

Reflection can also provide a sense of perspective and clarity, and help us better understand ourselves and the world around us. It can be a way to process and make sense of difficult experiences, and can even help us find meaning and purpose in our lives.

How do we reflect?

There are many different ways to reflect, and what works best for you will depend on your personal style and preferences. Some common methods of reflection include:

• Writing in a journal: This can be a great way to capture your thoughts and feelings on paper, and can be especially helpful for processing and making sense of difficult experiences.

• Talking to someone: Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be a helpful way to reflect on your experiences and gain insight.

• Meditating or practicing mindfulness: These practices can help you focus your attention on the present moment and reflect on your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

• Engaging in creative activities: Creative activities like drawing, painting, or writing poetry can be a way to express and explore your thoughts and feelings in a different way.

• Doing something physical: Engaging in physical activities like exercise or yoga can be a way to reflect on your thoughts and feelings while also taking care of your physical well-being.

Why is journaling important?

Journaling is a form of reflection that involves writing down your thoughts and feelings on a regular basis. It can be a powerful tool for personal growth and development, and has a number of benefits, including:

• Providing a sense of clarity and perspective: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you better understand and make sense of them. It can also provide a sense of perspective and help you see things in a new light.

• Enhancing self-awareness: Journaling can help you become more self-aware by providing a space to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This can help you identify patterns and trends, and better understand your strengths and areas for growth.

• Promoting emotional well-being: Journaling can be a way to process and express difficult emotions, and can even help reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.

• Setting goals and tracking progress: Journaling can be a way to set goals and track your progress towards achieving them. It can also help you reflect on what is and isn’t working, and make any necessary adjustments.

Journaling is a simple but powerful tool that can help improve your mental well-being and overall quality of life. It involves writing down your thoughts and feelings on a regular basis, and can provide a sense of clarity, perspective, and self-awareness. It can also be a way to process and express difficult emotions, set goals, and track progress.

If you’re new to journaling, or are looking for ways to make it a more meaningful and beneficial practice, here are some tips to get started:

1. Find a comfortable and private space to journal

It’s important to have a dedicated space where you can journal without distractions or interruptions. This can be a physical space, like a quiet room or cozy corner, or it can be a virtual space, like a private journaling app or document. Make sure you have everything you need, like a pen and paper or a laptop, and create a comfortable and inviting atmosphere.

2. Choose a journaling method that works for you

There are many different ways to journal, and what works best for you will depend on your personal style and preferences. Some options include:

• Pen and paper: This is a traditional and simple way to journal, and can be especially helpful for those who enjoy the physical act of writing.

• Digital journaling: There are many apps and online platforms available that allow you to journal electronically. This can be a convenient option if you’re always on the go or prefer typing to writing.

• Creative journaling: If you’re more creative and artistic, you might enjoy using your journal as a canvas for drawing, painting, or collaging.

• Prompted journaling: If you’re struggling to know what to write about, you might find it helpful to use prompts or questions to get started. There are many online resources and journals available that provide prompts for different topics and themes.

3. Set a regular journaling schedule

To get the most out of journaling, it’s important to make it a regular practice. Choose a time of day that works best for you, and try to set aside at least 15-20 minutes for journaling. You might find it helpful to journal at the same time each day, or to schedule specific times for different types of journaling (e.g., morning pages, gratitude journaling).

4. Write freely and without judgment

One of the key benefits of journaling is that it provides a safe and private space to explore your thoughts and feelings. It’s important to remember that your journal is for you, and that you don’t have to worry about grammar, spelling, or structure. Just write freely and let your thoughts and feelings flow.

5. Be honest and authentic

Journaling is an opportunity to be honest and authentic with yourself, so don’t hold back. Write about what’s really on your mind, even if it’s difficult or uncomfortable. You might be surprised at the insights and revelations that come from this process.

6. Reflect on and learn from your journaling

Journaling is a form of reflection, so it’s important to take some time to review and analyze your writing. Look for patterns and trends in your thoughts and feelings, and consider how they relate to your goals and values. Use your journaling as a way to learn about yourself and identify areas for growth and improvement.

7. Consider sharing your journal with someone you trust

Sharing your journal with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be a powerful way to gain additional insights and support. It’s important to choose someone who is supportive and non-judgmental, and to only share what you feel comfortable sharing.

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Forgiveness: Another Way to Eliminate Negativity

When people treat you wrong, it is very easy to hold a grudge. You may not understand how it could be possible to forgive someone for a slight, especially if the action was especially hurtful. Maybe you think forgiveness is about the other person and somehow,they benefit from you forgiving them. Forgiveness is not about the other person; it is about you. 

Forgiving another person does not always mean they stay in your life. Sometimes you do not even let them know you are forgiving them. You do not even need to trust them again. Just forgive them to eliminate the negativity in your life. 

 

Even horrific crimes can be forgiven. For safety reasons, you may want to use an indirect way of forgiving them instead of contacting them directly. Write a letter as if you plan on sending it to the other person. Talk about how what they did made you feel, and about how it made you think about yourself. Write about how you are no longer going to allow them space in your head and how you forgive them for what they did to you. 

 

When you finish writing, seal up the letter in an envelope and put their name on the front. Then either throw it away (shred it first!) or burn the letter. It does not have to actually be read by the person you are forgiving, this exercise is to help you get past the negativity and the chains that are holding you back as a person. 

 

If you find you can’t forgive on your own, you may want to talk with a professional. Therapy can really help you get past this hurdle. Especially if the person committed a serious crime. If you have been abused, particularly over a long period of time, you may need therapy to help you get past what was done to you. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. 

 

Once you have forgiven the other person, you will feel like a weight has been lifted, or chains have been removed. Grudges are not healthy for you and they do not affect the other person. When you bottle up negative feelings, you can increase your risks of developing heart disease, and other health conditions. You tend to age faster as well. Not forgiving others can dim your overall outlook on life, so why put yourself through all of that? 

 

Remember that forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about eliminating the negativity in your own life. So free yourself today by forgiving others for the wrongs they have done to you.

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5 Ways to Boost Your Mental Health

Scientists tell us there are certain things we can do to improve our mental wellbeing. These techniques will help you feel more positive about yourself.

They teach you how to ride the lows and wait out the lows. Once you know that, nothing can stop you from getting what you want out of life.

Today, we’re going to share with you five ways to boost your mental health. Keep reading for more.

1. Connect With Others

Good relationships don’t need years to build. They can form in a matter of months, or weeks even. Plus, they don’t have to be an all-in, best-friends-for-life type of relationship.

Just talking to a neighbor or members of your church can have a great impact on your mental health. You learn to listen, empathize, and build a strong sense of self-worth and value.

Have you and a friend not seen each other in a while? Then, reach out and try to arrange a coffee date so you can get together and catch up.

How about your children or other family members? Why not try to set an hour during the day where you talk or play games?

We all know how social media has become an important part of our lives. And it’s made it easier to stay in touch with important people in our lives, especially if they live far away.

It’s good to text and chat on a regular basis. Just make sure technology isn’t replacing your face-to-face communications with people.

2. Learn New Skills

Learning a new skill or hobby can have a significant boost on your mental health. It’s an excellent way to meet new people and improve your self-esteem.

It’s nice to have a sense of purpose, other than your work. It gives you something to look forward to each day.

The problem, however, is many people complain they don’t have enough hours in the day. Luckily, though, technology has made learning more accessible.

Here are some of the ways you can use those high-tech gadgets you have to good use:

• Sign up for an online course, like learning a new language or a practical skill like programming

• Look for free video tutorials online to help you out with a DIY project

• If you enjoy cooking, find healthy recipes and learn how to make them

• Try a new hobby that challenges and entertains you, like painting, writing, or gardening

• Learn to play a new sport or physical activity

3. Pay More Attention

We’re all guilty of not paying attention to people and things going on around us. We’re always busy with work or scrolling through our social media feed.

Learning to focus all your senses on the present moment can improve your mental well-being. It also boosts your mood and lowers stress levels. Experts call this type of focus ‘mindfulness’.

When you practice mindfulness, you enjoy the little things in life. Things like watching a bird soar overhead or taking in the nuances of nature are just two small examples.

When you’re in tune with the small details, you feel more relaxed and at peace. Plus, you start to get a better understanding of what makes you happy or anxious, which is a healthy way to approach life’s challenges.

4. Get Physically Active

When you do any type of physical activity, you boost your physical fitness, as well as your mental wellness. It could be a short 15-minute walk, an hour of cycling each week, or 30 minutes at the gym. You pick the activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good.

Then, once you start noticing the difference, you start to feel good about your looks. That’s when your confidence will soar through the roof.

In addition, your brain signals the nervous central system to release ‘feel-good’ hormones known as endorphins. These wonder chemicals trigger a positive response, which boosts your mood. They also reduce feelings of pain and anxiety.

Check out the following tips on how to get moving to boost your mental health:

• Look online for free activities catered to your fitness level

• Find local centers where you can dance, swim, or cycle

• Try running with a ‘couch to 5K’ app or podcast

• If you have a chronic health condition or a disability, there are many exercise’s and physical activities that can be customized to meet your needs

5. Give to Others

According to research, acts of kindness and giving are great ways to improve your mental well-being. The reason is that when we help others, our brains trigger the release of another ‘feel-good’ hormone called oxytocin.

This chemical promotes feelings of empathy and trust. It also makes us calmer, happier, and more inspired to do more.

Giving to others could be volunteering at a local shelter or helping out someone on a personal level. The point is to offer your time and energy doing something for other people. In return, you’ll feel good about yourself, knowing that you’re valued and appreciated

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Had any assumptions shattered lately?

The last two years have been one of daily uncertainty and fear, but a crisis is also a great revealer of the myths and idols we hold. It “knocks us off our thrones” and breaks our “assumptive worlds.” Our assumptions are the beliefs we hold about who we are and the world we live in…at times, like these, they don’t hold up. In fact, they can shatter into thousands of meaningless thoughts.

In social psychology, shattered assumptions theory proposes that traumatic events can change how victims and survivors view themselves and the world. We all have three inherent assumptions including “overall benevolence, the meaningfulness of the world, and self-worth.” They are the bedrock of our conceptual system, and as such, they are the ones we are least aware of and least likely to challenge. We become confident in our beliefs and use them to plan and act in daily living. If nothing challenges them they allow our lives to move along smoothly.

Sadly, traumatic life events shatter core assumptions, and coping with them requires a new effort to construct more realistic and viable assumptions. We have to rebuild our belief systems to fit the new world we live in.

Core Beliefs:

The world is benevolent

The world is meaningful

The self is worthy

This can be painful for people of faith who end up questioning their faith. When our assumptive worlds shatter, it causes believers to questions the goodness of God. They might “assume” that God is silent or uncaring. The promises they believed must be wrong since things didn’t work out the way they “believed.” Trying to reconcile a good God to their adverse life situations may turn some to question themselves, wondering if they ever heard God speak into their lives or if some sin or trauma from the past has made them unworthy of mercy.

I mean, if God never changes, then the problem must be ourselves, right? Christians believe that when they become followers they are “new creations.” New creations have to have renewed minds to find new beliefs about God’s goodness and nature in their lives. Renewal is exactly what we need when our assumptions become shattered. Neurologists called this neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to restructure itself through training and practice, thereby creating new neuropathways in the human nervous system. Neuroplasticity, renewed minds, and rebuilt belief systems are about personal growth that is sometimes only possible after trauma.

The reason that believers feel peace after giving their lives to follow the Christian faith is that new neuropathways are being created. Transformation or growth is occurring. From a more secular viewpoint, life has a way of creating maturity in our thinking. The trick is how to not become bitter and negative afterwords.

There is a favorite verse of mine that goes: “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  –Philippians 4:6-7 (NRSV)” Prayer and meditation increase brain neuroplasticity and makes renewal possible. Allowing our minds to let go of distractions and slow down helps us focus on what we control and let go of what we cannot. In Alcoholics Anonymous, this is the path to serenity.

After a shattering event, people are able to discover strength they didn’t know that had in them. They also find new purposes and seek out deeper connections than before. Faith also grows in people after difficulty. They start to see deeper meaning and value in their life. This is called Post-Traumatic Growth in contrast to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Would you like assistance recovering from a shattering event or trauma? Need new tools for your organization or group? Contact Ron Huxley today!

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Yes, you can! Build up your confidence

Why Self-Confidence Matters

It often seems that confidence is elusive, like a smoky mirage. Sometimes, it feels magical and wonderful; other times it can be frustrating.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret: you can build up your self-confidence without having to resort to any crystal. ‘How?’ you ask.

It’s simple.

Start by recognizing that confidence is a skill you can learn. You set a goal and take small steps each day to work towards it.

Keep reading to find out more about self-confidence and why it matters.

What Is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence isn’t tangible. You can’t touch it and say, “This is confidence.”

It’s something we get a feeling for when we, or others, have it.

Likewise, we can recognize when someone lacks it. Even when they try to attempt to compensate for it, we sense it and feel bad for them.

The good news is that self-confidence is a soft skill, which means you can learn it and apply it to your daily life. It’s not fixed, like your height for example. It’s mainly based on your mindset and the actions you do to follow through.

You can boost your confidence and self-esteem by trusting your abilities. Seeing yourself succeed in your mind is the first step in making better decisions. Then, when your decisions make your life better, your confidence gets a nice little boost. And round and round it goes.

Bear in mind that confidence is infectious. Even though we can’t see it, we still sense other people’s confidence levels in the way they behave and speak.

When someone is confident, they exude excitement and energy. You’re motivated to work hard and feel that same energy.

The downside is it goes both ways. When one person lacks confidence, it can deflate everyone around them. They just get the sense that there’s no point in trying.

Why Does Self-Confidence Matter?

There are different reasons why being confident can improve your life. Below, you’ll find a few examples of how it can make you a happier, more fulfilled individual.

Allows You to Take Positive Risks

We all need the confidence to bring balance and a sense of direction in our lives. Making a conscious decision to develop your confidence will allow you to take positive risks. It gets you out of your comfort zone and puts you on the path to success.

The trick is understanding your own strength. You have to believe that you can master whatever skill you’re striving towards. Yes, it’ll be weird and difficult in the beginning. Yes, you’ll make mistakes along the way. So what?

That’s what life is about. This is what boosts your self-esteem and makes you better at everything you do.

Empowers You to Embrace Your Failures

We all make mistakes. We all fail and meet obstacles in our lives.

The key is to understand that failures are a necessary part of progress. Read that again and really take it in.

Often, we feel that when we fail, it’s the end of the journey. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

To fully embrace your failures, you have to think of them as detours. When you’re forced to change lanes or take a detour that doesn’t mean the entire journey is over. It just means you’re taking a different path, but you’ll get there eventually.

Now, why do some people succeed after failing and others don’t? Those who manage to learn from their mistakes. They go over what went wrong and find a way to fix it.

In other words, they use their failures to their advantage. They use them to prop them up and give them the push they need to keep going on their path.

Let’s take a second to think about Thomas Edison and Michael Jordan. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of these two names? Success? Fame? Glory? All of the above?

How about failure? You’re probably saying to yourself, ‘These are two of the most prominent members of society. They haven’t failed.’

Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but they have—many times, in fact. Yet, they’re smart enough to use their failures as stepping stones to aim higher and work harder. Imagine our much our lives would have been impacted if these two men had given up every time they failed!

One of Edison’s quotes about refining the light bulb is, “I haven’t failed. I’ve found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Enables You To Trust Yourself

Many times, we can be our own worst enemies. We critique every move, every word, and every thought over and over again.

In moderation, it can be a great incentive to do better. Although, this only works if we treat ourselves with the same kindness and empathy, we show others. Sadly, it doesn’t happen very often.

The best way to break out of that negative self-talk is to have faith in yourself. Have faith in your decisions. Even if you made mistakes in the past, that doesn’t necessitate future failures.

Own up to your bad decision, embrace it, and move on. That’s now part of your DNA; it’s helping shape a stronger, more resilient person.

Imagine it being part of your arsenal or a superpower. Now, you’ve turned your mistake into something that can make you more resilient and less anxious.

A Final Note

Self-confidence is an integral part of who you are. Understanding why it matters can mean the difference being happy and being miserable.

Having that self-assurance can help boost your relationships and career. You’ll also be able to inspire others to become happier, more fulfilled individuals.