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New Trauma Healing Series: Understanding CBT

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): A Practical Guide

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective therapeutic approach that helps individuals identify and reframe negative thought patterns to promote positive mental well-being. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or challenging family dynamics, CBT offers valuable tools and techniques to support your emotional health and resilience.

What is CBT?

CBT is a goal-oriented, evidence-based therapy that focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By examining how our thoughts influence our emotions and actions, CBT empowers individuals to actively change unhelpful patterns and develop healthier coping strategies.

Key Components of CBT

Here are some essential components of CBT that can be integrated into a treatment plan to help you reframe negative thoughts and navigate challenging situations:

  1. Identifying Automatic Thoughts:
    • Recognize automatic negative thoughts that arise in response to specific triggers, such as interactions with family members. For example, feeling criticized by a parent may lead to thoughts like “I can never do anything right.”
  2. Challenging Negative Thoughts:
    • Examine the evidence for and against negative thoughts to gain a more balanced perspective. For instance, challenge the belief that “My parent always criticizes me” by recalling times when this may not have been the case.
  3. Generating Alternative Thoughts:
    • Develop alternative, more realistic thoughts that offer a balanced view of the situation. Instead of “My parent always criticizes me,” consider reframing it as “My parent’s behavior can be hurtful, but there are moments of support too.”
  4. Behavioral Experiments:
    • Engage in experiments to test the validity of negative beliefs. For example, if you think your parent dismisses your opinions, try expressing yourself assertively to observe their response.
  5. Cognitive Restructuring:
    • Replace automatic negative thoughts with positive, constructive affirmations to foster a more adaptive mindset. This involves challenging and reshaping unhelpful beliefs.
  6. Homework Assignments:
    • Practice identifying and reframing negative thoughts outside therapy sessions through exercises like keeping a thought diary to track emotions and thought patterns.
  7. Role-Playing:
    • Engage in role-playing scenarios to practice assertive communication and reframing negative thoughts in real-life interactions with family members.
  8. Graded Exposure:
    • Gradually confront anxiety-provoking situations with family members to reframe negative thoughts in a controlled and systematic manner.

By incorporating these CBT techniques into your daily life and therapy sessions, you can cultivate a greater understanding of your thought patterns, develop resilience, and foster a more positive outlook when navigating challenging family dynamics. Remember, CBT is a journey of self-discovery and growth, empowering you to take control of your mental well-being.

Become a Trauma Champion with the FREE course called TraumaToolbox.com

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New Trauma Healing Series: What is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can be a valuable approach in supporting the client’s journey toward trauma recovery and self-understanding. Here’s how IFS can be utilized in her therapy:

  1. Parts Work: Introduce the concept of “parts work” to help the client explore the different aspects of her internal system. The therapist can guide her in identifying and understanding the various parts of herself that have emerged as a result of her trauma and coping mechanisms.
  2. Self-Leadership: Facilitate the development of self-leadership by helping the client connect with her core Self, the compassionate and wise center of her being. This can empower her to navigate her internal system with self-awareness and understanding.
  3. Internal Dialogue: Encourage the client to engage in internal dialogue with her different parts, allowing her to explore their roles, concerns, and needs within her emotional landscape. This can promote a deeper understanding of her internal dynamics.
  4. Unblending and Self-Integration: Guide the client in “unblending” from her protective parts and accessing her core Self, fostering a sense of self-integration and harmony within her internal system.
  5. Healing Exiles: Support the client in identifying and healing the “exiled” parts of herself that hold the emotional wounds of her trauma. This can involve compassionate exploration and acknowledgment of these vulnerable aspects.
  6. Reparenting Exercises: Incorporate reparenting exercises to assist the client in nurturing and comforting her wounded parts with the presence of her core Self, fostering a sense of internal safety and care.
  7. Trauma Processing: Utilize IFS techniques to facilitate trauma processing within the safety of the therapeutic space, allowing the client to address trauma-related parts with self-compassion and understanding.
  8. Integration and Harmony: Work towards integrating the client’s internal system, fostering a sense of harmony and cooperation among her parts under the guidance of her core Self.
  9. Externalizing the Problem: Externalize the impact of trauma and the client’s reactions, allowing her to view these aspects as “parts” rather than as intrinsic aspects of her identity, promoting self-compassion and understanding.

By incorporating Internal Family Systems therapy into her treatment, the client can engage in a compassionate exploration of her internal world, fostering healing, self-understanding, and the integration of her experiences within a framework of self-compassion and self-leadership.

Are you ready for therapy? Contact Ron Huxley today at RonHuxley.com or rehuxley@gmail.com or take a course on Trauma-Informed Care at TraumaToolbox.com

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5 Self-Reflection Questions That Will Push Your Quality of Life

Self-reflection is only as powerful as you allow it to be – you can use it to improve yourself and use it for personal growth. But how can you leverage self-reflection to get to that point? 

The point is to examine your thoughts and actions, consider your motivations, and self-reflect to gain insights into your life. 

It comes down to asking the right questions because, with the right questions, you can unlock that potential and start fulfilling it. 

With that in mind, we have five questions you can use for self-reflection and use as guidance on your self-discovery journey. 

1. What are my core beliefs and values?

You can only make smart decisions that work for you if you firmly grip your core values and beliefs. 

So, reflecting on your principles and understanding what matters to you and what you stand for is a big part of the process. What is it that drives your decisions? Do your choices align with the values you have identified?

2. What are my weaknesses and strengths? 

One of the core components of personal growth is self-awareness, so you need to do the work to understand yourself better. Understanding your weaknesses and strengths is a big part of that. 

So, consider your areas for improvement and where you could improve. What special skills or qualities do you possess, and what are you exceptionally good at? 

To leverage your strengths for success, you need to understand what they are. Uncovering your weaknesses is also a helpful step because you can improve on them where necessary, and you can accept help from others for those points. 

3. What are my aspirations and goals?

If you want to assess your aspirations and goals, you need self-reflection. What are your short-term plans? What about your long-term ideas? Are you moving in the right direction? Have you drifted off the course you set? Do your commitments and activities align with your short and long-term goals? 

Clarifying your aspirations and goals will help you set a clear direction. It empowers you to prioritize your actions and focus your energy on making your desired outcomes come true. 

You can regularly revisit your goals as a part of a self-reflection period because everyone changes over time, and sometimes your values change. Sometimes, your priorities change, but you need to know if you want it all to work together. 

4. What have I learned from my failures and my mistakes? 

A lot of people make a mistake and think they’ve failed. Or they experience failure and think it’s the end of the world. Neither of those things is true – it’s just a temporary setback. 

You can convince yourself of that by answering how much and what you learned from those failures and mistakes in your past. Those mistakes and failures can shape your decisions and build your character. 

Learning to embrace your failure and learn lessons is crucial to personal growth. 

5. Am I fulfilling my purpose and living authentically? 

Living authentically is essential, but are you? Are you doing what it takes to fulfill your purpose? Use self-reflection to see whether your life aligns with your goal. 

Are you living based on the path you have been crafting or according to external pressure or societal expectations?

Purpose and authenticity can drive your fulfillment and success, but you must tap into that motivation and passion. 

Final Thoughts

Use these self-reflection questions as part of a regular reflection routine to motivate yourself to succeed and foster personal growth. Self-reflection isn’t a one-time task; you will need to rely on it frequently. It’s all part of the self-discovery journey.

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Numb and Shutdown: How to Revive Your Motivation


How often do you experience periods of low motivation and emotional shutdown?

  • [ ] Rarely
  • [ ] Occasionally
  • [ ] Frequently
  • [ ] Almost constantly

Life is a rollercoaster of emotions, but what happens when the ride suddenly comes to a screeching halt? You find yourself stuck in a cycle of lackluster motivation, feeling as though you’re trudging through molasses, and emotionally shut down. Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this journey. In this article, we’ll delve into the world of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and uncover strategies to rekindle your inner fire, leaving you energized and ready to conquer life’s challenges.

Feeling Numb and Shut Down

It’s like life hit the snooze button, and you’re stuck in a gray haze of “meh.” According to a recent study, a whopping 70% of people experience periods of low motivation and emotional numbness at some point in their lives. But fear not, because CBT is here to save the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Breath of Fresh Air?

Imagine CBT as a tailor-made mental gym, sculpting your mind into a lean, mean motivation machine. First, we identify those pesky automatic thoughts that fuel your sluggishness. As renowned author Mark Twain once quipped, “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” Challenge those negative thoughts and watch your motivation gauge inch upward. Find a therapist today that can help you get over your slump that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools.

Here are some DIY tools you can also use for a revived mood:

The Power of Gratitude and Positive Vibes

Albert Einstein once said, “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” Combat emotional shutdown by nurturing a gratitude garden. Regularly jot down things you’re grateful for. It’s like watering the flowers of your mind. The more you nurture positivity, the more your emotional landscape will flourish.

Embrace Your Values

To quote Dr. Seuss, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” Channel your unique self and connect with your core values. Research shows that individuals who align their actions with their values are more motivated and resilient. It’s time to march to the beat of your own drum.

The Art of Small Wins

Haven’t you heard? It’s the era of micro-victories! Research reveals that breaking down goals into bite-sized chunks can boost motivation. Think of it as your own personal “Quest for the Holy Grail.” Celebrate each small victory like a knight slaying dragons, and watch your motivation armor gleam.

The Grand Finale: The Quiz of Motivation

Before you go, we’ve got a treat for you! Take our interactive quiz to gauge your current motivation levels. Are you a Motivation Maverick or a Potential Powerhouse? Use the quiz below to assess your ML (motivation levels).

(Quiz)
What’s your Motivation Quotient?
Answer the following questions to find out:

  1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how motivated do you feel right now?
  • [ ] 1 – Not at all
  • [ ] 5 – Neutral
  • [ ] 10 – Supercharged!
  1. Which activity excites you the most?
  • [ ] Reading a book
  • [ ] Going for a hike
  • [ ] Trying a new recipe
  • [ ] Binge-watching your favorite show
  1. What’s your go-to remedy for a bad day?
  • [ ] A bubble bath and a book
  • [ ] A workout session
  • [ ] Indulging in comfort food
  • [ ] A movie marathon
  1. How often do you find yourself procrastinating?
  • [ ] Rarely
  • [ ] Occasionally
  • [ ] Frequently
  • [ ] All the time

Results:

  • Mostly 1s: Motivation Explorer
  • Mostly 2s: Motivation Trailblazer
  • Mostly 3s: Motivation Dynamo
  • Mostly 4s: Motivation Connoisseur
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6 Tips To Make Fear Your Friend

What makes you afraid? Is it losing someone you love? Or is it having to see your dentist? Maybe you fear thunderstorms or heights or elevators.

Whatever it is, fear is normal. It’s how our body warns us of dangerous situations and that we should be careful.

Yet, sometimes, our fears can become so great that they hold us back from living up to our full potential. They fill us with dread and uncertainty that we soon become constantly stressed and anxious over the smallest things.

Although surprisingly, fear, in its positive form, can actually be good for us. It can inspire innovative ideas and motivate us to reach new heights.

So, we’re here today to help you make fear your friend. Follow the six tips below, and you’ll know how to turn what was once your foe into an ally.

Let’s get started.

  1. Identify the Source

This is probably the hardest step, but it’s absolutely worth it. But first, you need to come to terms with the source of your fear in order to overcome it.

Being aware of the root cause will be difficult in the beginning, but it’ll make you stronger. You’ll no longer live in the shadow of that big, insurmountable fear.

  1. Embrace It

You’ve come face-to-face with your fear. Now, it’s time to embrace it.

But before you do that, you have to actually admit that such-and-such scares you. There are several ways to do this. First, you can either say it aloud, preferably to someone else in a natural setting.

You can also write it down in a journal or diary. The point is to get it out of your head and into real life. That’s when your fear loses its control over you.

It also feels better to get it off your chest and share it with the world. You’ll be surprised to know just how many people are just as afraid as you are.

  1. Think Rationally

Fear makes us panic, and panic makes us do stupid things. In fact, studies show that when we panic, our prefrontal cortex shuts down. This is the region of our brain responsible for rational thinking.

So, case in point, learn how to think rationally despite your worries and panic. Make fear your friend, and you’ll be able to go a lot farther in life.

  1. Take Stock

People deal with fear, stress, and anxiety in different ways. Some people like to be challenged and are great under pressure. Others find it better to work at their own pace without any tight deadlines looming overhead.

Whichever way you prefer, the important thing is not to let fear get the better of you. For example, say you’re afraid to speak in public. But then a colleague suddenly got sick and asked you to take over the presentation you’ve been preparing for weeks.

In this scenario, you have to pick whether you’ll let your fear overpower you or whether you’ll rise to the challenge.

The latter won’t be easy, but it’ll definitely be worth it in the long run. Be objective and tell yourself that others have held presentations before and have lived to tell about it. So, what’s the big deal?

Remember, your mind tends to blow things out of proportion. So, find a way to deal with the stress and take stock. It’s the only way you’ll be able to harness your fear and get the job done.

  1. Find Support

No one ever failed by having a strong support system. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to do better. These are the people who listen to you when you’re venting about your fears and anxiety, and they still choose to love you unconditionally.

A lot of research has been carried out on the benefits of having a support system. It empowers you with good coping skills while boosting your self-esteem and overall well-being.

Moreover, a sound support system can lower stress, anxiety, and depression rates. 

  1. Be Positive

Whenever you’re afraid, you’ll tend to focus on negative thoughts and emotions. But then, they fester in your mind and transform into this big, ugly thing that you can no longer control.

Why not try some positivity for a change? Remember, the mind is quite powerful; it just needs a small push in the right direction.

By thinking positively, you can overcome your fears and actually live to tell the tale! All you have to do is believe it, and everything else will fall into place.

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Releasing Regrets

“Long ago I wished to leave

‘The house where I was born;’

Long ago I used to grieve,

My home seemed so forlorn.

In other years, its silent rooms

Were filled with haunting fears;

Now, their very memory comes

O’ercharged with tender tears…”

A Poem by charlotte bronte

Regret is looking back at our past with distress and sorrowful longing. We grieve over past actions done to us or that we did to others. We WISH it didn’t happen or that we could do it over again. Of course, we can’t, but regret keeps us stuck in the past filled with pain. 

Letting go is the process of getting unstuck and moving on in life. How we metabolize pain, in this process, is different for every person and every situation. However, you can give various forms of releasing regret a try and learn about yourself in the process.

Practice Daily Gratitude

Practicing daily gratitude is a great way to remind yourself of all that you have consistently. Family, friends, a home, food to eat, maybe even a cute puppy to come home to. Whatever your gratitude is toward, reminding yourself of it is a great way to reflect on the good in your life and make the regrets seem less important in the grand scheme of life. 

A practical application of gratitude is to use a scientifically studied exercise called 5-3-1. Every morning spend 5 minutes quieting your mind and getting grounded, write 3 things you are grateful for and do one act of kindness for someone else. 

Trust the Journey

Reminding yourself that even the adverse events in life are part of a more significant journey allows you to see the larger picture. Yes, you regret this one mistake. But, did that one mistake lead you down a different path that had good outcomes? Everything happens for a reason. Trust that in time you will find out why that mistake or loss occurred.

Having an optimistic viewpoint, however ridiculous it might seem at the moment, is helpful to unlock your thoughts and allow hope to enter them. 

Learn to Release Emotions

Emotions in the grand scheme of life (once again; are you seeing the bigger picture yet?) are fleeting. Learning to release your feelings when they are not serving you will aid you now and in the future. Stop beating yourself up for something that happened in the past and learn to move on with a clear mind and focus.

Give voice to your feelings with a good friend or therapist. Learn to journal daily. Stop being afraid of your own feelings states and allow your nervous system to regulate. 

Accept the Lesson Learned

Situations or actions we regret typically offer us a lesson—if we are open to learning it. Accept that you learned a lesson and move on with it. Living through a challenging event means nothing if you don’t continue living and implement what you learned into your future life.

Nelson Mandala is famous for saying: “I never fail. I either win, or I learn.” Keeping this perspective will guard the tender-hearted. 

“What If-ing” the past Doesn’t Change the Future.

You are living in the land of “what ifs” is tempting. However, “what ifs” literally mean nothing in the practice of daily life. You can spend hours or even days guessing at a different outcome, but it doesn’t matter. Those what-ifs will never directly impact your future other than to steal from it. 

Living in the past traumatizes your present all over again. A vicious cycle continues to whirl, adding shame and fear to your life. Staying focused on the now allows you to live healthy again. 

Try this simple present-focused tool called “seeing red.” When you start to slip down the slope or regret, look for something red and focus on its shade, texture, smell, etc. Look for another red object and do the same. Repeat this until you feel more settled in the now. 

If you would like Ron Huxley to help you overcome regret and move past old pain and trauma, contact him today or schedule a session by clicking here. 

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What is Anxiety and How to Manage Pandemic Uncertainty

In this first video of five total video series on Building Family Resiliency we talk about how to manage anxiety in a time of uncertainty. Learn powerful tools that will help you and your children find freedom from anxious thoughts. Discover bodily-based strategies that don’t require lecture, rationalization, or complex ideas to bring peace to your life.

Get more free tools at FamilyHealer.tv or schedule a time to talk to Ron today!

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Knowing our stories…

“Once upon a time, a small bird flew into a tree and saw a crown hanging from a branch. At the bottom of that tree was a boy with a drum who asked the bird…” How would you finish this story?

This is a game that I often play with families in my therapy sessions with them. Each person gets to pick out a small item from a red velvet bag and come up with a piece of the story. The imagination continues round and round, chapter after chapter, until we come to a final end of the story.

The activity is fun and insightful. It provides a metaphor for the stories families have around their own traumatic losses. Even when bad things happened, that were outside of our control, we can narrate our present reality and write new chapters and have happier endings.

Recently, I taught a workshop on Adoption and Permanency skills to social workers and therapists. In this workshop we discussed how to tell the adoption story even when it is sometimes very shocking or socially taboo. One of the hallmarks of telling this story is that parents “hold” the story but they don’t “own” it. This is the child’s story. A parents goal is to tell all there is to be told (and sometimes there isn’t a lot known) by the time the child leaves the home and the child has to understand what is being told.

The story has to be told over and over again; essentially recycled over time, to account for the changing development. A child who is 5 has very different level of understanding than the child who is 12 or 16 or 20, etc. Each new telling unfolds greater revelation and insight. Each developmental period allows for more social awareness and shifting of identity. This may result in more grieving too. A child who is 5 may not show a lot of sadness over their story. Developmentally, this would be appropriate. A child is who 16 may have a lot of sadness or anger. This would be developmentally appropriate for him or her.

Every one has a story. It may have fun parts and yucky parts. It may be full of loss or full of adventure. The important thing to keep in mind is that our story is out story. We get to own it and when we do, we get to participate in its on-going authorship.

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National Recovery Month

National Recovery Month (Recovery Month), sponsored by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), is a national observance held every September to educate Americans that substance use treatment and mental health services can enable those with mental and substance use disorders to live healthy and rewarding lives. This observance celebrates the millions of Americans who are in recovery from mental and substance use disorders, reminding us that treatment is effective and that people can and do recover. It also serves to help reduce the stigma and misconceptions that cloud public understanding of mental and substance use disorders, potentially discouraging others from seeking help.

Now in its 30th year, Recovery Month celebrates the gains made by those in recovery, just as we celebrate improvements made by those who are managing other health conditions such as hypertension, diabetes, asthma, and heart disease.

Recovery Month works to promote and support new evidence-based treatment and recovery practices, the emergence of a strong and proud recovery community, and the dedication of service providers and community members across the nation who make recovery in all its forms possible.

As part of the 30th anniversary, Recovery Month is introducing a new logo that signifies the true meaning and values of the Recovery Month observance. The new Recovery Month logo features an “r” symbol; representing r is for Recovery and the need to support the millions of individuals who are proudly living their lives in recovery, as well as their family members and loved ones.

Each September, tens of thousands of prevention, treatment, and recovery programs and facilities around the country celebrate Recovery Month. They speak about the gains made by those in recovery and share their success stories with their neighbors, friends, and colleagues. In doing so, everyone helps to increase awareness and furthers a greater understanding about the diseases of mental and substance use disorders.

Recovery Month also highlights the achievements of individuals who have reclaimed their lives in long-term recovery and honors the treatment and recovery service providers who make recovery possible. Recovery Month also promotes the message that recovery in all of its forms is possible and encourages citizens to take action to help expand and improve the availability of effective prevention, treatment, and recovery services for those in need.

Each year, Recovery Month selects a new focus and theme to spread the message and share the successes of treatment and recovery. The 2019 Recovery Month observance will focus on community members, first responders, the healthcare community, and youth and emerging leaders highlighting the various entities that support recovery within our society.

The 2019 Recovery Month theme, “Join the Voices for Recovery: Together We Are Stronger,” emphasizes the need to share resources and build networks across the country to support recovery. It reminds us that mental and substance use disorders affect us all, and that we are all part of the solution. The observance will highlight inspiring stories to help thousands of people from all walks of life find the path to hope, health, and personal growth. Learn more about this year’s and past year themes.

SAMHSA creates a Recovery Month toolkit to help individuals and organizations plan events and activities to increase awareness about mental and substance use disorders, treatment and recovery. The kit provides media outreach templates, tips for event planning and community outreach, audience-specific information and data on behavioral health conditions, and resources for prevention, treatment, and recovery support services. These resources help local communities reach out and encourage individuals in need of services, and their friends and families, to seek treatment and recovery services and information. Materials include SAMHSA’s National Helpline 1-800-662 HELP (4357) for 24-hour, free, and confidential information and treatment referral as well as other SAMHSA resources for locating services.