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Thought Deletion: Why Trying to Erase Your Thoughts Doesn’t Work

In the complex landscape of mental health, we often find ourselves battling unwanted thoughts. The Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approach offers a fascinating perspective on this challenge through a simple yet profound exercise known as Thought Deletion.

The Illusion of Mental Control

Our natural instinct when confronted with distressing thoughts is to push them away. We believe we’d find peace if we could delete these thoughts. However, the human mind doesn’t work like a computer—there’s no convenient mental backspace or delete button.

The Thought Deletion Exercise

The exercise is elegantly simple:

  1. Identify a Distressing Thought: Clients are asked to focus on a recent thought that causes them significant emotional discomfort.
  2. Attempt Deletion: They’re then instructed to actively try to erase this thought.
  3. Experience the Paradox: Invariably, they discover something counterintuitive—the more they try to eliminate the thought, the more persistent and powerful it becomes.

Why Thought Deletion Backfires

This exercise illustrates a fundamental principle of psychological flexibility: resistance increases suffering. When we struggle against our thoughts, we inadvertently give them more power. It’s like trying not to think about a pink elephant—the very act of trying not to think about it ensures the elephant dominates your mental landscape.

Defusion: A Different Approach

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy introduces the concept of cognitive defusion—learning to see thoughts as merely mental events, not absolute truths that must be fought or believed. Instead of wrestling with thoughts, we can:

  • Observe thoughts without judgment
  • Recognize that thoughts are transient
  • Understand that having a thought doesn’t make it real or meaningful
  • Choose to focus on actions aligned with our values

Practical Implications

For adolescents and adults alike, the Thought Deletion exercise serves multiple therapeutic purposes:

  • Reduces anxiety around “unacceptable” thoughts
  • Demonstrates the futility of thought suppression
  • Introduces a more compassionate approach to inner experiences
  • Builds psychological resilience

A Mindful Alternative

Instead of deletion, ACT suggests:

  • Acknowledging thoughts without attachment
  • Letting thoughts pass like clouds in the sky
  • Focusing on present-moment experiences
  • Choosing actions that matter, regardless of intrusive thoughts

Thought Deletion is more than an exercise—it’s a gateway to understanding our mind’s complex workings. We open ourselves to greater emotional freedom and psychological flexibility by embracing thoughts rather than fighting them.

Remember, you are not your thoughts. You are the awareness observing those thoughts.

What is ACT?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of psychological intervention that focuses on helping individuals accept complex thoughts and feelings rather than fighting or feeling controlled by them. The core aim is to increase psychological flexibility—the ability to:

  • Accept emotions and thoughts without judgment
  • Stay present in the moment
  • Clarify personal values
  • Take committed action toward meaningful goals

ACT uses six key processes:

  1. Cognitive defusion (seeing thoughts as just thoughts)
  2. Acceptance of emotional experiences
  3. Present moment awareness
  4. Self-as-context (observing self)
  5. Values clarification
  6. Committed action aligned with those values

Unlike traditional cognitive therapies that seek to change thought content, ACT helps people change their relationship with thoughts, reducing their impact and enabling more value-driven living.

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The Stubborn Heart!

Stubbornness can stem from various factors such as personality traits, past experiences, fear of vulnerability, or a need for control. Here’s an explanation of stubbornness, the reasons behind it, and strategies to shift out of stubborn behaviors:

Understanding Stubbornness:

  • Definition: Stubbornness refers to a firm, inflexible adherence to one’s ideas, opinions, or decisions, often resisting change or outside influence.

Reasons Behind Stubbornness:

Shifting Out of Stubbornness:

  • Practice Empathy: Encourage the individual to practice empathy by trying to understand others’ perspectives and feelings. Empathy can foster openness to different viewpoints and reduce defensiveness.
  • Flexibility and Adaptability: Help the individual cultivate a mindset of flexibility and adaptability. Emphasize the benefits of being open to change and willing to consider alternative solutions.
  • Active Listening: Teach active listening skills to enhance communication and foster understanding. Encourage the individual to listen attentively to others without immediately jumping to defend their position.
  • Seek Compromise: Emphasize the value of compromise and collaboration in relationships and decision-making. Encourage the individual to find common ground and work together towards mutually beneficial solutions.
  • Self-Reflection: Encourage self-reflection to explore the reasons behind their stubbornness. By understanding the underlying motivations for their behavior, they can begin to address and challenge them.
  • Mindfulness Practices: Suggest mindfulness techniques to help individuals become more aware of their thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Mindfulness can promote self-awareness and impulse control, reducing stubborn tendencies.
  • Therapy or Counseling: Consider recommending therapy or counseling to explore deeper issues contributing to stubbornness and develop healthier coping strategies. A mental health professional can provide support and guidance in shifting stubborn behaviors.

By addressing the root causes of stubbornness, practicing empathy and flexibility, and seeking professional support, individuals can gradually shift out of stubborn behaviors and cultivate more open-mindedness and adaptability in their interactions and decision-making processes.

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Understanding Traumas Impact on Individuals and Communities

Trauma is not just an individual experience; it ripples through families, neighborhoods, and entire communities, shaping the social fabric and influencing the well-being of all its members.” – Dr. Judith Herman, Clinical Psychologist and Trauma Expert.

Trauma is a pervasive and often misunderstood experience that can have profound effects on individuals and communities. Understanding the nature of trauma, its impact, and the expected reactions it elicits is crucial for building a supportive and empathetic community. 

In this issue of the Trauma Champions Newsletter, we will explore the definition of trauma, its far-reaching effects, and the different types of trauma that individuals may experience. By gaining a deeper understanding of trauma, we can better support those who have been affected and work towards creating trauma-informed communities.

Defining Trauma: 

Trauma is not limited to physical injuries; it encompasses emotional and psychological wounds that result from distressing events or experiences. These events can be singular, such as an accident or natural disaster, or prolonged, such as ongoing abuse or neglect. Trauma can also result from systemic injustices, discrimination, or the effects of war and conflict. It is essential to recognize that trauma is a deeply personal experience, and individuals may respond differently to similar events based on their unique circumstances and resilience.

Impact on Individuals and Communities:

The impact of trauma extends beyond the individual, affecting families, neighborhoods, and entire communities. Trauma can disrupt social connections, erode trust, and create cycles of adversity that perpetuate its effects. It may manifest in various ways, including mental health challenges, substance abuse, relationship difficulties, and physical health issues. Furthermore, trauma can contribute to the perpetuation of violence, crime, and social instability if left unaddressed. Understanding the collective impact of trauma is essential for fostering a compassionate and supportive community environment.

Types of Trauma and Common Reactions: 

Trauma can take many forms, each with its own challenges and responses. Some common types of trauma include:

  • Acute Trauma: Resulting from a single distressing event, such as an accident, assault, or natural disaster.
  • Complex Trauma: Arising from prolonged exposure to traumatic experiences, such as childhood abuse, domestic violence, or war trauma.
  • Intergenerational Trauma: Transmitted across generations, often stemming from historical injustices, colonization, or cultural trauma.
  • Systemic Trauma: Caused by institutional oppression, discrimination, and social inequalities that impact marginalized communities.

Individuals’ reactions to trauma can vary widely, encompassing emotional distress, dissociation, hypervigilance, and a range of coping mechanisms. Recognizing that these responses are adaptive strategies developed in the face of overwhelming experiences is essential.

For more in-depth insights and education on trauma, the following resources can provide valuable information and guidance:

  • The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) offers various resources and training materials on trauma-informed care and trauma response.
  • The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides publications, toolkits, and webinars on trauma-informed approaches and trauma-specific interventions.
  • Trauma-Informed Care Implementation Resource Center: Offers practical guidance and best practices for implementing trauma-informed care in various settings, including communities and organizations.

By educating ourselves and our communities about the nature of trauma and its impact, we can take meaningful steps toward creating environments that support healing, resilience, and understanding for all individuals affected by trauma.

Healing Strategies for Trauma’s Impact on Communities: 

  1. Community-Based Support Programs: Establishing support groups and community-based programs that provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences, receive empathy, and access resources. Peer support and group interventions can foster a sense of connection and understanding among community members.
  2. Trauma-Informed Education and Training: Implementing training programs to educate community members, including educators, healthcare providers, and law enforcement, about trauma-informed care and its impact. This can help create a more supportive and understanding environment for those affected by trauma.
  3. Culturally Responsive Services: Developing culturally responsive services that respect and honor the diverse backgrounds and experiences within the community. This includes providing language-specific resources, culturally sensitive mental health support, and addressing the unique needs of different cultural groups.
  4. Community Resilience-Building Initiatives: Engaging in community-building activities, such as art therapy workshops, mindfulness practices, and community events that promote resilience and positive coping strategies. These initiatives can strengthen social connections and promote a sense of collective well-being.
  5. Advocacy and Policy Changes: Engaging in advocacy efforts to influence policy changes and resource allocation that address the systemic issues contributing to trauma within the community. This may involve advocating for increased access to mental health services, trauma-informed schools, and social support programs.
  6. Engaging in Collective Healing Rituals: Creating opportunities for collective healing rituals, such as community gatherings, memorial events, and storytelling circles, to honor the experiences of those affected by trauma and provide a space for communal healing and reflection.

These strategies can create a more supportive, resilient community that fosters healing and empowerment for traumatized individuals.

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3 Keys to Behavior Chart Success

I used to joke with parents that if they could make a grocery list, they could change a child’s behavior. The idea behind this is that most behavioral change takes parental attention and consistency. The truth is that we are constantly shaping our child’s behaviors every day. And, one might say, they are changing ours too! This is a natural process of interaction. The question is really, what are your shaping? Our you modeling positive habits? Do you reward positive behavior? Shifting our attention away from negative behavior (what you don’t want) and refocusing on positive behaviors (what you do want) can be as easy as making a list or creating a chart.

 Here are 3 keys to successfully changing a child’s behavior with a behavior chart:

1. Have a clear, achievable goal in mind: If you don’t know where you are going, you won’t get there. Don’t confuse the goal by making it too vague or complex. Focus on a specific behavior you WANT to see happen. Don’t write it in the negative. State what you want to see different. Be age appropriate when focusing on change. A 4 year old can’t do what a 14 year old can do.

2. Make it rewarding: The power of a behavior chart is that a child will get a reward for doing what you want. What motivates your child? What can you realistically afford to do? How long will it take to get the reward? Some children need daily, if not hourly rewards. Break a big reward down into smaller rewards if necessary to keep children motivated. The last thing you want is a defiant child who refuses to do a chart because it is too difficult or they feel like they will fail and so they don’t even try. Also, remember the best reward is you! Your smile, hug and words of praise should always be given regardless of any other physical reward.

3. Be open to change: If  the chart is not working, make changes. It is just a parenting tool, not a magical wand. Use the success or lack of it as feedback on how to create the chart. Use family meetings and intimate discussions about what is working for the child. Continue to celebrate any small success or effort. You might find that using a chart changes your parenting time and energy as well. That is good modeling and parenting improvement.

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Changing Children’s Behavior: Take Some Measurements!

Does your child have so many problems that you don’t know where to start? Are you so frustrated that you can’t see or think straight? Do you feel helpless about how to make changes in your relationship with your child? Perhaps the first place to start is with a few measurements.

When behaviorists study people’s behavior, they start with a baseline. A baseline is a tool that is used to measure the frequency and duration of someone’s specific behavior. A baseline can be used to measure the frequency and duration of both desirable and undesirable behavior. This dual measurement can tell parents what they want to increase and what they want to decrease, all without a lot of screaming, hair pulling, or medication!

The first step in determining a baseline is to measure a child’s behavior when no intervention or tool is being used with the child. This way parents can get an accurate estimation of the child’s behavior. Baselines will allow a parent to measure the effectiveness of a particular parenting tool they are using. If a parent discovers that a tool is not getting the desirable results (i.e., the misbehavior continues at the same level as before or is much worse), then the parent knows to abandon this approach and try another. Parents then find a different tool to use that gets them better results. Sounds easy, huh! Actually it isn’t. But with a little practice parents can use baselines to objectively and rationally approach a behavior problem and change it.

The next step is to gather a few basic materials: a piece of graph paper, pencil, and daily calendar. Write across the top of the graph paper the behavior you wish to increase or decrease. For example, you might write: “I want to increase the number of times that Tommy takes his bath on time” or “I want to decrease the number of times that Mary hits her little brother.” Picking the behavior may not be as easy at it sounds. You must pick one behavior to focus on and not get confused with other problems at home. Be very specific about what you want to increase or decrease. Don’t write: “I want Tommy to behave.” That is too general and vague. You will never achieve that anyway, so why frustrate you and Tommy. Pick a behavior that is particularly troublesome and/or dangerous to start.

To get a baseline, simply count how many times a day that particular behavior is occurring for one week. Average it on a per day basis by taking your weekly total and divide it by seven (days of the week). That will be your baseline. Let’s say that you want Tommy to take his bath, on time, every day. At this time, Tommy only takes his bath, one time, once per week. One is your baseline. Anything you use to increase this frequency will be considered effective. Anything that does not or reduces it to zero, is not effective.

After you have picked the behavior, use the bottom of the paper to list the days of the week from the calendar (Sunday, Monday… Saturday). Along the left side of the paper you will write a range of numbers, starting from the bottom and going up. The range could be from zero to ten, if the behavior you are targeting is a low frequency problem or zero to hundred, if it is a high frequency problem. I would suggest sticking with a low frequency problem. It will make the process simpler and easier to monitor.

Now comes the fun part: picking the tool. What will you use to increase or decrease your child’s behavior? You could do what you have always done, like Time-Out or Removing Privileges. Or you could read up on a couple of books, ask a wise friend or teacher, or search the Internet, looking for various interventions to try. Regardless of where you go for your tools, choose only one. Use the tool of choice for a period of one week and faithfully measure how many times a day that behavior occurs with the application of the tool. Be sure that all caregivers (moms, dads, relatives, day care staff, etc.) use the same tool or you will not get a good measurement. In fact, if dad is doing one thing and mom another, you could be sabotaging each other’s efforts. Get everyone on the bandwagon and cooperating.

Chart the number of times the behavior occurs (its frequency per day) and the time that it occurred. In order to see if change has occurred, parents must check to see if there is any difference between the baseline number, before any intervention was made, and the number of occurrences after an intervention is made. This final number should come close to your target number. Let’s take another look at Tommy and his bath time. Mom and dad decided to take away Tommy’s television privileges if he did not get in the bath on time each day. They did this by simply stating the consequence ten minutes before bath time to give him time to prepare. If Tommy did not get in the bath on time (they gave him a five minute window of opportunity either way) they stated that there would be no television privileges the next morning and stuck to their decision. After a couple of days, Tommy realized that mom and dad were serious about this bath time business and decided to cooperate. He was able to get in the bath, on time, three times in one week, as a result of mom and dad’s new interventions. This was a definite increase from the baseline and considered successful by everyone.

Don’t worry if the change doesn’t occur immediately. Children test their parents to see if they will be consistent with these new interventions or if parents are going to fall back to old, inconsistent ways of disciplining. One to two weeks may be needed to witness any real results. If the behavior is still not changing after that period of time, find a new tool. It is also important that you be consistent. Inconsistency will reward the behavior in the wrong direction.

What if one parent is willing to cooperate but the other is not? This makes our task harder but not impossible. Simple measure during a time that you are able to control, say, during the daytime when dad is at work. Obviously, you must pick a target behavior that occurs during that time period and find a tool that you can administer alone. Children will adapt to the different parenting styles of their parents, even if they are exact opposites.

Reward all positive, behavioral changes. This will help to maintain the behavior over a long period of time. Don’t resort to bribes, such as sweets, money, or toys. This will backfire on you. Use social praise, like: “Great job” or “I really appreciated how you did that.” This is usually sufficient for children. Any negative behavior should be ignored, as much as possible.

How long should you use the baseline tool? Use the tool for as long as you need. Once you are getting positive results from your new tool, you can go on to targeting a new behavior or put the chart away until it is needed again. Behavior tools, like the baseline, have some limitations. Very smart children see your strategy and try to go around it or do as they are asked, during the specific time it is asked, and then immediately misbehave right after. For example, Tommy may get into the bath on time so that he can watch his favorite television programs, but right after the bath, he may become rude and obnoxious to his little sister. This is a weakness in the tool, not you. Ignore the weakness for now. All you are concerned with is increasing getting into the bath on time. Later you will address, with the baseline tool, the rude behavior.

The value of this parenting tool is in its ability to get a baseline measure of a child’s behavior and to test the validity of the parenting tools your are using. It allows you to cope with feelings of frustration and target behavior objectively and without negative attention to the child. This allows the parent and the child to concentrate on more enjoyable activities together.

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