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How To Deal With Strong Personalities

Strong personalities can present challenges in our interactions, particularly when they exhibit controlling behaviors that can impact our mental well-being. Recognizing signs of control and implementing coping strategies are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and boundaries.

Signs of Controlling Personalities

  1. Dominance: Individuals with controlling personalities tend to dominate conversations, decision-making processes, and interactions, asserting their opinions forcefully and expecting compliance from others.
  2. Lack of Empathy: A lack of empathy is a common trait in controlling individuals, as they may prioritize their own agenda without consideration for others’ feelings, needs, or perspectives.
  3. Micromanaging: Controlling personalities may engage in micromanaging behaviors, closely overseeing and controlling every detail while struggling to delegate tasks or trust others.
  4. Authoritarian Communication Style: Communication with controlling individuals may feel one-sided, with dictation of instructions, demands, or a commanding tone that dismisses opposing viewpoints.
  5. Difficulty Accepting Feedback: Controlling individuals may find it challenging to accept criticism, feedback, or suggestions, often reacting defensively or dismissively to alternative perspectives.

Strategies for Dealing with Controlling Personalities

  1. Establish Clear Boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with controlling individuals. Clearly communicate your limits, expectations, and needs to maintain a healthy balance in the relationship.
  2. Practice Active Listening: Show genuine interest in the person’s perspective, validate their feelings, and seek to understand their viewpoint without judgment. Active listening can help defuse tensions and improve communication.
  3. Maintain Calmness: Stay composed in confrontational situations. Responding with patience and composure can prevent conflicts from escalating and help you navigate interactions more effectively.
  4. Assertiveness: Assert your thoughts, feelings, and opinions respectfully. Express yourself clearly while acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint to establish open communication and mutual respect.
  5. Focus on Collaboration: Emphasize finding common ground and working together towards solutions rather than engaging in power struggles. Collaboration can lead to more positive outcomes and strengthen relationships.
  6. Seek Support: If interactions with controlling personalities become overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from mental health professionals or counselors. They can provide tailored strategies and support to help you navigate challenging relationships.

By recognizing signs of control, setting boundaries, practicing effective communication, and seeking support when needed, you can manage interactions with controlling personalities to protect your well-being and foster healthier relationships. Remember, your mental health is essential, and prioritizing self-care in challenging situations is key to maintaining balance and resilience.

Expert Insights

  • Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author specializing in empathetic communication, emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and practicing self-care when dealing with strong personalities.
  • Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on personality disorders, advises on strategies for managing challenging personalities and maintaining emotional well-being in relationships.
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The Stubborn Heart!

Stubbornness can stem from various factors such as personality traits, past experiences, fear of vulnerability, or a need for control. Here’s an explanation of stubbornness, the reasons behind it, and strategies to shift out of stubborn behaviors:

Understanding Stubbornness:

  • Definition: Stubbornness refers to a firm, inflexible adherence to one’s ideas, opinions, or decisions, often resisting change or outside influence.

Reasons Behind Stubbornness:

Shifting Out of Stubbornness:

  • Practice Empathy: Encourage the individual to practice empathy by trying to understand others’ perspectives and feelings. Empathy can foster openness to different viewpoints and reduce defensiveness.
  • Flexibility and Adaptability: Help the individual cultivate a mindset of flexibility and adaptability. Emphasize the benefits of being open to change and willing to consider alternative solutions.
  • Active Listening: Teach active listening skills to enhance communication and foster understanding. Encourage the individual to listen attentively to others without immediately jumping to defend their position.
  • Seek Compromise: Emphasize the value of compromise and collaboration in relationships and decision-making. Encourage the individual to find common ground and work together towards mutually beneficial solutions.
  • Self-Reflection: Encourage self-reflection to explore the reasons behind their stubbornness. By understanding the underlying motivations for their behavior, they can begin to address and challenge them.
  • Mindfulness Practices: Suggest mindfulness techniques to help individuals become more aware of their thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Mindfulness can promote self-awareness and impulse control, reducing stubborn tendencies.
  • Therapy or Counseling: Consider recommending therapy or counseling to explore deeper issues contributing to stubbornness and develop healthier coping strategies. A mental health professional can provide support and guidance in shifting stubborn behaviors.

By addressing the root causes of stubbornness, practicing empathy and flexibility, and seeking professional support, individuals can gradually shift out of stubborn behaviors and cultivate more open-mindedness and adaptability in their interactions and decision-making processes.

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How to Learn From a Narcissist Without Becoming One!

According to a study published in the journal “Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin”, individuals who score higher on the narcissism scale also tend to have higher self-esteem, confidence, and assertiveness levels. These traits can be beneficial in certain situations, such as job interviews or negotiations, where self-assurance can help individuals secure better opportunities and outcomes.

Furthermore, the same study suggests that individuals with high levels of narcissism also tend to possess greater creativity and charisma. These qualities can help individuals become successful leaders and innovators in their fields.

However, it’s important to note that excessive levels of narcissism can also lead to negative consequences, such as strained relationships, conflicts, and isolation. It’s essential to find a balance between healthy self-assessment and self-aggrandizement.

By understanding and harnessing the positive aspects of narcissism, we can become more confident and effective individuals without sacrificing our empathy and authenticity.

  1. Cultivate Confidence, Not Arrogance:
    Having confidence is an incredible trait that can drive us towards success. It’s important to acknowledge our capabilities and achievements while respecting others and not diminishing their worth. When we nurture authentic confidence, it motivates us and uplifts those who surround us, leading to a constructive atmosphere for personal development.
  2. Seek Self-Validation through Personal Growth:
    Focus on your own self-improvement instead of seeking validation from others. Set achievable goals, learn new skills, and broaden your knowledge. By tracking your progress and finding satisfaction in it, you will be inspired to consistently develop and achieve greatness.
  3. Practice Empathy and Understanding:
    It’s true that narcissistic individuals may struggle with empathy, but we have the power to cultivate it within ourselves. One way to do this is by actively listening to those around us, seeking to understand their viewpoints, and forging genuine connections. By prioritizing empathy, we can build stronger and healthier relationships, fostering an environment of compassion and support.
  4. Gratitude: The Key to Humility:
    One way to combat narcissism is by practicing gratitude, which helps cultivate humility. Take a few moments each day to reflect on and appreciate the people, opportunities, and experiences that bring richness to your life. By doing so, you can foster a genuine connection with the world and cultivate a sense of humility.
  5. Have Ambition with Purpose:
    It’s perfectly okay to have high aspirations. Aim for the stars, establish purposeful goals, and put in the effort to accomplish them. By doing so, you will motivate those around you and direct your ambition toward making a favorable impact while unlocking your full potential.
  6. Embrace Accountability and Growth:
    It’s important for us to take responsibility for our actions in order to grow personally. We should recognize our mistakes, gain knowledge from them, and take ownership of them. This allows us to create an environment where we can develop and nurture integrity within ourselves.
  7. Balancing Self-Care and Consideration:
    It’s important to prioritize self-care, but finding balance is crucial. Take care of yourself while also considering the needs of those around you. Build healthy relationships by being attentive, supportive, and dependable. This balance will help you take care of yourself while maintaining positive connections with others.
  8. Building Resilience:
    As we go through life, we face various challenges, but with resilience, we can bounce back and overcome them. It’s essential to develop emotional strength, learn from setbacks, and maintain a healthy level of self-esteem. Constructive feedback can be a valuable tool for growth, allowing us to adapt, overcome obstacles, and stay on track toward achieving personal fulfillment.


By exploring the positive qualities within narcissism, we unlock valuable lessons that can enhance our lives. By cultivating confidence, empathy, gratitude, ambition, and accountability, we foster personal growth and positively impact the world around us. So, let’s embrace these lessons, learn from narcissism, and become the best versions of ourselves while nurturing genuine connections with others.

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Parenting Styles and the Effect they have on Children

Parenting is sometimes referred to as the hardest job in the world. Although there are millions of parenting books, your individual child is not born with a “how to raise me manual.”

By Carnigee Truesdale

Source: http://www.psychiatry.emory.edu/PROGRAMS/GADrug/effect_on_children.html

Most parents look to their own parents, their friends and parental experts with questions they have on how to be an effective parent. Naturally, every parent has traits that they admire as well as a value system they wish to instill to enable their child to mature into a successful and morally just adult. However, parents partake in different methods to achieve the same goal. Unfortunately, not all methods are conducive in raising a healthy individual and may have a severe impact on child development.

Psychologist, Ron Huxley believes parenting styles are defined as the “manner in which parents express their beliefs about how to be a "good” or “bad” parent.“ He says that parents adopt styles of parenting learned from their parents because they do not know what else to do and because they feel that their way of parenting is the right way (The Four Styles of Parenting-personal communication, June 5, 2001).

There are four basic styles of parenting each having an effect on child development. The first is the rejecting/neglecting style of parenting. The rejecting/neglecting parent rarely sets limits or shows positive affection (Huxley, 2001). Typically, the rejecting/neglecting parent is frequently absent or pre-occupied with social and environmental disruptions (work, divorce, illness, alcoholism, etc.) (Dr. Stein, Impact of Parenting Styles on Children, June 5, 2001). According to Dr. Stein, children of rejecting/neglecting parents may lack the ability to form close relationships, feel unloved, helpless and isolated. Children may even develop bitter, hostile and anxious feelings (Stein, 2001).

The second parenting style is the authoritarian parent who is very restrictive, punitive and shows little positive affection. Authoritarian parents are very strict and encourage perfectionism. Physical punishment is sometimes used for discipline or training. Dr. Stein believes children of authoritarian parents develop self-guilt and self-hatred that could lead to low self-esteem (2001).

The third parenting style is the permissive parent who shows a lot of positive affection but rarely disciplines or sets limits. Within this parental dimension the roles are often switched. The child has control and manipulates the parents, and the parents become the children. Sometimes a permissive parent may shower the child with gifts and certain privileges without regard to the child’s specific needs. Permissive parents may also submit to the child’s demands, temper tantrums or impulsivity to calm the child. Children of permissive parents fail to take initiative, ignore the rights and respect for others and lose responsibility (Stein, 2001).

The last parenting style is authoritative or democratic/balanced. The authoritative parent exhibits high amounts of positive affection and disciplinarian techniques. The authoritative parental style is based on democratic concepts such as equality and trust. Parents and children are equal in terms of their needs for respect and self-worth but not in terms of responsibility and making decisions (Huxley, 2001). Children of authoritative parents feel secure, accepted, have autonomy and find satisfaction in achievement and contribution (Stein, 2001).

It appears that modeling and imitation may have the most beneficial effect on childhood development. Dr. Firestone believes that the modeling effect derived from the child’s daily living with their parental figures who themselves should consistently behave in a responsible manner, is more important than specific training or disciplinary measures (1990). Toxic personality traits in parents not only have a profoundly destructive effect on children directly, but the negative qualities are passed on to succeeding generations through the process of identification and imitation (Firestone, 1990). Instead of turning to everyone else for answers on how to be an effective parent, parents should look within themselves first and become the person they want their children to emulate.

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Parenting: Some parent/child conflicts boil down to personality

via tennessean.com

It’s a concept that parents may not be familiar with, but experts say it can explain a lot about family conflicts: Is your child’s temperament a good “fit” with yours?

For example, a stubborn child who’s a chip off the old block might have a lot of showdowns with an equally stubborn mom or dad. But contrasting temperaments don’t necessarily assure good results: A determined child might overwhelm an overly flexible parent.

Many personality traits such as these are inborn, but “temperaments can also be colored by the environment in which children are raised,” said child psychologist Brian Daly, who teaches at Drexel University in Philadelphia.

That means parents who take a step back to consider their child’s personality traits may be able to tailor their childrearing style to deal more effectively with problems.

Much of the research on child temperament is based on the New York Longitudinal Study, in which psychiatrists Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess followed a group of children from birth to adulthood beginning in 1956. Thomas and Chess, who were married, found that children’s personalities could be put in three basic categories: easy, difficult, and slow to warm up. They also identified nine other variables that measured behaviors and traits such as willfulness, moodiness, activity levels, distractibility, attention span, and regularity in sleep, hunger and other biological functions.

One finding from their research was that a good “fit” between children and parents results when adult expectations, values and demands are in accord with a child’s natural capacities and behaviors. Their last book, published in 1999, was called Goodness of Fit. (Thomas died in 2003, Chess died in 2007.)

But their theory was not just a way of letting parents off the hook by blaming kids for personality traits they could not control. The takeaway for parents was that conflicts resulting from a poor fit between parent and child might be ameliorated if childrearing practices could be changed. The theory has withstood the test of time, with psychologists and other experts who work with children and parents still using some of these concepts today.

Resa Fogel, a psychologist who practices in Montclair and Teaneck, N.J., was one of the children in the original study. “When I was little, they came to my house all the time and interviewed and watched me,” said Fogel. “They were the nicest people. I thought they were another set of grandparents.”

She became interested in psychology, an interest that was fueled when she got a job assisting Thomas in his research at New York University. She used some of the original studies for her dissertation, which looked at how children with difficult temperaments end up behaving.

“You would think people with difficult temperaments are automatically very hard people to be around,” she said. “I showed that if there’s a goodness of fit between the environment and the person, then even if you have a difficult temperament, you’re not going to necessarily misbehave. In other words, there’s hope for people who are tough.”

Difficult children “are going to be harder” for parents, she acknowledged, “but you have to have the right way of handling it. That’s what goodness of fit is. It’s like a puzzle you put together.”

Arthur Robin, director of psychology training at the Children’s Hospital of Michigan in Detroit, said one common problem he encounters is a child with ADHD or “a very hyper-impulsive child” who has “a passive, depressed, lethargic mom. The child is going to get to do anything he or she likes because the mom is not going to have the energy level to set down some structure.”

Another common problem is “a very rigid, willful child and a highly flexible parent,” Robin said. “The parent is going to go with whatever the child wants. The child is going to end up really spoiled or have a strong sense of entitlement.”

The parents

Sometimes problems are rooted in the temperament of the parent, not the child. “If a parent is extremely moody, and a child is not very even-tempered, the child is going to get really upset and scared, and may develop in an introverted manner because they can’t deal with the extremes of parent moodiness,” Robin said.

With willfulness, Robin says, he tries to recast the trait as “determination” and encourages parents to channel it into “positive activities to move the child ahead.” Teenagers might be encouraged “to fight for some kind of cause, or sometimes parents can get them to spend a lot of time on creative pursuits, so it’s not all channeled into conflicts with parents.” Music or artistic pursuits may be an especially good outlet for moody children, Robin said.

Daly said he often encounters families where parents have no problems with one child but a lot of problems with the other. “One child is very well-behaved and fits their parenting style,” he explained. “You could say the child’s temperament is a good match or fit. They rave about that child; the child is responsive and respectful.”

But with the other child, the parents may feel that they’re “constantly butting heads. There may be temper tantrums, digging in heels, but without an appropriate result. A lot of times parents have certain values and it can be hard to adjust those values to meet the temperament of the child.”

Choose your battles

Daly said parents who are just as stubborn as their kids often get into standoffs because “neither will give ground.” In these cases, it may not work to take a hard line approach of, “if you can’t comply with this, then you’re going to get in more and more trouble.”

It also pays to pick your battles carefully. When a little girl couldn’t get out of the house without a tantrum over what to wear, Daly counseled her parents to let her choose her own outfits even if they weren’t quite as coordinated as the parents wished.

With teens, said Robin, if they’re “sneaking out in the middle of the night,” you have more important things to focus on than whether their room is clean. “The stuff that isn’t worth fighting about, let it drop,” Robin said.

Another thing to keep in mind when a child’s personality presents challenges, Fogel said: “This is the temperament she was born with; this is how she acts, this is how you act. You try to find a way to make things better but there’s no magic answer, there’s no formula.”