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Adoption Ambiguity in Adoptive Children

Adoption ambiguity, a term introduced by Pauline Boss in the 1970s, encapsulates the intricate emotional landscape adoptive children navigate as they grapple with their identities, relationships, and sense of belonging. Nancy Verrier, in her seminal work “The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child” (1991), further sheds light on the profound impact of adoption on children. In this article, we will explore adoption ambiguity, draw insights from experts in the field, and highlight the relevance of Verrier’s work in understanding the complexities of adoptive experiences.

Understanding Adoption Ambiguity: Adoption ambiguity is a multifaceted phenomenon that encompasses the unresolved emotions and challenges adopted children face. Parents need to acknowledge and address these complexities to provide a nurturing environment for these children. Let’s delve into expert perspectives and the insights shared in “The Primal Wound“:

  1. Ambiguous Loss and Adopted Children:
    • Verrier’s work emphasizes the concept of the primal wound, which refers to the profound loss experienced by adoptees due to the separation from their biological mothers.
    • This primal wound can manifest as a deep-seated sense of loss, grief, and disconnection that adoptive children carry throughout their lives.
  2. Self-Sabotage and Adoption Ambiguity:
    • Adoptive children may exhibit self-sabotaging behaviors as a coping mechanism for the unresolved emotions stemming from adoption ambiguity.
    • Issues such as fear of rejection, trust and control struggles, identity conflicts, and attachment trauma can contribute to self-sabotage in adoptive children.

Insights on Supporting Adoptive Children: Drawing from expert advice and Verrier’s insights, here are key strategies for parents to support their adoptive children through the challenges of adoption ambiguity:

  1. Establishing Open Communication:
    • Foster open and honest communication with your child to create a safe space for discussing their feelings and experiences.
    • Encourage dialogue about adoption-related topics while respecting your child’s emotions and perspectives.
  2. Building Trust and Security:
    • Prioritize building a foundation of trust and security in your relationship with your adoptive child.
    • Demonstrate consistent support, empathy, and understanding to help your child feel secure in their identity and relationships.
  3. Seeking Professional Guidance:
    • Consider seeking guidance from adoption professionals, therapists, or support groups familiar with adoption-related issues.
    • Professional assistance can offer valuable insights and strategies tailored to address the specific needs of your adoptive child.
  4. Embracing Education and Resources:
    • Educate yourself about adoption ambiguity and its impact on adoptive children by exploring resources such as “The Primal Wound” and other relevant literature.
    • Engage with adoption communities, workshops, and online resources to gain knowledge and connect with others who share similar experiences.

The journey of adoptive children is characterized by unique challenges and emotional complexities that require sensitivity, understanding, and support. By integrating insights from experts and works like “The Primal Wound” by Nancy Verrier, parents can cultivate a nurturing environment that empowers their adoptive children to navigate their identities and relationships with resilience. As illuminated by Verrier and other experts, adoption ambiguity underscores the significance of acknowledging and addressing the deep-seated emotions and challenges inherent in adoptive experiences. Empathy, communication, and a commitment to learning can create a supportive space where adoptive children can flourish and embrace their individual journeys.

Here are some recommended books and resources for parents looking to deepen their understanding of adoption-related issues and support their adoptive children:

Books:

Online Resources:

  • Adoption.com: A comprehensive online resource offering articles, forums, and community support for adoptive families.
  • Child Welfare Information Gateway: Provides resources on adoption-related topics, including parenting tips, support services, and legal information.
  • North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC): Offers educational resources, training, and advocacy for adoptive families.
  • Adoptive Families Magazine: Features articles, expert advice, and personal stories related to adoption and parenting.
  • Adoption Network: Provides support, education, and resources for adoptive families, birth families, and adoptees.

These books and online resources can offer valuable insights, guidance, and support for parents navigating the complexities of adoption and seeking to create a nurturing environment for their adoptive children.

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Adoption and a “child of my own”

Adoption is the action or fact of legally taking another’s child and bringing it up as one’s own or the reality of being adopted.

It is a social, emotional, and legal process in which children whose birth parents do not raise them to become complete and permanent legal members of another family while maintaining genetic and psychological connections to their birth family.

In this new family, the adopted child becomes the lawful child of the adoptive parents with all the rights, privileges, and responsibilities attached to the biological child. It is incorrect to assume that adopting is the same as having “a child of your own,” although they are both ways to create your family. Many families who make this error are frustrated and resentful at the child or the adoption constellation system when they realize the differences. This major misunderstanding could lead to a disruption of the adoption process or a disillusionment of the legal adoption.

Individuals who dream of having a “child of my own” and choose to go the way of adoption can have false ideals about a child that “acts and looks like me.” It removes the child’s ability to be uniquely loved for who they are and disqualifies their background, history, culture, and genetics.

A better view would be to have a “child who is mine” and “I am theirs.” This bond is not about ownership but connection. It is not about genetics but generation. It is not about sameness but oneness.

Adoption is not just a legal term; it also has profound psychological meanings. It is not just about who the child belongs to but also who belongs to the child. The constellation of members surrounding the adoptive child includes the adoptive family, extended family, biological siblings, parents, extended birth family, adoption professionals, legal professionals, and more.

Get more support and help with adoption and creating a healthy, happy family by contacting Ron Huxley, LMFT, by clicking here!

There are no unwanted children, just unfound families.

Unknown
(via adoptionbuzz)
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National Center on Adoption and Permanency form Relationship with American Institute for Research

The National Center on Adoption and Permanency – which I am very proud to lead – has formed a partnership with the American Institutes for Research, one of the world’s largest behavioral and social science research and evaluation organizations. I am proud to be a team member of NCAP and it efforts to improve the lives of foster and adoptive children in the US. Get more info now at http://www.nationalcenteronadoptionandpermanency.net/press-releases

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A New Organization and a New Focus: Enabling Children and Families to Succeed

by Adam Pertman

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/adam-pertman/a-new-organization-and-a-new-focus_b_6543152.html

Finding safe, permanent homes for children in foster care – usually through adoption when they cannot return to their families of origin – has become a federal mandate and a national priority during the past few decades. That’s obviously a very good thing, but there’s a too-little-discussed downside to this positive trend: Far too little attention is being paid to serving children after placement to ensure that they can grow up successfully in their new families and so that their parents can successfully raise them to adulthood.

Notice the use of the word “successfully” twice in the last paragraph. It’s the key. It’s also the founding principle of a new organization I’m proud to lead, the National Center on Adoption and Permanency (NCAP). Our mission is to move policy and practice in the U.S. beyond their current concentration on child placement to a model in which enabling families of all kinds to succeed – through education, training and support services – becomes the bottom-line objective.

Along with fellow NCAP team members, I’ll be writing more about our organization and its goals in subsequent commentaries. For now, please check out our website and know we are already at work around the country. Furthermore, I’m delighted to announce that we’re entering into an exciting new partnership designed to significantly enhance our efforts; it is with the American Institutes for Research, one of the world’s largest behavioral and social science research and evaluation organizations. In addition, we are partnering with the Chronicle for Social Change, which like NCAP is dedicated to improving the lives of children, youth and families. 

Because of the traumatic experiences most children in foster care have endured, a substantial proportion of them have ongoing adjustment issues, some of which can intensify as they age. And many if not most girls and boys being adopted from institutions in other countries today have had comparable experiences that pose risks for their healthy development. 

Preparing and supporting adoptive and guardianship families before and after placement not only helps to preserve and stabilize at-risk situations, but also offers children and families the best opportunity for success. Furthermore, such adoptions not only benefit children, but also result in reduced financial and social costs to child welfare systems, governments and communities. 

A continuum of Adoption Support and Preservation (ASAP) services is needed to address the informational, therapeutic and other needs of these children and their families. The overall body of adoption-related research is clear on this count: Those who receive such services show more positive results, and those with unmet service needs are linked with poorer outcomes.

(Next June, the first national conference in over a decade to focus on ASAP – which many in the child welfare community believe is the most important issue facing their field – will take place in Nashville, TN. NCAP is among the many sponsors; learn more about the event here.) 

Our nation has made a concerted effort to move children into adoption and other forms of permanency because, from research and experience, we understand their value for girls and boys who cannot remain in their original homes, a value rooted in the belief that all of them – of every age – need and deserve nurturing families to promote optimal development and emotional security throughout their lives. Indeed, while child welfare systems in many states are still experiencing a variety of problems, it’s also the case that a combination of federal funding and other resources has made a significant difference – that is, they have contributed to a huge increase in the number of children moving from insecurity into permanency over the last few decades, from about 211,000 in FY 1988-1997 (an average of 21,000 annually) to 524,496 in the 10-year period ending in FY2012 (over 52,000 annually).

Furthermore, an analysis conducted by the Donaldson Adoption Institute indicates that, as a nation, we have made some progress in developing ASAP services, particularly in 17 states rated as having “substantial” programs. At least 13 states, however, have almost no specialized ASAP programs, and even the most developed of them often serve only a segment of children with significant needs. For example, many of the specialized therapeutic services have limits in duration or frequency or serve only children with special needs adopted from foster care in their own states, and some serve only those at imminent risk of placement outside their homes. 

To enable families to succeed, ASAP services must become an integral, essential part of adoption. Just as the complex process of treating an ongoing health issue requires continuing care, as well as specialists who understand the complications that can arise and how to best address them, the adoption of a child with complex special needs requires specific services and trained professionals to address the challenges that arise over time. 

When families struggle to address the consequences of children’s early adversity, they should be able to receive – as a matter of course integral to the adoption process, and not as an “add-on” that can be subtracted – services that meet their needs and sustain them. Adoptive families, professionals, state and federal governments, and we as a society share an obligation to provide the necessary supports to truly achieve permanency, safety and well-being for the girls and boys whom we remove from their original homes. 

Given the profound changes that have taken place in the field today, especially the reality that most adoptions in the U.S. are of children from foster care with some level of special needs, permanency for them should focus on more than just sustaining their original families when possible or finding new ones when necessary. We must also provide the resources and supports that will allow them to – here’s that word again – succeed.

Get more information at http://www.nationalcenteronadoptionandpermanency.net