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The Stubborn Heart!

Stubbornness can stem from various factors such as personality traits, past experiences, fear of vulnerability, or a need for control. Here’s an explanation of stubbornness, the reasons behind it, and strategies to shift out of stubborn behaviors:

Understanding Stubbornness:

  • Definition: Stubbornness refers to a firm, inflexible adherence to one’s ideas, opinions, or decisions, often resisting change or outside influence.

Reasons Behind Stubbornness:

Shifting Out of Stubbornness:

  • Practice Empathy: Encourage the individual to practice empathy by trying to understand others’ perspectives and feelings. Empathy can foster openness to different viewpoints and reduce defensiveness.
  • Flexibility and Adaptability: Help the individual cultivate a mindset of flexibility and adaptability. Emphasize the benefits of being open to change and willing to consider alternative solutions.
  • Active Listening: Teach active listening skills to enhance communication and foster understanding. Encourage the individual to listen attentively to others without immediately jumping to defend their position.
  • Seek Compromise: Emphasize the value of compromise and collaboration in relationships and decision-making. Encourage the individual to find common ground and work together towards mutually beneficial solutions.
  • Self-Reflection: Encourage self-reflection to explore the reasons behind their stubbornness. By understanding the underlying motivations for their behavior, they can begin to address and challenge them.
  • Mindfulness Practices: Suggest mindfulness techniques to help individuals become more aware of their thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Mindfulness can promote self-awareness and impulse control, reducing stubborn tendencies.
  • Therapy or Counseling: Consider recommending therapy or counseling to explore deeper issues contributing to stubbornness and develop healthier coping strategies. A mental health professional can provide support and guidance in shifting stubborn behaviors.

By addressing the root causes of stubbornness, practicing empathy and flexibility, and seeking professional support, individuals can gradually shift out of stubborn behaviors and cultivate more open-mindedness and adaptability in their interactions and decision-making processes.

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How to Focus When You Have ADHD

Parenting a child with ADHD can present its own unique challenges, especially when it comes to helping them focus on tasks and activities. ADHD, or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, can make it difficult for children to concentrate and stay on track, but there are strategies that parents can use to help their child improve their focus and attention. Here are some tips on how to help your child focus when they have ADHD.

  1. Create a structured routine: Children with ADHD thrive on structure and routine. Establishing a consistent daily schedule can help them know what to expect and when, which can in turn help them stay focused on tasks. Set specific times for waking up, meals, homework, and bedtime, and try to stick to this routine as much as possible.
  2. Break tasks into smaller steps: Large tasks can be overwhelming for children with ADHD, making it difficult for them to focus. Break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps, and provide clear instructions for each step. This can help your child stay on track and feel a sense of accomplishment as they complete each step.
  3. Minimize distractions: Create a quiet, clutter-free environment for your child to work on tasks. Minimize distractions by turning off the TV, removing toys or other items that may be distracting, and finding a quiet space for your child to focus. Consider using noise-cancelling headphones or white noise machines to help block out distractions.
  4. Use visual aids: Visual aids, such as charts, checklists, and timers, can help children with ADHD stay focused and organized. Use visual schedules to help your child understand what needs to be done and when, and use timers to help them stay on track and manage their time effectively.
  5. Provide positive reinforcement: Positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator for children with ADHD. Offer praise and rewards when your child can stay focused and complete tasks. This can help build their confidence and encourage them to continue working on their focus and attention skills.
  6. Encourage physical activity: Regular physical activity can help children with ADHD release excess energy and improve their ability to focus. Encourage your child to engage in activities they enjoy, such as sports, dance, or outdoor play. Exercise can help improve attention and concentration, so make sure your child has opportunities to be active every day.
  7. Seek professional help: If you are struggling to help your child focus, consider seeking support from a professional. A pediatrician, psychologist, or other mental health professional can provide guidance and support for managing ADHD symptoms and improving focus and attention.

Parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging, but by implementing these strategies, you can help your child improve their focus and attention. Remember to be patient and understanding, and seek support when needed. With the right support and strategies in place, children with ADHD can learn to focus and succeed in their daily activities.

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When Your Children Are Hurt By Other Children

As parents, it can be difficult to see our children experience hurt feelings, especially when it comes from their friendships. Whether it’s a disagreement with a friend, feeling left out, or experiencing betrayal, children can be deeply affected by these emotional challenges. However, there are several ways parents can support their children through these difficult times and help them healthily navigate their emotions.

1. Encourage open communication:

  • Create a safe and welcoming environment for your child to express their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel hurt and that you are there to listen without judgment.

2. Validate their feelings:

  • Acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions. Let them know that it’s normal to feel hurt and that their feelings are important.

3. Offer empathy and understanding:

  • Show empathy by putting yourself in your child’s shoes and understanding the situation from their perspective. This can help your child feel heard and supported.

4. Help them identify their emotions:

  • Guide your child in identifying and understanding their emotions. Encourage them to express how they feel and help them label their emotions, such as sadness, anger, or disappointment.

5. Teach problem-solving skills:

  • Help your child brainstorm possible solutions to the situation that caused their hurt feelings. Encourage them to think of ways to resolve the issue or improve the friendship.

6. Foster resiliency:

  • Teach your child that experiencing setbacks in friendships is a normal part of life and that they have the strength to bounce back from these challenges. Encourage them to see the situation as an opportunity for growth.

7. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms:

  • Guide your child in using healthy coping strategies, such as engaging in enjoyable activities, spending time with supportive friends, or practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

8. Role model healthy communication and conflict resolution:

  • Demonstrate positive communication and conflict resolution skills in your own interactions. Children often learn by example, and seeing healthy conflict management at home can have a positive impact on their own behavior.

9. Support their social skills development:

  • Help your child develop their social skills by teaching them about empathy, active listening, and the importance of respecting others’ feelings and boundaries.

10. Seek professional help if needed:

  • If your child’s hurt feelings persist or significantly impact their well-being, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional who specializes in working with children.

By providing a supportive and nurturing environment, parents can play a crucial role in helping their children navigate the complex terrain of friendships and hurt feelings. Through open communication, empathy, and guidance, parents can empower their children to develop resilience and healthy coping skills, ultimately helping them build strong and fulfilling relationships in the future. Remember that every child is unique, and it’s important to tailor your approach to your child’s individual needs and temperament.

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25 Coping Skills for Children with a Highly Sensitive Nervous System

Here are 25 tools for a coping skills toolbox that can be helpful for a child in managing their emotions and coping with challenging situations:

  1. Stress Ball: A squeezable stress ball can help the child release tension and reduce anxiety.
  2. Breathing Exercises: Include a visual guide or a simple breathing exercise card to help the child practice deep breathing techniques.
  3. Fidget Toys: Small, quiet fidget toys like spinners, cubes, or putty can provide sensory stimulation and promote focus.
  4. Sensory Bottle: Create a sensory bottle filled with glitter, beads, or calming colors for the child to shake and observe when feeling overwhelmed.
  5. Positive Affirmation Cards: Include a set of cards with positive affirmations and encouraging messages for the child to read or recite.
  6. Sensory Brush: A soft sensory brush can be used for gentle tactile stimulation to help regulate the child’s sensory experiences.
  7. Calm-Down Corner Sign: Designate a sign or visual cue for the child’s calm-down corner, signaling a safe space for retreat.
  8. Feelings Journal: Provide a personalized journal for the child to express and reflect on their emotions through writing or drawing.
  9. Noise-canceling Headphones: Noise-cancelling headphones can help the child reduce sensory overload in noisy environments.
  10. Sensory Putty: Offer sensory putty or clay for the child to manipulate and engage in tactile play.
  11. Guided Imagery Recordings: Include audio recordings of guided imagery or relaxation exercises for the child to listen to when needed.
  12. Visual Timers: Use a visual timer to help the child understand and manage time, particularly during transitions or waiting periods.
  13. Comfort Object: Encourage the child to include a comfort object, such as a favorite stuffed animal or blanket, for reassurance.
  14. Coloring Sheets: Provide coloring sheets and colored pencils for the child to engage in calming, creative activities.
  15. Coping Skills Board Game: Introduce a coping skills board game that the child can play to learn and practice different coping strategies.
  16. Sensory Socks or Gloves: Soft, textured socks or gloves can provide comforting tactile input for the child.
  17. Coping Skills Workbook: Include a coping skills workbook with activities and exercises tailored to the child’s needs and interests.
  18. Mindfulness Bell: A small bell or chime can be used as a mindfulness cue for the child to pause and focus on the present moment.
  19. Sensory Chew Necklace: Provide a safe, chewable necklace for the child to use as a sensory tool for oral stimulation.
  20. Nature Sounds Playlist: Curate a playlist of nature sounds or soothing music for the child to listen to for relaxation.
  21. Emotion Cards: Use cards with various emotions depicted to help the child identify and express how they are feeling.
  22. Sensory Tactile Cards: Create tactile cards with different textures for the child to touch and explore when seeking sensory input.
  23. Coping Skills Puzzles: Include puzzles that showcase coping skills or positive affirmations for the child to assemble.
  24. Sensory Bubble Timer: Provide a sensory bubble timer for the child to watch as a calming visual sensory tool.
  25. Coping Skills Journal Prompts: Develop a list of journal prompts to inspire the child to explore their emotions and coping strategies.

These tools can be tailored to the child’s preferences and individual needs, providing a diverse array of options for managing emotions and promoting self-regulation. The coping skills toolbox serves as a resource for the child to access when they need support in navigating their emotions and finding comfort during challenging moments.

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Top 10 Parenting FAQs: Expert Answers to Help You Raise Happy, Healthy Kids

Parenting can be an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling experience, but it’s also one of the most challenging roles we can take on. From sleepless nights with newborns to navigating sensitive topics with teenagers, there’s no shortage of questions and uncertainties that can come with raising children. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 frequently asked questions about parenting, along with expert answers to help guide you through the ups and downs of parenthood. Whether you’re a new parent, an experienced caregiver, or simply looking for some helpful advice, these tips and strategies can help you raise happy, healthy kids and navigate the many joys and challenges of being a parent.

  1. What is the best way to discipline a child?
  • The best way to discipline a child depends on age, personality, and behavior. Positive reinforcement, setting clear boundaries and consequences, and consistency are practical ways to discipline a child.
  1. How do I get my child to sleep through the night?
  • Establishing a consistent bedtime routine, creating a calm and comfortable sleep environment, and encouraging healthy sleep habits such as avoiding caffeine and screen time before bed can help a child sleep through the night.
  1. What should I do if my child is being bullied at school?
  • It’s important to take bullying seriously and address it promptly. Encourage your child to talk about the situation, contact their teacher or school administrator, and work together to develop a plan to stop the bullying.
  1. How can I help my child with anxiety?
  • Supporting your child, validating their feelings, and encouraging them to discuss their worries can help. Additionally, practicing relaxation techniques, creating a calming environment, and seeking professional help if necessary can be effective ways to help a child with anxiety.
  1. What are some tips for potty training a toddler?
  • Potty training can take time and patience. Some tips include waiting until your child shows readiness signs, creating a consistent routine, using positive reinforcement, and avoiding punishment for accidents.
  1. How can I help my child develop healthy eating habits?
  • Model healthy eating habits yourself, offer a variety of healthy foods, involve your child in meal planning and preparation, and limit sugary and processed foods to help your child develop healthy eating habits.
  1. How do I talk to my child about sensitive topics like sex and drugs?
  • Be honest and age-appropriate, and use clear and factual language when discussing sensitive topics with your child. Encourage questions and open communication, and be prepared to have ongoing conversations as your child grows and develops.
  1. How can I support my child’s education and academic success?
  • Creating a positive and supportive learning environment at home, being involved in your child’s education, encouraging and praising effort and progress, and addressing any learning difficulties or challenges can support your child’s academic success.
  1. What are some practical ways to manage my child’s screen time?
  • Establishing clear rules and boundaries around screen time, modeling healthy screen use habits yourself, prioritizing non-screen activities and outdoor play, and monitoring your child’s screen use can be effective ways to manage screen time.
  1. How can I help my child build solid relationships and social skills?
  • Encourage your child to develop friendships and social connections, model healthy communication and relationship behaviors, provide opportunities for your child to practice social skills, and address any social difficulties or challenges.

If you want personalized support and guidance on your parenting journey, consider contacting Ron Huxley. With over 30 years of experience in family therapy and social work, Ron has helped countless families navigate the challenges of parenthood and build stronger, more connected relationships. Whether you’re struggling with a specific issue or simply looking for ongoing support and guidance, Ron’s compassionate and practical approach can help you achieve your goals and create the happy, healthy family life you deserve.

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10 Adlerian Parenting Tips for Children Who Have Experienced Trauma or Abuse

Adlerian parenting is based on the philosophy of Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist and founder of Adlerian psychology. Adler believed that human behavior is motivated by a desire for belonging, significance, and social connection. Adlerian parenting promotes a child’s competence and self-esteem while encouraging social responsibility and respect for others.


Adlerian parenting emphasizes creating a warm, nurturing, and cheerful home environment where children feel valued loved and supported. Adlerian parents strive to provide opportunities for their children to develop independence, social interest, and positive self-esteem while fostering a sense of community and social responsibility.


Adlerian parenting is based on encouragement, respect, and mutual trust between parents and children. Adlerian parents seek to understand their child’s perspective and feelings while setting clear boundaries and expectations for behavior. Adlerian parenting also emphasizes the importance of positive discipline strategies that focus on teaching appropriate behavior and promoting self-regulation rather than using punishment or harsh discipline.
Overall, the philosophy of Adlerian parenting is focused on promoting a child’s sense of belonging, significance, and social interest while encouraging positive behavior, social responsibility, and respect for others.

  1. Provide a safe and stable environment: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress need a sense of safety and stability. Create routines, set boundaries, and provide a secure home environment.
  2. Encourage healing through positive reinforcement: Praise your child’s effort and progress towards healing rather than just their achievements. This fosters a sense of resilience and self-worth.
  3. Focus on building trust: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress often struggle to trust others. Take the time to listen to your child and validate their feelings, which can help rebuild trust.
  4. Use positive discipline strategies: Instead of punishment or harsh discipline, use positive methods that teach appropriate behavior and promote self-regulation.
  5. Foster a sense of community: Encourage your child to be involved in positive community activities and develop positive relationships with peers. This helps them feel supported and less isolated.
  6. Provide opportunities for choice and control: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may feel powerless. Providing options and opportunities for power can help build their self-esteem and sense of agency.
  7. Use trauma-informed parenting techniques: Learn about techniques and strategies, such as sensory regulation, grounding exercises, and mindfulness, that can help children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress.
  8. Model healthy coping strategies: Children learn by example, so model healthy coping strategies and positive self-care behaviors, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and exercise.
  9. Provide opportunities for play and creative expression: Play and creative expression can help children process and heal from trauma, abuse, or toxic stress. Provide opportunities for imaginative play, art, and other forms of creative expression.
  10. Seek professional support: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may benefit from professional support. Consider seeking therapy, counseling, or other support services to help your child heal and thrive.

Contact Ron Huxley, LMFT, to schedule a session if you need support on parenting tips and tools.

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Digital Parenting is a Big Problem for Parents in 2023

It’s 2023, and parenting is changing just like everything else at a pace parents struggle to cope with. Technology has changed the way we communicate, the way we learn, and even the way we parent. It’s no surprise that digital parenting will be one of the biggest problems.

First, parents are trying to cope with their children’s virtual learning. With the increasing number of online classes and virtual schooling options, parents are trying to figure out how to make virtual learning work for their kids. They’re looking for ways to create a productive home learning environment, manage their kids’ online classes, and stay connected with their kids’ teachers and classmates.

Second, “digital parenting” is a growing struggle for parents in 2023. As technology becomes increasingly integrated into our lives, parents are trying to figure out how to monitor their kids’ online activities while still allowing them freedom. Parents need clarification about setting boundaries, teaching responsible screen use, and monitoring children’s digital activities. They’re attempting to protect children from cyberbullying and online predators.

Parents have differing views about how to manage their children’s screen time. With so many devices and platforms available, tracking how much time kids spend on screens can be tricky. Parents are looking for strategies to manage screen time and create a healthy balance of online and offline activities for their kids. Part of the problem is that parents need to become more familiar with the digital world, as are their children. Children can run circles around parents on operating computers and manipulating monitoring software.

It is essential that parents set some boundaries and rules, even if they are not perfect. Focus on the types of content your child can access, the amount of time they can spend online, and the people they can interact with. These boundaries should be age-appropriate and consider your child’s maturity level.

Parents will have to model responsible use of technology. Sit with children, ask questions, be open about how to use the internet safely and securely, protect themselves, and be wary of potential risks. Don’t shy away from difficult conversations about cyberbullying and online predators.

Even if you can’t control or out-think your child when it comes to technology, stay active in monitoring what your child is doing online. If warranted, search internet browser history, follow their social media accounts, and even look through children’s posts/messages.

Discuss limits with children to get their input on what they think is appropriate. Parents can make the final decisions, but getting children to take some ownership of the limits they recommend will increase cooperation. Let children teach you about social media and internet use.

Here is a list of the best websites parents can use to better understand how to manage digital parenting and technology.

  1. Common Sense Media: Common Sense Media is an invaluable resource for digital parenting. They offer various resources, from age-appropriate media recommendations to online safety tools. They also provide guidance on talking to kids about online safety and setting up parental controls.
  2. National PTA: The National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) is an excellent resource for parents looking to better understand how to manage digital parenting and technology. The PTA offers a variety of resources, including tips on how to set up a family media plan, how to talk to kids about online safety, and how to recognize signs of cyberbullying.
  3. Connect Safely: Connect Safely is a nonprofit organization providing parents with safety tips and guidance on managing digital parenting and technology. They offer a wealth of resources, including a parent guide to social media, a guide to online gaming, and advice on creating a family media plan.
  4. Parent Zone: Parent Zone is a website dedicated to helping parents and carers understand and manage digital parenting and technology. They offer a range of resources, from advice on setting up parental controls to tips on talking to kids about online safety.
  5. Net Aware: Net Aware is a website run by the UK’s National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC). It provides parents with reviews and advice on social media platforms, apps, and games, as well as tips on how to keep children safe online.
  6. Media Smarts: Media Smarts is a Canadian organization that provides parents with resources to manage digital parenting and technology. They offer a range of resources, including tips on how to talk to kids about online safety, spot and respond to cyberbullying, and set up parental controls.
  7. Microsoft Family Safety: Microsoft Family Safety is a free app that helps parents manage their family’s digital experience. The app provides parents with tools to set limits on screen time, content, and insights into their children’s online activities.
  8. Be Internet Awesome: Be Internet Awesome is a program from Google that teaches kids digital safety and citizenship. The program includes activities, games, and resources to help kids understand online security and make intelligent decisions.

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Oppositional Defiance in Teens

How do you deal with defiance in teenagers? All teens can be defiant some of the time. It can be a sign of healthy development as teens work to assert their own identity, but what happens when it is the daily pattern?

For oppositional behavior to be a true mental health diagnosis, a child must show a pattern of symptoms of angry/irritable, argumentative/defiant behavior, or vindictiveness for at least six months. Children and adolescents with ODD may have trouble controlling their temper and are disobedient and defy authority figures. Teenagers who present with these symptoms often have a history of depression or anxiety that coincides with this disorder. Treatment and medication that addresses these issues can reduce disruptive behavior as well.

As you can imagine, individuals with oppositional defiance also have problems making or keeping friends, performing in school, and can’t hold on to a job. Big problems with their own emotional regulation create chaos in relationships inside and outside the home.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder

Parents can learn new skills to manage their child’s disruptive moods and behaviors. Modeling how to collaboratively solve problems and using natural consequences decreases arguments and fights.

Using harsh discipline or aggressive behavior toward teenagers causes the situation to be worse. Authoritarian styles of parenting make get some control of teen behavior in the short term but create more problems over the long term and may ruin relationships with teens as they grow into adulthood. It may push teens into social conduct problems that result in them having trouble with law enforcement and being removed by social services.

Professionals use a “Child Behavior Checklist” to screen for criteria that meet the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders definition of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Other comorbid disorders may include ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Depressive or Bipolar Disorder, Intellectual Disability, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Language and Expressive Disorders, Social Phobia, and Anxiety.

Individual and group therapy for teenagers can be helpful. Parents can also learn new skills for managing oppositional behaviors. Learning about attachment styles and generational patterns of trauma can also be beneficial. Reading books on normal teen development is also recommended.

If you need more help with your teen or want to learn how to better parent, contact Ron Huxley today and schedule a session.

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6 Tips To Make Fear Your Friend

What makes you afraid? Is it losing someone you love? Or is it having to see your dentist? Maybe you fear thunderstorms or heights or elevators.

Whatever it is, fear is normal. It’s how our body warns us of dangerous situations and that we should be careful.

Yet, sometimes, our fears can become so great that they hold us back from living up to our full potential. They fill us with dread and uncertainty that we soon become constantly stressed and anxious over the smallest things.

Although surprisingly, fear, in its positive form, can actually be good for us. It can inspire innovative ideas and motivate us to reach new heights.

So, we’re here today to help you make fear your friend. Follow the six tips below, and you’ll know how to turn what was once your foe into an ally.

Let’s get started.

  1. Identify the Source

This is probably the hardest step, but it’s absolutely worth it. But first, you need to come to terms with the source of your fear in order to overcome it.

Being aware of the root cause will be difficult in the beginning, but it’ll make you stronger. You’ll no longer live in the shadow of that big, insurmountable fear.

  1. Embrace It

You’ve come face-to-face with your fear. Now, it’s time to embrace it.

But before you do that, you have to actually admit that such-and-such scares you. There are several ways to do this. First, you can either say it aloud, preferably to someone else in a natural setting.

You can also write it down in a journal or diary. The point is to get it out of your head and into real life. That’s when your fear loses its control over you.

It also feels better to get it off your chest and share it with the world. You’ll be surprised to know just how many people are just as afraid as you are.

  1. Think Rationally

Fear makes us panic, and panic makes us do stupid things. In fact, studies show that when we panic, our prefrontal cortex shuts down. This is the region of our brain responsible for rational thinking.

So, case in point, learn how to think rationally despite your worries and panic. Make fear your friend, and you’ll be able to go a lot farther in life.

  1. Take Stock

People deal with fear, stress, and anxiety in different ways. Some people like to be challenged and are great under pressure. Others find it better to work at their own pace without any tight deadlines looming overhead.

Whichever way you prefer, the important thing is not to let fear get the better of you. For example, say you’re afraid to speak in public. But then a colleague suddenly got sick and asked you to take over the presentation you’ve been preparing for weeks.

In this scenario, you have to pick whether you’ll let your fear overpower you or whether you’ll rise to the challenge.

The latter won’t be easy, but it’ll definitely be worth it in the long run. Be objective and tell yourself that others have held presentations before and have lived to tell about it. So, what’s the big deal?

Remember, your mind tends to blow things out of proportion. So, find a way to deal with the stress and take stock. It’s the only way you’ll be able to harness your fear and get the job done.

  1. Find Support

No one ever failed by having a strong support system. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to do better. These are the people who listen to you when you’re venting about your fears and anxiety, and they still choose to love you unconditionally.

A lot of research has been carried out on the benefits of having a support system. It empowers you with good coping skills while boosting your self-esteem and overall well-being.

Moreover, a sound support system can lower stress, anxiety, and depression rates. 

  1. Be Positive

Whenever you’re afraid, you’ll tend to focus on negative thoughts and emotions. But then, they fester in your mind and transform into this big, ugly thing that you can no longer control.

Why not try some positivity for a change? Remember, the mind is quite powerful; it just needs a small push in the right direction.

By thinking positively, you can overcome your fears and actually live to tell the tale! All you have to do is believe it, and everything else will fall into place.

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Helping children to be more resilient

Resiliency is the ability to adjust to life’s difficulties and overcome challenging and stressful situations. On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how resilient are you? How resilient is your child?

Resilient parents don’t automatically have resilient children. This can be frustrating for parents who want their kids to get motivated about school, say no to bad choices, or accept rejection and failures. If your child scores low on the resiliency scale, you can build new skills to help them grow emotionally and mentally.

Resilience has several attributes that parents would love to see in their children:

  • Emotional awareness and regulation
  • Inner drive or motivation
  • Future focus and readiness for change
  • Strong social connections/relationships
  • Physical health, sleep, and diet

Creating this in your child will be a process that occurs over time. The hope is that children will show these characteristics by the time they turn 18 and leave the home but even if it takes longer it is a goal parents will want to continue nurturing in them.

Don’t compare your child to others. Focus on the qualities of your child only! Comparisons places to much pressure on you and your child and will sabotage your efforts to develop this mental strength.

Parents have to model resiliency. You can’t preach resiliency if you don’t practice resiliency. Children will always do what you do over what you say. Put words and actions together to encourage resiliency.

Peers have a strong pull on children actions contrary to what your teenager tries to tell you. Be aware of who they are interacting with and work to know your children’s friends and their family, if possible. You don’t have to ban a friend you feel is the best influence on your child but you can talk with your them your concerns and offer suggestions on how to set boundaries and stand up for themselves and what they believe in.

Start with emotions. The more you validate and empathize with your child the stronger their conscience development. A strong moral compass will help your child overcome tough circumstances and follow the right path. This way you don’t have to be hovering over their shoulder every minute. If your child handles a situation poorly or makes a wrong decision, be empathic but encourage them to try again. Isn’t this how we all learn? Focusing on your child’s emotional awareness will produce more resilient people. about changes in behavior and encourage your child’s friends to be at your home and offer your supervision over them. Children with high emotional awareness will be more resilient people.

Young children will need to increase their emotional vocabulary. Label feelings, explore different feelings, validate positive and uncomfortable emotions. Make feelings ok and don’t push them down or brush them off but don’t over focus on them. A good healthy, emotional balance translates into greater resiliency.

Older children can have more complex conversations about feelings and social situations. Don’t shy away from cultural discussions and world situations. Use them to explore thoughts and ideas, helping the older child to see all sides of an issue. A more open-minded approach will rap children who have better judgment and compassion.

You can learn more about resiliency by consulting with Ron Huxley through a free online course at FamilyHealer.tv or schedule a session today.