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Does your child seem like a “Square Peg in a Round Hole”?

When Your Child Doesn’t Seem to “Fit”: Understanding and Supporting Neurodivergent Kids

Picture trying to fit a square block into a round hole in a shape sorter. No matter how hard you push or turn it, it just won’t fit. This is how many neurodivergent children feel every day in schools, social situations, and even at home. These are the kids who might have ADHD or autism or simply think and experience the world differently than most. But here’s the thing – they’re not broken blocks that need reshaping. They’re unique individuals who need the right space to shine.

“Why Can’t My Child Just…?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why can’t my child just follow simple directions?” or “Why do they struggle with things other kids find easy?” you’re not alone. Dr. Ross Greene, who has worked with countless families, puts it beautifully: “Kids do well if they can.” This simple but powerful idea turns traditional thinking on its head. When our children struggle, it’s not because they’re being difficult – it’s because something in their environment doesn’t match their needs or abilities.

It’s Not About Trying Harder

Consider asking someone nearsighted to “just try harder” to see clearly. Sounds ridiculous, right? Yet we often expect neurodivergent kids to “try harder” to fit into situations that aren’t designed for their way of thinking or processing information.

Robyn Gobbel, who specializes in helping parents better understand their children, explains that connecting with our kids is more important than trying to correct their behavior. When children feel understood and supported, they’re much more likely to develop the skills they need to navigate challenging situations.

Your Child’s Brain: A Different Kind of Beautiful

Dr. Daniel Siegel helps us understand that every child’s brain develops in its own unique way. Just like some people are naturally artistic while others are mathematical, neurodivergent children have unique ways of thinking and learning. Instead of seeing this as a problem to fix, we can view it as a different kind of gift to nurture.

Making Room for All Shapes

So, how can we help our square pegs thrive in a world full of round holes? Here are some practical ideas:

  • Create “just right” challenges: Break big tasks into smaller, manageable pieces
  • Look for the message behind the behavior: When your child struggles, ask, “What’s making this hard?” instead of “Why won’t they cooperate?”
  • Celebrate different ways of doing things: Maybe your child needs to move while learning or draw while listening.
  • Trust your instincts. You know your child best. If something isn’t working, it’s okay to try a different approach.

A New Way Forward

Instead of trying to make our children fit into spaces that weren’t designed for them, we can work on creating spaces that welcome all kinds of minds. This might mean:

  • Talking with teachers about flexible learning options
  • Finding activities where your child’s unique traits are strengths, not challenges
  • Connecting with other parents who understand your journey
  • Most importantly, helping your child understand that different isn’t wrong – it’s just different

The Real Goal

The goal isn’t to turn square pegs into round ones. It’s to create a world where all shapes are welcomed and valued. Your child isn’t a problem to solve – they’re a person to understand and support.

Recommended Resources

For parents wanting to learn more:

  1. “The Explosive Child” by Dr. Ross Greene
  • Learn about collaborative problem-solving and working with your child instead of against them
  1. “Lost at School” by Dr. Ross Greene
  • Understanding how to advocate for your child in educational settings
  1. “The Whole-Brain Child” by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
  • Practical strategies for understanding your child’s development and behavior
  1. “Beyond Behaviors” by Mona Delahooke
  • Understanding and helping children with behavioral challenges
  1. “Building the Bonds of Attachment” by Daniel Hughes
  • Insights into connection-based parenting approaches

Online Resources:

Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. These resources are here to support both you and your child as you navigate this path together.

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Is My Child Autistic? How to Understand the Signs and Symptoms

Sarah and John had always known their daughter Emma was unique. From a young age, she seemed to march to the beat of her own drum. Unlike other children her age, Emma didn’t seem interested in playing with other kids at the park. She preferred to line up her toys in perfect rows or repeat the exact phrases from her favorite movies. Emma struggled with group activities at school, often feeling overwhelmed by the noise and unpredictability. Her teachers described her as bright but distant, usually lost in her world. Concerned and confused, Sarah and John asked: Could Emma be on the autism spectrum?

If you, like Sarah and John, are wondering whether your child might be autistic, this guide is here to help you navigate the signs and understand the next steps. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can look different in every child, and the path to a diagnosis can be filled with questions, emotions, and uncertainty. Here’s what you need to know.

Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

ASD is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by differences in social communication and interaction and restricted and repetitive behaviors. While some signs can be evident early, others may only become noticeable as social demands increase. Girls like Emma often present differently, making their symptoms subtler and more accessible to overlook.

Critical Signs of Autism to Look For

  1. Social Communication and Interaction Challenges:
  • Difficulty with Social Reciprocity: Your child may struggle with back-and-forth conversations, not easily share their feelings or interests, or seem detached in social settings.
  • Nonverbal Communication Differences: Challenges may include avoiding eye contact, difficulty understanding body language or facial expressions, and a lack of gestures.
  • Struggles with Relationships: Children with ASD often find it hard to make friends or understand how to play interactively with peers. They might prefer to play alone or have trouble adjusting their behavior to different social settings.
  1. Restricted and Repetitive Behaviors:
  • Repetitive Movements or Speech: Hand-flapping, rocking, repeating the exact phrases, or fixating on particular objects.
  • Insistence on Routine: Changes in daily routines, like taking a different route home or a new breakfast cereal, can cause significant distress.
  • Highly Focused Interests: An intense focus on specific topics, such as trains, maps, or numbers, can dominate your child’s conversations and play.
  • Sensory Sensitivities: Your child may be overly sensitive to certain sounds, textures, lights, or other sensory inputs or, conversely, seem indifferent to pain or temperature.
  1. Early Signs Often Overlooked:
  • Delayed Milestones: Some children may have delayed speech or use language in unusual ways, such as speaking in a sing-song voice or using adult-like vocabulary.
  • Play Differences: Children might prefer repetitive actions, like spinning wheels or arranging objects in a particular order instead of imaginative or group play.

Steps to Take If You Suspect Your Child Is Autistic

  1. Trust Your Instincts and Gather Information: As a parent, you know your child best. If you have concerns, start by recording behaviors that stand out. Pay attention to how your child interacts at home, school, and other settings.
  2. Consult Professionals: Contact your pediatrician, who can refer you to specialists such as a child psychologist, developmental pediatrician, or speech-language pathologist. A thorough evaluation will include interviews, direct observations, and possibly standardized assessments like the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS-2).
  3. Learn from Credible Resources: Educate yourself using reliable sources. Here are some excellent resources to get started:
  • Books:
    • “The Reason I Jump” by Naoki Higashida – A first-person account by a young autistic boy that offers insights into the autistic mind.
    • “Uniquely Human” by Dr. Barry Prizant – Offers a compassionate approach to understanding and supporting individuals with autism.
  • Podcasts:
    • “Autism Spectrum Radio” – Features interviews with experts, parents, and individuals on the spectrum, providing a wide range of perspectives.
    • “The Autism Helper Podcast” – Practical advice from educators and therapists on supporting autistic children.
  • Websites:
    • Autism Speaks (www.autismspeaks.org): Offers toolkits, resources, and information on signs and symptoms.
    • CDC’s Autism Information Center (www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism): Provides comprehensive details on the signs, diagnosis, and prevalence of autism.
  1. Seek Support for Your Family: The journey doesn’t end with a diagnosis. Connecting with support groups, finding therapists experienced in autism, and working with your child’s school to create supportive educational plans can make a significant difference.

Navigating the Diagnosis Process

The road to a diagnosis can be daunting, but it’s essential to remember that early intervention can profoundly impact your child’s development and quality of life. Evaluations are not just about labeling your child; they’re about understanding how your child learns, interacts, and experiences the world to receive the support they need.

Final Thoughts

Learning that Emma was on the autism spectrum was a turning point for Sarah and John. It answered many of their questions and opened new challenges and opportunities. With the proper support, Emma began to thrive in her own way, and her parents felt empowered to better understand and connect with her.

If you suspect your child might be autistic, take heart in knowing that there are many resources, communities, and professionals ready to help you along the way. Each child’s journey with autism is unique, and with patience, understanding, and the right support, your child can achieve their fullest potential.