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Why Are Some People Happier Than Others?

Happiness Quiz:

For each statement, rate how strongly you agree or disagree on a scale of 1-5:
1 = Strongly Disagree
2 = Disagree
3 = Neutral
4 = Agree
5 = Strongly Agree

  1. I feel satisfied with my life overall.
    1 2 3 4 5
  2. I frequently experience positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and contentment.
    1 2 3 4 5
  3. I have close, supportive relationships that bring me happiness.
    1 2 3 4 5
  4. I am engaged in activities that give me a sense of meaning and purpose.
    1 2 3 4 5
  5. I am generally able to stay present and appreciate the current moment.
    1 2 3 4 5
  6. I actively practice gratitude and look for the positive in life.
    1 2 3 4 5
  7. I make time for self-care activities that are important for my well-being.
    1 2 3 4 5
  8. I am resilient and able to bounce back from difficult situations.
    1 2 3 4 5
  9. I feel inspired and motivated to pursue my goals.
    1 2 3 4 5
  10. I have a general sense of peace and life satisfaction.
    1 2 3 4 5

Scoring:
40-50 Points: You have a very high level of happiness! You embrace positivity and well-being.
30-39 Points: You have an above-average level of happiness and life satisfaction.
20-29 Points: Your happiness level is moderate. There are some areas you could work on.
10-19 Points: Your happiness level is below average. Focusing on key areas could increase well-being.
Below 10 Points: Your happiness level is very low. Seeking help from a professional may be beneficial.

This quiz covers key factors like life satisfaction, positive emotions, relationships, meaning, mindfulness, gratitude, self-care, resilience, motivation, and overall peace. While just a snapshot, it can provide insight into your general happiness level and areas to cultivate more well-being.

The question is why are some people happier than others?

Happiness is a universal human desire, yet some people seem to enjoy life with a more perpetual positive outlook than others. While life circumstances certainly play a role, research shows there are some key reasons why certain individuals can cultivate greater happiness.

It’s In Their Genes

Studies suggest that genetics account for approximately 50% of the variation in human happiness levels.[1] Some people’s “set ranges” for happiness are simply higher based on their DNA and brain chemistry related to the production and reception of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin.[2]

They Nurture Relationships

Having strong social ties is one of the greatest predictors of happiness. People who prioritize close relationships with family and friends and actively work on nurturing those bonds tend to be happier.[1][3] Humans are social creatures who thrive through connection.

They Find Purpose

A deep sense of meaning and purpose in life is associated with greater well-being and happiness. Those who pursue goals, causes or beliefs that are greater than themselves tend to lead more satisfied lives.[1][4] Having a “why” to work towards provides motivation.

They Practice Gratitude

Making a conscious effort to appreciate the positive aspects of life, no matter how small can boost happiness levels. Happier people make gratitude a habit by keeping gratitude journals, savoring positive experiences, and avoiding taking things for granted.[3]

They Live in the Present

Rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, happier individuals have a greater tendency to stay focused on the present moment. This mindful presence allows them to fully experience and appreciate the current circumstances.[3]

They Take Care of Themselves

Self-care isn’t selfish – it’s essential for well-being. Happier people prioritize their physical and mental health through exercise, nutrition, sleep, stress management, and doing activities they enjoy.[1][4] Caring for oneself provides resilience.

While happiness levels have a genetic baseline, there are absolutely habits and perspectives that can be cultivated to increase life satisfaction. By nurturing relationships, finding meaning, practicing gratitude, being present, and caring for themselves, some people can experience more frequent and lasting happiness.

Sources:
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/happiness/the-science-happiness
[2] https://www.ipsos.com/en/global-happiness-survey-march-2022
[3] https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-reasons-why-some-people-are-always-happy.html
[4] https://study.com/learn/lesson/what-makes-people-happy-research-causes-of-happiness.html
[5] https://www.purdue.edu/stepstoleaps/new/featured/well-being-tips/2021/2021_0308.php

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Creating Positive Moods in Your Children

As parents, one of our most important tasks is to help our children navigate the colorful landscape of emotions. From giggles of joy to moments of frustration, children experience a wide range of moods as they grow and learn. Understanding the factors influencing their mood and equipping ourselves with practical strategies can play a significant role in nurturing their emotional well-being.

The Mood Spectrum

Just like adults, children experience a spectrum of moods. Happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, and everything in between contribute to their emotional world. Remembering that all emotions are valid and serve a purpose in our children’s lives is crucial. By acknowledging and validating their feelings, we create a safe space for them to explore and express their emotions.

Factors Influencing Mood

Several factors can influence a child’s mood, including:

  1. Sleep: Adequate sleep is essential for emotional well-being. Children who consistently get enough sleep tend to be more balanced and cheerful.
  2. Nutrition: A balanced diet rich in nutrients supports physical and emotional health.
  3. Physical Activity: Regular exercise helps release endorphins, promoting positive emotions and reducing stress.
  4. Social Interactions: Healthy relationships with family, friends, and peers contribute to positive mood development.
  5. Environment: A safe, nurturing environment at home and school set the tone for emotional well-being.
  6. Stress Management: Equipping children with coping mechanisms to deal with stressors can prevent negative moods from escalating.

Creating Positive Moods

As parents, we have the power to foster positive moods in our children:

  1. Open Communication: Encourage your child to talk about their feelings. Create a judgment-free space where they feel comfortable sharing their emotional experiences.
  2. Model Emotional Regulation: Children learn by observing. Demonstrate healthy ways of managing emotions, such as taking deep breaths or calming activities.
  3. Validate Feelings: Let your child know their feelings are understood and accepted. Avoid dismissing or belittling their emotions.
  4. Create a Routine: Consistency provides stability, which can positively impact mood. Establish a daily routine with ample sleep, play, and relaxation time.
  5. Encourage Play and Creativity: Play is a natural way for children to express their emotions and work through challenges. Encourage creative outlets like drawing, painting, and imaginative play.
  6. Promote Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Encourage nutritious eating, physical activity, and adequate sleep to support their overall well-being.
  7. Empower Problem-Solving: Teach your child problem-solving skills to handle challenges constructively, boosting their confidence and reducing frustration.
  8. Practice Mindfulness Together: Introduce simple mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or guided imagery to help your child manage strong emotions.

Nurturing positive moods in children is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and an unwavering commitment to their emotional well-being. By recognizing the factors influencing their moods and implementing strategies promoting positivity, parents can play an instrumental role in shaping their children’s emotional landscapes. Through open communication, validation, and a nurturing environment, parents can help their children navigate emotions with confidence and resilience.

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New Year Reflections (vs. Resolutions)

This year, I am working on short reflections, taking an inner path of peace and wellness instead of the traditional new year resolutions. I hope you enjoy them…

It’s Normal

It is normal to feel abnormal from time to time. Fear and uncertainty are certainties in worlds that are broken and fragmented. What is needed isn’t more glue and duct tape but more compassion and softness for ourselves. Try the softer path versus the hard, logical road and see if your journey discovers new growth in the rocks and gravel you overlooked before.

Action Step: Reflect on your inner path. How rocky has it been? Where does it feel broken? What would the softer path look like for you? What will you find that you overlooked?

Take a Breath

Inspiration doesn’t always require perspiration,
I am not against it; I have shed my share of it.
Inspiration is “in spirit,” breathing hope in and
releasing hopelessness. Pausing to feel the true
self and letting go false. Allow new ideas to
happen, without striving, with just the breath.
Take another until there are several, like
pearls on a string, shimmering in the light.

Action Step: Practice breathing more and stop trying to find inspiration and creativity. Let it find you…Don’t let the wait time increase your anxiety; start striving again. Take another breath and breath in the spirit, in-spire-nation.

OVER IT

Drinking is just the symptom of the bigger
problem, the iceberg under the surface
no one wants to consider. The yelling is just a
sign. Overeating is just the frosty
tip, the overspending, the overthinking,
the over-everything, and excesses to mask
the pain. Let’s start with a few ice cubes,
drink a glass of chilled water, and talk about
the stuff long buried. Aren’t we finally OVER IT?

Action Step: Assess how ready you are to be OVER It, whatever it is…What’s your first step for inner healing? Can you read a book, listen to a podcast, or talk to a therapist? Get out your journal, brush off the dust and start writing.

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Finding comfort and joy, moment by moment.

During this season we hear a lot about comfort and joy but many people feel only pain and loss. Comfort and joy are the perfect antidotes to this suffering. It is what a broken world needs most. It may be that we can’t find comfort and joy because we believe that when we do we will stop feeling hurt. This is not always true. Our heart is to create more space not to eliminate hurt. That would be a nice result but isn’t reality. We strive to allow comfort and joy to coexist with our pain and loss. This inner act expands our heart of compassion. We now have a greater capacity for feeling both comfort and pain, joy and loss. It is a spiritual paradox but it is a direction for our own healing. 

Science confirms this idea. Our hearts literally do expand when we entertain compassion and allow more space for comfort and joy. Choosing compassion releases neurotransmitters in the brain and hormones in the body and calm down the hyperaroused nervous system, reducing fear, anger, anxiety, and depression. 

Studies on the practice of compassion reveal improved autoimmune functioning, decreased inflammation, improved digestion, increase mental focus, motivation, and even sleep. Dr. Caroline Leaf, a noted cognitive neuroscientist, and researcher on the mind-body connection report that compassion increases the grey matter in the brain, allowing improved thinking and sensory processing. 

So how does compassion start? How do we allow comfort and joy into our lives when we feel stuck emotionally? The answer is where we put our focus. 

Right now, at this moment, you have a choice. Whoops, there it went but don’t worry, here comes another. Missed that one. Just wait…

We have thousands of opportunities to choose comfort and joy. Every moment is a chance to change the directions of our lives. It will not remove pain and suffering but it will allow us to build a mindset that allows comfort and joy too. Take a deep breath and make one statement of comfort and joy. Maybe it is gratitude for that cup of coffee or tea in front of you. Is it warm and comforting however brief? Maybe you heard someone laugh and it made you smile? Perhaps, someone opened the door for you when your hands were full? Life is constantly presenting micro-moments of comfort and joy. You just have to notice them. 

The problem is that we allow suffering to be our filter for living. We get angry expecting things to be different than they are. We resent people for not treating us the way we deserve. Just allow those challenges to exist alongside the next moment of gratitude and pleasure. Build those moments up, one after the other, and live a day full of tiny, joyful experiences. Tip the emotional scale in your direction. 

The brain likes to automate our life. It will take any repeated experience, good or bad, and make it a habit. This is how we can do so many tasks and face so many diverse problems. It makes us efficient and skilled. It can also make us miserable if we stop being aware of what is going on around us. A lack of moment to moment awareness makes us a machine, driven to self-protect and insulate from anything that smells dangerous or out of the norm. We don’t want the norm. The norm is hurt. We want the new which is comfort and joy. This will cost you some mental energy until the new norm becomes a happy habit. 

Test these ideas out today. Stop three times today to recognize a moment of comfort or joy. Write them down on a post-it note. Remember, in as much detail as you can muster, throughout the day, what it felt like. Do this for a week and see if your pain, your suffering, starts to lessen and a life of greater compassion takes over. 

Let Ron Huxley, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, assist you in finding more comfort and joy. Schedule a session today – Click here!

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Begin 2020 with Forgiveness…

When you spend your days encountering pain and suffering, you look for ways to find comfort. It isn’t easy to find if you are looking in the wrong places. True comfort that is…Addictive activities bring some relief from the overwhelming feelings of pain but then you have to engage in the addiction again, to find that comfort once more. It’s an endless, downward spiral.

As a therapist who works with traumatized children and adults, I have found that the most lasting comfort comes from within, not without. It isn’t in things or activities, although they can provide some distraction. It comes from our hearts and minds as we battle the negative interpretations of our lives and relationships in the aftermath of trauma.

True comfort begins by clearing out our own judgements. Hurts result in resentments which turns into isolation and insulation from others. We want to protect ourselves. They is a normal, innate response to pain particularly when it comes from those closest to us. The pain programs behaviors that protect but this also cuts us off from sources of healing. How do you find real comfort in this season of “joy and hope?” Let’s start with forgiveness.

Most people are fearful of forgiveness. Is it because there are common myths about what forgiveness is and why we should do it.

Forgiveness is not staying a victim or allowing further pain to come into our lives from toxic people. Forgiveness is not forgetting what has been done. We need to remember so we have the wisdom to make healthier choices and set boundaries.

Forgiveness releases the angry toxins from our thoughts and emotions. It doesn’t have to benefit others, although it may. It won’t always result in a reconciliation with others but it could. It doesn’t happen in an instant and might even take a lifetime to completely forgive. That’s ok!

Forgiveness sets us on a course of self-directed healing of the hurt. It must become a lifestyle and not a one time answer to all our pain.

Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger, in her book Bearing the Unbearable: Trauma, Gospel, and Pastoral Care states: “The God who alone sees the human heart is the God who alone who may judge.”

Let us let God be God to judge others. That is too big a burden for us to drag around. Let us be free of the weight of past pain and hurt. Let’s allow more love and comfort to enter into our lives. Let us us find comfort this Christmas by giving ourselves an lasting gift.

You can learn more ways to walk in healing with the courses at familyhealer.TV

Start the New Year 2020 with Forgiveness!