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Blue Christmas: Holding Space for Grief and Joy During the Holidays

The holiday season can feel like a whirlwind of lights, music, and celebration. For many, it’s a time filled with warmth, connection, and cheer. But for others, the holidays can magnify feelings of grief, loneliness, and unresolved trauma. The contrast between the festive environment and internal pain can feel isolating—as if the rest of the world is celebrating while you’re quietly holding the weight of loss or hardship.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Blue Christmas, often held around the winter solstice, acknowledges that the holidays can be difficult. It’s a chance to honor grief and create space for healing in a season that often feels overwhelmingly bright.

Why the Holidays Can Trigger Grief and Trauma

The holidays are steeped in traditions and memories. For those who have experienced loss, whether through the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the lingering effects of past trauma, these reminders can surface unexpectedly. A familiar song, the absence of someone at the dinner table, or even the pressure to feel “jolly” can stir up painful emotions.

For individuals who have endured difficult childhoods or family dynamics, the holidays may bring up memories of neglect, conflict, or unmet needs. Even for those actively working on healing, this time of year can feel fragile and tender.

Acknowledging Your Feelings

It’s important to permit yourself to feel whatever arises during the holidays. Grief and joy can coexist—you don’t have to choose one. Acknowledging your pain doesn’t diminish the moments of happiness you might experience. Both can live side by side, like the flicker of a candle in the dark.

Consider taking a few moments to reflect on the emotions you’re carrying. Journaling, meditation, or sitting quietly can help bring awareness of what needs attention. Allow yourself to name the losses, disappointments, or anxieties that may be present.

Creating Space for Yourself

Here are a few ways to gently care for yourself during this season:

  • Set Boundaries: It’s okay to decline invitations or limit your time at gatherings if they feel overwhelming. Honor your need for rest and quiet moments.
  • Create New Traditions: If old traditions feel too painful, consider creating new rituals that reflect your current needs. This could be something simple, like lighting a candle for someone you miss, volunteering, or spending the day in nature.
  • Connect with Supportive People: Surround yourself with those who understand and respect your experience. Sometimes, a quiet night with a close friend or a phone call to someone who “gets it” can provide comfort.
  • Practice Grounding Techniques: If you feel overwhelmed, grounding exercises like deep breathing, focusing on sensory experiences (sight, sound, touch), or gentle movement can help bring you back to the present.

Embracing Light in the Darkness

Even amid grief or trauma, moments of light can break through. These moments don’t erase the pain but remind us that healing is possible. The smallest joys—a quiet snowfall, the warmth of a blanket, or a kind word from a stranger—can be powerful.

Blue Christmas invites us to embrace the duality of the season. It’s a gentle reminder that while the darkness of grief is absolute, so is the possibility of hope and renewal.

If the holidays feel heavy this year, remember you are not alone. Your experience is valid, and there is no “right” way to navigate this season. Be gentle with yourself, honor your journey, and allow space for both sorrow and joy to coexist.

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Survival Tips for the Holiday Season

Did you know that 65% of people with mental health issues report that the holidays worsen them? Even if you are not struggling with significant depression or crippling anxiety, you may feel the stress and overwhelm that come during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. It is two months of overwhelm and possible re-traumatization. 

This can be due to increased loneliness, financial pressures, memories of past trauma, physical exhaustion, unrealistic expectations, and having to engage with challenging people. All these things turn the time of comfort and joy into the holiday blues.

You could take a pass for the holiday season, go on your own vacation, or pretend it is just another day but if you do choose to try and carry out the traditional activities, here are a few ideas to help you survive them: 

Manage your time and take on a manageable amount of things. Prioritize your day-to-day schedule so there is a fair amount of to-do’s each day. Plan ahead and try to avoid cramming everything into the day before. If you can do shopping ahead of time or order things online versus fighting crowds in the stores, do it! You can order complete meals from restaurants or grocery stores. If you can afford that luxury, divide the tasks among friends and family members, so you need to do more. 

Set boundaries that you are comfortable with and help you feel safe and secure. If you or someone in your family struggles with alcohol, set a limit that doesn’t allow it at the holiday party or dinner. Start your festivities early enough so people can go home at a decent time to keep up your rest, enabling you to wind down after. 

Be realistic about your time and energy. You may only be able to visit some friends’ and relatives’ homes during the holidays. It is hard to say no, but you may have to spend one holiday function on one side of the family this year and with the other next year, or Thanksgiving at one home and Christmas at the other. You don’t have to spend the actual holiday date with someone. You can pick the weekend prior or after to celebrate. Financially you may have to do a zoom Christmas with some who live far away and can’t travel during the holidays. We all hated this arrangement during COVID, but it has its benefits. It is better than no contact.

Give yourself the gift of self-care. Take time to relax, plan evenings alone, meditate and pray, exercise and eat well, and get as much sleep as possible. Keep a schedule for personal grooming, warm baths, massages, play with your kids, a book, and your favorite treat. 

Stay connected to positive, healthy people. It is tempting to stop attending church or support groups or cancel therapy appointments. Now is the time you need it more than ever. Your positive connections will help you manage the stressors of all the negative encounters and pressures. 

Keep up or create traditions and rituals. Many families already have specific practices during the holidays. We always cook the turkey a particular way, share about things we are thankful for around the table, do a Christmas puzzle, open stockings the night before, read specific devotions and journals, and attend a Christmas eve service or mass. Setting traditions and rituals provides structure, stability, and positive feelings. If you still need one, create one or add a new one to your holiday activities. Let it remind you of the reason for the season (hint, it isn’t about the presents). 

If you want help managing the stress of the holidays or experience challenging feelings of depression, anxiety, or trauma, let Ron Huxley help you. Schedule a session with him today!