Posted on

Co-Parenting After Divorce: A Journey of Love and Growth

Divorce is never an easy journey, especially when children are involved. But fear not, because we’re here to share some insights, tips, and a sprinkle of humor to make this co-parenting adventure a little smoother. Grab a cuppa, sit back, and let’s dive into the world of divorced and co-parenting parents!

  1. The Importance of Communication: Remember, communication is key! To keep things running smoothly, it’s crucial to establish open and honest lines of communication with your ex-partner. Check out books like “Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex” by Amy J.L. Baker and Paul R. Fine for strategies on effective communication.
  2. Embracing Flexibility: Being flexible is crucial in co-parenting. Life is unpredictable, and plans may change. Books like “The Co-Parents’ Handbook” by Karen Bonnell and Kristin Little can guide you in creating a flexible co-parenting schedule that works for both parties.
  3. Prioritizing the Children: The well-being of our children should always be our top priority. Books like “Mom’s House, and Dad’s House” by Isolina Ricci provide insights on creating a nurturing environment for kids in a co-parenting setup. Remember, your children deserve love and stability from both parents.
  4. Managing Conflict: Let’s face it, conflicts happen. However, it’s important to handle them maturely and respectfully. Consider reading “The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide” by Megan Hunter and Andrea LaRochelle for strategies for navigating difficult situations and minimizing conflict.
  5. Self-Care for Co-Parents: Don’t forget to take care of yourself! Co-parenting can be demanding, so it’s essential to prioritize self-care. Books like “Co-Parenting Works!: Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce” by Tammy G. Daughtry offer valuable advice on self-care practices and maintaining your own well-being.
  6. Building a Support Network: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or support groups. Books like “The Co-Parenting Survival Guide” by Elizabeth S. Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman provide insights into building a strong support system and finding like-minded individuals who can offer guidance and empathy.

Co-parenting after divorce can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity for personal growth and creating a nurturing environment for our children. By prioritizing open communication, flexibility, and self-care, we can navigate this journey with grace and love. Remember, no one is perfect, but with the right mindset and resources, we can make co-parenting a fulfilling experience for ourselves and our children.

Posted on

Guidelines for Reconciliation with Estranged Adult Children

The following guidebook is designed for estranged adult children. The concepts can apply to younger children, but every case, no matter what age, must be considered when using these steps:

Step 1: Understanding Estrangement

Experiencing estrangement from an adult child can be a devastating and isolating experience for any parent. However, to reconcile and rebuild the relationship, it’s crucial to take a step back and understand the reasons behind the estrangement. As Susan Forward, author of “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life,” states:

“Understanding the reasons behind our adult child’s estrangement is essential. We must take responsibility for our part in the situation, whether it’s a failure to listen or prioritize our child’s feelings or engaging in toxic behaviors that have caused pain and harm.”

Taking responsibility for one’s actions and being open to understanding the perspective of the estranged adult child is a crucial step toward healing the relationship. Seeking professional help from a therapist can also be beneficial in processing emotions and improving communication skills. As noted by Forward:

“Therapy can provide a safe space for parents to explore their own behaviors and patterns that may have contributed to the estrangement and learn new communication skills to rebuild the relationship.”

For example, a mother may realize through therapy that her behavior of prioritizing her own needs over her daughter’s feelings caused the rift between them. Through therapy, she can learn to listen better and validate her daughter’s emotions, leading to a healthier and more positive relationship.

It’s important to note that estrangement can sometimes result from trauma, such as childhood abuse or neglect. In such cases, a trauma-informed approach is necessary to heal the relationship. As Dr. Támara Hill, a licensed therapist and trauma specialist, states:

“Estrangement can be a protective mechanism for adult children who have experienced trauma at the hands of their parents. Trauma-informed care is essential to help the parent and adult child work through the pain and trauma and rebuild their relationship with trust and safety.”

Step 2: Self-Care for Parents

Taking care of yourself is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships, especially when dealing with estrangement from an adult child. It is crucial to prioritize your emotional, physical, and mental health. As Melody Beattie wrote in “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself,” “Caring for yourself is not self-indulgence; it is self-preservation.”

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial to self-care, mainly when dealing with an estranged adult child. According to researcher and psychologist Brene Brown, “Boundaries are the most loving things we can do for ourselves and the people in our lives.” Boundaries can help you maintain a healthy relationship with your adult child while protecting your emotional well-being.

Finding support is another important component of self-care. This can include seeking help from a therapist, joining a support group, or leaning on friends and family for support. As author Anne Lamott wrote, “Almost everything will work if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” You can step back and focus on your needs by reaching out for support.

For example, a father struggling with depression and anxiety may prioritize self-care by practicing meditation and seeking therapy. He sets boundaries with his estranged daughter by telling her he won’t tolerate abusive language. This approach allows the father to care for himself and may also improve the relationship with his daughter.

Step 3: Communication Skills

When it comes to reconnecting with estranged adult children, communication is key. Developing active listening and assertive communication skills is crucial to building a healthy relationship. In “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,” author Marshall B. Rosenberg emphasizes the importance of compassionate communication. He suggests expressing feelings and needs rather than criticizing or blaming others.

It’s essential to approach communication with your adult child without placing blame or being critical. Sincerely apologizing when necessary can also help to rebuild trust and show that you are taking responsibility for your actions. As Rosenberg notes, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”

Here’s a clinical example of effective communication in action: A mother practices active listening by empathetically repeating her son’s concerns to show she understands. She refrains from criticizing his life choices and takes responsibility for any mistakes made in the past.

Other helpful resources on effective communication include “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler, and “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen.

By developing active listening and assertive communication skills, you can begin to rebuild a healthy relationship with your adult child. Remember to approach communication with compassion, empathy, and a willingness to take responsibility for your actions.

Step 4: Reaching Out to Your Adult Child

Reconnecting with an estranged adult child can be challenging and emotional, but taking the initiative and expressing your desire to reconnect is essential. As noted by Beverly Engel in “The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships,” “a sincere apology can be one of the most powerful tools we have for healing a broken relationship.” However, respecting your child’s boundaries and giving them the required space is crucial.

Sending a letter or email can be an effective way to initiate a reconnection. As noted by Tina Gilbertson in “Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child: Practical Tips and Tools to Heal Your Relationship,” “Writing a letter can allow the person to express themselves more thoroughly and thoughtfully than in a conversation.” In the letter, acknowledge your past mistakes and express your desire to reconnect. It’s essential to avoid blame or criticism and focus on your feelings and emotions.

After sending the letter, you must respect your child’s boundaries and give them the required space. As noted by Susan Forward in “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life,” “Children who feel trapped, controlled, or suffocated will distance themselves from the parent who is responsible.” Refrain from pressuring your child to reconcile and allow them to reach out to you in their own time.

Initiating a reconnection with your estranged adult child requires taking the initiative and expressing your desire to reconnect, respecting their boundaries, and giving them the space they require. As noted by Engel, “It is never too late to apologize, no matter how long it has been or how great the offense.”

Step 5: Repairing the Relationship

Mending a damaged relationship with your adult child requires patience, persistence, and a focus on building trust through positive experiences. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” emphasizes the importance of building a strong emotional connection through positive experiences. He suggests that people “focus on what the other person needs, rather than what they think they should give.”

The same concept applies when attempting to reconnect with an estranged adult child. Rather than dwelling on past issues, create new positive experiences together. This can involve participating in shared interests, such as hiking, cooking, or other activities that foster a sense of togetherness.

If necessary, seeking the guidance of a therapist or mediator can also be helpful. According to Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, “Therapy can provide a safe space for you and your partner to work through conflicts, learn new skills, and build a stronger relationship.” This applies to parent-child relationships as well.

It’s also important to be patient and persistent in rebuilding the relationship. Dr. Sue Johnson, author of “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love,” emphasizes that “rebuilding trust takes time.” It’s important to acknowledge that healing takes time and effort and to stay committed to the process.

When attempting to mend a damaged relationship with your adult child, focus on building trust through positive experiences, seek the guidance of a therapist or mediator if necessary, and be patient and persistent in your efforts. As Dr. Chapman states, “Love is a choice you make every day.”

Step 6: Coping with Disappointment and Loss

Healing from estrangement with an adult child is not always possible, and it is essential to come to terms with this reality. Accepting this outcome can be incredibly difficult, but it can also bring about closure and pave the way for healing. Instead of fixating on the lost relationship, focusing on finding meaning in other areas of life is crucial.

Finding support from a therapist or support group can help process the grief and emotions that come with this kind of loss. As John W. James and Russell Friedman state in “The Grief Recovery Handbook,”: “Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss. It is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behavior.” Processing these feelings is vital in moving beyond grief and finding a new purpose.

In some cases, accepting the reality of estrangement can lead to finding meaning in new relationships and activities. As stated in “Meaning in Life and Why It Matters” by Susan Wolf, “Meaning arises from loving and caring connections to others, from work that has some purpose beyond the self, from belonging to and serving something bigger than the self.” Volunteering, building new friendships, and pursuing new hobbies can all contribute to finding meaning and purpose outside of the lost relationship.

Accepting the possibility of irreparable estrangement is a complex but necessary step in the healing process. Seeking support, processing grief, and finding new meaning in life can all contribute to moving beyond the pain and finding a new purpose.

Get help with your estranged relationship by scheduling an appointment today with Ron Huxley, LMFT.

Posted on

Asserting Your Child Custody Rights: How to Deal with a Challenging Ex-Spouse.

Regarding divorce, child custody is often one of the most contentious issues couples face. Disagreements about custody arrangements can be emotional and heated, especially when one parent is trying to manipulate or change the agreement at the last minute. This common hot-button issue can make an already difficult situation even more challenging for parents and children.

Let’s take the example of Tom and Jane. They have two children, and after their divorce, they agreed to split custody equally. However, Jane frequently tries to change the custody arrangement at the last minute, making it difficult for Tom to plan his schedule and causing tension between them. Tom wants to be assertive and stick to the agreed-upon arrangement, but he doesn’t want to create conflict or upset his children.

If you find yourself in a situation similar to Tom and Jane’s, it’s important to remember that there are ways to handle custody disputes effectively without causing unnecessary conflict. Here are some tips to help you be assertive around your child custody while dealing with a challenging ex-spouse:

  1. Focus on the child’s best interests. Custody arrangements should prioritize the child’s needs and well-being above everything else. When discussing custody issues with your ex-spouse, focus on what is best for your child rather than getting caught up in your desires or feelings.
  2. Create a detailed custody plan. Having a clear, detailed custody plan in place can help both parents to understand their roles and responsibilities and make it easier to stick to the agreed-upon arrangement. This plan should include specific dates and times for custody exchanges, as well as guidelines for how decisions about the child will be made.
  3. Communicate assertively. When discussing custody issues with your ex-spouse, it’s essential to be clear and direct about your concerns and expectations. State why the change is not possible or practical, and set firm boundaries to protect your child’s best interests. It’s important to remember that assertiveness does not mean aggression, and being respectful in your communication can help to keep the conversation constructive.
  4. Seek mediation. In cases where communication breaks down or one parent is being challenged, mediation can be an effective way to resolve disputes and come to a mutually agreeable solution. A mediator can help both parents to communicate effectively, identify their underlying concerns, and work together to find a solution that works for everyone.
  5. Take care of yourself. Going through a divorce and dealing with custody issues can be emotionally challenging for both parents and children. It’s essential to take care of your own emotional well-being, seek support from family and friends, and consider working with a therapist or counselor if necessary.

It’s important to note that there is a difference between aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication. Aggressive communication is characterized by focusing on one’s own needs and desires at the expense of others and can involve blaming, attacking, or threatening the other person. Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by an indirect expression of one’s needs and desires, often through sarcasm, procrastination, or withholding information. Assertive communication, on the other hand, is characterized by focusing on clearly and directly expressing one’s needs and desires while respecting the other person’s feelings and perspective. Assertive communication can help to minimize conflict and create healthy communication patterns, even in challenging situations such as divorce and custody arrangements.

Assertiveness checklist for parents dealing with custody issues:

  1. Identify your needs and concerns. Before entering into a conversation about custody arrangements, take some time to identify what you need and your concerns. Write them down if necessary so you can reference them during the conversation.
  2. Use “I” statements. Using “I” statements can help you communicate your thoughts and feelings without blaming or accusing the other person. For example, instead of saying, “You always change the custody schedule at the last minute,” say, “I feel frustrated when the custody schedule is changed at the last minute.”
  3. Stay calm and focused. It’s important to stay calm and focused during the conversation, even if the other person becomes defensive or argumentative. Take deep breaths, stay centered, and remind yourself of your goals for the conversation.
  4. Be clear and specific. Use clear and specific language to communicate your needs and expectations. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t want you to change the custody schedule,” say, “I need us to stick to the agreed-upon custody schedule for the benefit of our child.”
  5. Set boundaries. It’s important to set boundaries around what you are willing and not willing to accept regarding custody arrangements. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, and stick to them.
  6. Listen actively. Active listening is an important part of assertive communication. Make sure to listen to the other person’s perspective without interrupting or getting defensive. Reflect on what they are saying to ensure you understand their position.
  7. Be open to compromise. It’s essential to be open to compromise regarding custody arrangements. Work together to find a solution that meets your needs and is in your child’s best interest.

In conclusion, dealing with custody issues can be challenging and emotional, but it’s essential to prioritize your child’s best interests and be assertive when necessary. By focusing on clear communication, creating a detailed custody plan, seeking mediation, and taking care of yourself, you can navigate custody issues effectively and minimize conflict with your ex-spouse. Remember, your words have power, so use them wisely to improve the situation for everyone involved.

If you’re struggling with custody issues and dealing with a challenging ex-spouse, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Seeking support from a therapist can help you navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and custody arrangements and develop effective communication and coping skills. Don’t hesitate to schedule a therapy session today to get the help you need to move forward healthily and positively for yourself and your child. Click here to schedule a session with Ron Huxley today!

Posted on

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

How do you go about doing that?

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

Let Ron Huxley help you resolve conflict in your life by scheduling a session today or take a free course at FamilyHealer.tv

Posted on

7 Steps in Co-Parenting Negotiation

Co-parenting is a post-divorce parenting arrangement in which both parents agree to participate in their children’s upbringing. The keyword here is “agreement” about what is in the child’s best interest where there are significant hurts, personalities, and values between those parents. Raising children requires a lot, and I mean a lot, of interactions despite getting divorced. 

Because of this challenge, many parents end up parallel parenting vs. co-parenting. Co-parenting is short for cooperative parenting. Sadly, this is often not the case. Parallel parents are both working to raise their children, but they agree that they don’t agree on much. Each home will have its own set of routines, entertainment values, discipline practices, and cultural influences. This agreement to a no agreement lifestyle is a disagreeable way to parent, but parents and children often have no control over it.

Learning how to negotiate becomes an important skill when this is the case. Here are seven steps to better negotiation in co-parenting relationships: 

  1. Name the problem using an “I” statement as in “I feel…when you…and I would like to discuss how…” This format reduces defensiveness and retains a sense of power for the speaker. 
  2. Use reflective listening to convey what is understood. A divorce may involve the decision not to share the intimate connection, but it still requires understanding and validation to maintain mutual respect. Say: “So, what you are saying or asking for is…” 
  3. Brainstorm for solutions that will work for all parties. It may involve creative thinking about alternative solutions. There may be compromise from the original need. 
  4. Choose a solution to try, even if it is not your solution or your first choice.
  5. Review who does what by putting it into writing or communicating before, during, and after the solution. 
  6. Put the solution into action and try it out to see how it works. Stay objective and open-minded. If it doesn’t work, negotiate a new solution. 
  7. Re-evaluate what is working overall, and be honest about what didn’t work and what needs to be changed. Keep the perspective that the other person is not the problem. The problem is the problem. 

To complete these seven steps, parents will have to be self-aware and motivated to keep the children’s needs first. This is hard work and may involve humility that wasn’t present in the relationship before the divorce. Just because people were “terrible” partners in marriage doesn’t mean they cannot grow and be great co-parents after marriage. 

Let Ron Huxley help you negotiate through your difficult situations. Schedule a session today! 

Posted on

Rebuilding Relationships with Reconciliation Questions

Reconciliation is a frequently misunderstood term, and its process for healing relationships is even more mysterious. Its knowledge and application are vital to our inner and outer worlds.

The word describes making one belief compatible with another. Although used in the financial world to see bank accounts balance, businesses thrive, humans need reconciliation to ensure that relationships stay connected through struggles and tragedies. Commonly, friendships get betrayed, marriages dissolve, a parent power struggles with children, or families hurt one another.

Conciliation means to “bring together, unite, or make friends.” Reconciliation is needed when this bond breaks. Of course, this process is not easy but worth the journey.

Let Ron Huxley guide you through the challenges of reconciliation with your partner, family member, and friendships by scheduling an appointment. Click here!

Let’s take action. Try this Preventing Resentment Question:

Take time to sit down every week to ask the following question. Is there any unconfessed sin, unresolved hurt, or conflict from the last week that we need to seek reconciliation?

Work through conflicts by asking a Rebuilding Relationship Question:

What am I/you feeling? What do I/you need? How can I/we collaborate so I/we healthily meet that need?

When needing to ask forgiveness for past wrongs, try this Reconciliation Requesting Question:

1) Offer a genuine apology.

2) Verbalize what you can take responsibility for.

3) Share how hurting someone you care about feels to you.

4) Ask your partner what they need from you to heal and move forward.

Posted on

6 Tips for Better Relationships Today!

There are some things we can do in all our relationships to build and maintain strong bonds. This is true because underneath all our differences, likes, dislikes, and biases, we are all human beings who desire social connections. The tips below should be used in all your relationships to form bonds that will stand the test of time.

  1. Be appreciative

This might mean different things in different relationships, but the overarching sentiment is the same. When they do something kind for you or take the time to support you when you need it, be appreciative – acknowledge their care and concern.

2. Spend time together

It can be hard to find time to get together when we are all so busy, but it’s important for all relationships. If necessary, set up a standing appointment so that it just automatically happens. This makes sure it happens because you will get used to scheduling other things around it. 

3. Communicate honestly

Sometimes you may be tempted to bend the truth to avoid conflict, but your relationships will be much healthier overall if honesty is held in high regard. It’s possible, to be honest without being brutal. Choose your words carefully and be as diplomatic as possible, while still sharing your feelings openly and honestly.

4. Forgive faults

Forgive them for their eccentricities and annoying habits, and also forgive yourself for any mistakes you make. We all have faults and shortcomings that we bring with us into any relationship. Sometimes to keep the relationship strong, we need to just come to the conclusion that their presence in our lives is more important than the little habits that drive us crazy.

5. Support them

Intermingled between all the good times, there will surely be times when the other person could use a helping hand. Whether it’s helping them move, taking them dinner when a loved one has passed or being a sounding board for a difficult decision, any relationship worth having requires some TLC. And the other person deserves it, just as you do when you need it from them.

6. Do unto others

It’s just a good idea to always live by the Golden Rule, but it’s especially true in relationships that are important to us. If you wonder if something you might do is likely to upset them, chances are it’s better to talk to them about it first. Wouldn’t you want them to do the same for you? It’s better to err on the side of caution.

Get deeper relational repair with Ron Huxley. Schedule an online appointment today: Click here now!

Posted on

Conflictual coparenting is under an illusion

conflictual divorce and coparenting

Conflictual coparenting acts like it is a form of competition but that is an illusion. High levels of conflict has no winners, only losers! Parents fight to one up each other or get revenge for past hurts and this includes the children.

Most mediators, myself included, want parents to put the “best interests of the child” first but this is difficult for parents to do when consumed by anger and resentments. The costs are high, and not just financially with on-going court costs. The emotional costs are high for everyone. Research is clear that children who go through long-term, conflictual divorce, are negatively impacted. There is the risk that children will have severe mental health issues into adulthood.

The legal definition of the “best interests of the child” is about who the child belongs to…the psychological definition of the “best interests of the child” is who belongs to the child. There is a big difference between these two definitions but they don’t have to be mutually exclusive of each other. Setting boundaries, using strength-based language, and keeping the needs of the child paramount will help a true cooperative parenting process.

The best way for parents to reduce conflict is to learn to manage themselves. Keeping the focus on personal healing and not on how the other parent should act or be. Managing ourselves is the only guarantee that we can have of making the coparenting relationship healthy.

Get more support and help with your coparenting conflict with a session with Ron Huxley today.

Posted on

Co-Parenting Isn’t Working? Try Parallel Parenting.

parallel-parenting-500-x-250

Many divorced parents are frustrated about their co-parenting arrangements. No matter what they try to do to work things with their ex, all of their efforts end up in conflict. Co-parenting feels more like game where there are no winners.

In these situations, the best advice is “no contact is no conflict”. If it wasn’t for the shared children they would have no contact and then there would be no problem but since that isn’t the case how do you co-parent with no contact? The answer is Parallel Parenting!

The situation reminds me of small children who are learning to share. Before they develop the skills to play cooperatively, they engage in parallel play. Both types of play look alike but when you watch more closely you realize that they are in the same room, with similar toys, playing next to one another but they are not really playing together. They are quite disengaged. Eventually, development will help create the skills needed for cooperative play. In the case of high-conflict divorce, parents may have to let go of the more mature cooperative parenting and shift to parallel parenting.

Parallel parenting purposefully disengages from the conflictual partner and concentrates on connection with the child. It may involve one parent focusing on dealing with the child’s school and the other on their soccer games. While both parents need to agree on major decisions, they will differ on daily logistics about bedtime routines, acceptable television watching, choice of baby sisters, and church attendance. When the daily heat can be turned down between parents, it makes the bigger decisions easier to navigate.

Parallel parenting protects the children. Research clearly demonstrates that high-conflict divorce results in higher rates of behavioral disturbances and mental illness later in life. More commonly, when a child tries to have a positive relationship with both parents who do not have a positive relationship with each other, they experience a “loyalty bind.” When the child is with parent A, he misses parent B. The child might even feel that he is being disloyal to parent B when he is with parent A and vice versa. This is easily intensified by parents who talk negatively about the other parent in front of the child. It can also occur when one parent acts like a victim causing the child to worry about them. Another way is leaning on your child for moral support and treating the child like the co-parent instead of a child.

It is a delicate balance to parallel parent and break down loyalty binds. A parents natural inclination is to protect their child and if they believe the other parent is harmful then…

The truth is that both parents are important to the child. To really protect them and find some sanity in the relationship, try using alternative methods to communication than face-to-face, like email or a notebook. Keep the wording factual about the child’s health, sleeping patterns, school events, weekend schedules, medical care, etc. Request separate school notices or records. Avoid showing up at the same events without prior knowledge. When you do end up at the same event, make a huge effort to demonstrate working together. You might actually find you can do it all the time!

Newsletterimage

Join our newsletter and never miss a blog post! Click here.