Posted on

When “THEY” Won’t Change! What do I do?

When dealing with people who refuse to change, it’s important to accept that you cannot force them to change, but you can control your own reactions and boundaries. Here are some suggestions based on the search results:

Focus on what you can control. You cannot change others, only yourself. Recognize that their resistance to change is not about you, but their own fears, habits or mindset. Ask yourself if this is truly your problem to solve or theirs.[3]

Communicate clearly and compassionately. Express how their behavior impacts you using “I” statements, without criticism or judgment.[1][4] Listen to understand their perspective. Brainstorm solutions together if they are open to it.[4]

Set boundaries. If their behavior is unacceptable, calmly explain your boundaries and the consequences if they continue, such as limiting contact.[1][4] Follow through consistently.

Give them space. Avoid nagging, passive aggression or controlling language.[1] Pressuring someone often backfires. Allow them time and space to consider change at their own pace.[4]

Focus on your relationship. Compliment positive traits, spend quality time together, and look for areas you both can grow.[1] A strong bond can sometimes motivate change more than criticism.

Know when to disengage. If they remain unwilling to change hurtful patterns after you’ve communicated needs and boundaries, you may need to accept them as they are or re-evaluate the relationship.[3][5]

Prioritize your wellbeing. Don’t sacrifice your own mental health trying to change someone unwilling. Seek support, set firm boundaries, and detach with love if needed.[5][1]

The key is balancing compassion for their journey with prioritizing your own peace of mind. Change is an inside job – you can inspire but not force it upon others.[3][5]

Citations:
[1] https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Loved-Ones-Who-Refuse-to-Change
[2] https://hbr.org/2001/11/the-real-reason-people-wont-change
[3] https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/04/stop-trying-to-change-people-who-dont-want-to-change
[4] https://www.verywellmind.com/when-your-spouse-doesnt-want-change-2302197
[5] https://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-to-do-when-people-dont-want-to-change/

Posted on

Surviving the Holidays with Family: Navigating Sensitive Conversations

The holiday season is often a time for joy, togetherness, and celebration with family. However, for many individuals, it can also be a source of anxiety and stress, especially when sensitive or contentious topics arise during family gatherings. If you dread the potential for uncomfortable conversations during the holidays, here are some tips on navigating these situations with grace and mindfulness.

  1. Choose the Right Time

Before the holiday gathering, find a peaceful and opportune moment to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your family. Approach the discussion with an open heart and a willingness to listen.

  1. Express Your Feelings

Clearly communicate the specific cultural topics or conversations that make you uncomfortable or offended. Share your personal experiences and emotions related to these topics to help your family members understand your perspective.

  1. Request Understanding and Support

Ask for your family’s understanding and support in avoiding these sensitive topics during the holiday visit. Emphasize the importance of spending quality time together without tension or discomfort.

  1. Offer Alternative Conversations

Suggest alternative conversation topics that are enjoyable and inclusive for everyone. Redirect the focus towards positive and neutral subjects that can foster a harmonious atmosphere.

  1. Set Boundaries

If necessary, communicate your boundaries and let your family know that you may need to temporarily excuse yourself from the conversation if sensitive topics arise during your visit.

  1. Approach with Mindfulness

Approach the conversation with an open mind and a spirit of empathy. Listen to your family members’ perspectives and seek a middle ground that respects everyone’s feelings.

Remember, the key to navigating sensitive conversations during the holidays lies in effective communication, understanding, and mindfulness. While it may take time for your family members to adjust, be patient and open to ongoing dialogue. By approaching these situations gracefully and with compassion, you can create a more harmonious and enjoyable holiday experience for everyone involved.

Example Dialogue Between Family Members

Setting: A quiet evening at home a few days before the Christmas gathering.

Daughter: Mom, I wanted to talk to you about something important before our Christmas gathering.

Mom: Of course, dear. What’s on your mind?

Daughter: I’ve felt a bit uncomfortable during family gatherings when certain cultural topics come up. I want to share with you that these conversations have been difficult for me, and I’d like to find a way to navigate them peacefully.

Mom: I see. I’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart. Can you tell me more about which topics specifically make you uncomfortable?

Daughter: It mainly discusses [specific topics], often leading to tension and discomfort. They’ve made me feel a bit isolated during our family time.

Mom: I understand. I never realized these topics were causing you distress. I’m grateful that you’re sharing this with me. How can I support you during our Christmas gathering?

Daughter: I’d appreciate it if we could collectively avoid these topics during the holidays. I value our time together and believe it will help create a more harmonious atmosphere.

Mom: I understand and do my best to ensure everyone respects that. I want you to feel comfortable and connected during our time together.

Daughter: Thank you, Mom. I also thought we could introduce some alternative conversation topics that are enjoyable for everyone. This way, we can foster a more inclusive and positive environment.

Mom: That’s a great idea. We can find some wonderful topics that bring us all together. I appreciate you approaching this with such thoughtfulness.

Daughter: I’m glad we could have this conversation, Mom. It will help us all have a more peaceful and enjoyable holiday together.

Mom: Me too, dear. I’m grateful for your honesty and look forward to our time together.

Meditation for Navigating Sensitive Conversations

Take a moment to find a quiet, comfortable space to sit or lie down without distractions. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, allowing your body to relax with each exhale.

Breath Awareness: Focus your attention on the sensation of your breath as it enters and leaves your body. Notice the rhythm of your breathing without trying to change it.

Grounding: Visualize roots extending from your body into the earth, grounding you and providing stability and calm. Feel the supportive energy of the earth beneath you.

Emotional Awareness: Acknowledge any emotions that arise when you think about sensitive conversations. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, knowing that it’s okay to experience these emotions.

Compassionate Reflection: Reflect on the fact that others may also experience similar emotions during these conversations. Cultivate a sense of compassion for yourself and for those involved, recognizing the shared human experience.

Setting Intentions: Set an intention to approach these conversations with understanding, empathy, and mindfulness. Affirm that you are capable of navigating them with grace and composure.

Affirmations: Repeat affirmations that resonate with you, such as “I am calm and centered,” “I listen with an open heart,” and “I communicate with compassion.”

Gratitude: Take a moment to express gratitude for the opportunity to grow through these challenging conversations, knowing they can ultimately lead to deeper understanding and stronger connections.

Return to the Present: Gently bring your awareness to the present moment. Wiggle your fingers and toes, and when you feel ready, open your eyes.

As you go about your day, carry a sense of calm and compassion, knowing you have the strength to navigate sensitive conversations with grace and mindfulness.

Wishing you a peaceful and joyous holiday season filled with love and understanding.

Posted on

Co-Parenting After Divorce: A Journey of Love and Growth

Divorce is never an easy journey, especially when children are involved. But fear not, because we’re here to share some insights, tips, and a sprinkle of humor to make this co-parenting adventure a little smoother. Grab a cuppa, sit back, and let’s dive into the world of divorced and co-parenting parents!

  1. The Importance of Communication: Remember, communication is key! To keep things running smoothly, it’s crucial to establish open and honest lines of communication with your ex-partner. Check out books like “Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex” by Amy J.L. Baker and Paul R. Fine for strategies on effective communication.
  2. Embracing Flexibility: Being flexible is crucial in co-parenting. Life is unpredictable, and plans may change. Books like “The Co-Parents’ Handbook” by Karen Bonnell and Kristin Little can guide you in creating a flexible co-parenting schedule that works for both parties.
  3. Prioritizing the Children: The well-being of our children should always be our top priority. Books like “Mom’s House, and Dad’s House” by Isolina Ricci provide insights on creating a nurturing environment for kids in a co-parenting setup. Remember, your children deserve love and stability from both parents.
  4. Managing Conflict: Let’s face it, conflicts happen. However, it’s important to handle them maturely and respectfully. Consider reading “The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide” by Megan Hunter and Andrea LaRochelle for strategies for navigating difficult situations and minimizing conflict.
  5. Self-Care for Co-Parents: Don’t forget to take care of yourself! Co-parenting can be demanding, so it’s essential to prioritize self-care. Books like “Co-Parenting Works!: Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce” by Tammy G. Daughtry offer valuable advice on self-care practices and maintaining your own well-being.
  6. Building a Support Network: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or support groups. Books like “The Co-Parenting Survival Guide” by Elizabeth S. Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman provide insights into building a strong support system and finding like-minded individuals who can offer guidance and empathy.

Co-parenting after divorce can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity for personal growth and creating a nurturing environment for our children. By prioritizing open communication, flexibility, and self-care, we can navigate this journey with grace and love. Remember, no one is perfect, but with the right mindset and resources, we can make co-parenting a fulfilling experience for ourselves and our children.

Posted on

Deepening Connection and Empathy: Unveiling the Magic of Imago Dialogue in Couples Therapy


Communication lies at the heart of every successful relationship. However, sometimes couples struggle to truly hear and understand each other, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and disconnection. The Imago Dialogue technique can be powerful in couples therapy to foster deep understanding, empathy, and connection. In this article, we will explore the transformative potential of Imago Dialogue, its origins, and insights from renowned relationship experts.

Imago Dialogue was developed by Harville Hendrix, a prominent couples therapist and author of the groundbreaking book “Getting the Love You Want.” Hendrix believed that couples can heal past wounds and create a nurturing relationship by learning to communicate effectively and understand each other’s needs.

In his book, Hendrix explains the importance of dialogue: “The dialogue is the foundation of a conscious relationship. It’s how you create a bridge between your own world and that of your partner.”

Imago Dialogue provides a structured framework for couples to express themselves, actively listen, and empathize with each other’s experiences. Here’s a closer look at the key steps involved:

  1. Setting: Creating a Safe Space:
    Creating a safe and comfortable space is crucial for an effective Imago Dialogue conversation. It allows partners to feel secure, open up, and share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
  2. Mirroring: Reflecting Each Other’s Words:
    The mirroring step involves one partner becoming the sender and expressing their feelings or concerns using “I” statements. The other partner takes on the role of the receiver, actively listening and mirroring back the sender’s words without adding their own interpretations.

Harville Hendrix emphasizes the significance of mirroring, stating, “Mirroring helps you develop empathy by slowing down your own process and paying attention to your partner’s feelings.”

  1. Validation: Affirming Each Other’s Perspectives:
    Validation plays a vital role in creating a safe and accepting environment for communication. The receiver validates the sender’s perspective by acknowledging and affirming their feelings, thoughts, or concerns as valid and understandable.

Harville Hendrix highlights the power of validation: “Validation is the recognition and acceptance of your partner’s internal experience.”

  1. Empathy: Stepping into Each Other’s Shoes:
    The receiver then practices empathy by imagining themselves in the sender’s position and expressing their understanding of the sender’s emotions. This step fosters a deeper connection and helps partners better understand each other’s experiences.

Hendrix reminds us of the importance of empathy, stating, “Empathy is your ability to feel your partner’s pain as if it were your own.”

  1. Dialogue: Deepening Understanding and Connection:
    The dialogue phase begins after both partners have had the opportunity to express themselves and be heard. This is the time for open-ended questions, seeking clarification, and engaging in a genuine conversation that deepens their understanding of each other.


Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and thriving relationship. Imago Dialogue, pioneered by Harville Hendrix, offers couples a structured and supportive framework to enhance their connection, understanding, and empathy. By actively listening, mirroring, validating, practicing empathy, and engaging in open dialogue, couples can cultivate a deeper bond and create a loving and fulfilling relationship.

Hendrix beautifully summarizes, “Through dialogue, we learn to listen, understand, and respect our partners as separate people with their own unique experiences.”

Mastering the art of Imago Dialogue requires commitment, practice, and a willingness to prioritize open communication. By incorporating this transformative technique into your relationship journey, you and your partner can embark on

Posted on

Couples who fight fair thrive!

When couples come together in marriage, they bring their own experiences and expectations. As time passes, these expectations can evolve and change, as can the relationship dynamics. However, when couples find themselves in a rut, communicating effectively and breaking through the barriers can take time and effort. This is where marriage therapy can be beneficial.

Marriage therapy is a specialized form of counseling designed to help couples better understand each other and improve their communication and relationship. Marriage therapy aims to create a safe space where couples can express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or criticism. It can also guide how to manage disagreements and work together.

CREATE SAFETY:

The first step in marriage therapy is creating a safe communication space. This can be done by setting aside a specific time and place where couples can talk without interruption. Creating a safe environment where couples can feel comfortable expressing their feelings without fear of criticism or judgment is also essential. This can include setting ground rules like no name-calling or criticism and allowing each partner to take turns speaking.

Once the safe space is established, the couple can then begin to work on improving their communication. This can include learning how to listen to each other more effectively, understanding each other’s perspectives, and learning how to express needs and feelings constructively. Marriage therapy can also focus on teaching couples how to resolve conflicts healthily and work together to create solutions that work for both.

EXPRESS EMOTIONAL NEEDS:

In addition to communication, marriage therapy can also help couples work on their emotional connection. This can include exploring each other’s emotional needs and learning how to express love and affection better. It can also involve exploring past hurts and how to move past them to create a stronger bond.

The existence of conflict doesn’t indicate the end of the relationship. Couples who thrive know how to fight fairly and repair the disconnection between them. Disconnection is inevitable. Having the tools to reconnect is essential.

FIGHTING FAIR:

Fair fighting techniques can help couples resolve conflicts without resorting to name-calling or other hurtful behavior. Not only can fair fighting help couples reach a resolution quickly, but it can also help strengthen their relationship in the long run.

So, what are some of the best fair fighting techniques for couples?

  1. Set Ground Rules

Before any argument starts, couples need to set ground rules. This means agreeing not to resort to name-calling, personal attacks, or bringing up past grievances. Setting ground rules can help ensure that the fight stays on track and that both parties feel heard.

  1. Listen Carefully

When couples fight, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment’s heat and start talking over each other. But it’s essential to take a step back and listen to your partner’s words. This means actively listening and trying to understand their perspective instead of just waiting for your turn to talk.

  1. Take a Break

Sometimes a fight can get too heated, and it’s best to take a break. This doesn’t mean walking away and not returning but taking a few moments to cool down and collect your thoughts. This can help you approach the conversation with a clearer head and can help you find a resolution faster.

  1. Be Respectful

It’s important to remember to be respectful during a fight. This means no name-calling or belittling language. Instead, try understanding and use “I” statements to express your feelings. This will help your partner understand your perspective without feeling attacked.

  1. Find a Resolution

When it comes to fighting fair, the goal is to find a resolution. This doesn’t mean that one person has to be correct and the other wrong, but rather that both parties can come to a compromise. This can involve both parties making concessions or coming up with a plan that works for them.

Fair fighting is essential for any healthy relationship. It’s important to remember that while fighting is inevitable, it doesn’t have to be destructive. With the proper techniques, couples can learn to fight fairly and become stronger than ever.

Let Ron Huxley help you improve your communication skills and fight fairly today. Click here to set an appointment now.

Posted on

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

How do you go about doing that?

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

Let Ron Huxley help you resolve conflict in your life by scheduling a session today or take a free course at FamilyHealer.tv

Posted on

Rebuilding Relationships with Reconciliation Questions

Reconciliation is a frequently misunderstood term, and its process for healing relationships is even more mysterious. Its knowledge and application are vital to our inner and outer worlds.

The word describes making one belief compatible with another. Although used in the financial world to see bank accounts balance, businesses thrive, humans need reconciliation to ensure that relationships stay connected through struggles and tragedies. Commonly, friendships get betrayed, marriages dissolve, a parent power struggles with children, or families hurt one another.

Conciliation means to “bring together, unite, or make friends.” Reconciliation is needed when this bond breaks. Of course, this process is not easy but worth the journey.

Let Ron Huxley guide you through the challenges of reconciliation with your partner, family member, and friendships by scheduling an appointment. Click here!

Let’s take action. Try this Preventing Resentment Question:

Take time to sit down every week to ask the following question. Is there any unconfessed sin, unresolved hurt, or conflict from the last week that we need to seek reconciliation?

Work through conflicts by asking a Rebuilding Relationship Question:

What am I/you feeling? What do I/you need? How can I/we collaborate so I/we healthily meet that need?

When needing to ask forgiveness for past wrongs, try this Reconciliation Requesting Question:

1) Offer a genuine apology.

2) Verbalize what you can take responsibility for.

3) Share how hurting someone you care about feels to you.

4) Ask your partner what they need from you to heal and move forward.