Posted on

When Your Children Are Hurt By Other Children

As parents, it can be difficult to see our children experience hurt feelings, especially when it comes from their friendships. Whether it’s a disagreement with a friend, feeling left out, or experiencing betrayal, children can be deeply affected by these emotional challenges. However, there are several ways parents can support their children through these difficult times and help them healthily navigate their emotions.

1. Encourage open communication:

  • Create a safe and welcoming environment for your child to express their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel hurt and that you are there to listen without judgment.

2. Validate their feelings:

  • Acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions. Let them know that it’s normal to feel hurt and that their feelings are important.

3. Offer empathy and understanding:

  • Show empathy by putting yourself in your child’s shoes and understanding the situation from their perspective. This can help your child feel heard and supported.

4. Help them identify their emotions:

  • Guide your child in identifying and understanding their emotions. Encourage them to express how they feel and help them label their emotions, such as sadness, anger, or disappointment.

5. Teach problem-solving skills:

  • Help your child brainstorm possible solutions to the situation that caused their hurt feelings. Encourage them to think of ways to resolve the issue or improve the friendship.

6. Foster resiliency:

  • Teach your child that experiencing setbacks in friendships is a normal part of life and that they have the strength to bounce back from these challenges. Encourage them to see the situation as an opportunity for growth.

7. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms:

  • Guide your child in using healthy coping strategies, such as engaging in enjoyable activities, spending time with supportive friends, or practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

8. Role model healthy communication and conflict resolution:

  • Demonstrate positive communication and conflict resolution skills in your own interactions. Children often learn by example, and seeing healthy conflict management at home can have a positive impact on their own behavior.

9. Support their social skills development:

  • Help your child develop their social skills by teaching them about empathy, active listening, and the importance of respecting others’ feelings and boundaries.

10. Seek professional help if needed:

  • If your child’s hurt feelings persist or significantly impact their well-being, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional who specializes in working with children.

By providing a supportive and nurturing environment, parents can play a crucial role in helping their children navigate the complex terrain of friendships and hurt feelings. Through open communication, empathy, and guidance, parents can empower their children to develop resilience and healthy coping skills, ultimately helping them build strong and fulfilling relationships in the future. Remember that every child is unique, and it’s important to tailor your approach to your child’s individual needs and temperament.

Posted on

25 Coping Skills for Children with a Highly Sensitive Nervous System

Here are 25 tools for a coping skills toolbox that can be helpful for a child in managing their emotions and coping with challenging situations:

  1. Stress Ball: A squeezable stress ball can help the child release tension and reduce anxiety.
  2. Breathing Exercises: Include a visual guide or a simple breathing exercise card to help the child practice deep breathing techniques.
  3. Fidget Toys: Small, quiet fidget toys like spinners, cubes, or putty can provide sensory stimulation and promote focus.
  4. Sensory Bottle: Create a sensory bottle filled with glitter, beads, or calming colors for the child to shake and observe when feeling overwhelmed.
  5. Positive Affirmation Cards: Include a set of cards with positive affirmations and encouraging messages for the child to read or recite.
  6. Sensory Brush: A soft sensory brush can be used for gentle tactile stimulation to help regulate the child’s sensory experiences.
  7. Calm-Down Corner Sign: Designate a sign or visual cue for the child’s calm-down corner, signaling a safe space for retreat.
  8. Feelings Journal: Provide a personalized journal for the child to express and reflect on their emotions through writing or drawing.
  9. Noise-canceling Headphones: Noise-cancelling headphones can help the child reduce sensory overload in noisy environments.
  10. Sensory Putty: Offer sensory putty or clay for the child to manipulate and engage in tactile play.
  11. Guided Imagery Recordings: Include audio recordings of guided imagery or relaxation exercises for the child to listen to when needed.
  12. Visual Timers: Use a visual timer to help the child understand and manage time, particularly during transitions or waiting periods.
  13. Comfort Object: Encourage the child to include a comfort object, such as a favorite stuffed animal or blanket, for reassurance.
  14. Coloring Sheets: Provide coloring sheets and colored pencils for the child to engage in calming, creative activities.
  15. Coping Skills Board Game: Introduce a coping skills board game that the child can play to learn and practice different coping strategies.
  16. Sensory Socks or Gloves: Soft, textured socks or gloves can provide comforting tactile input for the child.
  17. Coping Skills Workbook: Include a coping skills workbook with activities and exercises tailored to the child’s needs and interests.
  18. Mindfulness Bell: A small bell or chime can be used as a mindfulness cue for the child to pause and focus on the present moment.
  19. Sensory Chew Necklace: Provide a safe, chewable necklace for the child to use as a sensory tool for oral stimulation.
  20. Nature Sounds Playlist: Curate a playlist of nature sounds or soothing music for the child to listen to for relaxation.
  21. Emotion Cards: Use cards with various emotions depicted to help the child identify and express how they are feeling.
  22. Sensory Tactile Cards: Create tactile cards with different textures for the child to touch and explore when seeking sensory input.
  23. Coping Skills Puzzles: Include puzzles that showcase coping skills or positive affirmations for the child to assemble.
  24. Sensory Bubble Timer: Provide a sensory bubble timer for the child to watch as a calming visual sensory tool.
  25. Coping Skills Journal Prompts: Develop a list of journal prompts to inspire the child to explore their emotions and coping strategies.

These tools can be tailored to the child’s preferences and individual needs, providing a diverse array of options for managing emotions and promoting self-regulation. The coping skills toolbox serves as a resource for the child to access when they need support in navigating their emotions and finding comfort during challenging moments.

Posted on

Back-To-School Stress: Supporting Anxious Children and Coping with School Refusal

As summer days give way to the crisp air of autumn, a familiar but often challenging chapter unfolds in the lives of many families: the return to school. While back-to-school excitement fills the air for some, it’s essential to acknowledge that many children experience varying degrees of anxiety, panic, or outright refusal when faced with the prospect of returning to the classroom. This article aims to shed light on the common phenomenon of back-to-school stress, with a particular focus on parents whose children are feeling anxious, panicky, or refusing to go to school.

Understanding Back-to-School Stress

Back-to-school stress is a perfectly normal response to the significant changes that come with the start of a new school year. Even under typical circumstances, children might experience heightened anxiety as they grapple with new teachers, classmates, schedules, and academic challenges. However, the COVID-19 pandemic has introduced a new layer of complexity to this issue. Extended periods of remote learning, social isolation, and uncertainty have intensified feelings of anxiety in many students.

Identifying the Signs

Parents should be vigilant in recognizing signs of back-to-school stress in their children, which can manifest in various ways. Some common indicators include:

  1. Physical Symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, nausea, and sleep disturbances are often physical manifestations of stress in children.
  2. Emotional Changes: Increased irritability, mood swings, tearfulness, or clinginess may signal underlying anxiety.
  3. Behavioral Shifts: Refusal to attend school, withdrawal from friends and family, and reluctance to participate in activities they once enjoyed are red flags.
  4. Academic Struggles: A sudden drop in academic performance can be a sign that a child is struggling to cope with stress.
  5. Expressing Worry: Children may voice concerns about various aspects of school, such as making friends, academic pressure, or fear of bullying.

Supporting Anxious Children

  1. Open Communication: Encourage open and non-judgmental communication with your child. Let them express their fears and concerns without interruption, and validate their feelings.
  2. Normalize Anxiety: It’s essential to normalize anxiety as a common human experience. Share your own experiences with stress and discuss healthy ways to manage it.
  3. Establish Routines: Predictable routines provide a sense of security and can help alleviate anxiety. Create a daily schedule that includes time for homework, relaxation, and family activities.
  4. Practice Relaxation Techniques: Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or mindfulness exercises to manage stress.
  5. Seek Professional Help: If your child’s anxiety is severe or persistent, consider consulting a mental health professional who specializes in working with children and adolescents.

Overcoming School Refusal

School refusal, when a child adamantly refuses to attend school, can be an alarming development for parents. It’s essential to address this issue promptly:

  1. Identify the Underlying Cause: School refusal can stem from various factors, such as academic pressure, social anxiety, bullying, or a fear of separation from parents. Pinpointing the root cause is crucial.
  2. Collaborate with School Personnel: Work closely with teachers, counselors, and school administrators to develop a plan for easing your child back into school. They can offer valuable insights and support.
  3. Gradual Reintegration: Start with shorter school days or partial attendance if necessary, gradually increasing the time your child spends in school.
  4. Professional Help: Consider seeking help from a child psychologist or therapist who specializes in school refusal. They can provide strategies and interventions tailored to your child’s needs.

Back-to-school stress is a common experience for many children, but it can be particularly challenging for those who feel anxious, panicky or refuse to go to school. As parents, it’s our responsibility to provide support, understanding, and guidance during these challenging times. By recognizing the signs, maintaining open communication, and seeking professional help when necessary, we can help our children overcome their anxieties and ensure a successful return to school. Remember that you’re not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to assist both you and your child in navigating back-to-school stress.

Posted on

Numb and Shutdown: How to Revive Your Motivation


How often do you experience periods of low motivation and emotional shutdown?

  • [ ] Rarely
  • [ ] Occasionally
  • [ ] Frequently
  • [ ] Almost constantly

Life is a rollercoaster of emotions, but what happens when the ride suddenly comes to a screeching halt? You find yourself stuck in a cycle of lackluster motivation, feeling as though you’re trudging through molasses, and emotionally shut down. Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this journey. In this article, we’ll delve into the world of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and uncover strategies to rekindle your inner fire, leaving you energized and ready to conquer life’s challenges.

Feeling Numb and Shut Down

It’s like life hit the snooze button, and you’re stuck in a gray haze of “meh.” According to a recent study, a whopping 70% of people experience periods of low motivation and emotional numbness at some point in their lives. But fear not, because CBT is here to save the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Breath of Fresh Air?

Imagine CBT as a tailor-made mental gym, sculpting your mind into a lean, mean motivation machine. First, we identify those pesky automatic thoughts that fuel your sluggishness. As renowned author Mark Twain once quipped, “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” Challenge those negative thoughts and watch your motivation gauge inch upward. Find a therapist today that can help you get over your slump that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools.

Here are some DIY tools you can also use for a revived mood:

The Power of Gratitude and Positive Vibes

Albert Einstein once said, “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” Combat emotional shutdown by nurturing a gratitude garden. Regularly jot down things you’re grateful for. It’s like watering the flowers of your mind. The more you nurture positivity, the more your emotional landscape will flourish.

Embrace Your Values

To quote Dr. Seuss, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” Channel your unique self and connect with your core values. Research shows that individuals who align their actions with their values are more motivated and resilient. It’s time to march to the beat of your own drum.

The Art of Small Wins

Haven’t you heard? It’s the era of micro-victories! Research reveals that breaking down goals into bite-sized chunks can boost motivation. Think of it as your own personal “Quest for the Holy Grail.” Celebrate each small victory like a knight slaying dragons, and watch your motivation armor gleam.

The Grand Finale: The Quiz of Motivation

Before you go, we’ve got a treat for you! Take our interactive quiz to gauge your current motivation levels. Are you a Motivation Maverick or a Potential Powerhouse? Use the quiz below to assess your ML (motivation levels).

(Quiz)
What’s your Motivation Quotient?
Answer the following questions to find out:

  1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how motivated do you feel right now?
  • [ ] 1 – Not at all
  • [ ] 5 – Neutral
  • [ ] 10 – Supercharged!
  1. Which activity excites you the most?
  • [ ] Reading a book
  • [ ] Going for a hike
  • [ ] Trying a new recipe
  • [ ] Binge-watching your favorite show
  1. What’s your go-to remedy for a bad day?
  • [ ] A bubble bath and a book
  • [ ] A workout session
  • [ ] Indulging in comfort food
  • [ ] A movie marathon
  1. How often do you find yourself procrastinating?
  • [ ] Rarely
  • [ ] Occasionally
  • [ ] Frequently
  • [ ] All the time

Results:

  • Mostly 1s: Motivation Explorer
  • Mostly 2s: Motivation Trailblazer
  • Mostly 3s: Motivation Dynamo
  • Mostly 4s: Motivation Connoisseur
Posted on

Creating Positive Moods in Your Children

As parents, one of our most important tasks is to help our children navigate the colorful landscape of emotions. From giggles of joy to moments of frustration, children experience a wide range of moods as they grow and learn. Understanding the factors influencing their mood and equipping ourselves with practical strategies can play a significant role in nurturing their emotional well-being.

The Mood Spectrum

Just like adults, children experience a spectrum of moods. Happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, and everything in between contribute to their emotional world. Remembering that all emotions are valid and serve a purpose in our children’s lives is crucial. By acknowledging and validating their feelings, we create a safe space for them to explore and express their emotions.

Factors Influencing Mood

Several factors can influence a child’s mood, including:

  1. Sleep: Adequate sleep is essential for emotional well-being. Children who consistently get enough sleep tend to be more balanced and cheerful.
  2. Nutrition: A balanced diet rich in nutrients supports physical and emotional health.
  3. Physical Activity: Regular exercise helps release endorphins, promoting positive emotions and reducing stress.
  4. Social Interactions: Healthy relationships with family, friends, and peers contribute to positive mood development.
  5. Environment: A safe, nurturing environment at home and school set the tone for emotional well-being.
  6. Stress Management: Equipping children with coping mechanisms to deal with stressors can prevent negative moods from escalating.

Creating Positive Moods

As parents, we have the power to foster positive moods in our children:

  1. Open Communication: Encourage your child to talk about their feelings. Create a judgment-free space where they feel comfortable sharing their emotional experiences.
  2. Model Emotional Regulation: Children learn by observing. Demonstrate healthy ways of managing emotions, such as taking deep breaths or calming activities.
  3. Validate Feelings: Let your child know their feelings are understood and accepted. Avoid dismissing or belittling their emotions.
  4. Create a Routine: Consistency provides stability, which can positively impact mood. Establish a daily routine with ample sleep, play, and relaxation time.
  5. Encourage Play and Creativity: Play is a natural way for children to express their emotions and work through challenges. Encourage creative outlets like drawing, painting, and imaginative play.
  6. Promote Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Encourage nutritious eating, physical activity, and adequate sleep to support their overall well-being.
  7. Empower Problem-Solving: Teach your child problem-solving skills to handle challenges constructively, boosting their confidence and reducing frustration.
  8. Practice Mindfulness Together: Introduce simple mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or guided imagery to help your child manage strong emotions.

Nurturing positive moods in children is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and an unwavering commitment to their emotional well-being. By recognizing the factors influencing their moods and implementing strategies promoting positivity, parents can play an instrumental role in shaping their children’s emotional landscapes. Through open communication, validation, and a nurturing environment, parents can help their children navigate emotions with confidence and resilience.

Posted on

Top 10 Parenting FAQs: Expert Answers to Help You Raise Happy, Healthy Kids

Parenting can be an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling experience, but it’s also one of the most challenging roles we can take on. From sleepless nights with newborns to navigating sensitive topics with teenagers, there’s no shortage of questions and uncertainties that can come with raising children. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 frequently asked questions about parenting, along with expert answers to help guide you through the ups and downs of parenthood. Whether you’re a new parent, an experienced caregiver, or simply looking for some helpful advice, these tips and strategies can help you raise happy, healthy kids and navigate the many joys and challenges of being a parent.

  1. What is the best way to discipline a child?
  • The best way to discipline a child depends on age, personality, and behavior. Positive reinforcement, setting clear boundaries and consequences, and consistency are practical ways to discipline a child.
  1. How do I get my child to sleep through the night?
  • Establishing a consistent bedtime routine, creating a calm and comfortable sleep environment, and encouraging healthy sleep habits such as avoiding caffeine and screen time before bed can help a child sleep through the night.
  1. What should I do if my child is being bullied at school?
  • It’s important to take bullying seriously and address it promptly. Encourage your child to talk about the situation, contact their teacher or school administrator, and work together to develop a plan to stop the bullying.
  1. How can I help my child with anxiety?
  • Supporting your child, validating their feelings, and encouraging them to discuss their worries can help. Additionally, practicing relaxation techniques, creating a calming environment, and seeking professional help if necessary can be effective ways to help a child with anxiety.
  1. What are some tips for potty training a toddler?
  • Potty training can take time and patience. Some tips include waiting until your child shows readiness signs, creating a consistent routine, using positive reinforcement, and avoiding punishment for accidents.
  1. How can I help my child develop healthy eating habits?
  • Model healthy eating habits yourself, offer a variety of healthy foods, involve your child in meal planning and preparation, and limit sugary and processed foods to help your child develop healthy eating habits.
  1. How do I talk to my child about sensitive topics like sex and drugs?
  • Be honest and age-appropriate, and use clear and factual language when discussing sensitive topics with your child. Encourage questions and open communication, and be prepared to have ongoing conversations as your child grows and develops.
  1. How can I support my child’s education and academic success?
  • Creating a positive and supportive learning environment at home, being involved in your child’s education, encouraging and praising effort and progress, and addressing any learning difficulties or challenges can support your child’s academic success.
  1. What are some practical ways to manage my child’s screen time?
  • Establishing clear rules and boundaries around screen time, modeling healthy screen use habits yourself, prioritizing non-screen activities and outdoor play, and monitoring your child’s screen use can be effective ways to manage screen time.
  1. How can I help my child build solid relationships and social skills?
  • Encourage your child to develop friendships and social connections, model healthy communication and relationship behaviors, provide opportunities for your child to practice social skills, and address any social difficulties or challenges.

If you want personalized support and guidance on your parenting journey, consider contacting Ron Huxley. With over 30 years of experience in family therapy and social work, Ron has helped countless families navigate the challenges of parenthood and build stronger, more connected relationships. Whether you’re struggling with a specific issue or simply looking for ongoing support and guidance, Ron’s compassionate and practical approach can help you achieve your goals and create the happy, healthy family life you deserve.

Posted on

Contemplations on Control: How we make (good) decisions

Some people have trouble making good decisions. Boundaries are a challenge and saying “no” feels impossible. For others, they are quite comfortable making decisions. They might even enjoy telling others what choices they should make. Parents often feel a need to tell children what to do all the time. They believe that children can’t or won’t make a good choice. As we contemplate the elements of control in our lives, we want to find that balance between laissez faire attitudes and acting like a control freak. 

Making choices, even bad ones is a way to feel powerful. Many children and adults will act in the opposite manner just to feel some form of power in their own lives. Authority figures are seen as untrustworthy, no matter how experienced or wise they might be. That isn’t the point for a person who feels powerless. Control and the defiance that often comes with it feels like the only way to find power or freedom.

We value the freedom that can come through choices. It is one of America’s highest personal values. Unfortunately, freedom to do anything one wants, whenever one wants to do it, and not expect any real consequences is not true freedom. True freedom comes when we exercise self-control. 

Ask Dr. Seuss, if you don’t believe me:

You have brains in your head,

You have feet in your shoes,

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

Sound advice. The trick is choosing the right direction! 

Parents want children to listen and obey because they have more experience dealing with the complexities of life. Children want to assert their control in order to better know themselves. There are specific stages where this most evident, like in 2-3-year-old toddler stage and the 13-17 years of adolescence. The reason these ages and stages are so fraught with power struggles is because the child is going through rapid brain growth, hormonal changes, and social/emotional demands. That requires a lot of self-assertion in order to master it all. 

As I have already described in other blog posts, a parents job should resemble a coach more than a director. While this isn’t always possible or practical, it is the healthier approach to successful parenting. A parent TELLS a child what to do. Children can’t become responsible human beings or eventual adults if they rely on parents what to do. Parents can expect more self-responsibility and problem-solving if they don’t let the child make choices. 

A parent coach offers choices in order to empower children to learn from their choices. Isn’t this how we all learn? Of course, understanding this approach and performing it in the heat of the “battle” is difficult but that isn’t a reason not to use it. The good news is that the drive to choose is built into our nervous systems. You don’t have to tell a child to have an opinion. They already have one. You don’t have to model how to prefer for one type of food over the other or one game over the other. The child just does this naturally. Coaching allows us to direct what is already inborn. Parents should let it work to their advantage!

Forcing control, although at times necessary, shouldn’t be our primary parenting plan. Parents can give choices for things they approve of…usually two is good. If the child wants a third option, and they will, simply repeat the two choices and when the situation becomes a game, and it will, make the choice for the child. This is where parents can be direct and assert their wills. Pick your battles well in other words.

Researchers on control like to use the words “agency” or “self-efficacy”. I guess it sounds more clinical. The more agency we use in life the more power-full we feel. The more good decisions we make, the more confident we are to try new and more challenging things. Good deciders set bigger goals in life than bad deciders. They get along better with other people, can be better team players, have higher academic achievements and work ethics, and they are healthier and happier people overall. 

That all sounds good until you make a few bad choices and start to believe that you don’t have the ability to make a good choice, ever! People who go through trauma often feel this way. Depression is a common hallmark of making bad choices or having gone through bad things. This is what researchers call “locus of control”. Someone with an internal locus of control believes they are the cause of a successful outcome. An extern locus of control refers to things happening by chance or luck. After a traumatic event or series of events, a person can feel helpless and have an external locus of control. If something good does happen, it is random and accidental.

It is possible to have an “illusion of control” where someone feels they can master things they really can’t. They don’t have an overdeveloped internal locus of control and may take on too many tasks or make claims of being able to accomplish tasks that are too difficult. They are ready to accept responsibility for success but blame others/events for failures. This illusion prevents them from really learning how to be successful in life. Much of wisdom comes from making mistakes and then trying a new approach next time. 

The answer to all of this may be acceptance of reality. This is a philosophical idea and spiritual practice of letting go of expectations and desires that create most of our on-going suffering. When something happens that we don’t want or we don’t get what we do want, we suffer. The truth is everyone does this and everyone suffers. Acceptance allows us to be aware of it and adapt. We don’t blame others for our mistakes or at least, our part of a situation/problem. We are humble and try to find the wisdom of our failures. We don’t allow others to control us and we don’t use control to deal with anxiety. We simply allow what is to be and find the truth in the experience. As the Bible says, “Truth sets us free” (John 8:32). 

Acceptance isn’t another form of helplessness, however. We accept our situation but continue to hope for change. Christians, for example, trust that God’s will, however difficult or uncertain, is the better choice over their own personal will. When the two wills conflict, we submit to God’s will. Continue to control people and events, in order to get what you want, alienates family and friends, and puts tension between your reality and your desire to have what you want. This tension will result in negative emotions and behaviors. Learning to accept and let go will allow using that energy to make the best of your situation. Now that does require self-control!

“Accept — then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. This will miraculously transform your whole life.” Eckhart Tolle

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” William James

“The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor with that he might have done you a greater one.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

>> Learn more about “Acceptance and Change” in our Freedom From Anxiety course at http://FamilyHealer.tv

>> Invite Ron Huxley to speak at your next event by contacting him at rehuxley@gmail.com or 805-709-2023. 

Posted on

Great Behavior Breakdown

Why does your child lie, steal, defy, incessantly chatter, cling, or whine?
The answer is simpler than you may think: Children misbehave because they are stressed. When something is alarming, their brain is stuck reacting to fear rather than responding normally. It feels like life-or-death for the child, resulting in dysregulated behaviors. 

Parents often wonder, “What was he thinking? He knows better. He must be doing this on purpose.” The truth is, the child is not thinking at all, but merely reacting unconsciously. The solution is not doling out consequences, but rather helping your child return to regulation. Bryan Post in his book The Great Behavior Breakdown, explains how to respond to misbehaving children in a way that helps them feel safe, thus eliminating negative behaviors.

What can trigger a fear response in your child? For some children, especially those who have experienced trauma, almost anything can trigger fear. A small change in routine, such as going out to eat at a restaurant or skipping reading before bed, can illicit fear. In normal development, a brain automatically alerts to any change in environment, quickly assesses it to see if it is an emergency, and then returns to normal functioning. When a child’s development has been troubled, her brains often get stuck in alert mode. A brain that is stuck in alert is panicked, illogical, and desperate. There is only one thing that can bring the brain back to normal functioning: containment and positive feedback loops.  
Containment means eliminating extra sensory input. Often this looks like turning down the music, walking out of a store, sitting on a parent’s lap, or closing eyes. Positive feedback loop is a fancy way of saying, make it feel safe and enjoyable. When the child is full of negativity, hold on to a calm, regulated, demeanor. Be positive, low key, and non-threatening. Eventually the child will give in to your invitation to stay near until he or she feels safe enough to go back and play. 

I have used Bryan Post’s approach for years while working with adoptive and foster children. For kids with trauma, his techniques work when nothing else does. Next time your child is misbehaving, see the reaction as fear rather than anger. It will change the way you respond, change your child’s behaviors, and transform your relationship.

Guest Blogger:
Stephanie Patterson, MS, LMFT

Posted on

Parents don’t necessarily need a new idea as much as they need a new perspective on their child’s heart. What is your child’s uniques gifts, talents, perspectives, dreams, needs, desires, wants, fears, joys, passions, etc? The best parenting tool is seeing children through their eyes.