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Overwhelmed By Life? You Might Be A “Highly Sensitive Person”

Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is a unique personality trait that affects a significant portion of the population. HSPs have heightened sensitivity to various stimuli, including emotions, sensory input, and environmental factors. In this article, we will explore what it means to be a highly sensitive person, who coined the term, and provide examples of traits commonly associated with HSPs.

What is a Highly Sensitive Person?

A highly sensitive person is someone who has an increased sensitivity to stimulation and information. They tend to process sensory input more deeply and may be more aware of subtle changes in their environment. HSPs often experience emotions intensely and have a strong sense of empathy and compassion towards others. They may also be more prone to feeling overwhelmed in certain situations.

Who Coined the Term “Highly Sensitive Person”?

The term “Highly Sensitive Person” was coined by psychologist Elaine Aron. In 1996, Elaine Aron published a groundbreaking book titled “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.” Through her research, Aron identified and described the unique characteristics of HSPs, shedding light on this often misunderstood trait.

Examples of Traits Associated with Highly Sensitive People

Here are some examples of traits commonly associated with highly sensitive people:

  1. Emotional Sensitivity: HSPs have deep emotional responsiveness and may experience emotions more intensely than others.
  2. Empathy and Compassion: They possess a heightened ability to understand and feel the emotions of others, often displaying a strong sense of empathy and compassion.
  3. Overstimulation: HSPs may be more susceptible to feeling overwhelmed in environments with excessive sensory input, such as loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces.
  4. Attention to Detail: They tend to notice subtle details that others may overlook, demonstrating a keen eye for observation.
  5. Creativity: HSPs often have a rich inner world and a vivid imagination, which can contribute to their creative abilities.
  6. Deep Processing: They engage in deep cognitive processing, analyzing information thoroughly before making decisions or forming opinions.
  7. Strong Intuition: HSPs have a heightened sense of intuition and may rely on their gut feelings when navigating life’s challenges.
  8. Need for Solitude: They may require regular periods of solitude and quiet to recharge and process their thoughts and emotions.
  9. Appreciation of Beauty: HSPs have a deep appreciation for art, nature, and aesthetics, often finding beauty in the smallest of things.
  10. Strong Emotional Resonance: They may be deeply moved by music, art, literature, or other forms of expression, experiencing a profound emotional resonance.

Quiz: Are You a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

Answer the following questions to gain insight into whether you possess traits commonly associated with being a highly sensitive person. Keep track of the number of “yes” responses to determine your level of sensitivity.

  1. Do you find yourself deeply affected by other people’s moods and emotions, even when they are not directly expressed to you?
  2. Are you easily overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, or strong smells?
  3. Do you tend to avoid violent or emotionally intense movies, TV shows, or books because they affect you deeply?
  4. Do you have a rich and complex inner life, often engaging in deep thinking and reflection?
  5. Are you highly perceptive, noticing subtle details that others often miss?
  6. Do you experience strong emotional reactions to art, music, or natural landscapes?
  7. Do you feel the need for regular periods of solitude to recharge and process your thoughts and emotions?
  8. Are you deeply moved by the suffering of others, often feeling a strong sense of empathy and compassion?
  9. Do you find it challenging to make decisions, often needing time to carefully weigh your options?
  10. Are you sensitive to caffeine or alcohol, experiencing their effects more strongly than others?

Scoring:

  • 0-3 “yes” responses: It is less likely that you possess traits of a highly sensitive person.
  • 4-7 “yes” responses: You may demonstrate some traits commonly associated with being a highly sensitive person.
  • 8-10 “yes” responses: You likely possess many traits of a highly sensitive person.

Remember, this quiz is not a definitive assessment but rather a tool for personal reflection. If you resonate with the characteristics of a highly sensitive person, consider seeking further resources and support to better understand and embrace your sensitivity.

References:

  1. Highly Sensitive Person | Psychology Today
  2. What Is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? – Verywell Mind
  3. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You – Elaine Aron
  4. 14 Traits of Highly Sensitive People | Psychology Today

Being a highly sensitive person is not a flaw but rather a unique way of experiencing the world. Understanding and embracing this trait can lead to greater self-awareness and self-acceptance. If you resonate with the characteristics of a highly sensitive person, remember that you are not alone, and there are resources available to support you on your journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

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How can you punish an abused child?

I recently watched a movie called “Unthinkable” (CAUTION: Movie spoilers ahead) and was shocked by the intensity of the violence. At first I turned it off then later went back to finish watching the movie. There was something about the plot line that drew me back in. The subject matter was simple: A terrorist sets up nuclear bombs throughout America, is captured, and then tortured to tell their locations. Yes, tortured. Aside from the more obvious political messages here, there was a subtler, frightening psychological message.

No matter how much the terrorist was tortured physically or mentally he never broke. He suffered but he continued to play mind games with this capturers till the very end. What would hold a person together despite such horrific punishments? I realized what the answer to this question was when the terrorist stated that “he deserved this” for all the bad things he had done. The movie never really described what these “bad things” were but it was enough of a mindset for him to endure unbelievable torture. His captors tried everything to break him: reason, empathy, brutality, mind games, more brutality and finally more brutality. They just kept upping the ante on the terrorist with the belief that eventually everyone breaks. He didn’t.

What struck such a cord in me was that many of the children I work with, who have been mistreated,  have this “terrorist” mindset. Their behavior says: “What can you possibly do to me that I have not already endured in a much younger, more vulnerable state as an infant or young child?” So many of the children who adopt this “defiant” attitude have a deeper narrative that they deserve the punishments they are getting. Children internalize their abuse and believe that they are responsible for what happened to them. In fact, they often believe that they are “damaged goods” unworthy of love or kindness or anything good. They may set up caregivers to make them angry and want to punish them. It is easy for an adult caregiver to play right into this narrative and reinforce the very thing they want to change in the child. They may not beat them or leave them in a closet for days but we do use other punishment-based techniques (lock them up, move them from home to home, shame them with words or actions, make them carry out sentences, etc) all with the hopes that they will express their guilt and shame and change their behaviors.

I think the end goal is a worthy one. We want to help the child see things differently but our methods need some updating. Hope for this is coming from the field of neuroscience which is why you will see so much of this in this blog. It may not be the final answer but it is allowing us to see the small, hurting child behind the big terrorist mask. It is telling us that children’s brains and minds are affected by their mistreatment and we must go back and redo attachment-based treatments to help them rebuild the mental and physical capacity for love and affection and moral reasoning too.

I know it sounds like I am hard on the adult caregivers. I guess I am but we are the ones who have to do something different. We can’t expect the child to “get it” and explain it to us. We have to look deeper to see the alternative narratives for the child to live out. That will take time and patience. Unfortunately, we caregivers are products of our own culture and parenting narratives. A shame-based approach to parenting is how many of us were raised and so, it is the only approach we  know how to use. If time out for an hour in a child’s room doesn’t work, what else is there? More time in the room? Perhaps we should yell louder or threaten more? Obviously not. The answer to my title: How can you punish an abused child, is simple. You can’t.

The mission of the Parenting Toolbox blog is to give parents more tools. I used to teach a lot of court-ordered parenting classes where parents where referred to learn non-punitive parenting skills. I quickly learned that you got no where trying to debate the punishment mindset. I realized that I couldn’t really win the “spank/no spank” argument. I might get some compliance from the parent but there was no change in insight. My focus became teaching other things the parent could do by giving lots of parenting tools. This worked. It is my vision to see parents better equipped and hurt children healed with this blog as well.

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