Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave deep emotional scars, distorting your sense of self and creating lasting challenges. However, recovery is possible. This guide offers a journey of self-discovery, healing, and reclaiming your authentic self. We’ll explore the impact of narcissistic parenting and common challenges faced by adult children and provide essential steps toward healing and moving forward.
When working with trauma, we must be practical about what works! If we don’t, traumatized individuals will not find the strength to work through the pain of past hurts. After 30 years of working with trauma, here are the three healing strategies that I find work best for children and adults.
Nonclinical staff are often clients’ first point of contact and play a vital role in creating a supportive environment. Trauma awareness is when individuals have knowledge and education about trauma. By understanding the signs of trauma, nonclinical staff can improve recognition and response, decrease the risk of triggering and retraumatization, prioritize care, make more informed decisions about immediate care needs, and reduce stress and job satisfaction for staff.
Here are some typical behavioral, emotional, and physical signs of trauma:
Behavioral:
Emotional:
Physical:
By implementing trauma-informed care principles, organizations can create supportive environments that improve client outcomes. These principles foster healing, resilience, and well-being for clients and staff. The six key principles are:
Harris and Fallot (2001) proposed five guiding values and principles to ensure a trauma-informed approach in any organization. These values can be applied at a worker-to-client level, a worker-to-worker level, and a leadership-to-worker level:
Using trauma-sensitive language is essential in creating a supportive atmosphere for clients. It involves using words and phrases that are respectful, validating, and empowering. Here are some examples of trauma-sensitive language:
When interacting with clients, it’s crucial to:
Using strengths-based language focuses on the client’s abilities and resilience rather than their deficits. Examples of strengths-based language include:
Forming an internal Champion Team is one of the most important ways to ensure the overall sustainability of trauma-informed culture change. Champions prioritize the trauma-informed lens in all areas of organizational functioning and assist in developing workforce learning around a trauma-informed approach.
By understanding and implementing these strategies and tools, nonclinical staff can create a more supportive and empowering environment for clients who have experienced trauma.
Deep breathing is a powerful tool for calming the nervous system and promoting overall well-being in children and adults. This simple yet effective technique offers numerous benefits for physical and mental health.
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps reduce stress and anxiety[1][2]. It can lower heart rate and blood pressure and even decrease the production of stress hormones like cortisol[1]. Regular practice of deep breathing exercises has been shown to:
Studies have found that just one minute of slow, deep breathing can significantly lower physiological arousal, making it an excellent tool for managing stress in everyday situations[4].
Deep breathing exercises can be particularly beneficial for children, helping them develop essential coping skills:
Research has shown that guiding children through brief deep breathing exercises can significantly lower their physiological arousal, even in everyday settings[4]. This makes it an invaluable tool for helping children manage their emotions and stress.
We’ve developed a new app called Calm Breath to help children learn and practice deep breathing techniques. This interactive tool makes deep breathing exercises fun and engaging for kids. You can try it out at https://calm-breath.replit.app/
Calm Breath joins a growing list of digital resources to teach children mindfulness and relaxation techniques [6][9]. Incorporating technology can make these valuable skills more accessible and appealing to young users.
To get the most benefit from deep breathing, follow these simple steps:
Remember, consistency is key. Incorporating deep breathing exercises into your daily routine can lead to long-term benefits for you and your children.
By teaching children the importance of deep breathing early on, we can help them develop lifelong skills for managing stress and promoting overall well-being. With tools like Calm Breath, we’re making it easier than ever for children to learn and practice these essential techniques.
Citations:
[1] https://www.onestep.co/resources-blog/deep-breathing-better-physical-mental-health
[2] https://positivepsychology.com/deep-breathing-techniques-exercises/
[3] https://www.apaservices.org/practice/business/technology/tech-column/children-mindfulness-apps
[4] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_four_deep_breaths_can_help_kids_calm_down
[5] https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-021-98736-9
[6] https://www.understood.org/en/articles/8-meditation-apps-for-kids
[7] https://www.childrenscolorado.org/just-ask-childrens/articles/breathing-to-change-mood/
[8] https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-to-know-4-7-8-breathing
[9] https://parentingchaos.com/anxiety-apps-kids/
[10] https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids
[11] https://www.heart.org/en/news/2023/07/07/its-not-just-inspiration-careful-breathing-can-help-your-health
[12] https://www.pcmag.com/picks/the-6-best-meditation-and-mindfulness-apps-for-kids
[13] https://www.cedars-sinai.org/blog/five-deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids-and-teens.html
As we stand at the threshold of 2025, many of us feel like skydivers perched at the airplane door – hearts racing, minds swirling with “what-ifs.” In her profound work, Melody Beattie captures this universal fear perfectly: “Sometimes we’re so scared, all we can think to do is hang on.”
Whether entering this new year carrying hopes for career advancement, relationship healing, or personal growth, the journey ahead requires us to embrace the art of letting go. The coming year represents our metaphorical airplane door. Some of us approach it willingly, armed with resolutions and dreams. Others may be pushed toward change by circumstances beyond our control – a company restructuring, health challenges, or shifting relationships.
Fear often manifests as an intense grip on the familiar. We cling to outdated habits, toxic relationships, or unfulfilling jobs because we feel safer than the unknown. But Beattie notes that holding on is often a “silly illusion.” Like a skydiver must release the aircraft to experience the exhilarating freedom of flight, we must loosen our grip on what no longer serves us.
Recognize Your Airplane Door
Practice Ground Training
“Training their bodies and themselves to do it right” – Beattie
Manage the Freefall
Use Beattie’s anxiety management techniques:
Deploy Your Safety Measures
“Cut away major malfunctions” – Beattie
Navigate the Landing
Remember, letting go isn’t passive surrender. Like a skydiver reading wind patterns and adjusting accordingly, we must actively engage with life’s currents. “The process of letting go,” Beattie emphasizes, “requires as much skill and attention as holding on.”
Sometimes, life presents us with malfunctioning parachutes – situations that aren’t working despite our best efforts. The new year might require us to deploy our reserve chute by walking away from draining relationships, leaving unfulfilling careers, or abandoning strategies that no longer work. While scary, these decisions often lead to softer landings than forcing a damaged situation to work.
As we step into 2025, let’s trust that even in freefall, we possess the strength to navigate our descent and land gracefully in new possibilities. Every skydiver was once a beginner. Start small, trust the process, and let 2025 be your conscious release and renewal year.
The countdown to the new year has begun. What will you choose to release as you leap into 2025?
Hunter Clarke-Fields’ book “Raising Good Humans” offers a refreshing approach to parenting that focuses on mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and building strong relationships with our children. By incorporating these principles, parents can create a nurturing environment that fosters cooperation, resilience, and empathy in their children.
One of the core tenets of Clarke-Fields’ approach is the importance of modeling desired behaviors. Children learn more from what we do than we say[1]. As parents, we must embody the qualities we wish to see in our children, such as kindness, calmness, and respect[1]. For example, if we want our children to manage their emotions effectively, we need to demonstrate emotional regulation ourselves.
Clarke-Fields emphasizes the need to identify and break harmful generational patterns[1]. Many parents unknowingly perpetuate behaviors they experienced in their own upbringing, such as yelling or using physical punishment. By recognizing these patterns, we can consciously choose to parent differently, creating a more positive family dynamic.
The book advocates using mindfulness techniques to enhance parental self-regulation and improve communication with children[1]. Practices like the RAIN meditation can help parents navigate emotional challenges with more excellent balance and presence[1].
At the heart of Clarke-Fields’ philosophy is the belief that a strong parent-child relationship is key to effective parenting[3]. Children who feel securely attached to their parents are more likely to cooperate and work together to resolve conflicts[3].
By implementing these techniques and embracing the principles outlined in “Raising Good Humans,” parents can create a nurturing environment that supports their children’s emotional and social development. Remember, the goal is not perfection but a conscious, mindful approach to parenting that fosters strong relationships and raises emotionally intelligent, resilient children.
Citations:
[1] https://swiftread.com/books/raising-good-humans
[2] https://www.mindbodydad.com/dad/5-principles-of-parenting
[3] https://www.shortform.com/summary/raising-good-humans-summary-hunter-clarke-fields
[4] https://bewellbykelly.com/blogs/blog/raising-good-humans-discover-the-5-key-principles-of-parenting-with-dr-aliza-pressman
[5] https://www.20minutebooks.com/raising-good-humans
[6] https://www.mamasaysnamaste.com/podcast-good-humans/
[7] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOlJMB8I_k0
[8] https://gabbybernstein.com/podcast/spirituality-and-parenting-raising-good-humans-with-dr-aliza-pressman/
Have you ever wondered why some people react differently to stress or scary situations? The answer might be in something called epigenetics. Let’s explore what this big word means and how it helps us understand trauma.
Epigenetics is like a special switch for our genes. Our genes tell our body how to work, but epigenetics can turn these instructions on or off. It’s like a light switch that can make a room bright or dark, but the light bulb doesn’t change.
When someone goes through something really scary or upsetting (we call this trauma), it can flip some of these epigenetic switches. This means that even after the scary thing is over, the person’s body might still act like it’s in danger.
Scientists have found that these switched genes can sometimes be passed from parents to their children. It’s a bit like inheriting your mom’s hair color, but instead, you might inherit how your body reacts to stress.
Trauma-informed care is when doctors, teachers, and other helpers understand that bad experiences can change how a person’s body and mind work. They use this knowledge to help people feel safe and get better.
By understanding epigenetics, helpers can:
The best part about epigenetics is that these switches can be changed again! With the right help and care, people can learn new ways to cope with stress and feel better.
Epigenetics shows us that our experiences can change us, but we can help ourselves and others heal and grow stronger with understanding and care.
Citations:
[1] https://arkansasadvocate.com/2023/07/05/understanding-epigenetics-how-trauma-is-passed-on-through-our-family-members/
[2] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9705591/
[3] https://www.ca18211.eu/courses/trauma-informed-care-and-epigenetics/
[4] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6127768/
[5] https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-parents-rsquo-trauma-leaves-biological-traces-in-children/
[6] https://therapist.com/trauma/generational-trauma-epigenetics/
[7] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2797220
[8] https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2016/03/understanding-anxiety-disorders
Nurturing Creativity and Emotional Well-being: Art Therapy Activities for Children
As parents, we always look for ways to support our children’s emotional development and help them express their feelings. Art therapy activities can be a powerful tool in this journey, offering a non-verbal outlet for emotions and fostering creativity. Here are some simple yet effective art therapy activities you can try at home with your children:
Encourage your child to draw and color personified versions of their emotions. For example, they might create a grumpy thundercloud for anger or a playful sunshine for happiness. This activity helps children identify and understand feelings while developing coping mechanisms by giving these “monsters” friendly features or silly accessories[1].
Give your child an outline of a heart and ask them to color it based on their emotions. Different colors can represent various feelings. This exercise helps children create visual representations of their emotions, making it easier to express and understand complex feelings[2].
Set up a space with large canvases or paper and various art supplies like paints, markers, or crayons. Play calming music and encourage your child to express emotions through abstract shapes and colors. This activity allows for releasing emotions in a non-judgmental space and can be particularly helpful for children who struggle to verbalize their feelings[1].
Ask your child to draw or create a representation of their safe space. This could be a real place or an imaginary one. Encourage them to include elements that make them feel secure and comfortable. This activity can lead to discussions about creating safe environments in real life and can be a valuable tool for children dealing with anxiety[2].
Collect smooth stones and have your child paint or draw simple images. These stones can then be used to create and tell stories. This activity not only stimulates creativity but also helps children explore narratives and themes that are meaningful to them. It’s an excellent way to encourage self-expression and advance vocabulary[3].
Introduce your child to mindful doodling. Have them close their eyes and draw simple shapes and lines on paper, focusing on how they feel rather than how they look. This exercise can be calming and meditative, helping to reduce stress and anxiety[3].
Remember, these activities aim not to create masterpieces but to provide a safe, creative outlet for self-expression. Encourage your child to focus on the process rather than the end result. As you engage in these activities together, you’re supporting their emotional development and strengthening your bond.
Incorporating these art therapy activities into your family routine gives your child valuable tools for emotional regulation and self-expression that can benefit them throughout their lives.
Citations:
[1] https://loveplaygrownj.com/art-therapy-activities/
[2] https://positivepsychology.com/art-therapy/
[3] https://www.rmcad.edu/blog/brushing-away-stress-21-art-therapy-activities-for-self-expression-and-healing/
[4] https://intuitivecreativity.typepad.com/expressiveartinspirations/100-art-therapy-exercises.html
[5] https://www.weareteachers.com/art-therapy-activities/
[6] https://www.playday.com/post/8-art-therapy-activities-for-kids-recommended-by-therapists
[7] https://www.wholechildcounseling.com/post/5-art-therapy-inspired-activities-for-calming-behaviors-and-building-resilience-by-erica-curtis
[8] https://www.alternativetomeds.com/blog/art-therapy-ideas/
Sarah nervously fidgeted with her necklace as she waited in the airport terminal. It had been five years since she’d seen her younger brother, Jake. Separated by adoption when Sarah was 10 and Jake was 6, the siblings were about to reunite for the first time since that difficult day.
“I was so scared he wouldn’t remember me,” Sarah recalled. “But as soon as I saw him, it was like no time had passed. We just hugged and cried.”
Stories like Sarah and Jake’s are too familiar in adoption. While keeping siblings together is often the goal, it’s not always possible. Maintaining these vital connections is challenging, but so are the rewards.
Dr. David Brodzinsky, a leading expert in adoption psychology, emphasizes the importance of sibling relationships: “Sibling bonds are often the longest-lasting family ties we have. For adopted children, these connections can be a crucial link to their past and a source of stability in their present.”
Indeed, research has shown that maintaining sibling relationships can have profound benefits for adopted children. These connections can provide emotional support, a sense of identity, and a link to a shared history.
However, maintaining these relationships is often fraught with obstacles. Geographic distance, the differing needs of individual children, and complex family dynamics can all pose challenges.
Mary, an adoptive mother of three siblings, shared her experience: “We knew it was important to keep the kids together, but it wasn’t easy. They each had such different needs. There were times I wondered if we’d made the right choice.”
Despite the difficulties, Mary and her husband persevered. They sought professional help, established routines that gave each child individual attention, and worked tirelessly to foster a sense of family unity.
“It was worth every struggle,” Mary said. “Watching them support each other, seeing their bond grow stronger – it’s been the most rewarding part of our adoption journey.”
For families who aren’t able to adopt sibling groups together, maintaining connections requires creativity and commitment. Regular video calls, shared online photo albums, and planned visits can all help bridge the gap.
Tom, a social worker specializing in adoption, offers this advice: “Communication is key. Be open with your children about their siblings, encourage questions, and proactively facilitate contact when possible.”
He adds, “It’s also important to be sensitive to the complex emotions that can arise. Feelings of guilt, loss, or confusion are common. Providing a safe space for children to express these feelings is crucial.”
As the adoption community continues to recognize the importance of sibling relationships, more resources and support are becoming available. Many agencies now offer specialized training for families adopting sibling groups or those working to maintain connections with siblings placed separately.
Sarah, now 25, reflects on her journey: “It hasn’t always been easy, but I’m so grateful we’ve been able to stay in each other’s lives. Jake is more than just my brother – he’s a link to my past and an important part of my future.”
As we continue to navigate the complexities of adoption, one thing remains clear: the sibling bond is a powerful force. By recognizing its importance and working to nurture these relationships, we can help adopted children maintain vital connections to their roots while building strong, loving families for the future.
Here are some valuable resources for adoptive parents looking to deepen their understanding of sibling relationships and the adoption process:
By utilizing these resources, adoptive parents can gain deeper insights into sibling relationships and the broader adoption process, fostering a more supportive environment for their children.
Citations:
[1] https://www.adoptionsupportalliance.org/resources
[2] https://creatingafamily.org/adoption/resources/
[3] https://www.utahadopt.org/resources
[4] https://www.purladoptions.com/learn/adoption-advisor/resources-for-talking-to-your-child-about-adoption/
[5] https://www.utahadopt.org/support-resources
[6] https://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/parenting-support/for-adoptive-parents
[7] https://www.creatingafamilyed.org/courses/preparing-children-already-in-the-home-for-adoption
[8] https://adoptioncouncil.org/publications/adoption-advocate-no-147/
When life feels complicated, and challenges seem insurmountable, it’s easy to fall into negative thinking and self-criticism patterns. However, adopting the “Doing The Best I Can” mindset can be a powerful reframe to combat these feelings and foster self-compassion. Here’s how this simple phrase can transform your perspective:
“Doing The Best I Can” recognizes that you’re putting forth effort, even when outcomes aren’t perfect. This acknowledgment is crucial because:
This reframe helps you accept that perfection is unattainable. Instead of berating yourself for falling short of impossible standards, you can:
By telling yourself you’re doing your best, you’re practicing self-compassion. This approach:
“Doing The Best I Can” takes into account your current circumstances. It acknowledges that:
This reframe encourages a growth mindset by:
To incorporate this reframe into your daily life:
Remember, “Doing The Best I Can” doesn’t mean settling for less or making excuses. Instead, it’s about recognizing your efforts, accepting your limitations, and maintaining a compassionate attitude toward yourself as you navigate life’s complexities.
By adopting this reframe, you can reduce feelings of overwhelm, combat negative thinking, and approach challenges with a more balanced and kind perspective. It’s a simple yet powerful tool for fostering resilience and maintaining emotional well-being in life’s inevitable ups and downs.
Ron Huxley LMFT 