Page 3 of 9

Posted on

How to Learn From a Narcissist Without Becoming One!

According to a study published in the journal “Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin”, individuals who score higher on the narcissism scale also tend to have higher self-esteem, confidence, and assertiveness levels. These traits can be beneficial in certain situations, such as job interviews or negotiations, where self-assurance can help individuals secure better opportunities and outcomes.

Furthermore, the same study suggests that individuals with high levels of narcissism also tend to possess greater creativity and charisma. These qualities can help individuals become successful leaders and innovators in their fields.

However, it’s important to note that excessive levels of narcissism can also lead to negative consequences, such as strained relationships, conflicts, and isolation. It’s essential to find a balance between healthy self-assessment and self-aggrandizement.

By understanding and harnessing the positive aspects of narcissism, we can become more confident and effective individuals without sacrificing our empathy and authenticity.

  1. Cultivate Confidence, Not Arrogance:
    Having confidence is an incredible trait that can drive us towards success. It’s important to acknowledge our capabilities and achievements while respecting others and not diminishing their worth. When we nurture authentic confidence, it motivates us and uplifts those who surround us, leading to a constructive atmosphere for personal development.
  2. Seek Self-Validation through Personal Growth:
    Focus on your own self-improvement instead of seeking validation from others. Set achievable goals, learn new skills, and broaden your knowledge. By tracking your progress and finding satisfaction in it, you will be inspired to consistently develop and achieve greatness.
  3. Practice Empathy and Understanding:
    It’s true that narcissistic individuals may struggle with empathy, but we have the power to cultivate it within ourselves. One way to do this is by actively listening to those around us, seeking to understand their viewpoints, and forging genuine connections. By prioritizing empathy, we can build stronger and healthier relationships, fostering an environment of compassion and support.
  4. Gratitude: The Key to Humility:
    One way to combat narcissism is by practicing gratitude, which helps cultivate humility. Take a few moments each day to reflect on and appreciate the people, opportunities, and experiences that bring richness to your life. By doing so, you can foster a genuine connection with the world and cultivate a sense of humility.
  5. Have Ambition with Purpose:
    It’s perfectly okay to have high aspirations. Aim for the stars, establish purposeful goals, and put in the effort to accomplish them. By doing so, you will motivate those around you and direct your ambition toward making a favorable impact while unlocking your full potential.
  6. Embrace Accountability and Growth:
    It’s important for us to take responsibility for our actions in order to grow personally. We should recognize our mistakes, gain knowledge from them, and take ownership of them. This allows us to create an environment where we can develop and nurture integrity within ourselves.
  7. Balancing Self-Care and Consideration:
    It’s important to prioritize self-care, but finding balance is crucial. Take care of yourself while also considering the needs of those around you. Build healthy relationships by being attentive, supportive, and dependable. This balance will help you take care of yourself while maintaining positive connections with others.
  8. Building Resilience:
    As we go through life, we face various challenges, but with resilience, we can bounce back and overcome them. It’s essential to develop emotional strength, learn from setbacks, and maintain a healthy level of self-esteem. Constructive feedback can be a valuable tool for growth, allowing us to adapt, overcome obstacles, and stay on track toward achieving personal fulfillment.


By exploring the positive qualities within narcissism, we unlock valuable lessons that can enhance our lives. By cultivating confidence, empathy, gratitude, ambition, and accountability, we foster personal growth and positively impact the world around us. So, let’s embrace these lessons, learn from narcissism, and become the best versions of ourselves while nurturing genuine connections with others.

Posted on

Deepening Connection and Empathy: Unveiling the Magic of Imago Dialogue in Couples Therapy


Communication lies at the heart of every successful relationship. However, sometimes couples struggle to truly hear and understand each other, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and disconnection. The Imago Dialogue technique can be powerful in couples therapy to foster deep understanding, empathy, and connection. In this article, we will explore the transformative potential of Imago Dialogue, its origins, and insights from renowned relationship experts.

Imago Dialogue was developed by Harville Hendrix, a prominent couples therapist and author of the groundbreaking book “Getting the Love You Want.” Hendrix believed that couples can heal past wounds and create a nurturing relationship by learning to communicate effectively and understand each other’s needs.

In his book, Hendrix explains the importance of dialogue: “The dialogue is the foundation of a conscious relationship. It’s how you create a bridge between your own world and that of your partner.”

Imago Dialogue provides a structured framework for couples to express themselves, actively listen, and empathize with each other’s experiences. Here’s a closer look at the key steps involved:

  1. Setting: Creating a Safe Space:
    Creating a safe and comfortable space is crucial for an effective Imago Dialogue conversation. It allows partners to feel secure, open up, and share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
  2. Mirroring: Reflecting Each Other’s Words:
    The mirroring step involves one partner becoming the sender and expressing their feelings or concerns using “I” statements. The other partner takes on the role of the receiver, actively listening and mirroring back the sender’s words without adding their own interpretations.

Harville Hendrix emphasizes the significance of mirroring, stating, “Mirroring helps you develop empathy by slowing down your own process and paying attention to your partner’s feelings.”

  1. Validation: Affirming Each Other’s Perspectives:
    Validation plays a vital role in creating a safe and accepting environment for communication. The receiver validates the sender’s perspective by acknowledging and affirming their feelings, thoughts, or concerns as valid and understandable.

Harville Hendrix highlights the power of validation: “Validation is the recognition and acceptance of your partner’s internal experience.”

  1. Empathy: Stepping into Each Other’s Shoes:
    The receiver then practices empathy by imagining themselves in the sender’s position and expressing their understanding of the sender’s emotions. This step fosters a deeper connection and helps partners better understand each other’s experiences.

Hendrix reminds us of the importance of empathy, stating, “Empathy is your ability to feel your partner’s pain as if it were your own.”

  1. Dialogue: Deepening Understanding and Connection:
    The dialogue phase begins after both partners have had the opportunity to express themselves and be heard. This is the time for open-ended questions, seeking clarification, and engaging in a genuine conversation that deepens their understanding of each other.


Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and thriving relationship. Imago Dialogue, pioneered by Harville Hendrix, offers couples a structured and supportive framework to enhance their connection, understanding, and empathy. By actively listening, mirroring, validating, practicing empathy, and engaging in open dialogue, couples can cultivate a deeper bond and create a loving and fulfilling relationship.

Hendrix beautifully summarizes, “Through dialogue, we learn to listen, understand, and respect our partners as separate people with their own unique experiences.”

Mastering the art of Imago Dialogue requires commitment, practice, and a willingness to prioritize open communication. By incorporating this transformative technique into your relationship journey, you and your partner can embark on

Posted on

The 1-Minute Cure for Distressing Emotions

If you have ever felt that there isn’t enough time to manage your emotional and mental health or you get stuck in the same distressing place repeatedly, here are some quick 1-minute self-soothing activities to find some breakthrough.

These activities come from a therapeutic practice called Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT. DBT is all about helping you manage your emotions and build better relationships. It’s like having a toolkit with practical skills to handle tricky situations and care for yourself. Imagine you’re facing distressing emotions or struggling with intense mood swings. It teaches you how to recognize and understand your emotions so they don’t feel like a wild rollercoaster ride you have no control over.

One of the strengths of DBT is mindfulness. It’s all about being present at the moment, fully aware of what’s happening inside and around you. It’s like pressing the pause button on your busy thoughts and taking a breather. By practicing mindfulness, you can find some calmness in the chaos.

DBT also shines a light on something called interpersonal effectiveness. It’s like giving you a secret handbook on communicating better, setting boundaries, and building healthy relationships. You’ll learn to express your needs, listen to others, and find that sweet spot where everyone feels heard and respected.

Now, let’s not forget about distress tolerance. Life can throw some curveballs your way, right? DBT helps you develop strategies to handle those challenging moments without worsening things. It’s like having a shield that protects you from getting overwhelmed when things don’t go as planned.

DBT also tackles unhelpful thoughts and beliefs. It helps you challenge negative self-talk and find more balanced perspectives. It’s like rewiring your brain to think more positively and realistically. You’ll discover that you can do amazing things and that setbacks don’t define you.

Ultimately, the goal of DBT is to help you create “a life worth living.” It’s about finding balance, cultivating self-acceptance, and building a solid foundation for your well-being. With DBT, you’ll have the tools and support to tackle life’s challenges head-on and create a brighter future.

Here’s a list of 25 different 1-minute self-soothing activities to regulate your emotions:

  1. Take three deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of the air entering and leaving your body.
  2. Squeeze a stress ball or a soft object in your hand.
  3. Repeat a positive affirmation or mantra to yourself.
  4. Close your eyes and visualize a calm and peaceful place.
  5. Listen to a calming or instrumental piece of music.
  6. Stretch your body and release tension.
  7. Take a quick walk around the room or step outside for fresh air.
  8. Massage your temples or gently rub your hands together for a few seconds.
  9. Write down three things you are grateful for in a gratitude journal.
  10. Drink a small glass of water mindfully, focusing on the sensation of each sip.
  11. Look out the window and notice five things in your surroundings.
  12. Count backward from 10 to 1, allowing yourself to relax with each number.
  13. Hold and stroke a soft fabric or a favorite plush toy.
  14. Repeat a calming word or phrase silently to yourself.
  15. Do a quick body scan, noticing any areas of tension and consciously releasing them.
  16. Hum a soothing tune or sing a calming song to yourself.
  17. Use a scented hand lotion and focus on the fragrance as you rub it into your hands.
  18. Take a mindful pause and observe your thoughts without judgment.
  19. Apply gentle pressure to your temples with your fingertips and massage in circular motions.
  20. Use a stress-relief app or listen to a guided meditation for one minute.
  21. Look at a photo or image that brings you joy and smile at the associated memory.
  22. Do a quick yoga or stretching pose, such as a standing forward bend or a shoulder roll.
  23. Repeat “I am calm and in control” silently or aloud.
  24. Hug yourself tightly for a few seconds, providing comfort and warmth.
  25. Practice a simple gratitude exercise by listing three things you appreciate about yourself.

Remember, these self-soothing activities provide quick relief and promote relaxation in just one minute. Feel free to customize the list based on your preferences and experiment with different techniques to find what works best.

Get a complete list of DBT Regulation Skills by clicking here!

Let Ron Huxley help you today with your emotional regulation and mood. Click here to schedule an appointment.

Posted on

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: Nine Classic Symptoms and Their Impact on Relationships

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. It can be challenging for individuals with BPD and their loved ones to navigate the disorder, as it often involves intense emotions, unstable relationships, and impulsive behaviors. In this article, we will discuss the nine classic symptoms of BPD and how they can impact relationships.

Sarah has been in a relationship with Jack for several months. At first, everything seemed perfect. Jack was kind, attentive, and romantic, and Sarah felt like she had finally found the one. However, over time, she began to notice some strange behaviors that she couldn’t explain.

For example, Jack would become extremely jealous and possessive whenever Sarah spent time with her friends. He would accuse her of cheating on him or abandoning him, even when she was only gone for a few hours. Sarah tried to reassure him, but no matter what she did, he always seemed to find a reason to be upset.

Another time, Sarah and Jack got into an argument about something trivial, and Jack suddenly became enraged. He began yelling at her, calling her names, and throwing objects around the room. Sarah was terrified and didn’t know what to do. When she tried to leave, Jack begged her to stay and promised that he would never act like that again.

Despite these warning signs, Sarah remained committed to the relationship. She believed that Jack loved her and that his behavior was just a result of his intense emotions. However, as time went on, she began to feel like she was walking on eggshells around him. She never knew when he would suddenly become angry or upset, and she felt like she had to constantly tiptoe around him to avoid triggering his outbursts.

Eventually, Sarah started to feel like she was losing herself in the relationship. She had always been independent and confident, but now she felt like she was living in a constant state of anxiety and uncertainty. She tried to talk to Jack about her concerns, but he always dismissed her and told her that she was overreacting.

One day, Sarah found herself feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless that she contemplated suicide. She knew that something had to change, but she didn’t know how to break free from the cycle of abuse and dysfunction that she had become trapped in.

Sarah’s story illustrates many of the classic symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. Jack’s intense emotions, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, impulsive behaviors, and inappropriate anger all contributed to the toxic dynamic between them. Sarah’s struggles with identity disturbance, chronic feelings of emptiness, and suicidal ideation are also common among individuals with BPD. This story highlights the importance of recognizing the signs of BPD and seeking help when necessary to build healthy, fulfilling relationships.

  1. Fear of abandonment: One of the most common symptoms of BPD is a fear of abandonment. This can cause individuals with BPD to become overly clingy or dependent on their partners, and may lead to feelings of intense anxiety or distress when they are apart.
  2. Unstable relationships: Individuals with BPD may have a pattern of intense, unstable relationships characterized by idealization and devaluation of others. This can lead to frequent breakups and reconciliations, and can be challenging for partners to navigate.
  3. Identity disturbance: Another symptom of BPD is an unstable sense of self-identity. This can cause individuals with BPD to struggle with their sense of purpose and direction in life, and may lead to frequent changes in goals, values, and career paths.
  4. Impulsivity: Individuals with BPD may engage in impulsive behaviors such as reckless driving, substance abuse, binge eating, or self-injury. This can be dangerous for both themselves and their partners, and can cause significant stress in relationships.
  5. Suicidal behavior: Individuals with BPD may experience recurrent thoughts or behaviors related to suicide, self-harm, or suicidal gestures. This can be frightening and challenging for partners to manage, and may require professional intervention.
  6. Affective instability: Individuals with BPD may experience intense, unstable emotions that can shift rapidly and unpredictably. This can cause outbursts of anger, anxiety, or depression that may be difficult for partners to understand or manage.
  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness: Individuals with BPD may feel a sense of emptiness or boredom, and may engage in risky behaviors or self-injury to alleviate this feeling. This can be challenging for partners to understand and may require professional intervention.
  8. Intense, inappropriate anger: Individuals with BPD may experience episodes of intense anger that may be triggered by perceived abandonment, criticism, or perceived betrayal. This can be challenging for partners to manage and may require professional intervention.
  9. Paranoia or dissociation: Individuals with BPD may experience episodes of paranoia or dissociation, in which they feel disconnected from reality or experience feelings of unreality. This can be frightening and confusing for partners, and may require professional intervention.

Here are some simple steps that loved ones can take to help themselves in relationships with individuals with BPD:

  1. L – Learn about BPD: Educate yourself about the disorder and its symptoms. This will help you understand your loved one’s behavior and respond in a more effective way.
  2. O – Offer support: Show empathy and offer emotional support to your loved one. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care about their well-being.
  3. V – Validate their feelings: Validate your loved one’s emotions, even if you don’t understand them. Let them know that you hear and accept their feelings without judgment.
  4. E – Establish boundaries: Set clear boundaries for yourself and communicate them to your loved one. This will help you maintain your own emotional and physical safety.
  5. D – Don’t take things personally: Remember that your loved one’s behavior is a result of their disorder, not a reflection of you. Don’t take their words or actions personally.
  6. O – Offer solutions: Offer practical solutions and suggestions to help your loved one manage their symptoms. This can include therapy, medication, or self-care techniques.
  7. N – Navigate the relationship: Navigating the relationship means assessing the relationship regularly to determine if it is still safe and healthy for both parties. This involves being honest with yourself about your feelings and needs, setting boundaries, and seeking support when necessary. It may also involve seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or individual therapy, to work through challenges and strengthen the relationship.
  8. E – Exit the relationship if things become abusive, violent, or out-of-control. It’s important to establish boundaries and know your limits when dealing with a loved one with BPD. If the situation becomes abusive or dangerous, it’s crucial to remove yourself from the situation and seek help immediately. This may mean leaving the room, calling for assistance, or contacting emergency services if necessary. Remember that your safety and well-being should always be a top priority. Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for support in exiting an abusive situation. With the right resources and support, you can protect yourself and help your loved one get the help they need.

In conclusion, BPD can be a challenging disorder to manage in relationships. It is important for individuals with BPD and their partners to seek professional help and support, as well as to educate themselves about the disorder and its symptoms. With the right support and resources, it is possible to manage the challenges of BPD and build healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Posted on

Asserting Your Child Custody Rights: How to Deal with a Challenging Ex-Spouse.

Regarding divorce, child custody is often one of the most contentious issues couples face. Disagreements about custody arrangements can be emotional and heated, especially when one parent is trying to manipulate or change the agreement at the last minute. This common hot-button issue can make an already difficult situation even more challenging for parents and children.

Let’s take the example of Tom and Jane. They have two children, and after their divorce, they agreed to split custody equally. However, Jane frequently tries to change the custody arrangement at the last minute, making it difficult for Tom to plan his schedule and causing tension between them. Tom wants to be assertive and stick to the agreed-upon arrangement, but he doesn’t want to create conflict or upset his children.

If you find yourself in a situation similar to Tom and Jane’s, it’s important to remember that there are ways to handle custody disputes effectively without causing unnecessary conflict. Here are some tips to help you be assertive around your child custody while dealing with a challenging ex-spouse:

  1. Focus on the child’s best interests. Custody arrangements should prioritize the child’s needs and well-being above everything else. When discussing custody issues with your ex-spouse, focus on what is best for your child rather than getting caught up in your desires or feelings.
  2. Create a detailed custody plan. Having a clear, detailed custody plan in place can help both parents to understand their roles and responsibilities and make it easier to stick to the agreed-upon arrangement. This plan should include specific dates and times for custody exchanges, as well as guidelines for how decisions about the child will be made.
  3. Communicate assertively. When discussing custody issues with your ex-spouse, it’s essential to be clear and direct about your concerns and expectations. State why the change is not possible or practical, and set firm boundaries to protect your child’s best interests. It’s important to remember that assertiveness does not mean aggression, and being respectful in your communication can help to keep the conversation constructive.
  4. Seek mediation. In cases where communication breaks down or one parent is being challenged, mediation can be an effective way to resolve disputes and come to a mutually agreeable solution. A mediator can help both parents to communicate effectively, identify their underlying concerns, and work together to find a solution that works for everyone.
  5. Take care of yourself. Going through a divorce and dealing with custody issues can be emotionally challenging for both parents and children. It’s essential to take care of your own emotional well-being, seek support from family and friends, and consider working with a therapist or counselor if necessary.

It’s important to note that there is a difference between aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication. Aggressive communication is characterized by focusing on one’s own needs and desires at the expense of others and can involve blaming, attacking, or threatening the other person. Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by an indirect expression of one’s needs and desires, often through sarcasm, procrastination, or withholding information. Assertive communication, on the other hand, is characterized by focusing on clearly and directly expressing one’s needs and desires while respecting the other person’s feelings and perspective. Assertive communication can help to minimize conflict and create healthy communication patterns, even in challenging situations such as divorce and custody arrangements.

Assertiveness checklist for parents dealing with custody issues:

  1. Identify your needs and concerns. Before entering into a conversation about custody arrangements, take some time to identify what you need and your concerns. Write them down if necessary so you can reference them during the conversation.
  2. Use “I” statements. Using “I” statements can help you communicate your thoughts and feelings without blaming or accusing the other person. For example, instead of saying, “You always change the custody schedule at the last minute,” say, “I feel frustrated when the custody schedule is changed at the last minute.”
  3. Stay calm and focused. It’s important to stay calm and focused during the conversation, even if the other person becomes defensive or argumentative. Take deep breaths, stay centered, and remind yourself of your goals for the conversation.
  4. Be clear and specific. Use clear and specific language to communicate your needs and expectations. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t want you to change the custody schedule,” say, “I need us to stick to the agreed-upon custody schedule for the benefit of our child.”
  5. Set boundaries. It’s important to set boundaries around what you are willing and not willing to accept regarding custody arrangements. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, and stick to them.
  6. Listen actively. Active listening is an important part of assertive communication. Make sure to listen to the other person’s perspective without interrupting or getting defensive. Reflect on what they are saying to ensure you understand their position.
  7. Be open to compromise. It’s essential to be open to compromise regarding custody arrangements. Work together to find a solution that meets your needs and is in your child’s best interest.

In conclusion, dealing with custody issues can be challenging and emotional, but it’s essential to prioritize your child’s best interests and be assertive when necessary. By focusing on clear communication, creating a detailed custody plan, seeking mediation, and taking care of yourself, you can navigate custody issues effectively and minimize conflict with your ex-spouse. Remember, your words have power, so use them wisely to improve the situation for everyone involved.

If you’re struggling with custody issues and dealing with a challenging ex-spouse, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Seeking support from a therapist can help you navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and custody arrangements and develop effective communication and coping skills. Don’t hesitate to schedule a therapy session today to get the help you need to move forward healthily and positively for yourself and your child. Click here to schedule a session with Ron Huxley today!

Posted on

Promoting Healing and Resilience: Trauma-Informed Parenting Strategies for Self-Regulation in Children

Trauma-informed parenting is an approach to parenting that considers the impact of trauma on a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. It recognizes that children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect may struggle to regulate their emotions, form positive relationships, and cope with stress.

Trauma-informed parenting involves creating a safe, stable, and supportive environment for children who have experienced trauma. It emphasizes the importance of safety and predictability while promoting healing and resilience.

Trauma-informed parenting also emphasizes the importance of understanding a child’s trauma history and its impact on their behavior and emotions. This involves being aware of triggers that may re-traumatize a child and learning to respond in a supportive and validating way.

Trauma-informed parenting uses positive discipline strategies that teach appropriate behavior and promote self-regulation rather than punishment or harsh discipline. It also emphasizes the importance of helping children build positive relationships and promoting their sense of self-worth.

Overall, trauma-informed parenting is an approach that emphasizes understanding and responding to a child’s needs in a way that promotes healing, resilience, and positive development.

Promoting self-regulation in a traumatized child can be a challenging but essential aspect of trauma-informed parenting. Self-regulation involves a child’s ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in response to internal and external stressors.

Here are some strategies parents can use to promote self-regulation in their traumatized child:

  1. Model self-regulation: Children learn through observation, so parents must model healthy self-regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other coping techniques.
  2. Provide a predictable routine: A consistent and predictable pattern can provide a sense of safety and security for a traumatized child, which can help promote self-regulation.
  3. Create a calming environment: Creating a calm and soothing environment can help a child feel more relaxed and in control, which can help promote self-regulation. This may involve using soft lighting, calming music, or other sensory tools.
  4. Teach coping skills: Teach your child healthy coping skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other relaxation techniques, to help them manage their emotions and calm their body.
  5. Use positive reinforcement: Praise your child when they demonstrate self-regulation skills and reinforce positive behavior with rewards or incentives.
  6. Encourage physical activity: Physical activity can help a child release pent-up energy and emotions, which can help promote self-regulation. Encourage your child to participate in sports, dance, or yoga activities.

Parents can use these strategies to help their traumatized child develop healthy self-regulation skills, promoting healing, resilience, and positive development.

Self-Regulation

Promoting self-regulation in a traumatized child can be a challenging but essential aspect of trauma-informed parenting. Self-regulation involves a child’s ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in response to internal and external stressors.

Here are some strategies parents can use to promote self-regulation in their traumatized child:

  1. Model self-regulation: Children learn through observation, so parents must model healthy self-regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other coping techniques.
  2. Provide a predictable routine: A consistent and predictable pattern can provide a sense of safety and security for a traumatized child, which can help promote self-regulation.
  3. Create a calming environment: Creating a calm and soothing environment can help a child feel more relaxed and in control, which can help promote self-regulation. This may involve using soft lighting, calming music, or other sensory tools.
  4. Teach coping skills: Teach your child healthy coping skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or other relaxation techniques, to help them manage their emotions and calm their body.
  5. Use positive reinforcement: Praise your child when they demonstrate self-regulation skills and reinforce positive behavior with rewards or incentives.
  6. Encourage physical activity: Physical activity can help a child release pent-up energy and emotions, which can help promote self-regulation. Encourage your child to participate in sports, dance, or yoga activities.

Parents can use these strategies to help their traumatized child develop healthy self-regulation skills, promoting healing, resilience, and positive development.

Let Ron Huxley help you and your family find a pathway to healing. Schedule a session today by clicking here!

Posted on

10 Adlerian Parenting Tips for Children Who Have Experienced Trauma or Abuse

Adlerian parenting is based on the philosophy of Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist and founder of Adlerian psychology. Adler believed that human behavior is motivated by a desire for belonging, significance, and social connection. Adlerian parenting promotes a child’s competence and self-esteem while encouraging social responsibility and respect for others.


Adlerian parenting emphasizes creating a warm, nurturing, and cheerful home environment where children feel valued loved and supported. Adlerian parents strive to provide opportunities for their children to develop independence, social interest, and positive self-esteem while fostering a sense of community and social responsibility.


Adlerian parenting is based on encouragement, respect, and mutual trust between parents and children. Adlerian parents seek to understand their child’s perspective and feelings while setting clear boundaries and expectations for behavior. Adlerian parenting also emphasizes the importance of positive discipline strategies that focus on teaching appropriate behavior and promoting self-regulation rather than using punishment or harsh discipline.
Overall, the philosophy of Adlerian parenting is focused on promoting a child’s sense of belonging, significance, and social interest while encouraging positive behavior, social responsibility, and respect for others.

  1. Provide a safe and stable environment: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress need a sense of safety and stability. Create routines, set boundaries, and provide a secure home environment.
  2. Encourage healing through positive reinforcement: Praise your child’s effort and progress towards healing rather than just their achievements. This fosters a sense of resilience and self-worth.
  3. Focus on building trust: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress often struggle to trust others. Take the time to listen to your child and validate their feelings, which can help rebuild trust.
  4. Use positive discipline strategies: Instead of punishment or harsh discipline, use positive methods that teach appropriate behavior and promote self-regulation.
  5. Foster a sense of community: Encourage your child to be involved in positive community activities and develop positive relationships with peers. This helps them feel supported and less isolated.
  6. Provide opportunities for choice and control: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may feel powerless. Providing options and opportunities for power can help build their self-esteem and sense of agency.
  7. Use trauma-informed parenting techniques: Learn about techniques and strategies, such as sensory regulation, grounding exercises, and mindfulness, that can help children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress.
  8. Model healthy coping strategies: Children learn by example, so model healthy coping strategies and positive self-care behaviors, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and exercise.
  9. Provide opportunities for play and creative expression: Play and creative expression can help children process and heal from trauma, abuse, or toxic stress. Provide opportunities for imaginative play, art, and other forms of creative expression.
  10. Seek professional support: Children who have experienced trauma, abuse, or toxic stress may benefit from professional support. Consider seeking therapy, counseling, or other support services to help your child heal and thrive.

Contact Ron Huxley, LMFT, to schedule a session if you need support on parenting tips and tools.

Posted on

Healing from Trauma: Understanding the Stages and Supporting Your Child Through the Journey

Healing from trauma is a complex and challenging, but recovering and moving forward with life is possible. As a trauma therapist, I have worked with many people who have experienced trauma and have seen firsthand how healing can transform lives. In this article, I will discuss the stages of recovery from trauma and what parents can do to support their children.

Stage 1: Safety and Stabilization
The first stage of healing from trauma is focused on safety and stabilization. This stage is about establishing a sense of safety and security, both physically and emotionally. Many people who have experienced trauma may feel like the world is dangerous and unpredictable, so finding ways to feel safe and grounded in the present moment is essential. This may involve developing a safety plan, finding a safe and supportive community, and practicing self-care.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by creating a safe and predictable environment. This may involve establishing routines, setting boundaries, and providing emotional support. Listening to your child’s needs and concerns and validating their feelings is also important.

Stage 2: Processing and Understanding
The second healing stage focuses on processing and understanding the traumatic experience. This stage is about exploring thoughts and feelings related to the trauma, making sense of the incident, and working through any confusion or self-blame. It’s important to note that this stage can be complicated and involve intense emotions, so having a supportive therapist or other mental health professionals guide you through the process is essential.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by providing a safe and supportive environment for them to express their feelings. It’s important to listen without judgment and validate their experiences. You can also help your child to understand that their reactions to the trauma are normal and that they are not alone.

Stage 3: Integration and Meaning-Making
The third healing stage focuses on integrating the experience into one’s sense of self and life story. This stage involves finding ways to incorporate the trauma into one’s identity and a sense of purpose and developing a greater understanding of meaning and purpose due to the experience. This stage is about finding a way to move forward with life, even in the face of adversity.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by helping them find meaning and purpose in their life. This may involve helping them to explore their interests and passions and keeping them pursuing their goals. It’s also important to remind your child that they are strong and resilient and can overcome the challenges they face.

Stage 4: Re-connection and Empowerment
The final stage of healing is about reconnecting with oneself, others, and the world in a safe and empowering way. This stage is about finding ways to engage in meaningful activities and pursuits and to feel a sense of agency and control in one’s life. This stage concerns reclaiming power and moving forward with a renewed sense of purpose.

As a parent, you can support your child during this stage by encouraging them to engage in activities that bring them joy and fulfillment. This may involve helping them to connect with others who share their interests and supporting them in pursuing their passions. It’s also important to remind your child that they can create the life they want and are not defined by past experiences.

In conclusion, healing from trauma is a complex and individualized process. Still, it is possible to recover and move forward with life. As a parent, you can support your child through the healing process by creating a safe and supportive environment, listening without judgment, and encouraging them to find meaning and purpose in their life.

If you or your child have experienced trauma and are struggling to heal, know that you are not alone. Seeking support from a therapist can be an important step in the healing process. Ron Huxley, LMFT, can help you and your child find freedom from the burden of trauma. Schedule a session today!

Posted on

Breathwork is the body’s “calm down” switch

When life throws us challenges, we experience trauma or a stressful event; our natural response is to go into fight-or-flight mode. This is a normal, automatic response to a perceived danger. But when the threat has passed, it’s essential to learn how to calm your nervous system and release the tension and anxiety that can linger in the aftermath.

One of the most powerful tools for calming the nervous system is breathing. Breathwork has been used in various forms for centuries to help people manage stress, anxiety, and trauma. It’s an effective and natural way to reset your body and mind.

We take shallow, rapid breaths when our bodies are in fight-or-flight mode. This type of breathing is known as sympathetic breathing, and it’s the body’s way of preparing us to fight or run away. But when the danger has passed, this type of breathing can increase anxiety and make it more difficult to relax.

On the other hand, deep, slow breaths can help to activate the body’s parasympathetic nervous system. This system is responsible for calming the body and restoring balance. Deep, slow breaths can help to trigger the body’s relaxation response, which is the opposite of the fight-or-flight response.

The key to using breathing to calm the nervous system is to focus on the breath. Focusing on our breath brings us into the present moment and helps us become aware of our body and mind. This awareness helps us relax, as it allows us to recognize what is happening and let go of any tension or fear we may be holding onto.

Breathing can also help to release the emotions that may be stored in our body from the traumatic event. When we take a few deep, slow breaths, we can help to release the tension and stress that may have built up in our bodies. This type of breathing can also help release emotions associated with the trauma, allowing us to move through the experience more quickly.

Breathing can also help to regulate the body’s cortisol levels. Cortisol is a hormone that is released in response to stress. When we take deep, slow breaths, we can help to lower our cortisol levels and restore balance in the body. This can help to reduce anxiety and improve mood.

Try this simple breathing exercise:
Make your exhales longer than your inhales. For example, if you breathe in for 4 seconds, breathe out for a count of 8 seconds. Longer exhales than inhales will turn on the “rest and relaxation” functions in the parasympathetic system. Conversely, longer inhales than exhales energize the system. This is an exercise used by Navy Seals to prepare for or calm down from a battle. Take 3 or 4 long exhales. You should feel your body relax immediately, with shoulders dropping and tension releasing. You might even yawn, which is a good sign too.

Breathing is a powerful tool for calming the nervous system and helping manage trauma’s effects. It can help to reduce stress, release emotions, and regulate cortisol levels. When we focus on our breath and take a few slow, deep breaths, we can help to activate the body’s relaxation response and restore balance.

If you want help calming the body and brain due to worry, fear, stress, or panic, contact Ron Huxley today. Click here to schedule an appointment!

Posted on

Why are the 6 Key Principles of SAMHSA important to your Organization?

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has identified six fundamental principles of trauma-informed care (TIC) to incorporate into treating individuals with trauma-related problems. These principles recognize the importance of understanding the impact of trauma on an individual’s life and how to provide care best that meets their needs.

The six principles of trauma-informed care and the questions traumatized individuals ask are:

  1. Safety: The first priority in any trauma-informed care setting is to ensure the safety of everyone involved. This means creating a safe emotional and psychological environment while addressing potential safety risks that could lead to additional re-traumatization.
    “Am I safe here?”
  2. Trustworthiness and Transparency: It is essential that any trauma-informed care setting be transparent and trustworthy. This means that all information is shared openly and honestly and that individuals are free to ask questions and express concerns.
    “Can I trust you?”
  3. Peer Support: Peer support is an essential part of the healing process for individuals who have experienced trauma. This means that individuals should be encouraged to reach out to others who have had similar experiences to build a support network.
    “Who shares my experiences?”
  4. Collaboration and Mutuality: Individuals in trauma-informed care settings must work together to create an atmosphere of collaboration and mutuality. All individuals involved should feel respected and valued, and their experiences and perspectives from past trauma should be considered in any activity or treatment plan.
    “Do I have a choice?”
  5. Empowerment: Individuals in trauma-informed care settings should be empowered to make their own decisions and take control of their healing process. This means that individuals should be encouraged to take an active role in their care and to make decisions that are in their best interests.
    “Do I have a voice that will be heard?”
  6. Cultural, Historical, and Gender Issues: It is essential that any trauma-informed care setting consider the cultural, historical, and gender issues that may impact an individual’s experience and recovery. This means that individuals should be encouraged to discuss their experiences without fear of judgment or criticism.
    “Is my cultural, gender, or history valued?”

These six principles of trauma-informed care, outlined by SAMHSA, are essential to providing effective, individualized, and compassionate care to individuals who have experienced trauma. By ensuring that these principles are incorporated into all aspects of care, we can create a safe and supportive environment for individuals to heal and move forward.

At its core, trauma-informed care is about understanding and responding to the needs of individuals and eliminating practices that lead to re-traumatization. It is about creating a safe and supportive environment where individuals can explore their experiences and work toward recovery. By incorporating SAMHSA’s six key principles of trauma-informed care, we can ensure that individuals receive the care and support they need to heal and move forward.