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Finding Light in Dark Times: The Science of Positive Coping

When life hits hard, most of us naturally focus on damage control. We try to solve problems, push through negative feelings, or simply survive until things get better. But what if there’s another way to cope—one that doesn’t ignore the tough stuff but adds something powerful to the mix?

A Different Approach to Stress

Professor Judith Moskowitz, a researcher at Northwestern University, stumbled onto something important while studying people going through one of life’s most difficult experiences: watching a partner die from AIDS. She was asking participants about their stress, pain, and struggles when something unexpected occurred. The participants pushed back.

“You’re only asking us about the bad stuff,” they told her. “What about the good things that are helping us get through this?”

At first, this seemed almost impossible. How could people facing such devastating loss talk about positive experiences? But as Moskowitz listened, she realized something profound: even in the darkest moments, people were finding glimmers of light. And those who could see these bright spots seemed to be coping better overall.

This observation changed everything. Instead of focusing solely on reducing negative emotions, Moskowitz began studying how positive emotions could serve as a tool for handling life’s inevitable challenges.

It’s Not About Pretending Everything’s Fine

Before we go further, let’s be clear about what this approach is not. It’s not about slapping on a fake smile, pretending problems don’t exist, or falling into the trap of “toxic positivity”—that harmful idea that you should just think your way out of every situation.

Life is complicated, and so are our emotions. You can feel grateful and sad at the same time. You can find moments of joy even while grieving. You can appreciate a sunset while worrying about tomorrow. The goal isn’t to replace difficult emotions but to make room for helpful ones alongside them.

Think of it like this: if you’re walking through a storm, you don’t pretend it’s sunny. But you might notice a sturdy tree that offers shelter, or feel grateful for the warm coat you’re wearing. The storm is still real, but you’re not missing the resources that can help you weather it.

A Toolkit for Tough Times

Moskowitz and her team developed a practical set of skills that anyone can learn and use. These aren’t magic solutions—they’re more like exercises for your emotional well-being. Just like physical exercise, they are most effective when practiced regularly.

Notice the Good Stuff

This might sound obvious, but when we’re stressed, our brains naturally focus on threats and problems. We must intentionally seek out positive moments, no matter how small. Maybe it’s your morning coffee tasting just right, a text from a friend, or noticing that the traffic light turned green just as you approached it.

The key is actively paying attention. Good things happen every day, but we often miss them when we’re caught up in our worries.

Savor the Positive Moments

When something good does happen, don’t let it slip by unnoticed. Take a moment to really experience it. Share it with someone, write it down, or simply pause to appreciate it fully. Think of it like a slow-motion replay for positive experiences—you’re amplifying the good feeling by giving it your full attention.

Practice Gratitude

This goes beyond just saying “thanks.” It’s about intentionally noticing things you appreciate, from the big (having people who love you) to the small (having clean water to drink). Some people keep gratitude journals, others just take a few minutes each day to mentally list what they’re thankful for.

Stay Present

When we’re stressed, our minds often race between past regrets and future worries. Mindful awareness means gently bringing your attention back to the present moment. This isn’t about meditation retreats or complicated techniques—it can be as simple as focusing on your breathing for a few minutes or really noticing what you’re seeing, hearing, or feeling right now.

Being present also helps you notice those joyous moments that are easy to miss when your mind is elsewhere.

Look for Silver Linings

Positive reappraisal means finding ways to reframe challenging situations. This isn’t about convincing yourself that bad things are actually good—it’s about looking for any genuine positives that might exist alongside the negatives.

Perhaps a job loss led to the discovery of a new career path. Possibly a health scare motivated you to take better care of yourself. Or maybe a difficult situation taught you something about your own strength. Moskowitz says this is her personal go-to skill because it can be used in almost any situation.

Recognize Your Strengths

When life feels overwhelming, it’s easy to feel helpless. But you have resources, skills, and strengths that have helped you through tough times before. Taking time to identify these qualities—whether it’s your sense of humor, your ability to listen to others, or your determination—can remind you that you’re not powerless.

Set Small, Achievable Goals

Big problems can feel impossible to solve, but breaking them down into tiny, manageable pieces makes them less overwhelming. Instead of “get my life together,” try “organize one drawer today” or “call one person back.” Each small accomplishment gives you a little boost of positive emotion and builds momentum.

Moskowitz found this particularly helpful during the pandemic, when everything felt uncertain and out of control.

Do Something Kind

Helping others—even in small ways—shifts your focus outward and often brings unexpected positive feelings. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. You might let someone merge in traffic, send an encouraging text, or help a neighbor with their groceries.

Acts of kindness remind us that we can still make a positive difference, even when we’re struggling ourselves.

Be Gentle with Yourself

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a good friend going through a hard time. Instead of harsh self-criticism, try to understand that suffering is a natural part of being human, and you deserve care and patience, especially from yourself.

The Evidence Is Real

This might all sound like common sense, but research shows these practices actually work. Studies have found connections between gratitude and improved physical health. Moskowitz’s own research has shown that people who learn these skills experience improved emotional well-being, and some studies are even finding effects on physical health measures.

The approach has been tested with people facing various challenges: those dealing with depression, caregivers, people with chronic pain, and everyday folks just trying to cope with life’s stresses.

Making It Work in Real Life

Like physical fitness, these emotional skills require regular practice to see sustained benefits. You can’t just try gratitude once and expect lasting change. The key is building these practices into your daily routine until they become as automatic as brushing your teeth.

Start small. Pick one or two skills that resonate with you and practice them for a few weeks. Notice what happens. You might be surprised at how such simple practices can help you feel more resilient and capable of handling whatever life throws your way.

The Bottom Line

When you’re going through tough times, don’t underestimate the power of positive emotions. They’re not frivolous add-ons to “real” coping—they’re legitimate tools that can help you navigate challenges more effectively.

You don’t have to choose between acknowledging your problems and finding moments of positivity. You can do both. And when you do, you might find that you’re not just surviving difficult times—you’re building skills that make you stronger for whatever comes next.

The research is clear: these simple practices might seem small, but their impact can be significant. In a world that often feels overwhelming, that’s a message worth holding onto.

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Reclaiming Yourself: A Guide to Recover from Narcisstic Parenting

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave deep emotional scars, distorting your sense of self and creating lasting challenges. However, recovery is possible. This guide offers a journey of self-discovery, healing, and reclaiming your authentic self. We’ll explore the impact of narcissistic parenting and common challenges faced by adult children and provide essential steps toward healing and moving forward.

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Leaping into 2025: Embracing Change with an Open Heart and Letting Go!

As we stand at the threshold of 2025, many of us feel like skydivers perched at the airplane door – hearts racing, minds swirling with “what-ifs.” In her profound work, Melody Beattie captures this universal fear perfectly: “Sometimes we’re so scared, all we can think to do is hang on.”

Whether entering this new year carrying hopes for career advancement, relationship healing, or personal growth, the journey ahead requires us to embrace the art of letting go. The coming year represents our metaphorical airplane door. Some of us approach it willingly, armed with resolutions and dreams. Others may be pushed toward change by circumstances beyond our control – a company restructuring, health challenges, or shifting relationships.

Fear often manifests as an intense grip on the familiar. We cling to outdated habits, toxic relationships, or unfulfilling jobs because we feel safer than the unknown. But Beattie notes that holding on is often a “silly illusion.” Like a skydiver must release the aircraft to experience the exhilarating freedom of flight, we must loosen our grip on what no longer serves us.

The Art of Letting Go: A 2025 Action Plan

Recognize Your Airplane Door

    • Identify what you need to release
    • Acknowledge if changes are voluntary or forced
    • Practice Beattie’s physical exercise: literally, drop objects while noting your resistance

    Practice Ground Training
    “Training their bodies and themselves to do it right” – Beattie

      • Start with releasing minor irritations – traffic delays, minor setbacks
      • Journal about your letting-go journey
      • Build resilience through small daily acts of surrender

      Manage the Freefall

        Use Beattie’s anxiety management techniques:

        • Deep breathing exercises
        • Positive self-talk
        • Finding humor in uncertainty
        • Accept that fear is normal during change
        • Trust the process of release

        Deploy Your Safety Measures
        “Cut away major malfunctions” – Beattie

          • Identify toxic situations requiring immediate release
          • Build a support network
          • Create contingency plans for significant life changes
          • Know when to walk away from situations that aren’t working

          Navigate the Landing

            • Actively engage with change rather than passive acceptance
            • Assess when to “push against the wind” (stand firm)
            • Celebrate small victories in letting go
            • Practice grace and resilience in facing challenges

            Remember, letting go isn’t passive surrender. Like a skydiver reading wind patterns and adjusting accordingly, we must actively engage with life’s currents. “The process of letting go,” Beattie emphasizes, “requires as much skill and attention as holding on.”

            Sometimes, life presents us with malfunctioning parachutes – situations that aren’t working despite our best efforts. The new year might require us to deploy our reserve chute by walking away from draining relationships, leaving unfulfilling careers, or abandoning strategies that no longer work. While scary, these decisions often lead to softer landings than forcing a damaged situation to work.

            As we step into 2025, let’s trust that even in freefall, we possess the strength to navigate our descent and land gracefully in new possibilities. Every skydiver was once a beginner. Start small, trust the process, and let 2025 be your conscious release and renewal year.

            The countdown to the new year has begun. What will you choose to release as you leap into 2025?

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            Understanding Traumas Impact on Individuals and Communities

            Trauma is not just an individual experience; it ripples through families, neighborhoods, and entire communities, shaping the social fabric and influencing the well-being of all its members.” – Dr. Judith Herman, Clinical Psychologist and Trauma Expert.

            Trauma is a pervasive and often misunderstood experience that can have profound effects on individuals and communities. Understanding the nature of trauma, its impact, and the expected reactions it elicits is crucial for building a supportive and empathetic community. 

            In this issue of the Trauma Champions Newsletter, we will explore the definition of trauma, its far-reaching effects, and the different types of trauma that individuals may experience. By gaining a deeper understanding of trauma, we can better support those who have been affected and work towards creating trauma-informed communities.

            Defining Trauma: 

            Trauma is not limited to physical injuries; it encompasses emotional and psychological wounds that result from distressing events or experiences. These events can be singular, such as an accident or natural disaster, or prolonged, such as ongoing abuse or neglect. Trauma can also result from systemic injustices, discrimination, or the effects of war and conflict. It is essential to recognize that trauma is a deeply personal experience, and individuals may respond differently to similar events based on their unique circumstances and resilience.

            Impact on Individuals and Communities:

            The impact of trauma extends beyond the individual, affecting families, neighborhoods, and entire communities. Trauma can disrupt social connections, erode trust, and create cycles of adversity that perpetuate its effects. It may manifest in various ways, including mental health challenges, substance abuse, relationship difficulties, and physical health issues. Furthermore, trauma can contribute to the perpetuation of violence, crime, and social instability if left unaddressed. Understanding the collective impact of trauma is essential for fostering a compassionate and supportive community environment.

            Types of Trauma and Common Reactions: 

            Trauma can take many forms, each with its own challenges and responses. Some common types of trauma include:

            • Acute Trauma: Resulting from a single distressing event, such as an accident, assault, or natural disaster.
            • Complex Trauma: Arising from prolonged exposure to traumatic experiences, such as childhood abuse, domestic violence, or war trauma.
            • Intergenerational Trauma: Transmitted across generations, often stemming from historical injustices, colonization, or cultural trauma.
            • Systemic Trauma: Caused by institutional oppression, discrimination, and social inequalities that impact marginalized communities.

            Individuals’ reactions to trauma can vary widely, encompassing emotional distress, dissociation, hypervigilance, and a range of coping mechanisms. Recognizing that these responses are adaptive strategies developed in the face of overwhelming experiences is essential.

            For more in-depth insights and education on trauma, the following resources can provide valuable information and guidance:

            • The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) offers various resources and training materials on trauma-informed care and trauma response.
            • The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides publications, toolkits, and webinars on trauma-informed approaches and trauma-specific interventions.
            • Trauma-Informed Care Implementation Resource Center: Offers practical guidance and best practices for implementing trauma-informed care in various settings, including communities and organizations.

            By educating ourselves and our communities about the nature of trauma and its impact, we can take meaningful steps toward creating environments that support healing, resilience, and understanding for all individuals affected by trauma.

            Healing Strategies for Trauma’s Impact on Communities: 

            1. Community-Based Support Programs: Establishing support groups and community-based programs that provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences, receive empathy, and access resources. Peer support and group interventions can foster a sense of connection and understanding among community members.
            2. Trauma-Informed Education and Training: Implementing training programs to educate community members, including educators, healthcare providers, and law enforcement, about trauma-informed care and its impact. This can help create a more supportive and understanding environment for those affected by trauma.
            3. Culturally Responsive Services: Developing culturally responsive services that respect and honor the diverse backgrounds and experiences within the community. This includes providing language-specific resources, culturally sensitive mental health support, and addressing the unique needs of different cultural groups.
            4. Community Resilience-Building Initiatives: Engaging in community-building activities, such as art therapy workshops, mindfulness practices, and community events that promote resilience and positive coping strategies. These initiatives can strengthen social connections and promote a sense of collective well-being.
            5. Advocacy and Policy Changes: Engaging in advocacy efforts to influence policy changes and resource allocation that address the systemic issues contributing to trauma within the community. This may involve advocating for increased access to mental health services, trauma-informed schools, and social support programs.
            6. Engaging in Collective Healing Rituals: Creating opportunities for collective healing rituals, such as community gatherings, memorial events, and storytelling circles, to honor the experiences of those affected by trauma and provide a space for communal healing and reflection.

            These strategies can create a more supportive, resilient community that fosters healing and empowerment for traumatized individuals.

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            Nurturing Hearts and Minds: Trauma-Informed SEL

            In the intricate tapestry of education, we often encounter students with untold stories of resilience and strength, hidden beneath the shadows of past traumas. As educators and caregivers, it is our collective responsibility to create an environment that not only nurtures academic growth but also prioritizes emotional well-being. Enter Trauma-Informed Social-Emotional Learning (SEL), an approach that stands as a beacon of hope for our students who have faced adversity. In this blog article, we embark on a journey to explore the profound impact of trauma-informed SEL in schools and homes, witnessing its transformative power in cultivating resilient hearts and compassionate minds. Join us as we uncover the key elements that make SEL a profound refuge for healing, growth, and academic triumph.

            History of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL):

            Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) is an educational approach that focuses on nurturing and developing students’ social and emotional skills. It aims to help students understand and manage their emotions, establish positive relationships, demonstrate empathy and compassion, make responsible decisions, and effectively communicate with others. SEL recognizes the importance of fostering emotional intelligence and well-being to enhance students’ overall academic success and prepare them for life beyond the classroom.

            1. Emergence in the 20th Century: The roots of SEL can be traced back to the early 20th century, with early theories in psychology emphasizing the significance of emotional development and interpersonal skills in individuals’ lives.
            2. The Humanistic Psychology Movement: In the 1950s and 1960s, humanistic psychologists, such as Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow, emphasized the importance of understanding and nurturing human emotions, self-awareness, and self-esteem.
            3. The Social Skills Movement: In the 1970s, there was a growing emphasis on teaching social skills to students, recognizing that interpersonal competence plays a vital role in students’ overall adjustment and academic performance.
            4. Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL): In 1994, CASEL was established as a nonprofit organization to promote SEL in educational settings. CASEL has played a pivotal role in advancing research, setting standards, and providing resources for implementing evidence-based SEL programs.
            5. The Recognition of Emotional Intelligence: In the mid-1990s, the concept of emotional intelligence gained prominence, with scholars like Daniel Goleman highlighting the importance of emotional intelligence in personal and professional success.
            6. Introduction of SEL Programs: Throughout the late 1990s and early 2000s, various SEL programs were developed and implemented in schools worldwide. Programs like “Second Step,” “Responsive Classroom,” and “Positive Action” aimed to enhance students’ social and emotional competencies.
            7. Incorporation into Educational Standards: Over time, SEL has been increasingly recognized as an essential component of education. Many educational systems and states in the United States have incorporated SEL into their curriculum and standards.
            8. Research and Validation: A growing body of research in the 21st century has provided strong evidence for the positive impact of SEL on students’ academic achievement, well-being, and long-term success.
            9. Global Adoption: SEL has gained international recognition, with schools and educational institutions around the world embracing SEL principles as part of their holistic approach to education.

            Is SEL also TIC?

            SEL skills are inherently trauma-informed due to their focus on fostering emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and empathy. Trauma-informed SEL recognizes that many students may have experienced adverse events or challenging circumstances, and it acknowledges the potential impact of trauma on their emotional and social development. Here’s some reasons why Social-Emotional Learnings skills are based on Trauma-Informed Care:

            1. Creating Safe and Supportive Environments: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes the importance of creating safe and supportive learning environments. By prioritizing emotional safety, students are encouraged to express themselves without fear of judgment or retribution. This supportive atmosphere allows children to build trust with their teachers and peers, fostering a sense of security necessary for healing and growth.
            2. Promoting Emotional Regulation: SEL equips students with essential emotional regulation skills, empowering them to manage their emotions effectively. For students who have experienced trauma, emotions can be overwhelming and challenging to control. Learning techniques to identify, understand, and cope with emotions enables students to navigate their feelings constructively, reducing the risk of triggers and emotional dysregulation.
            3. Encouraging Resilience: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes the development of resilience in students. By teaching coping strategies and problem-solving skills, students gain the ability to bounce back from adverse experiences, promoting a sense of mastery and self-efficacy. Resilience enables students to face and overcome challenges, a vital aspect of healing from trauma.
            4. Cultivating Empathy and Understanding: SEL activities promote empathy and understanding among students. By encouraging perspective-taking and active listening, trauma-informed SEL fosters a compassionate and empathetic school community. For students who have experienced trauma, feeling understood and supported by peers can be immensely healing.
            5. Addressing Trauma’s Impact on Learning: Trauma can significantly affect a student’s ability to focus, learn, and engage in the classroom. Trauma-informed SEL recognizes and addresses these impacts, providing strategies to support students’ academic progress while considering their emotional well-being.
            6. Building Strong Relationships: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes building strong and positive relationships between teachers and students. Establishing secure attachments with caring adults can be transformative for students who have experienced trauma, as it provides a reliable source of support and nurturance.
            7. Encouraging Student Agency: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes empowering students to have agency in their own healing and development. By involving students in setting goals and making decisions about their learning, they gain a sense of control and ownership over their growth process, which can be particularly empowering for those who have experienced trauma.

            SEL skills are TIC because they prioritize emotional well-being, foster safe and supportive environments, promote emotional regulation, and encourage resilience and empathy. By incorporating trauma-informed SEL practices in educational settings, we can better support all students, including those who have experienced trauma, on their journey to healing, growth, and academic success.

            How do you do SEL?

            Here are twenty ways that a classroom or home can can use social-emotional learning skills:

            1. Mindful Breathing: Teach children to practice deep breathing to calm their minds and manage stress.
            2. Emotion Check-In: Encourage students to express their feelings and emotions through check-in sessions at the beginning of the day.
            3. Journaling: Provide students with journals to write about their experiences, emotions, and reflections.
            4. Gratitude Circle: Gather students to share things they are thankful for, fostering a positive and appreciative mindset.
            5. Empathy Role Play: Engage students in role-playing scenarios to develop empathy and understanding of others’ perspectives.
            6. Positive Affirmations: Incorporate daily affirmations to boost self-esteem and promote a positive self-image.
            7. Conflict Resolution: Teach problem-solving strategies and communication skills to handle conflicts constructively.
            8. Growth Mindset Activities: Encourage a growth mindset by celebrating effort, persistence, and learning from mistakes.
            9. Acts of Kindness: Implement acts of kindness challenges, where students perform random acts of kindness for others.
            10. SEL Read-Alouds: Use books with SEL themes to spark discussions and reflections on emotions and social situations.
            11. Mindfulness Exercises: Introduce various mindfulness activities, such as body scans and mindful eating, to promote focus and self-awareness.
            12. SEL Board Games: Utilize board games that promote cooperation, empathy, and emotional intelligence.
            13. Social Skills Charades: Play a game of charades to practice identifying and expressing different emotions and social cues.
            14. Team-Building Activities: Engage students in team-building exercises to foster collaboration and teamwork.
            15. SEL Art Projects: Use art as a medium for students to express their emotions and promote creativity.
            16. SEL Puzzles: Create puzzles with emotions and social situations to encourage problem-solving and emotional recognition.
            17. SEL Videos: Show age-appropriate videos that highlight social-emotional themes for group discussions.
            18. Relaxation Exercises: Lead guided relaxation sessions to help students unwind and manage stress.
            19. SEL Reflection Sheets: Provide reflection sheets for students to assess their emotional states and set goals for improvement.
            20. SEL Appreciation Letters: Encourage students to write appreciation letters to peers, teachers, or family members, recognizing their positive qualities and actions.

            Remember that these activities can be adapted based on the age group and preferences of the children. By incorporating these SEL activities into both classroom and home settings, children can develop essential social-emotional skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

            Resources for SEL:

            Popular Internet Sites for SEL Resources:

            1. CASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning): Offers research-based resources, lesson plans, and information on implementing SEL in schools and communities.
              Website: https://casel.org/
            2. Edutopia – Social and Emotional Learning: A collection of articles, videos, and practical tips for integrating SEL into classrooms.
              Website: https://www.edutopia.org/topic/sel-social-emotional-learning
            3. Greater Good Magazine – Education: Provides articles and resources on SEL, mindfulness, and positive psychology for educators and parents.
              Website: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/education
            4. Understood: Offers resources and support for parents and teachers working with children with learning and attention issues, including SEL strategies.
              Website: https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/learning-at-home/social-emotional-skills
            5. Teach Starter – Social-Emotional Learning: Provides downloadable resources, posters, and activities to support SEL in the classroom.
              Website: https://www.teachstarter.com/us/teaching-resource-collection/social-emotional-learning-us/

            Popular Books on SEL for Parents and Teachers:

            These websites and books offer valuable insights, strategies, and practical tools for parents and teachers to support children’s social and emotional development effectively. Whether it’s in the classroom or at home, incorporating SEL practices can positively impact a child’s overall well-being and success.

            The Growing Impact of Social-Emotional Learning in Education

            1. “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.
            2. “Mindful Games: Sharing Mindfulness and Meditation with Children, Teens, and Families” by Susan Kaiser Greenland.
            3. “Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive” by Marc Brackett.
            4. “SEL Every Day: Integrating Social and Emotional Learning with Instruction in Secondary Classrooms” by Meena Srinivasan.
            5. “The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives” by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson.
            6. “The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.
            7. “Teaching Kids to Thrive: Essential Skills for Success” by Debbie Silver, Dedra Stafford, and Jack C. Berckemeyer.
            8. “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman and Joan DeClaire.
            9. “The Emotionally Intelligent Parent: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child” by Maurice J. Elias and Steven E. Tobias.
            10. “Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them” by Ross W. Greene.

            The Promising Future of SEL in TIC

            The McGraw Hill survey conducted in July 2021 highlighted a positive trend in the United States. More than half of the educators surveyed reported that their schools had already embraced SEL curriculum, indicating a shift towards recognizing the value of addressing students’ social and emotional needs.

            As SEL continues to gain momentum, it will undoubtedly play an instrumental role in shaping the future of education. By prioritizing the emotional well-being of students, educational institutions can create nurturing environments where students flourish academically and emotionally. SEL empowers students with crucial life skills that extend beyond the classroom, contributing to their overall personal and professional success.

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            Finding Courage and Strength: A Review of “Courage to Change” by Al-Anon

            Introduction: Living with a loved one who struggles with addiction can be incredibly difficult and painful. It can leave us feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and lost. Al-Anon is a support group that offers help and hopes to people affected by someone else’s addiction. One of their essential resources is “Courage to Change,” a daily reader book filled with reflections and meditations designed to provide comfort and inspiration. This article will review “Courage to Change” and discuss who would benefit most from this book.

            Authors: “Courage to Change” is published by Al-Anon. This support group has been helping families and friends of alcoholics since 1951. The book was written by Al-Anon members and is based on their experiences, strength, and hope.

            Who Would Benefit Most: “Courage to Change” is a valuable resource for anyone affected by someone else’s addiction. This includes family members, friends, and loved ones of addicts. The book offers daily reflections and meditations that provide comfort, support, and inspiration to those struggling to cope with the challenges of addiction. It can help readers find peace, serenity, and the courage to change the things they can.

            Dealing with a family member with addiction can be an incredibly difficult and stressful experience that can impact a person’s boundaries, communication, and self-worth in several ways:

            1. Boundaries: a) Lack of clarity: Family members often struggle to define and maintain healthy boundaries with their loved ones struggling with addiction. They may feel guilty or responsible for their loved one’s behavior, leading to confusion about where to draw the line. b) Blurred lines: Addiction can cause family members to feel as though they need to be constantly available to their loved ones, leading to blurred boundaries and a lack of personal space. c) Resentment: Family members may struggle with resentment towards their loved one for crossing their boundaries, leading to tension and conflict.
            2. Communication: a) Fear and avoidance: Fear of triggering their loved one or causing conflict can lead family members to avoid communicating openly and honestly with them. b) Enabling: Family members may unknowingly enable their loved one’s addiction by not setting clear communication boundaries or avoiding confrontation. c) Misunderstandings: Communication breakdowns can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations that can further strain relationships.
            3. Self-worth: a) Blaming themselves: Family members may blame themselves for their loved one’s addiction, leading to guilt, shame, and low self-worth. b) Codependency: Family members may become so enmeshed in their loved one’s addiction that they lose their sense of self-worth and identity outside of their relationship. c) Lack of support: Lack of support from friends or family members can cause a person to question their self-worth and worthiness of love and care.

            The Book’s Contents: “Courage to Change” is a daily reader book that offers 365 reflections and meditations. Each day’s reading focuses on a specific topic: acceptance, self-care, forgiveness, and gratitude. The readings are designed to be short and easy to read, making them a perfect resource for busy people.

            The book’s reflections are based on the principles of Al-Anon, which include accepting the things we cannot change, letting go of control, and trusting a higher power. It emphasizes the importance of self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and cultivating self-love and self-compassion.

            Similar Sources: Many other resources are available for people affected by addiction. One of the most well-known is “The 12 Steps” by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). While “The 12 Steps” is written for people who struggle with addiction, it can also be a valuable resource for loved ones who want to better understand the recovery process.

            Another resource is “Beyond Addiction” by Jeffrey Foote, Carrie Wilkens, and Nicole Kosanke. This book offers a science-based approach to addiction that focuses on the whole family, not just the addict. It provides practical tools and strategies for families to navigate addiction challenges.

            “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This quote, often called the Serenity Prayer, is a central theme of “Courage to Change.” This principle can be applied to many aspects of life but is especially relevant for people affected by addiction which often struggle with helplessness and powerlessness.

            Conclusion: Living with addiction can be incredibly challenging, but hope exists. “Courage to Change” is a valuable resource for anyone affected by addiction. Its daily reflections and meditations provide comfort, support, and inspiration, helping readers find the courage and strength to face the challenges of addiction. Other resources, such as “The 12 Steps” and “Beyond Addiction,” can also be helpful tools for those seeking support and guidance.

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            Do I Really Have to Make Amends?

            Making amends for hurting others is important in repairing relationships and restoring trust. Here are some steps that can be taken to make amends:

            1. Acknowledge the harm: The first step in making amends is to acknowledge the harm that has been done and take responsibility for one’s actions. This involves expressing genuine regret and remorse for the pain that has been caused.
            2. Seek forgiveness: After acknowledging the harm, it is important to ask for forgiveness from those who have been hurt. This involves admitting that one’s actions were wrong and seeking the forgiveness of others.
            3. Make restitution: If possible, it is important to make restitution for the harm done. This may involve repairing or replacing damaged property, paying compensation, or providing other financial support.
            4. Offer apologies: A heartfelt and sincere apology can go a long way in repairing relationships and restoring trust. An apology should be specific, acknowledging the harm done and expressing remorse for one’s actions.
            5. Change behavior: To prevent further harm and demonstrate a commitment to making amends, it is important to change one’s behavior. This may involve seeking help to address underlying issues, such as substance abuse or anger management, or committing to behaving differently in the future.
            6. Be patient: Repairing relationships and restoring trust takes time and may require patience and persistence. It is important to be willing to invest the time and effort needed to make amends and to be open to forgiveness and reconciliation.

            In conclusion, making amends for hurting others involves acknowledging the harm, seeking forgiveness, restitution, offering apologies, changing behavior, and being patient. These steps allow individuals to take responsibility for their actions, repair relationships, and restore trust.

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            Why are the 6 Key Principles of SAMHSA important to your Organization?

            The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has identified six fundamental principles of trauma-informed care (TIC) to incorporate into treating individuals with trauma-related problems. These principles recognize the importance of understanding the impact of trauma on an individual’s life and how to provide care best that meets their needs.

            The six principles of trauma-informed care and the questions traumatized individuals ask are:

            1. Safety: The first priority in any trauma-informed care setting is to ensure the safety of everyone involved. This means creating a safe emotional and psychological environment while addressing potential safety risks that could lead to additional re-traumatization.
              “Am I safe here?”
            2. Trustworthiness and Transparency: It is essential that any trauma-informed care setting be transparent and trustworthy. This means that all information is shared openly and honestly and that individuals are free to ask questions and express concerns.
              “Can I trust you?”
            3. Peer Support: Peer support is an essential part of the healing process for individuals who have experienced trauma. This means that individuals should be encouraged to reach out to others who have had similar experiences to build a support network.
              “Who shares my experiences?”
            4. Collaboration and Mutuality: Individuals in trauma-informed care settings must work together to create an atmosphere of collaboration and mutuality. All individuals involved should feel respected and valued, and their experiences and perspectives from past trauma should be considered in any activity or treatment plan.
              “Do I have a choice?”
            5. Empowerment: Individuals in trauma-informed care settings should be empowered to make their own decisions and take control of their healing process. This means that individuals should be encouraged to take an active role in their care and to make decisions that are in their best interests.
              “Do I have a voice that will be heard?”
            6. Cultural, Historical, and Gender Issues: It is essential that any trauma-informed care setting consider the cultural, historical, and gender issues that may impact an individual’s experience and recovery. This means that individuals should be encouraged to discuss their experiences without fear of judgment or criticism.
              “Is my cultural, gender, or history valued?”

            These six principles of trauma-informed care, outlined by SAMHSA, are essential to providing effective, individualized, and compassionate care to individuals who have experienced trauma. By ensuring that these principles are incorporated into all aspects of care, we can create a safe and supportive environment for individuals to heal and move forward.

            At its core, trauma-informed care is about understanding and responding to the needs of individuals and eliminating practices that lead to re-traumatization. It is about creating a safe and supportive environment where individuals can explore their experiences and work toward recovery. By incorporating SAMHSA’s six key principles of trauma-informed care, we can ensure that individuals receive the care and support they need to heal and move forward.

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            The NEGATIVE impact of the pandemic on our mental health!

            The following is from a recent study on the effects of the pandemic on our mental health, substance use, and suicidality. It is safe to say that those of us who were already experience challenges before the pandemic have seen an increase in our struggles.

            Even if we never had issues with mental health or substance use, the pandemic caused us to feel depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed.

            Photo by Alex Green on Pexels.com

            Data show COVID’s impact on nation’s mental health, substance use…

            The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has released findings from the 2020 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH). The data suggest that the COVID-19 pandemic had a negative impact on the nation’s well-being. Americans responding to the NSDUH survey reported that the coronavirus outbreak adversely impacted their mental health, including by exacerbating use of alcohol or drugs among people who had used drugs in the past year.

            Several changes to the 2020 NSDUH prevent its findings from being directly comparable to recent past-year surveys, as explained below.

            Based on data collected nationally from October to December 2020, it is estimated that 25.9 million past-year users of alcohol and 10.9 million past-year users of drugs other than alcohol reported they were using these substances “a little more or much more” than they did before the COVID-19 pandemic began. During that same time period, youths ages 12 to 17 who had a past-year major depressive episode (MDE) reported they were more likely than those without a past-year MDE to feel that the COVID-19 pandemic negatively affected their mental health “quite a bit or a lot.” Adults 18 or older who had any mental illness (AMI) or serious mental illness (SMI) in the past year were more likely than adults without mental illness to report that the pandemic negatively affected their mental health “quite a bit or a lot.”

            The 2020 data also estimate that 4.9 percent of adults aged 18 or older had serious thoughts of suicide, 1.3 percent made a suicide plan, and 0.5 percent attempted suicide in the past year. These findings vary by race and ethnicity, with people of mixed ethnicity reporting higher rates of serious thoughts of suicide. Among people of mixed ethnicity 18 or older, 11 percent had serious thoughts of suicide, 3.3 percent made a suicide plan and 1.2 percent attempted suicide in the past year. Among Whites 18 or older, 5.3 percent had serious thoughts of suicide, 1.4 percent made a suicide plan, and 0.5 percent attempted suicide in the past year. Among Hispanics or Latinos 18 or older, 4.2 percent had serious thoughts of suicide, 1.2 percent made a suicide plan and 0.6 percent attempted suicide in the past year. Among adolescents 12 to 17, 12 percent had serious thoughts of suicide, 5.3 percent made a suicide plan, and 2.5 percent attempted suicide in the past year.

            “SAMHSA’s annual NSDUH provides helpful data on the extent of substance use and mental health issues in the United States,” said Health and Human Services (HHS) Assistant Secretary for Mental Health and Substance Use Miriam E. Delphin-Rittmon, Ph.D., who leads SAMHSA. “These data help to guide our policy directions in addressing such priorities as addiction, suicide prevention, and the intersection of substance use and mental health issues.”

            Read more on this study: CLICK HERE

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            What to do about professional burnout?

            It has been said that professional social workers, therapists, and front-line workers suffer from burnout 5 times more than other professionals. Perhaps everyone has experience has some form of anxiety or stress in the last couple of years. Burnout is a real, damaging condition with several emotional symptoms.

            Image result for signs of burnout


            The signs and symptoms of burnout

            The emotional signs of burnout might include:

            • Sense of failure and self-doubt.
            • Feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated.
            • Detachment, feeling alone in the world.
            • Loss of motivation.
            • Increasingly cynical and negative outlook.
            • Decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment.

            Helping professionals often get their sense of identity from seeing others improve and get healthy and well. Emotionally, burnout can change helpers attitudes so they now resent or judge the people they are helping. There are many examples of long-term health or human service professionals who are just going through the motions. They are frequently irritable and grouchy, complaining about the people they are serving. They do the least amount of work possible and may even mistreat colleagues and clients.

            The physical symptoms of burnout also include headaches and stomachaches. Burnout people tend don’t take as good care of themselves, eating poorly, drinking too much, and don’t exercise. Consequently, they are more likely to experience obesity and heart disease. Chronic stress will result in sleep disorders, anxiety attacks, and clinical depression.

            Once you find yourself suffering from burnout, it can be difficult to turn your life around. Your best choice is to prevent burnout as soon as you see the warning signs. Here are a few helpful tips to avoid burnout. 

            Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

            Set Boundaries

            No matter what your profession may be, it’s important to have boundaries. You can’t be available around the clock; this is simply impossible. So, to prevent burnout, it’s critical to establish boundaries of times you will not be available. This means that you won’t be in the office or available by phone or email during these times. If you are in a management position, it might help to post these hours somewhere or adjust your email auto-reply, so people know you will answer as soon as you are available.  

            Helpers help, right? We are rewarded for high we perform. We get praise for productivity. We start to believe that we are our work and cannot say no. This is a common but damaging mental state.

            Have A Work-Life Balance

            Besides just setting boundaries, you need to have time to do things that aren’t workplace-related. This means you have time for your hobbies, your family, and just doing what you love. This doesn’t have to be complicated, and it could be as simple as taking one afternoon a week to go for a walk in your favorite park. Whatever it may be, it needs to be something you want to do, and you need to put your foot down if work ever tries to interfere with your time.

            It is no wonder that burnout destroys marriages. If you give your all to work, you have nothing left to give your partner or children. The world reinforces you for putting work first but this isn’t the correct order for physical and mental health. Some countries give more allowance for family leave, paid vacations, and publicly reward putting self and relationships over the job. These countries do not see a lower level of productivity. In fact, they have a higher employee retention and less costly turnover.

            Photo by Sarah Chai on Pexels.com

            Create a Social Circle

            We are social creatures. Our brains and nervous systems are designed to function optimally when we are in healthy relationships with others. This is true for extroverts as well as introverts. Social circles include having loving, trusting family and friends. It isn’t about the number of friends in your life. It is about the quality of those friendships. You can visualize a social circle like a target, with you in the middle, and concentric circles surrounding you. The smaller, closer circles will have people who are more intimate and highly trusted. Those in the outer circles are important for various areas of your life but are not part of the inner circle. The more people in the various circles, the more buffer you have to stress. The less number or quality of people, the more likely that stress will enter and negatively affect you.

            Research demonstrates that even one trusted person can dramatically decrease the negative effects of stress and so, lessen the likelihood of burnout.

            The 3 R’s of Burnout Recovery

            Sometimes you can’t avoid burnout and have to find healthy ways to cope. Try using the 3 R’s:

            1. Recognize.
            2. Reprioritize.
            3. Redesign.
            5 Finger Check In

            Using the signs listed above, stop and check in periodically on how you are doing physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually. We call this the five finger check in. Do this with your partner or co-workers on a regular basis. Be honest. Shame likes to hide issues in darkness. Expose them so you can treat them.

            If there are any signs of burnout in your life, make some changes as soon as possible. Reprioritizing your schedule, responsibilities, and relationships. Anything that is causing an inner drain should be seriously addressed.

            Redesign your life. It is never too late to change your work or how you work. Many people, over the course of the last year, have started working remotely instead of going into an office. This has dramatically improved peoples mental as well as physical health. If you don’t have many people in your social circles, start by reaching out to a professional or take a risk by joining a club or group. Make sure you have a health balance of fun in your life. Take that vacation, turn off the screens, eat a good meal. Little efforts can result in big changes in your life.

            If you are needing more help with stress or trauma, try the convenient courses at FamilyHealer.tv