Discover how to nurture, support, and build inner resilience through self-compassion. When we develop our inner “good parent,” we create a foundation of emotional stability that serves us through life’s challenges.
Many of us carry wounds from childhood that affect how we treat ourselves today. By learning to parent yourself with kindness and wisdom, you can heal these patterns and develop healthier self-talk, boundaries, and emotional regulation skills.
The blame and shame game will destroy your relationships. You can break free from toxic interactions and find a new way to interact that builds trust and intimacy.
Adoption, while often a positive and life-changing experience, can present unique challenges for children, particularly in the realm of attachment. Recent advancements in neuroscience and attachment research have shed light on the complex interplay between early experiences and brain development, offering new insights into the attachment wounds adopted children may carry.
Hunter Clarke-Fields’ book “Raising Good Humans” offers a refreshing approach to parenting that focuses on mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and building strong relationships with our children. By incorporating these principles, parents can create a nurturing environment that fosters cooperation, resilience, and empathy in their children.
One of the core tenets of Clarke-Fields’ approach is the importance of modeling desired behaviors. Children learn more from what we do than we say[1]. As parents, we must embody the qualities we wish to see in our children, such as kindness, calmness, and respect[1]. For example, if we want our children to manage their emotions effectively, we need to demonstrate emotional regulation ourselves.
Clarke-Fields emphasizes the need to identify and break harmful generational patterns[1]. Many parents unknowingly perpetuate behaviors they experienced in their own upbringing, such as yelling or using physical punishment. By recognizing these patterns, we can consciously choose to parent differently, creating a more positive family dynamic.
The book advocates using mindfulness techniques to enhance parental self-regulation and improve communication with children[1]. Practices like the RAIN meditation can help parents navigate emotional challenges with more excellent balance and presence[1].
At the heart of Clarke-Fields’ philosophy is the belief that a strong parent-child relationship is key to effective parenting[3]. Children who feel securely attached to their parents are more likely to cooperate and work together to resolve conflicts[3].
By implementing these techniques and embracing the principles outlined in “Raising Good Humans,” parents can create a nurturing environment that supports their children’s emotional and social development. Remember, the goal is not perfection but a conscious, mindful approach to parenting that fosters strong relationships and raises emotionally intelligent, resilient children.
Citations:
[1] https://swiftread.com/books/raising-good-humans
[2] https://www.mindbodydad.com/dad/5-principles-of-parenting
[3] https://www.shortform.com/summary/raising-good-humans-summary-hunter-clarke-fields
[4] https://bewellbykelly.com/blogs/blog/raising-good-humans-discover-the-5-key-principles-of-parenting-with-dr-aliza-pressman
[5] https://www.20minutebooks.com/raising-good-humans
[6] https://www.mamasaysnamaste.com/podcast-good-humans/
[7] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOlJMB8I_k0
[8] https://gabbybernstein.com/podcast/spirituality-and-parenting-raising-good-humans-with-dr-aliza-pressman/
As parents, we often compare our teenage years to those of our children. However, the landscape of adolescence has dramatically shifted, presenting a unique set of challenges for today’s teens. Let’s explore these changes and how we can support our young ones through these turbulent times.
One of the most significant differences between our teen years and our children is the pervasive influence of social media and digital technology. While these platforms offer unprecedented connectivity, they also bring new risks:
The mental health landscape for teens has changed dramatically:
Interestingly, reported drug use among teens has actually decreased in recent years. However, this comes with its own set of concerns:
As parents, it’s crucial to adopt a harm-reduction approach when dealing with these challenges. This strategy focuses on minimizing negative consequences without necessarily requiring complete abstinence. Here are some ways to implement this:
Remember, while our teens’ challenges may differ from what we experienced, our role as supportive, understanding parents remains crucial. By staying informed and adopting a harm reduction approach, we can help our teens navigate these turbulent times and emerge stronger on the other side.
Adoption is a complex and emotional process that requires understanding, patience, and ongoing support. This article aims to provide valuable insights for both adoptive parents and the professionals who work with them.
Joyce Maguire Pavao, a renowned adoption expert, emphasizes:
“Adoption is not about finding children for families, it’s about finding families for children.”
This perspective shift is crucial for both parents and professionals to internalize. It places the child’s needs at the center of the adoption process.
Adoption is not a one-time event but a lifelong journey. As one adoptive parent notes:
“The adoption journey doesn’t end when your adopted child is finally in your arms. The journey is one that never ends. It is a journey filled with joy, pain, fear and love.”
Professionals should prepare adoptive parents for this ongoing process, providing resources and support for various stages of the adoption journey.
Open communication about adoption is vital from the earliest stages. Experts recommend:
“Start telling your child that s/he is adopted from day one. A child should never remember finding out they’re adopted – they should just always know.”
Professionals can guide adoptive parents on age-appropriate ways to discuss adoption with their children.
It’s important to recognize that adoption involves loss for all parties involved. Pavao notes:
“The stages birth parents go through are very real and need to be understood… The initial period of grieving lasts roughly five to seven years.”
Professionals should help adoptive parents understand and navigate these complex emotions, both for themselves and their children.
For transracial or transcultural adoptions, cultural competence is crucial. Pavao advises:
“The challenge to adoptive parents, and to others connected to this child, is to help the child to develop his/her own identity within the framework of both cultures.”
Professionals can provide resources and guidance on cultural integration and identity development.
Adoption requires continuous learning. One adoptive parent shares:
“You commit to education. You commit to learning other perspectives. You commit to growing.”
Professionals should encourage adoptive parents to engage in ongoing education about adoption issues, trauma-informed care, and child development.
For both adoptive parents and professionals, understanding the nuances of adoption is crucial. By recognizing its lifelong nature, embracing openness, addressing loss, promoting cultural competence, and committing to ongoing education, we can better support adoptive families throughout their journey.
Remember, as Pavao states, “Adoption is intergenerational. It lasts a lifetime and beyond.” With this perspective, we can work together to create positive, supportive environments for all members of the adoption triad.
Citations:
[1] https://www.reddit.com/r/AdoptiveParents/comments/1ercoiw/starting_our_unexpected_adoption_journey/
[2] https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/487220.Joyce_Maguire_Pavao
[3] https://abidinglovecharities.org/2022/11/16/being-open-to-grow-in-your-adoption-journey/
[4] https://www.adoptimist.com/adoption-success-stories/a-proactive-and-prayerful-adoption-journey
[5] https://www.waitnomore.org/the-adoption-journey/
[6] https://blog.nchs.org/adoptive-families-challenges
[7] https://www.modernheirloombooks.com/new-blog/2020/3/18/what-to-save-for-your-adoption-journey-book
[8] https://www.boulderpsychologicalservices.com/understanding-common-challenges-adopted-children/
Anxiety among children and adolescents has become a growing concern in recent years, with significant increases observed in the prevalence and severity of anxiety disorders. This trend has been exacerbated by various factors, including the COVID-19 pandemic and the pervasive influence of social media. Let’s explore the current landscape of youth anxiety and its implications.
Recent data paints a concerning picture of anxiety among young people:
These statistics highlight a significant upward trend in anxiety diagnoses among youth, indicating a growing mental health challenge.
Several key factors have contributed to the rise in anxiety among children and adolescents:
The pandemic has had a profound impact on youth mental health:
The pervasive presence of social media has introduced new challenges:
Anxiety in children and adolescents can have far-reaching consequences:
Early identification of anxiety disorders is crucial for effective intervention:
Evidence-based treatments have shown promise in addressing youth anxiety:
Addressing the current state of anxiety in children and adolescents requires a multi-faceted approach:
By recognizing the scope of the problem and implementing comprehensive support systems, we can work towards improving the mental health landscape for children and adolescents, ensuring they have the tools and resources needed to navigate an increasingly complex world.
Citations:
[1] https://ccf.georgetown.edu/2022/03/24/research-update-childrens-anxiety-and-depression-on-the-rise/
[2] https://www.prb.org/resources/anxiety-and-depression-increase-among-u-s-youth-2022-kids-counts-data-book-shows/
[3] https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/anxiety-in-children
[4] https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2797220
[5] https://weillcornell.org/news/what-to-know-about-youth-anxiety
[6] https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/data.html
[7] https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/anxiety-kids-teens
[8] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK476265/
Nurturing Creativity and Emotional Well-being: Art Therapy Activities for Children
As parents, we always look for ways to support our children’s emotional development and help them express their feelings. Art therapy activities can be a powerful tool in this journey, offering a non-verbal outlet for emotions and fostering creativity. Here are some simple yet effective art therapy activities you can try at home with your children:
Encourage your child to draw and color personified versions of their emotions. For example, they might create a grumpy thundercloud for anger or a playful sunshine for happiness. This activity helps children identify and understand feelings while developing coping mechanisms by giving these “monsters” friendly features or silly accessories[1].
Give your child an outline of a heart and ask them to color it based on their emotions. Different colors can represent various feelings. This exercise helps children create visual representations of their emotions, making it easier to express and understand complex feelings[2].
Set up a space with large canvases or paper and various art supplies like paints, markers, or crayons. Play calming music and encourage your child to express emotions through abstract shapes and colors. This activity allows for releasing emotions in a non-judgmental space and can be particularly helpful for children who struggle to verbalize their feelings[1].
Ask your child to draw or create a representation of their safe space. This could be a real place or an imaginary one. Encourage them to include elements that make them feel secure and comfortable. This activity can lead to discussions about creating safe environments in real life and can be a valuable tool for children dealing with anxiety[2].
Collect smooth stones and have your child paint or draw simple images. These stones can then be used to create and tell stories. This activity not only stimulates creativity but also helps children explore narratives and themes that are meaningful to them. It’s an excellent way to encourage self-expression and advance vocabulary[3].
Introduce your child to mindful doodling. Have them close their eyes and draw simple shapes and lines on paper, focusing on how they feel rather than how they look. This exercise can be calming and meditative, helping to reduce stress and anxiety[3].
Remember, these activities aim not to create masterpieces but to provide a safe, creative outlet for self-expression. Encourage your child to focus on the process rather than the end result. As you engage in these activities together, you’re supporting their emotional development and strengthening your bond.
Incorporating these art therapy activities into your family routine gives your child valuable tools for emotional regulation and self-expression that can benefit them throughout their lives.
Citations:
[1] https://loveplaygrownj.com/art-therapy-activities/
[2] https://positivepsychology.com/art-therapy/
[3] https://www.rmcad.edu/blog/brushing-away-stress-21-art-therapy-activities-for-self-expression-and-healing/
[4] https://intuitivecreativity.typepad.com/expressiveartinspirations/100-art-therapy-exercises.html
[5] https://www.weareteachers.com/art-therapy-activities/
[6] https://www.playday.com/post/8-art-therapy-activities-for-kids-recommended-by-therapists
[7] https://www.wholechildcounseling.com/post/5-art-therapy-inspired-activities-for-calming-behaviors-and-building-resilience-by-erica-curtis
[8] https://www.alternativetomeds.com/blog/art-therapy-ideas/
Sarah nervously fidgeted with her necklace as she waited in the airport terminal. It had been five years since she’d seen her younger brother, Jake. Separated by adoption when Sarah was 10 and Jake was 6, the siblings were about to reunite for the first time since that difficult day.
“I was so scared he wouldn’t remember me,” Sarah recalled. “But as soon as I saw him, it was like no time had passed. We just hugged and cried.”
Stories like Sarah and Jake’s are too familiar in adoption. While keeping siblings together is often the goal, it’s not always possible. Maintaining these vital connections is challenging, but so are the rewards.
Dr. David Brodzinsky, a leading expert in adoption psychology, emphasizes the importance of sibling relationships: “Sibling bonds are often the longest-lasting family ties we have. For adopted children, these connections can be a crucial link to their past and a source of stability in their present.”
Indeed, research has shown that maintaining sibling relationships can have profound benefits for adopted children. These connections can provide emotional support, a sense of identity, and a link to a shared history.
However, maintaining these relationships is often fraught with obstacles. Geographic distance, the differing needs of individual children, and complex family dynamics can all pose challenges.
Mary, an adoptive mother of three siblings, shared her experience: “We knew it was important to keep the kids together, but it wasn’t easy. They each had such different needs. There were times I wondered if we’d made the right choice.”
Despite the difficulties, Mary and her husband persevered. They sought professional help, established routines that gave each child individual attention, and worked tirelessly to foster a sense of family unity.
“It was worth every struggle,” Mary said. “Watching them support each other, seeing their bond grow stronger – it’s been the most rewarding part of our adoption journey.”
For families who aren’t able to adopt sibling groups together, maintaining connections requires creativity and commitment. Regular video calls, shared online photo albums, and planned visits can all help bridge the gap.
Tom, a social worker specializing in adoption, offers this advice: “Communication is key. Be open with your children about their siblings, encourage questions, and proactively facilitate contact when possible.”
He adds, “It’s also important to be sensitive to the complex emotions that can arise. Feelings of guilt, loss, or confusion are common. Providing a safe space for children to express these feelings is crucial.”
As the adoption community continues to recognize the importance of sibling relationships, more resources and support are becoming available. Many agencies now offer specialized training for families adopting sibling groups or those working to maintain connections with siblings placed separately.
Sarah, now 25, reflects on her journey: “It hasn’t always been easy, but I’m so grateful we’ve been able to stay in each other’s lives. Jake is more than just my brother – he’s a link to my past and an important part of my future.”
As we continue to navigate the complexities of adoption, one thing remains clear: the sibling bond is a powerful force. By recognizing its importance and working to nurture these relationships, we can help adopted children maintain vital connections to their roots while building strong, loving families for the future.
Here are some valuable resources for adoptive parents looking to deepen their understanding of sibling relationships and the adoption process:
By utilizing these resources, adoptive parents can gain deeper insights into sibling relationships and the broader adoption process, fostering a more supportive environment for their children.
Citations:
[1] https://www.adoptionsupportalliance.org/resources
[2] https://creatingafamily.org/adoption/resources/
[3] https://www.utahadopt.org/resources
[4] https://www.purladoptions.com/learn/adoption-advisor/resources-for-talking-to-your-child-about-adoption/
[5] https://www.utahadopt.org/support-resources
[6] https://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/parenting-support/for-adoptive-parents
[7] https://www.creatingafamilyed.org/courses/preparing-children-already-in-the-home-for-adoption
[8] https://adoptioncouncil.org/publications/adoption-advocate-no-147/
When life feels complicated, and challenges seem insurmountable, it’s easy to fall into negative thinking and self-criticism patterns. However, adopting the “Doing The Best I Can” mindset can be a powerful reframe to combat these feelings and foster self-compassion. Here’s how this simple phrase can transform your perspective:
“Doing The Best I Can” recognizes that you’re putting forth effort, even when outcomes aren’t perfect. This acknowledgment is crucial because:
This reframe helps you accept that perfection is unattainable. Instead of berating yourself for falling short of impossible standards, you can:
By telling yourself you’re doing your best, you’re practicing self-compassion. This approach:
“Doing The Best I Can” takes into account your current circumstances. It acknowledges that:
This reframe encourages a growth mindset by:
To incorporate this reframe into your daily life:
Remember, “Doing The Best I Can” doesn’t mean settling for less or making excuses. Instead, it’s about recognizing your efforts, accepting your limitations, and maintaining a compassionate attitude toward yourself as you navigate life’s complexities.
By adopting this reframe, you can reduce feelings of overwhelm, combat negative thinking, and approach challenges with a more balanced and kind perspective. It’s a simple yet powerful tool for fostering resilience and maintaining emotional well-being in life’s inevitable ups and downs.
Ron Huxley LMFT 