Judgment creates barriers and separation in our lives. It limits our connections, stifles growth, and keeps us trapped in rigid perspectives. When we judge ourselves or others, we close the door to understanding and compassion.
Discover four powerful pathways that can transform how we relate to ourselves and others:
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and the kitchen was filled with the delightful aroma of pancakes sizzling on the stove. Eight-year-old Mia was sitting at the table, her brow furrowed in concentration as she carefully colored a picture of a butterfly for her school project.
As her mother, Sarah, flipped the pancakes, she glanced over and noticed Mia’s intense focus. Instead of the usual “Good job!” that might have slipped out in the past, Sarah paused momentarily, reflecting on what she saw.
“Mia,” she called gently, “can you tell me about the colors you chose for your butterfly?”
Mia looked up, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. “I wanted it to look like the sunset, so I used orange, pink, and purple. Butterflies can be so colorful!”
Sarah smiled, feeling the warmth of pride swell in her chest. “I love that idea! You’ve really captured the beauty of a sunset. The way you blended those colors together shows how creative you are. It makes me excited to see how it will turn out!”
Mia beamed at the compliment, her confidence visibly growing. “Thanks, Mom! I’m trying to make it the best I can!”
As they continued their breakfast, Sarah felt grateful for the moment. By focusing on Mia’s effort and creativity, she was not only encouraging her daughter’s artistic skills but also fostering a sense of pride in her work.
Later that day, when Mia proudly presented her completed butterfly at school, she felt a sense of accomplishment from knowing her hard work was recognized and valued. And Sarah, reflecting on their morning, realized that this kind of meaningful praise would help Mia build a strong foundation of self-esteem and motivation for years to come.
We’ve all been there—your child shows you a drawing, and you automatically respond with a cheerful “Good job!” But what if there’s a better way to encourage our children? Recent research suggests that praise can significantly impact a child’s development, motivation, and self-esteem.
While well-intentioned, phrases like “good boy” or “good girl” can be counterproductive. These generic compliments:
Instead of relying on catch-all phrases, try these strategies:
Effective praise:
Next time your child accomplishes something, take a moment to consider your response. Instead of a quick “good job,” try something like, “I noticed you helped your sister without being asked. That was very thoughtful of you!”
Remember, the goal isn’t to praise constantly but to make your praise meaningful when you do give it. By being specific, genuine, and focused on effort, you’ll nurture your child’s growth and development in powerful ways.
By rethinking how we praise our children, we can help them develop resilience, motivation, and a lifelong love of learning. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in your child’s life.
Citations:
[1] https://evergreenpsychotherapycenter.com/the-dos-and-donts-of-praising-your-child/
[2] https://www.parentingforbrain.com/words-of-encouragement-for-kids/
[3] https://parentingscience.com/effects-of-praise/
[4] https://mybrightwheel.com/blog/effective-praise
[5] https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2018/09/14/why-saying-good-boy-or-good-girl-is-not-a-good-thing/
[6] https://www.understood.org/en/articles/ways-praise-can-empower-kids-learning-differences
[7] https://centerforcbt.org/2020/09/25/labeledpraise/
[8] https://amotherfarfromhome.com/use-phrases-good-girl-good-boy-well/
In our journey towards personal growth and self-improvement, understanding our beliefs plays a crucial role. Our beliefs shape how we perceive the world, ourselves, and our potential. By identifying and reflecting on our beliefs, we can uncover deep-seated patterns that may be holding us back and cultivate a mindset that propels us forward. Here are some key questions and practical ways to reflect on your beliefs for personal growth:
By actively engaging in these reflective practices, you can unravel the layers of your beliefs, identify areas for growth, and pave the way for personal transformation. Embracing a mindset of curiosity, openness, and self-awareness can lead to profound shifts in your beliefs and ultimately empower you to live a more fulfilling and authentic life. Remember, personal growth is a continuous journey of self-discovery and evolution, and reflecting on your beliefs is a powerful step toward realizing your full potential.
In today’s world, we are constantly bombarded with news and information, much of which can be frightening and anxiety-inducing. This constant exposure to negative news can result in a condition known as “media-induced trauma.” Media-induced trauma is a term used to describe the psychological distress that can result from exposure to repeated traumatic news events.
The human brain is wired to respond to threats, and exposure to repeated negative news can activate the fear center of the brain, leading to feelings of anxiety and fear. This is especially true when the news is about threats to personal safety or threats to one’s sense of security.
For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, many people were glued to their screens, constantly checking for updates on the number of cases, deaths, and vaccine availability. This constant exposure to negative news about the pandemic can lead to feelings of anxiety, fear, and helplessness.
In addition to the fear center of the brain, exposure to negative news can also activate the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions. This can lead to a negative spiral of emotions, as the constant exposure to negative news can reinforce feelings of anxiety and fear.
So, what can you do to deal with the fear and anxiety that comes from constantly watching news and fearing the worst? Here are some quick tips to help right away:
There are several approaches that a mental health professional could use to help someone who is struggling with media-induced trauma or anxiety caused by constantly watching negative news. Some of these approaches may include:
Incorporating your faith to find comfort and hope:
A faith-based approach to help someone with media-induced trauma involves incorporating religious beliefs and practices into the therapeutic process. It includes encouraging prayer, using scriptural counseling, practicing mindfulness meditation, promoting forgiveness and gratitude, and referring the person to pastoral counseling. By connecting the person with their faith community and helping them find comfort, peace, and hope through their religious beliefs, this approach can be a powerful tool to manage media-induced trauma and anxingkin
A faith-based approach to help someone with media-induced trauma involves incorporating religious beliefs and practices into the therapeutic process. It includes encouraging prayer, using scriptural counseling, practicing mindfulness meditation, promoting forgiveness and gratitude, and referring the person to pastoral counseling. By connecting the person with their faith community and helping them find comfort, peace, and hope through their religious beliefs, this approach can be a powerful tool to manage media-induced trauma and anxiety.
Introduction: Living with a loved one who struggles with addiction can be incredibly difficult and painful. It can leave us feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and lost. Al-Anon is a support group that offers help and hopes to people affected by someone else’s addiction. One of their essential resources is “Courage to Change,” a daily reader book filled with reflections and meditations designed to provide comfort and inspiration. This article will review “Courage to Change” and discuss who would benefit most from this book.
Authors: “Courage to Change” is published by Al-Anon. This support group has been helping families and friends of alcoholics since 1951. The book was written by Al-Anon members and is based on their experiences, strength, and hope.
Who Would Benefit Most: “Courage to Change” is a valuable resource for anyone affected by someone else’s addiction. This includes family members, friends, and loved ones of addicts. The book offers daily reflections and meditations that provide comfort, support, and inspiration to those struggling to cope with the challenges of addiction. It can help readers find peace, serenity, and the courage to change the things they can.
Dealing with a family member with addiction can be an incredibly difficult and stressful experience that can impact a person’s boundaries, communication, and self-worth in several ways:
The Book’s Contents: “Courage to Change” is a daily reader book that offers 365 reflections and meditations. Each day’s reading focuses on a specific topic: acceptance, self-care, forgiveness, and gratitude. The readings are designed to be short and easy to read, making them a perfect resource for busy people.
The book’s reflections are based on the principles of Al-Anon, which include accepting the things we cannot change, letting go of control, and trusting a higher power. It emphasizes the importance of self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and cultivating self-love and self-compassion.
Similar Sources: Many other resources are available for people affected by addiction. One of the most well-known is “The 12 Steps” by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). While “The 12 Steps” is written for people who struggle with addiction, it can also be a valuable resource for loved ones who want to better understand the recovery process.
Another resource is “Beyond Addiction” by Jeffrey Foote, Carrie Wilkens, and Nicole Kosanke. This book offers a science-based approach to addiction that focuses on the whole family, not just the addict. It provides practical tools and strategies for families to navigate addiction challenges.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This quote, often called the Serenity Prayer, is a central theme of “Courage to Change.” This principle can be applied to many aspects of life but is especially relevant for people affected by addiction which often struggle with helplessness and powerlessness.
Conclusion: Living with addiction can be incredibly challenging, but hope exists. “Courage to Change” is a valuable resource for anyone affected by addiction. Its daily reflections and meditations provide comfort, support, and inspiration, helping readers find the courage and strength to face the challenges of addiction. Other resources, such as “The 12 Steps” and “Beyond Addiction,” can also be helpful tools for those seeking support and guidance.
A review (and application) of Spencer Johnsons Book “Peaks and Valleys”:
Have you ever felt like life is a rollercoaster of highs and lows? If so, you’re not alone. Life is full of peaks and valleys, and navigating the ups and downs can be challenging. But fear not because Spencer Johnson’s book, “Peaks and Valleys,” provides a simple but powerful framework for managing the highs and lows of life.
Johnson tells the story of a young man who meets an older, wiser man in the mountains, who teaches him how to overcome obstacles and achieve success. The older man teaches the young man that life is a series of peaks and valleys and that it is during the valleys that one can learn valuable lessons and gain perspective.
So, how can we learn valuable lessons and gain perspectives in the valleys of life? Johnson suggests several ways:
First, he encourages us to embrace the valley. Rather than avoiding or denying life’s difficulties, Johnson suggests embracing them and seeking opportunities to learn and grow.
Embracing the valleys of life can be challenging, but there are practical ways that someone can implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson. Here are a few suggestions:
Second, he suggests reflecting on past successes and failures. Reflecting on past successes and failures can help us gain perspective and learn from our mistakes.
Reflecting on past successes and failures can be valuable for personal growth and development. Here are some practical ways to implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson:
Third, he recommends asking for feedback. Asking for feedback from others can provide valuable insights and help us identify areas for improvement.
Asking for feedback can be a powerful tool for personal growth and development. Here are some practical ways to implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson:
Fourth, he advises practicing gratitude. Even amid difficulty, focusing on the positive aspects of our lives can help us maintain a positive attitude and gain perspective.
Practicing gratitude can be a powerful tool for cultivating a positive mindset and gaining perspective, even during difficult times. Here are some practical ways, with empathy in mind, to implement this idea from “Peaks and Valleys” by Spencer Johnson:
Fifth, he suggests taking action. Rather than becoming paralyzed by fear or uncertainty, Johnson suggests taking action toward our goals, even if it is a small step.
Here are the practical action steps for taking action towards your goals as suggested by Spencer Johnson in his book “Peaks and Valleys”:
Lastly, he advises us to learn from others. Studying the lives of successful people and learning from their experiences can help us gain perspective and insights into navigating the valleys of life.
Here are the practical implementation steps for learning from others, as suggested by Spencer Johnson in his book “Peaks and Valleys”:
Remember, learning from successful people is not about copying them. It’s about gaining insights and perspectives to help you navigate life’s valleys more effectively and achieve your own goals.
“The best way to get out of a valley is to climb toward a peak.”
Spencer Johnson
Overall, “Peaks and Valleys” provides a simple but powerful framework for managing the highs and lows of life and encourages readers to use the lessons learned during difficult times to achieve greater success and happiness. Rather than getting stuck in the depths of a valley, we can focus on climbing towards a peak and use the lessons learned during the valley to propel us forward. By embracing the valleys of life, reflecting on past experiences, seeking feedback, practicing gratitude, taking action, and learning from others, we can navigate life’s peaks and valleys with grace and resilience.
I hope you found this summary helpful and that it encourages you to read “Peaks and Valleys” for yourself. Remember, life is a journey, and every valley has a peak waiting on the other side.
I am so excited to guess again on the Holy Mess Podcast (see the link below). The show creator, Dani Sumner, has the #1 Christian Mental Health podcast on Spotify. This episode talks about healing from a body, mind, and spirit perspective. At the end of the podcast, I will lead you through a short meditation on how to “resource” safety from each perspective. You don’t want to mess with this podcast: Click here now!
When couples come together in marriage, they bring their own experiences and expectations. As time passes, these expectations can evolve and change, as can the relationship dynamics. However, when couples find themselves in a rut, communicating effectively and breaking through the barriers can take time and effort. This is where marriage therapy can be beneficial.
Marriage therapy is a specialized form of counseling designed to help couples better understand each other and improve their communication and relationship. Marriage therapy aims to create a safe space where couples can express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or criticism. It can also guide how to manage disagreements and work together.
CREATE SAFETY:
The first step in marriage therapy is creating a safe communication space. This can be done by setting aside a specific time and place where couples can talk without interruption. Creating a safe environment where couples can feel comfortable expressing their feelings without fear of criticism or judgment is also essential. This can include setting ground rules like no name-calling or criticism and allowing each partner to take turns speaking.
Once the safe space is established, the couple can then begin to work on improving their communication. This can include learning how to listen to each other more effectively, understanding each other’s perspectives, and learning how to express needs and feelings constructively. Marriage therapy can also focus on teaching couples how to resolve conflicts healthily and work together to create solutions that work for both.
EXPRESS EMOTIONAL NEEDS:
In addition to communication, marriage therapy can also help couples work on their emotional connection. This can include exploring each other’s emotional needs and learning how to express love and affection better. It can also involve exploring past hurts and how to move past them to create a stronger bond.
The existence of conflict doesn’t indicate the end of the relationship. Couples who thrive know how to fight fairly and repair the disconnection between them. Disconnection is inevitable. Having the tools to reconnect is essential.
FIGHTING FAIR:
Fair fighting techniques can help couples resolve conflicts without resorting to name-calling or other hurtful behavior. Not only can fair fighting help couples reach a resolution quickly, but it can also help strengthen their relationship in the long run.
So, what are some of the best fair fighting techniques for couples?
Before any argument starts, couples need to set ground rules. This means agreeing not to resort to name-calling, personal attacks, or bringing up past grievances. Setting ground rules can help ensure that the fight stays on track and that both parties feel heard.
When couples fight, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment’s heat and start talking over each other. But it’s essential to take a step back and listen to your partner’s words. This means actively listening and trying to understand their perspective instead of just waiting for your turn to talk.
Sometimes a fight can get too heated, and it’s best to take a break. This doesn’t mean walking away and not returning but taking a few moments to cool down and collect your thoughts. This can help you approach the conversation with a clearer head and can help you find a resolution faster.
It’s important to remember to be respectful during a fight. This means no name-calling or belittling language. Instead, try understanding and use “I” statements to express your feelings. This will help your partner understand your perspective without feeling attacked.
When it comes to fighting fair, the goal is to find a resolution. This doesn’t mean that one person has to be correct and the other wrong, but rather that both parties can come to a compromise. This can involve both parties making concessions or coming up with a plan that works for them.
Fair fighting is essential for any healthy relationship. It’s important to remember that while fighting is inevitable, it doesn’t have to be destructive. With the proper techniques, couples can learn to fight fairly and become stronger than ever.
Let Ron Huxley help you improve your communication skills and fight fairly today. Click here to set an appointment now.
How to invite forgiveness to bless your life…
Forgiveness is both a decision and a process. Choose one of the ways listed in this infographic to implement in your life for one week. Assess how it has blessed you and then try a new way until you feel the weight of hurt and bitterness lessen.
Ron Huxley LMFT 