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When “THEY” Won’t Change! What do I do?

When dealing with people who refuse to change, it’s important to accept that you cannot force them to change, but you can control your own reactions and boundaries. Here are some suggestions based on the search results:

Focus on what you can control. You cannot change others, only yourself. Recognize that their resistance to change is not about you, but their own fears, habits or mindset. Ask yourself if this is truly your problem to solve or theirs.[3]

Communicate clearly and compassionately. Express how their behavior impacts you using “I” statements, without criticism or judgment.[1][4] Listen to understand their perspective. Brainstorm solutions together if they are open to it.[4]

Set boundaries. If their behavior is unacceptable, calmly explain your boundaries and the consequences if they continue, such as limiting contact.[1][4] Follow through consistently.

Give them space. Avoid nagging, passive aggression or controlling language.[1] Pressuring someone often backfires. Allow them time and space to consider change at their own pace.[4]

Focus on your relationship. Compliment positive traits, spend quality time together, and look for areas you both can grow.[1] A strong bond can sometimes motivate change more than criticism.

Know when to disengage. If they remain unwilling to change hurtful patterns after you’ve communicated needs and boundaries, you may need to accept them as they are or re-evaluate the relationship.[3][5]

Prioritize your wellbeing. Don’t sacrifice your own mental health trying to change someone unwilling. Seek support, set firm boundaries, and detach with love if needed.[5][1]

The key is balancing compassion for their journey with prioritizing your own peace of mind. Change is an inside job – you can inspire but not force it upon others.[3][5]

Citations:
[1] https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Loved-Ones-Who-Refuse-to-Change
[2] https://hbr.org/2001/11/the-real-reason-people-wont-change
[3] https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/04/stop-trying-to-change-people-who-dont-want-to-change
[4] https://www.verywellmind.com/when-your-spouse-doesnt-want-change-2302197
[5] https://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-to-do-when-people-dont-want-to-change/

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Parenting Through the Behavioral Storm: Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD) is a relatively newly recognized mental health disorder that primarily affects children and adolescents. It is characterized by severe and recurrent temper outbursts that are out of proportion to the situation, along with a persistently irritable or angry mood between outbursts. These symptoms must be present for at least 12 months and be severe in at least two settings (e.g., home, school, with peers).

DMDD was introduced in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), which was published in May 2013. It was created to address concerns about overdiagnosis of bipolar disorder in children and to provide a more accurate diagnosis for children who exhibit chronic irritability and temper outbursts without meeting the criteria for bipolar disorder.

DMDD is seen as a way to better classify and treat children with severe irritability and temper outbursts, helping to differentiate them from those with bipolar disorder or oppositional defiant disorder. It’s important to note that DMDD is a relatively new diagnosis and research into its causes and treatment is ongoing.

Treatment for children with Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD) typically involves a combination of therapeutic interventions and, in some cases, medication management. Here are some common treatment options:

  1. Psychotherapy: Various forms of psychotherapy can be beneficial for children with DMDD:
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps children learn to identify and challenge negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies to manage their emotions and behavior.
  • Parent Management Training (PMT): Teaches parents effective techniques for managing their child’s behavior, setting appropriate limits, and providing positive reinforcement.
  • Family Therapy: Addresses family dynamics and communication patterns, improves conflict resolution skills, and fosters a supportive environment for the child.
  1. Social Skills Training: Helps children develop interpersonal skills, such as problem-solving, conflict resolution, empathy, and communication skills, which can improve their relationships with peers and family members.
  2. Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to manage specific symptoms associated with DMDD or co-occurring conditions:
  • Antidepressants: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or other antidepressants may be prescribed to alleviate symptoms of depression or anxiety.
  • Mood Stabilizers: In cases where mood swings are severe or resemble bipolar disorder, mood stabilizers such as lithium or atypical antipsychotics may be considered.
  1. Parent Education and Support: Providing parents with education about DMDD, guidance on effective parenting strategies, and support in managing their child’s behavior can be crucial in improving family functioning and reducing stress.
  2. School Interventions: Collaboration with teachers and school staff to implement behavior management strategies, accommodations, and supports can help address academic and social difficulties and create a more supportive learning environment for the child.
  3. Stress Management Techniques: Teaching the child relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation, can help them regulate their emotions and reduce stress levels.

Treatment plans should be individualized to meet the specific needs of each child and may involve a multidisciplinary approach involving mental health professionals, educators, and medical providers. Regular monitoring and adjustment of treatment strategies based on the child’s progress are also important for optimal outcomes.

Here are some books and resources that provide information and support specifically on Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD):

  1. “The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children” by Ross W. Greene – While not exclusively focused on DMDD, this book offers valuable insights and strategies for parenting children with explosive behaviors, including those with DMDD.
  2. “Your Defiant Child, Second Edition: Eight Steps to Better Behavior” by Russell A. Barkley and Christine M. Benton – This book provides practical guidance for parents dealing with challenging behaviors in children, including those with DMDD or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).
  3. “Parenting Your Child with Autism: Practical Solutions, Strategies, and Advice for Helping Your Family” by Anjali Sastry and Blaise Aguirre – Although targeted towards parents of children with autism, this book offers strategies for managing challenging behaviors that may apply to children with DMDD.
  4. “Managing the Meltdown: A Parent’s Guide to The Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder” by Naomi Henderson – This book specifically focuses on DMDD and offers guidance for parents on understanding the disorder, managing meltdowns, and supporting their child’s emotional well-being.
  5. “Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman – While not specifically about DMDD, this book provides insights into fostering emotional intelligence in children, which can be beneficial for parents navigating the challenges of DMDD.
  6. “Parenting Children with ADHD: 10 Lessons That Medicine Cannot Teach” by Vincent J. Monastra – While ADHD and DMDD are distinct disorders, they can share some overlapping symptoms and challenges. This book provides practical advice for parents dealing with behavioral issues in children, including those with DMDD.
  7. “The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them” by Elaine N. Aron – While not directly related to DMDD, this book offers insights into understanding and supporting highly sensitive children, which may be relevant for parents of children with DMDD who are easily overwhelmed by emotions.

These resources can provide valuable information and support for parents seeking to better understand and manage DMDD in their children. It’s important to consult with mental health professionals for personalized guidance and treatment recommendations tailored to the individual needs of the child and family.

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How To Deal With Strong Personalities

Strong personalities can present challenges in our interactions, particularly when they exhibit controlling behaviors that can impact our mental well-being. Recognizing signs of control and implementing coping strategies are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and boundaries.

Signs of Controlling Personalities

  1. Dominance: Individuals with controlling personalities tend to dominate conversations, decision-making processes, and interactions, asserting their opinions forcefully and expecting compliance from others.
  2. Lack of Empathy: A lack of empathy is a common trait in controlling individuals, as they may prioritize their own agenda without consideration for others’ feelings, needs, or perspectives.
  3. Micromanaging: Controlling personalities may engage in micromanaging behaviors, closely overseeing and controlling every detail while struggling to delegate tasks or trust others.
  4. Authoritarian Communication Style: Communication with controlling individuals may feel one-sided, with dictation of instructions, demands, or a commanding tone that dismisses opposing viewpoints.
  5. Difficulty Accepting Feedback: Controlling individuals may find it challenging to accept criticism, feedback, or suggestions, often reacting defensively or dismissively to alternative perspectives.

Strategies for Dealing with Controlling Personalities

  1. Establish Clear Boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with controlling individuals. Clearly communicate your limits, expectations, and needs to maintain a healthy balance in the relationship.
  2. Practice Active Listening: Show genuine interest in the person’s perspective, validate their feelings, and seek to understand their viewpoint without judgment. Active listening can help defuse tensions and improve communication.
  3. Maintain Calmness: Stay composed in confrontational situations. Responding with patience and composure can prevent conflicts from escalating and help you navigate interactions more effectively.
  4. Assertiveness: Assert your thoughts, feelings, and opinions respectfully. Express yourself clearly while acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint to establish open communication and mutual respect.
  5. Focus on Collaboration: Emphasize finding common ground and working together towards solutions rather than engaging in power struggles. Collaboration can lead to more positive outcomes and strengthen relationships.
  6. Seek Support: If interactions with controlling personalities become overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from mental health professionals or counselors. They can provide tailored strategies and support to help you navigate challenging relationships.

By recognizing signs of control, setting boundaries, practicing effective communication, and seeking support when needed, you can manage interactions with controlling personalities to protect your well-being and foster healthier relationships. Remember, your mental health is essential, and prioritizing self-care in challenging situations is key to maintaining balance and resilience.

Expert Insights

  • Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author specializing in empathetic communication, emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and practicing self-care when dealing with strong personalities.
  • Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on personality disorders, advises on strategies for managing challenging personalities and maintaining emotional well-being in relationships.
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Overwhelmed By Life? You Might Be A “Highly Sensitive Person”

Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is a unique personality trait that affects a significant portion of the population. HSPs have heightened sensitivity to various stimuli, including emotions, sensory input, and environmental factors. In this article, we will explore what it means to be a highly sensitive person, who coined the term, and provide examples of traits commonly associated with HSPs.

What is a Highly Sensitive Person?

A highly sensitive person is someone who has an increased sensitivity to stimulation and information. They tend to process sensory input more deeply and may be more aware of subtle changes in their environment. HSPs often experience emotions intensely and have a strong sense of empathy and compassion towards others. They may also be more prone to feeling overwhelmed in certain situations.

Who Coined the Term “Highly Sensitive Person”?

The term “Highly Sensitive Person” was coined by psychologist Elaine Aron. In 1996, Elaine Aron published a groundbreaking book titled “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.” Through her research, Aron identified and described the unique characteristics of HSPs, shedding light on this often misunderstood trait.

Examples of Traits Associated with Highly Sensitive People

Here are some examples of traits commonly associated with highly sensitive people:

  1. Emotional Sensitivity: HSPs have deep emotional responsiveness and may experience emotions more intensely than others.
  2. Empathy and Compassion: They possess a heightened ability to understand and feel the emotions of others, often displaying a strong sense of empathy and compassion.
  3. Overstimulation: HSPs may be more susceptible to feeling overwhelmed in environments with excessive sensory input, such as loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces.
  4. Attention to Detail: They tend to notice subtle details that others may overlook, demonstrating a keen eye for observation.
  5. Creativity: HSPs often have a rich inner world and a vivid imagination, which can contribute to their creative abilities.
  6. Deep Processing: They engage in deep cognitive processing, analyzing information thoroughly before making decisions or forming opinions.
  7. Strong Intuition: HSPs have a heightened sense of intuition and may rely on their gut feelings when navigating life’s challenges.
  8. Need for Solitude: They may require regular periods of solitude and quiet to recharge and process their thoughts and emotions.
  9. Appreciation of Beauty: HSPs have a deep appreciation for art, nature, and aesthetics, often finding beauty in the smallest of things.
  10. Strong Emotional Resonance: They may be deeply moved by music, art, literature, or other forms of expression, experiencing a profound emotional resonance.

Quiz: Are You a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

Answer the following questions to gain insight into whether you possess traits commonly associated with being a highly sensitive person. Keep track of the number of “yes” responses to determine your level of sensitivity.

  1. Do you find yourself deeply affected by other people’s moods and emotions, even when they are not directly expressed to you?
  2. Are you easily overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, or strong smells?
  3. Do you tend to avoid violent or emotionally intense movies, TV shows, or books because they affect you deeply?
  4. Do you have a rich and complex inner life, often engaging in deep thinking and reflection?
  5. Are you highly perceptive, noticing subtle details that others often miss?
  6. Do you experience strong emotional reactions to art, music, or natural landscapes?
  7. Do you feel the need for regular periods of solitude to recharge and process your thoughts and emotions?
  8. Are you deeply moved by the suffering of others, often feeling a strong sense of empathy and compassion?
  9. Do you find it challenging to make decisions, often needing time to carefully weigh your options?
  10. Are you sensitive to caffeine or alcohol, experiencing their effects more strongly than others?

Scoring:

  • 0-3 “yes” responses: It is less likely that you possess traits of a highly sensitive person.
  • 4-7 “yes” responses: You may demonstrate some traits commonly associated with being a highly sensitive person.
  • 8-10 “yes” responses: You likely possess many traits of a highly sensitive person.

Remember, this quiz is not a definitive assessment but rather a tool for personal reflection. If you resonate with the characteristics of a highly sensitive person, consider seeking further resources and support to better understand and embrace your sensitivity.

References:

  1. Highly Sensitive Person | Psychology Today
  2. What Is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? – Verywell Mind
  3. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You – Elaine Aron
  4. 14 Traits of Highly Sensitive People | Psychology Today

Being a highly sensitive person is not a flaw but rather a unique way of experiencing the world. Understanding and embracing this trait can lead to greater self-awareness and self-acceptance. If you resonate with the characteristics of a highly sensitive person, remember that you are not alone, and there are resources available to support you on your journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

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When Your Children Are Hurt By Other Children

As parents, it can be difficult to see our children experience hurt feelings, especially when it comes from their friendships. Whether it’s a disagreement with a friend, feeling left out, or experiencing betrayal, children can be deeply affected by these emotional challenges. However, there are several ways parents can support their children through these difficult times and help them healthily navigate their emotions.

1. Encourage open communication:

  • Create a safe and welcoming environment for your child to express their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel hurt and that you are there to listen without judgment.

2. Validate their feelings:

  • Acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions. Let them know that it’s normal to feel hurt and that their feelings are important.

3. Offer empathy and understanding:

  • Show empathy by putting yourself in your child’s shoes and understanding the situation from their perspective. This can help your child feel heard and supported.

4. Help them identify their emotions:

  • Guide your child in identifying and understanding their emotions. Encourage them to express how they feel and help them label their emotions, such as sadness, anger, or disappointment.

5. Teach problem-solving skills:

  • Help your child brainstorm possible solutions to the situation that caused their hurt feelings. Encourage them to think of ways to resolve the issue or improve the friendship.

6. Foster resiliency:

  • Teach your child that experiencing setbacks in friendships is a normal part of life and that they have the strength to bounce back from these challenges. Encourage them to see the situation as an opportunity for growth.

7. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms:

  • Guide your child in using healthy coping strategies, such as engaging in enjoyable activities, spending time with supportive friends, or practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

8. Role model healthy communication and conflict resolution:

  • Demonstrate positive communication and conflict resolution skills in your own interactions. Children often learn by example, and seeing healthy conflict management at home can have a positive impact on their own behavior.

9. Support their social skills development:

  • Help your child develop their social skills by teaching them about empathy, active listening, and the importance of respecting others’ feelings and boundaries.

10. Seek professional help if needed:

  • If your child’s hurt feelings persist or significantly impact their well-being, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional who specializes in working with children.

By providing a supportive and nurturing environment, parents can play a crucial role in helping their children navigate the complex terrain of friendships and hurt feelings. Through open communication, empathy, and guidance, parents can empower their children to develop resilience and healthy coping skills, ultimately helping them build strong and fulfilling relationships in the future. Remember that every child is unique, and it’s important to tailor your approach to your child’s individual needs and temperament.

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The Magic of the Physiological Sigh

The fastest and most efficient way to calm down the over-aroused nervous system (think “panic attack”) is by using what is called the “physiological sigh.” The physiological sigh is a breathing technique with several benefits for physical and mental health. It is a natural reflex that we all do occasionally, but it can also be done intentionally to help reduce stress and anxiety.

When we sigh, we are taking in a more significant amount of air than we usually do. This helps reinflate the alveoli, the tiny air sacs in our lungs. The alveoli are responsible for exchanging oxygen and carbon dioxide, so when they are deflated, it can lead to a buildup of carbon dioxide in the blood. This can make us feel stressed and anxious.

The extended exhale of the physiological sigh helps to remove the excess carbon dioxide from the blood. This can help to reduce stress and anxiety, and it can also improve our overall mood.

The physiological sigh can also help to improve our sleep. When we are stressed, our bodies produce more stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol can interfere with sleep, making it difficult to fall asleep. The physiological sigh can help reduce cortisol levels, making it easier to sleep.

To do the physiological sigh, follow these steps:

  1. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
  2. Take a double inhale through the nose, filling your lungs to capacity.
  3. Hold your breath for a few seconds.
  4. Release one long exhale, making a sighing sound.
  5. Repeat steps 3-5 more times.

You can do the physiological sigh as often as you like. It is a safe and effective way to reduce stress and anxiety and can also help improve your sleep.

Here are some additional benefits of the physiological sigh:

  • Improves oxygen intake
  • Reduces heart rate
  • Relieves muscle tension
  • Promotes relaxation and sleep
  • Improves mood

If you are looking for a natural way to reduce stress and anxiety, the physiological sigh is an excellent option. It is easy to do and has several benefits for your physical and mental health.

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Numb and Shutdown: How to Revive Your Motivation


How often do you experience periods of low motivation and emotional shutdown?

  • [ ] Rarely
  • [ ] Occasionally
  • [ ] Frequently
  • [ ] Almost constantly

Life is a rollercoaster of emotions, but what happens when the ride suddenly comes to a screeching halt? You find yourself stuck in a cycle of lackluster motivation, feeling as though you’re trudging through molasses, and emotionally shut down. Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this journey. In this article, we’ll delve into the world of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and uncover strategies to rekindle your inner fire, leaving you energized and ready to conquer life’s challenges.

Feeling Numb and Shut Down

It’s like life hit the snooze button, and you’re stuck in a gray haze of “meh.” According to a recent study, a whopping 70% of people experience periods of low motivation and emotional numbness at some point in their lives. But fear not, because CBT is here to save the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Breath of Fresh Air?

Imagine CBT as a tailor-made mental gym, sculpting your mind into a lean, mean motivation machine. First, we identify those pesky automatic thoughts that fuel your sluggishness. As renowned author Mark Twain once quipped, “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” Challenge those negative thoughts and watch your motivation gauge inch upward. Find a therapist today that can help you get over your slump that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools.

Here are some DIY tools you can also use for a revived mood:

The Power of Gratitude and Positive Vibes

Albert Einstein once said, “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” Combat emotional shutdown by nurturing a gratitude garden. Regularly jot down things you’re grateful for. It’s like watering the flowers of your mind. The more you nurture positivity, the more your emotional landscape will flourish.

Embrace Your Values

To quote Dr. Seuss, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” Channel your unique self and connect with your core values. Research shows that individuals who align their actions with their values are more motivated and resilient. It’s time to march to the beat of your own drum.

The Art of Small Wins

Haven’t you heard? It’s the era of micro-victories! Research reveals that breaking down goals into bite-sized chunks can boost motivation. Think of it as your own personal “Quest for the Holy Grail.” Celebrate each small victory like a knight slaying dragons, and watch your motivation armor gleam.

The Grand Finale: The Quiz of Motivation

Before you go, we’ve got a treat for you! Take our interactive quiz to gauge your current motivation levels. Are you a Motivation Maverick or a Potential Powerhouse? Use the quiz below to assess your ML (motivation levels).

(Quiz)
What’s your Motivation Quotient?
Answer the following questions to find out:

  1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how motivated do you feel right now?
  • [ ] 1 – Not at all
  • [ ] 5 – Neutral
  • [ ] 10 – Supercharged!
  1. Which activity excites you the most?
  • [ ] Reading a book
  • [ ] Going for a hike
  • [ ] Trying a new recipe
  • [ ] Binge-watching your favorite show
  1. What’s your go-to remedy for a bad day?
  • [ ] A bubble bath and a book
  • [ ] A workout session
  • [ ] Indulging in comfort food
  • [ ] A movie marathon
  1. How often do you find yourself procrastinating?
  • [ ] Rarely
  • [ ] Occasionally
  • [ ] Frequently
  • [ ] All the time

Results:

  • Mostly 1s: Motivation Explorer
  • Mostly 2s: Motivation Trailblazer
  • Mostly 3s: Motivation Dynamo
  • Mostly 4s: Motivation Connoisseur
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Nurturing Hearts and Minds: Trauma-Informed SEL

In the intricate tapestry of education, we often encounter students with untold stories of resilience and strength, hidden beneath the shadows of past traumas. As educators and caregivers, it is our collective responsibility to create an environment that not only nurtures academic growth but also prioritizes emotional well-being. Enter Trauma-Informed Social-Emotional Learning (SEL), an approach that stands as a beacon of hope for our students who have faced adversity. In this blog article, we embark on a journey to explore the profound impact of trauma-informed SEL in schools and homes, witnessing its transformative power in cultivating resilient hearts and compassionate minds. Join us as we uncover the key elements that make SEL a profound refuge for healing, growth, and academic triumph.

History of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL):

Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) is an educational approach that focuses on nurturing and developing students’ social and emotional skills. It aims to help students understand and manage their emotions, establish positive relationships, demonstrate empathy and compassion, make responsible decisions, and effectively communicate with others. SEL recognizes the importance of fostering emotional intelligence and well-being to enhance students’ overall academic success and prepare them for life beyond the classroom.

  1. Emergence in the 20th Century: The roots of SEL can be traced back to the early 20th century, with early theories in psychology emphasizing the significance of emotional development and interpersonal skills in individuals’ lives.
  2. The Humanistic Psychology Movement: In the 1950s and 1960s, humanistic psychologists, such as Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow, emphasized the importance of understanding and nurturing human emotions, self-awareness, and self-esteem.
  3. The Social Skills Movement: In the 1970s, there was a growing emphasis on teaching social skills to students, recognizing that interpersonal competence plays a vital role in students’ overall adjustment and academic performance.
  4. Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL): In 1994, CASEL was established as a nonprofit organization to promote SEL in educational settings. CASEL has played a pivotal role in advancing research, setting standards, and providing resources for implementing evidence-based SEL programs.
  5. The Recognition of Emotional Intelligence: In the mid-1990s, the concept of emotional intelligence gained prominence, with scholars like Daniel Goleman highlighting the importance of emotional intelligence in personal and professional success.
  6. Introduction of SEL Programs: Throughout the late 1990s and early 2000s, various SEL programs were developed and implemented in schools worldwide. Programs like “Second Step,” “Responsive Classroom,” and “Positive Action” aimed to enhance students’ social and emotional competencies.
  7. Incorporation into Educational Standards: Over time, SEL has been increasingly recognized as an essential component of education. Many educational systems and states in the United States have incorporated SEL into their curriculum and standards.
  8. Research and Validation: A growing body of research in the 21st century has provided strong evidence for the positive impact of SEL on students’ academic achievement, well-being, and long-term success.
  9. Global Adoption: SEL has gained international recognition, with schools and educational institutions around the world embracing SEL principles as part of their holistic approach to education.

Is SEL also TIC?

SEL skills are inherently trauma-informed due to their focus on fostering emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and empathy. Trauma-informed SEL recognizes that many students may have experienced adverse events or challenging circumstances, and it acknowledges the potential impact of trauma on their emotional and social development. Here’s some reasons why Social-Emotional Learnings skills are based on Trauma-Informed Care:

  1. Creating Safe and Supportive Environments: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes the importance of creating safe and supportive learning environments. By prioritizing emotional safety, students are encouraged to express themselves without fear of judgment or retribution. This supportive atmosphere allows children to build trust with their teachers and peers, fostering a sense of security necessary for healing and growth.
  2. Promoting Emotional Regulation: SEL equips students with essential emotional regulation skills, empowering them to manage their emotions effectively. For students who have experienced trauma, emotions can be overwhelming and challenging to control. Learning techniques to identify, understand, and cope with emotions enables students to navigate their feelings constructively, reducing the risk of triggers and emotional dysregulation.
  3. Encouraging Resilience: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes the development of resilience in students. By teaching coping strategies and problem-solving skills, students gain the ability to bounce back from adverse experiences, promoting a sense of mastery and self-efficacy. Resilience enables students to face and overcome challenges, a vital aspect of healing from trauma.
  4. Cultivating Empathy and Understanding: SEL activities promote empathy and understanding among students. By encouraging perspective-taking and active listening, trauma-informed SEL fosters a compassionate and empathetic school community. For students who have experienced trauma, feeling understood and supported by peers can be immensely healing.
  5. Addressing Trauma’s Impact on Learning: Trauma can significantly affect a student’s ability to focus, learn, and engage in the classroom. Trauma-informed SEL recognizes and addresses these impacts, providing strategies to support students’ academic progress while considering their emotional well-being.
  6. Building Strong Relationships: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes building strong and positive relationships between teachers and students. Establishing secure attachments with caring adults can be transformative for students who have experienced trauma, as it provides a reliable source of support and nurturance.
  7. Encouraging Student Agency: Trauma-informed SEL emphasizes empowering students to have agency in their own healing and development. By involving students in setting goals and making decisions about their learning, they gain a sense of control and ownership over their growth process, which can be particularly empowering for those who have experienced trauma.

SEL skills are TIC because they prioritize emotional well-being, foster safe and supportive environments, promote emotional regulation, and encourage resilience and empathy. By incorporating trauma-informed SEL practices in educational settings, we can better support all students, including those who have experienced trauma, on their journey to healing, growth, and academic success.

How do you do SEL?

Here are twenty ways that a classroom or home can can use social-emotional learning skills:

  1. Mindful Breathing: Teach children to practice deep breathing to calm their minds and manage stress.
  2. Emotion Check-In: Encourage students to express their feelings and emotions through check-in sessions at the beginning of the day.
  3. Journaling: Provide students with journals to write about their experiences, emotions, and reflections.
  4. Gratitude Circle: Gather students to share things they are thankful for, fostering a positive and appreciative mindset.
  5. Empathy Role Play: Engage students in role-playing scenarios to develop empathy and understanding of others’ perspectives.
  6. Positive Affirmations: Incorporate daily affirmations to boost self-esteem and promote a positive self-image.
  7. Conflict Resolution: Teach problem-solving strategies and communication skills to handle conflicts constructively.
  8. Growth Mindset Activities: Encourage a growth mindset by celebrating effort, persistence, and learning from mistakes.
  9. Acts of Kindness: Implement acts of kindness challenges, where students perform random acts of kindness for others.
  10. SEL Read-Alouds: Use books with SEL themes to spark discussions and reflections on emotions and social situations.
  11. Mindfulness Exercises: Introduce various mindfulness activities, such as body scans and mindful eating, to promote focus and self-awareness.
  12. SEL Board Games: Utilize board games that promote cooperation, empathy, and emotional intelligence.
  13. Social Skills Charades: Play a game of charades to practice identifying and expressing different emotions and social cues.
  14. Team-Building Activities: Engage students in team-building exercises to foster collaboration and teamwork.
  15. SEL Art Projects: Use art as a medium for students to express their emotions and promote creativity.
  16. SEL Puzzles: Create puzzles with emotions and social situations to encourage problem-solving and emotional recognition.
  17. SEL Videos: Show age-appropriate videos that highlight social-emotional themes for group discussions.
  18. Relaxation Exercises: Lead guided relaxation sessions to help students unwind and manage stress.
  19. SEL Reflection Sheets: Provide reflection sheets for students to assess their emotional states and set goals for improvement.
  20. SEL Appreciation Letters: Encourage students to write appreciation letters to peers, teachers, or family members, recognizing their positive qualities and actions.

Remember that these activities can be adapted based on the age group and preferences of the children. By incorporating these SEL activities into both classroom and home settings, children can develop essential social-emotional skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

Resources for SEL:

Popular Internet Sites for SEL Resources:

  1. CASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning): Offers research-based resources, lesson plans, and information on implementing SEL in schools and communities.
    Website: https://casel.org/
  2. Edutopia – Social and Emotional Learning: A collection of articles, videos, and practical tips for integrating SEL into classrooms.
    Website: https://www.edutopia.org/topic/sel-social-emotional-learning
  3. Greater Good Magazine – Education: Provides articles and resources on SEL, mindfulness, and positive psychology for educators and parents.
    Website: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/education
  4. Understood: Offers resources and support for parents and teachers working with children with learning and attention issues, including SEL strategies.
    Website: https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/learning-at-home/social-emotional-skills
  5. Teach Starter – Social-Emotional Learning: Provides downloadable resources, posters, and activities to support SEL in the classroom.
    Website: https://www.teachstarter.com/us/teaching-resource-collection/social-emotional-learning-us/

Popular Books on SEL for Parents and Teachers:

These websites and books offer valuable insights, strategies, and practical tools for parents and teachers to support children’s social and emotional development effectively. Whether it’s in the classroom or at home, incorporating SEL practices can positively impact a child’s overall well-being and success.

The Growing Impact of Social-Emotional Learning in Education

  1. “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.
  2. “Mindful Games: Sharing Mindfulness and Meditation with Children, Teens, and Families” by Susan Kaiser Greenland.
  3. “Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive” by Marc Brackett.
  4. “SEL Every Day: Integrating Social and Emotional Learning with Instruction in Secondary Classrooms” by Meena Srinivasan.
  5. “The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives” by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson.
  6. “The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.
  7. “Teaching Kids to Thrive: Essential Skills for Success” by Debbie Silver, Dedra Stafford, and Jack C. Berckemeyer.
  8. “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman and Joan DeClaire.
  9. “The Emotionally Intelligent Parent: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child” by Maurice J. Elias and Steven E. Tobias.
  10. “Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them” by Ross W. Greene.

The Promising Future of SEL in TIC

The McGraw Hill survey conducted in July 2021 highlighted a positive trend in the United States. More than half of the educators surveyed reported that their schools had already embraced SEL curriculum, indicating a shift towards recognizing the value of addressing students’ social and emotional needs.

As SEL continues to gain momentum, it will undoubtedly play an instrumental role in shaping the future of education. By prioritizing the emotional well-being of students, educational institutions can create nurturing environments where students flourish academically and emotionally. SEL empowers students with crucial life skills that extend beyond the classroom, contributing to their overall personal and professional success.

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Why Your Stuffed Animal is a Comforting Object…

The concept of transitional objects originated from the work of renowned psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott in the mid-20th century. Winnicott introduced the idea that particular objects, often soft and comforting, like stuffed animals or blankets, play a transitional role in a child’s life as they navigate the process of growing independence. These objects, typically chosen by the child themselves, help them feel secure and provide a sense of continuity and comfort during transition or stress, such as separation from their primary caregiver.

Trauma-informed care is an approach to providing support and treatment that recognizes the prevalence and impact of trauma on individuals. It involves creating an environment of safety, trust, and empowerment for those who have experienced trauma. In a trauma-informed care framework, professionals consider the potential effects of trauma on a person’s behavior, emotions, and overall well-being. They prioritize their physical and emotional safety, provide choices and autonomy, and promote a collaborative and strengths-based approach to healing.

Finding Comfort from Your “Stuffy”:

For several reasons, a stuffed animal can be a comforting object to someone who has experienced trauma, even into adulthood. First, a stuffed animal’s soft texture and familiar presence can provide comfort and security. It can remind them of a time when they felt safe and protected, helping to alleviate anxiety or distress.

Additionally, a stuffed animal can become a symbolic representation of emotional support and companionship. It may be a constant presence that offers unconditional love and understanding, especially during emotional distress. This can be particularly important for individuals who have experienced trauma, as they may find it challenging to trust or connect with others.

Furthermore, a stuffed animal can provide a tangible outlet for soothing and self-soothing behaviors. It can be squeezed, held, or cuddled, releasing tension and promoting relaxation. Engaging with the stuffed animal in this way can create a calming effect and help regulate emotions during moments of distress.

Moreover, the familiarity and consistency of a stuffed animal can create a sense of stability and predictability, which is particularly valuable for individuals who have experienced trauma. It can act as a reliable anchor in their lives, offering a sense of control and reassurance when other aspects may feel uncertain or overwhelming.

Self-Soothing Strategies:

DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) self-soothing activities are techniques commonly used in therapy to help individuals manage distress and regulate their emotions. DBT is a cognitive-behavioral therapy that teaches individuals skills to improve emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance. Self-soothing activities in DBT aim to help individuals calm themselves during times of heightened emotional intensity or distress. These activities can vary widely but often involve engaging the senses, such as listening to calming music, using aromatherapy, taking a warm bath, practicing deep breathing exercises, or engaging in gentle physical activity like yoga or walking.

By utilizing self-soothing activities, individuals can cultivate a sense of self-care and emotional regulation, promoting resilience and well-being in the face of challenging situations or traumatic experiences.

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Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: Nine Classic Symptoms and Their Impact on Relationships

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. It can be challenging for individuals with BPD and their loved ones to navigate the disorder, as it often involves intense emotions, unstable relationships, and impulsive behaviors. In this article, we will discuss the nine classic symptoms of BPD and how they can impact relationships.

Sarah has been in a relationship with Jack for several months. At first, everything seemed perfect. Jack was kind, attentive, and romantic, and Sarah felt like she had finally found the one. However, over time, she began to notice some strange behaviors that she couldn’t explain.

For example, Jack would become extremely jealous and possessive whenever Sarah spent time with her friends. He would accuse her of cheating on him or abandoning him, even when she was only gone for a few hours. Sarah tried to reassure him, but no matter what she did, he always seemed to find a reason to be upset.

Another time, Sarah and Jack got into an argument about something trivial, and Jack suddenly became enraged. He began yelling at her, calling her names, and throwing objects around the room. Sarah was terrified and didn’t know what to do. When she tried to leave, Jack begged her to stay and promised that he would never act like that again.

Despite these warning signs, Sarah remained committed to the relationship. She believed that Jack loved her and that his behavior was just a result of his intense emotions. However, as time went on, she began to feel like she was walking on eggshells around him. She never knew when he would suddenly become angry or upset, and she felt like she had to constantly tiptoe around him to avoid triggering his outbursts.

Eventually, Sarah started to feel like she was losing herself in the relationship. She had always been independent and confident, but now she felt like she was living in a constant state of anxiety and uncertainty. She tried to talk to Jack about her concerns, but he always dismissed her and told her that she was overreacting.

One day, Sarah found herself feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless that she contemplated suicide. She knew that something had to change, but she didn’t know how to break free from the cycle of abuse and dysfunction that she had become trapped in.

Sarah’s story illustrates many of the classic symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. Jack’s intense emotions, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, impulsive behaviors, and inappropriate anger all contributed to the toxic dynamic between them. Sarah’s struggles with identity disturbance, chronic feelings of emptiness, and suicidal ideation are also common among individuals with BPD. This story highlights the importance of recognizing the signs of BPD and seeking help when necessary to build healthy, fulfilling relationships.

  1. Fear of abandonment: One of the most common symptoms of BPD is a fear of abandonment. This can cause individuals with BPD to become overly clingy or dependent on their partners, and may lead to feelings of intense anxiety or distress when they are apart.
  2. Unstable relationships: Individuals with BPD may have a pattern of intense, unstable relationships characterized by idealization and devaluation of others. This can lead to frequent breakups and reconciliations, and can be challenging for partners to navigate.
  3. Identity disturbance: Another symptom of BPD is an unstable sense of self-identity. This can cause individuals with BPD to struggle with their sense of purpose and direction in life, and may lead to frequent changes in goals, values, and career paths.
  4. Impulsivity: Individuals with BPD may engage in impulsive behaviors such as reckless driving, substance abuse, binge eating, or self-injury. This can be dangerous for both themselves and their partners, and can cause significant stress in relationships.
  5. Suicidal behavior: Individuals with BPD may experience recurrent thoughts or behaviors related to suicide, self-harm, or suicidal gestures. This can be frightening and challenging for partners to manage, and may require professional intervention.
  6. Affective instability: Individuals with BPD may experience intense, unstable emotions that can shift rapidly and unpredictably. This can cause outbursts of anger, anxiety, or depression that may be difficult for partners to understand or manage.
  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness: Individuals with BPD may feel a sense of emptiness or boredom, and may engage in risky behaviors or self-injury to alleviate this feeling. This can be challenging for partners to understand and may require professional intervention.
  8. Intense, inappropriate anger: Individuals with BPD may experience episodes of intense anger that may be triggered by perceived abandonment, criticism, or perceived betrayal. This can be challenging for partners to manage and may require professional intervention.
  9. Paranoia or dissociation: Individuals with BPD may experience episodes of paranoia or dissociation, in which they feel disconnected from reality or experience feelings of unreality. This can be frightening and confusing for partners, and may require professional intervention.

Here are some simple steps that loved ones can take to help themselves in relationships with individuals with BPD:

  1. L – Learn about BPD: Educate yourself about the disorder and its symptoms. This will help you understand your loved one’s behavior and respond in a more effective way.
  2. O – Offer support: Show empathy and offer emotional support to your loved one. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care about their well-being.
  3. V – Validate their feelings: Validate your loved one’s emotions, even if you don’t understand them. Let them know that you hear and accept their feelings without judgment.
  4. E – Establish boundaries: Set clear boundaries for yourself and communicate them to your loved one. This will help you maintain your own emotional and physical safety.
  5. D – Don’t take things personally: Remember that your loved one’s behavior is a result of their disorder, not a reflection of you. Don’t take their words or actions personally.
  6. O – Offer solutions: Offer practical solutions and suggestions to help your loved one manage their symptoms. This can include therapy, medication, or self-care techniques.
  7. N – Navigate the relationship: Navigating the relationship means assessing the relationship regularly to determine if it is still safe and healthy for both parties. This involves being honest with yourself about your feelings and needs, setting boundaries, and seeking support when necessary. It may also involve seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or individual therapy, to work through challenges and strengthen the relationship.
  8. E – Exit the relationship if things become abusive, violent, or out-of-control. It’s important to establish boundaries and know your limits when dealing with a loved one with BPD. If the situation becomes abusive or dangerous, it’s crucial to remove yourself from the situation and seek help immediately. This may mean leaving the room, calling for assistance, or contacting emergency services if necessary. Remember that your safety and well-being should always be a top priority. Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for support in exiting an abusive situation. With the right resources and support, you can protect yourself and help your loved one get the help they need.

In conclusion, BPD can be a challenging disorder to manage in relationships. It is important for individuals with BPD and their partners to seek professional help and support, as well as to educate themselves about the disorder and its symptoms. With the right support and resources, it is possible to manage the challenges of BPD and build healthy, fulfilling relationships.