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Dear ANGER Diary

by Ron Huxley, LMFT

Have you ever kept a diary? Maybe as a child you did. I still do although I am not as diligent with it as I used to be. Using a diary is a simple way to manage your anger. Anger triggers and solutions are very predictable. Unfortunately, we miss the clues to both of these anger management tips and continue to repeat the negative process of outburst and tantrums.

Every day for two weeks, write in a diary using this four step anger management process:

1. List what made you angry.
2. List how angry it made you feel on a scale from 1 to 10, one being cool and calm and 10 being a major rage.
3. Put a plus sign (+) down if you handled it well and a minus sign (-) if you didn’t.
4. Write what you will try next time this situation presents itself.

After two weeks are over go back and see what you have learned. You will be surprised by how much info you gathered in a short time and how much insight and change you have accomplished.

Get more help on anger management by Ron at http://inner-healing.tumblr.com/anger

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Dream Parenting Project: I Choose You

All families have disagreements and fights. It is easy to get into polar opposition toward one another and the result can be feelings of hurt and loss. How do you build a dream family when these painful elements exist? You make a choice! You choose one another despite the hurts. Of course, you work to change that negative atmosphere and you must have boundaries and even consequences for certain behaviors but you still make a choice to connect. Take a moment today to tell a family member: “I choose you.” If it is not safe to say it aloud, at least, say it to yourself when you are thinking about that person and how they wronged you. Again, set good boundaries and make positive, safe behavioral choices but make a choice to connect by taking your will to task and declaring: “I choose you." 

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National Center on Adoption and Permanency: One-Stop National Org on Adoption, Foster Care and Child Welfare

The Myriad group announced a new team of experts and trainers to provide agencies, government entities, conference organizers, family and advocacy groups, and professionals with a “one-stop” shop on expert services and consulting, information and other assistance.

Ron Huxley, founder of the Parenting Toolbox is now one of these leading mental health experts and trainers for the NCAP. Together with founders Adam Pertman (author of “The Adoption Nation” and write for the Huffington Post) and Carol Biddle, former Executive Director of the Kinship Center for Children in California they are working to deliver a new model for child welfare that is based on family success.

Read more about NCAP and the team of national experts at http://www.nationalcenteronadoptionandpermanency.net

National Center on Adoption and Permanency: One-Stop National Org on Adoption, Foster Care and Child Welfare

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7 Ways to have more Grateful Kids this Christmas

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When children practice the great joy of giving to people —
they get the great joy of becoming grateful people!

1. A “Gifts We Already Have” List

Hang a long paper on a wall or on the fridge or back of door to write down all the things you are grateful for. Fill that list up before Christmas — a list of all the countless ways God blesses you all as a family. The gateways into the holidays [holy-days]?
is always Thanksgiving…  “Enter into His presence through the gate of THANKSGIVING — & in His presence is fullness of JOY” (Ps.100:4, Ps16:11) So when the holidays get hard, for big kids or little kids?  Deep breath & remember how you always get into the holidays & JOY — through that gateway: Thanksgiving.  Hold on through the holidays:
JOY IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE — because there is always, always something to be THANKFUL for!

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Parenting Paupers or Princes?

by Ron Huxley, LMFT

There are areas in our parenting where we think like princes or princesses. We are fully confident in our abilities to handle a situation. There are also areas where we think like paupers, poor in attitude and low in confidence. A prince is rich in resources and doesn’t worry about a positive future. They know respect and honor from those around them. A pauper lives by survival skills and manipulation and secrecy is the game of life. A prince feels deserving of worthy and is valued and feels valuable. A pauper feels worthlessness, shame and guilt.

Are you a consciously parenting a prince or a pauper? Do you feel confident and worthy to the task? Are you controlled by guilt, manipulation, and shame? Do you experience respect or disdain from your family members? Is your household ruled by love or fear?

It is possible to think like a prince in some areas of our lives and like a pauper in others at the same time. It may not be all of our parenting that suffers but there may be some key areas that are creating some big trouble. Take time to honestly evaluate where you are thinking like a prince or a pauper. Allow yourself to find new value and think differently about your family relationships. Create a self-care plan. Read, watch, listen or hang out with people who believe they are a prince and princess. They will model how to have a different mindset for parenting and life.

A parenting pauper has few or no tools to build a family of their dreams. A parenting prince or princess has many tools in their parenting toolbox. Get more parenting tools by using our online parenting ecourses in our Family Healer School!

 

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I am thankful to God for His unending lovingkindness toward me. I am thankful for my wife who shares this wild, crazy adventure with me. I am thank for each of my children and the gift you are to me. I am thankful for my grandboys that can make me smile even on the toughest day. I am thankful for my daughter-in-law who is an “awesome possum”. I am thankful for my family for your love and tenderness. I am thankful for my many friends around the world who have blessed my life with comfort and challenge. I am thankful for my life and my career to help others find freedom and joy. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

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Dreaming is difficult when we have had disappointments. We can give up on our dreams for a healthier, happier family because it hurts too much to put our hearts out there again. Living without a dream is a dry, empty place to be as well. What is the answer? Must you take a risk again and be hurt again? That might be the answer for some but not for others. Take a risk to look at the dream itself. What was it that birthed it in the first place? How can you take parts of it and pursue hope in that direction if you feel the direction you have been going is shut? Who can be your audience of appreciation for your efforts and support you in your new journey? Maybe a new dream needs birthing that meets the underlying need of the original dream. The point is, don’t give up dreaming just because one dream, for your family, has stopped. Mourn the loss of it but allow life to bring you a new one…