There are no unwanted children, just unfound families.
(via adoptionbuzz)

Dream Parenting is about speaking into the lives of our children and awakening them to the reality of who they are designed to be. Not all children what us to speak to them. They feel they know best. How do they come up with that idea? Do they see us as poor models about how to live life? Do our actions not inspire them to be designed like their designers? Design is the starting place. Destiny is the goal. They carry our DNA but we have to imprint and inspire them to be all they are designed to be, so they can live out their destiny. Our dream family is not just a product of our imaginations alone. It is birthed in the union with those we have birthed.
Our children turn away from our moral codes when we react more to fear than to promises about our future. Fear is always a reaction. Promise is a response! Think about it for a few minutes. As parents, too many of our past disappointments are speaking into our present/presence and we do not display a design our children want to emulate. Dreams are not born out of fear. Dreams are produced by a strong faith in the knowledge of who we are. Not what we do and not based on what our children do.
I hope this is not confusing you. You can’t build a dream family by managing behavior. That’s the bottom line. You have to build it by reminding yourself and your children about who you are designed to be. If you don’t yet understand that, then this is the first step in your new family blueprint.
I think I should create a handout to go with this…Be on the lookout for one. in the meantime, join our MORE list and get past Dream Parenting Handouts and more: Click here now.

There are two types of trauma: Trauma A and Trauma B. Do you know the difference? Which one has impacted you? One is much more recognized by society but both are important to healing from trauma, managing anger and aggression and improving our family relationships.
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXWUrRXSSoU)
Get our special report “5 Steps to Transforming Trauma” here!
By Ira Chasnoff, MD
One of the relatively new common themes emerging in clinical care and research with children exposed to alcohol and drugs during pregnancy is related to deficits in sensory integration. Jean Ayres, an occupational therapist, first introduced the concept of sensory integration – the process by which the brain receives, organizes and interprets information from the environment. The information is received by sensory receptors, such as the eyes, nose, ears, fingers, mouth and skin. Sensations such as movement, body awareness, touch, sight, sound and the pull of gravity make up the overall sensory experience.
The information that is received from the environment is then sent to the corresponding regions of the brain where it is interpreted and organized. Proper sensory integration helps us to maintain attention and build positive relationships with others and shapes our perception of the world. In children, sensory integration provides a crucial foundation for more complex learning and behavior. All of these things contribute to positive self-esteem as well as the ability to learn and concentrate.
For most children, sensory integration develops in the course of ordinary childhood activities. However, prenatal alcohol or drug exposure or lack of stimulation in the early years of development can damage the parts of the brain responsible for sensory integration. An infant who is neglected or has limited opportunities for human interaction, movement, play and exploration is likely to develop sensory integration problems. Sensory integration dysfunction can result when babies are unable to explore their surroundings, are left alone in their cribs for long periods of time, and do not receive the nurturing touch of a caretaker. Likewise, these problems can occur in children who have been hospitalized early or for long periods of time, or in those who have suffered from some sort of trauma and disruption in their developmental process. These life factors are not uncommon in children born into a home in which substance abuse and violence are integral components of the environment.
Children who are experiencing sensory integration difficulties are not intentionally misbehaving. They are simply trying to gain the input that their body needs or avoid extra stimulation in order to function properly. Children with sensory processing problems often feel uncomfortable in their own skin, agitated or out of sorts. That is why it is not uncommon for the children to receive a diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) as they reach school age. These children are often intelligent but struggle to control their body and their need for sensory inputs. It is important to remember that the sensory needs of these children are just that – needs. Trying to diminish the needs for these behaviors will not be effective, but finding adaptable ways to satisfy the sensory needs of the child is helpful.
It is important that assessment of sensory integration capabilities be evaluated in children with prenatal alcohol or drug exposure. Some signs that a child may be experiencing difficulty with sensory integration include:
• Clumsy behaviors
• Over sensitivity to sounds, sights, smell, touch or movement
• Under reactivity to sounds, sights, smell, touch or movement
• Distractibility
• Hard to calm down
• Difficulty during transitions and adapting to changes in routine
• Picky when eating – particularly sensitive to the texture or feel of foods
• Resistant to touching things – e.g., resists going barefoot in the grass, playing in sand
• Defensive to light touch
• Agitation when spinning or roughhousing
• Excessive seeking out of spinning or swinging movements
• Tendency to exhibit rocking or swaying body movements
• Increased excitation during play to the point that he cannot calm down
• Distractibility when eating in a noisy environment
• Easily tired
• Weakness in various muscles
• Fear or intolerance of sounds – e.g., holds hands over ears to protect himself from sounds
• Awareness of noises that others do not notice
• Difficulties with teeth brushing, hair washing and/or bathing
• Sensitivities to clothing textures and/or needs tags cut out of clothing
• Overly fearful or avoidant of situations or people
• Impulsivity or exhibiting “daredevil” behaviors
• Difficulty falling or staying asleep.
Of course, many of these difficulties fall into the range of normal behavior, but it is when they cluster or are more frequent and more disruptive than what would be normally expected that they may indicate significant problems.
An occupational therapist, trained in sensory integration assessment and treatment, can evaluate a child and provide these services. Children with prenatal alcohol or drug exposure often suffer early neglect and trauma; sensory integration is a very helpful approach from both perspectives. It often is quite amazing to see the improvement in children’s daily behavior and functioning when they receive this specialized form of treatment.
Note from Ron Huxley: “I posted this some time ago on this blog but thought it timely, for me, to reblog it. I am teaching a class today on Parenting The Drug Exposed Child. Hope it helps others too…”
Watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEEVKDW5NDc?
A research-based discussion by Ron Huxley, LMFT
It is interesting how society views traumatic experiences. We tend to “sweep it under the rug” and pretend it doesn’t affect us or tell ourselves to “move on.” So many people come into my office who have a long list of traumatic experiences but can’t identify one reason why they are having problems in their work and family relationships today.
If we as adults do not recognize the effects of exposure to violence and traumatic abuse and neglect, we won’t recognize it in our children either. There is a belief that children are resilient and they won’t remember the early incidents of violence in their lives but that is simply not sound science or everyday reality.
Watch the video above to see what modern-day researchers are saying about a child’s exposure to violence and trauma. I will make a few more comments that highlight areas for parenting the traumatized child.
The child’s brain develops from the bottom up and the inside out. Fear disrupts and shuts down the thinking areas of the brain that shows up in night terrors, severe tantrums and difficulty in attachment and bonding. At times, it seems that children have no conscience or remorse. These are survival strategies!
Children exposed to violence and trauma have a higher rate of mental health issues and chaotic relationships later in life. It is a “lifetime legacy” with unhealthy coping behaviors and individuals end up doing the very thing that was done to them no matter how much they vow to never be or do that to another human being.
Healing for traumatized children needs to re-experience stressful situations by using calmer, more rational strategies. Being able to talk about feelings instead of acting them out is crucial to children. Children need “healthy adults to connect to…”
Traumatized children who become parenting themselves have to re-learn how to create an environment that is safe and healthy. The “most important thing a parent needs to understand is that a child’s brain will become what it is exposed to…The brain is a mirror of a child’s experience.”
It seems simplistic but if you want your child to be kind, they have to be treated kindly. If you want your children to feel safe, they need to experience safety. If you want your child to be respectful, you have to treat them respectfully.
What are your reactions to this video? How have you overcome your traumatized childhood and become a safe, healthy parent?
Video source: (via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEEVKDW5NDc)

Prayer isn’t your typical parenting tool but it should be…families can use all the help they can get in overcoming the challenges that face them in today’s society. Bring the power of Heaven to your aid and begin calling into reality what you want for you and your children today. We can’t provide direction for our family based on our history. We must live from our imaginations and what we need in our future where things have not yet been decided.
Use our FREE Tool “The Future Starts Now” to build the family of your dreams. It will provide you with a clear path to marshaling the resources of Heaven and your relational energy on your behalf. You deserve more joy, peace and love in your family.
Download the PDF Dream Building Tool: “The Future Starts Now”
PS – You can get even more powerful parenting tools when you join our “MORE” Newsletter. Click here…

Need MORE control of your children? — If yelling, bribery, and giving in no longer works in your home then it’s time to do something different!
The parenting toolbox has a dozen behavior charts that you can use today to regain control of your children and your life.
As a member of this list you have complete access to all these tools for free!!!
We’ve been adding new tools weekly. Perhaps you’ve already gotten them? If not, go now and use them and get MORE control.
>>The charts can be found here when you join our “MORE” parenting list<<
If you need even more than these charts can give you or you need some help or you need to know how to use them for your children then Ron Huxley is available for consultation via Skype or phone. Get more parenting coaching from the parenting expert:
We live in a broken world, full of broken families and broken hearts, resulting in anger, depression and anxiety. When people come to see a family therapist, they want change but they want other members of the family to change, not them. How much pain do we have to go through before we are willing to do something different than we have always done before? Listen to Ron Huxley, Family Therapist, as he shares some insights on how to create love and honor in the home to have real, permanent change in the family.
Be sure to share this with a friend…