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Trouble making decisions? Make a Pros and Cons list

Making a pros and cons list can be very helpful when someone feels overwhelmed and unsure how to proceed with a decision. Here are some key ways this approach can assist:

  1. Provides structure: Creating a list gives structure to scattered thoughts, helping organize the decision-making process[1]. This can reduce feelings of being overwhelmed by breaking down the choice into more manageable components.
  2. Visualizes the options: Seeing the pros and cons written out visually can make the decision clearer. It allows you to step back and look at the bigger picture rather than getting stuck on one particular aspect.
  3. Encourages thorough consideration: The act of listing pros and cons prompts you to think through various aspects of the decision more thoroughly. This can help uncover factors you may not have initially considered.
  4. Facilitates comparison: A pros and cons list allows for easier comparison between options, especially when dealing with complex decisions. This side-by-side view can highlight which choice has more advantages.
  5. Reduces emotional bias: Writing down pros and cons encourages a more objective evaluation of the options. This can help balance emotional reactions with logical considerations.
  6. Identifies priorities: As you list items, you may naturally emphasize certain pros or cons, helping you recognize what factors are most important to you in this decision.
  7. Provides a reference: Having a written list gives you something concrete to refer back to when you’re feeling uncertain, rather than trying to keep all the factors in your head.
  8. Facilitates discussion: If you’re seeking input from others, a pros and cons list provides a clear starting point for discussion and getting feedback.
  9. Builds confidence: Going through this process can help build confidence in your eventual decision, as you’ll know you’ve carefully considered multiple angles.

Remember, while a pros and cons list is a useful tool, it’s not the only factor in decision-making. It’s important to also consider your intuition, values, and long-term goals when making significant choices.

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Turning Interruptions into Opportunities: Radical Inclusivity and Compassion

Ever felt like someone was just getting in the way of your day? Maybe a coworker stopped by your desk when you were deep in thought, or a stranger asked for directions when you were in a rush. What if, instead of seeing these moments as interruptions, we saw them as opportunities? What if every unexpected encounter was a chance to connect and grow?

Father Gregory Boyle, the inspiring founder of Homeboy Industries, has a refreshing take on this. He believes in radical inclusivity and compassion, and his perspective can totally change how we view those “interruptions.”

Boyle says, “We’ve mistaken moral outrage for moral compass. Moral compass helps you see with clarity how complex and damaged people are. It is the whole language. Moral outrage just increases the volume and the distance that separates us.” In other words, instead of getting annoyed or judgmental, we should try to understand and connect with the people we meet, no matter how unexpected the encounter.

So, what is radical inclusivity? It’s about welcoming everyone, no matter who they are or where they come from. Boyle puts it simply: “There is no us and them, just us.” This means breaking down our biases and seeing the value in every person we meet.

And what about radical compassion? It’s more than just being nice. It’s about deeply empathizing with others and being willing to engage with them, especially those who are struggling. Boyle says, “You’re not going out to the margins to reach people; you’re going out to the margins to be reached.” This flips the script, turning interruptions into meaningful moments of connection.

At Homeboy Industries, Boyle’s philosophy comes to life. The organization offers a safe haven for former gang members, helping them find security and opportunities for growth. Boyle explains, “Here we say that they find this sanctuary here, then they become the sanctuary they sought in the first place, and then they go home and provide that sanctuary to their kids.” This cycle of compassion and inclusivity can break down barriers and create lasting change.

So, how can we bring this into our own lives? Here are a few ideas:

  1. Listen Up: When someone talks to you, really listen. Show genuine interest, especially if they’re different from you.
  2. Challenge Yourself: Question your own biases and try to see things from others’ perspectives.
  3. Seize the Moment: View unexpected encounters as opportunities, not interruptions.
  4. Practice Empathy: Try to understand what others are going through.
  5. Create Safe Spaces: Make your community a place where everyone feels welcome and accepted.

In the end, radical inclusivity and compassion can transform our daily interactions and help us build a more empathetic society. So next time someone “interrupts” you, take a moment to connect. You might just find that these unexpected encounters are the most rewarding parts of your day. After all, as Boyle says, we all “belong to each other.” Let’s make sure no one is left out.

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The Four Stages of Competence and Personal Growth

The Four Stages of Competence model, developed by Martin M. Broadwell in 1969, provides a framework for understanding the process of acquiring new skills or knowledge. This model can be applied not only to learning specific tasks but also to personal growth and transformation after traumatic experiences.

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence

In this initial stage, an individual is unaware of their lack of knowledge or skill in a particular area. They are oblivious to their incompetence and may even overestimate their abilities.[2] In the context of personal growth, this stage represents a state of unawareness or denial about the need for change or self-improvement.

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence

At this stage, the individual becomes aware of their deficiencies and recognizes the gap between their current state and the desired level of competence.[2] This realization can be uncomfortable and even painful, as it challenges one’s self-perception and confidence. In the realm of personal growth, this stage often follows a traumatic event or crisis that forces an individual to confront their limitations or unhealthy patterns.

Stage 3: Conscious Competence

In this stage, the individual actively engages in learning and practicing the new skill or knowledge. They are consciously aware of their progress and the effort required to improve.[3] Regarding personal growth, this stage involves actively working on self-improvement, seeking support, and implementing new strategies or behaviors to overcome challenges and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence

At this final stage, the individual has mastered the skill or knowledge to the point where it becomes second nature, requiring little conscious effort.[1] In the context of personal growth, this stage represents a state of integration and embodiment of the positive changes, where the new behaviors or mindsets have become ingrained and automatic.

The Four Stages of Competence model can be particularly relevant in the context of post-traumatic growth, which refers to the positive psychological changes that can occur after experiencing a traumatic event or adversity.[4] The process of post-traumatic growth often involves moving through these stages:

  1. Initially, individuals may be in a state of unconscious incompetence, unaware of the need for personal growth or change (Stage 1).
  2. The traumatic event or crisis forces them to confront their limitations, vulnerabilities, or unhealthy coping mechanisms, leading to conscious incompetence (Stage 2).
  3. Through therapy, self-reflection, and active efforts, individuals work on developing new perspectives, skills, and behaviors, entering the conscious competence stage (Stage 3).
  4. Over time, the positive changes become integrated and automatic, leading to unconscious competence and a sense of personal growth and resilience (Stage 4).

By understanding the Four Stages of Competence, individuals can better navigate the process of personal growth and post-traumatic transformation. It provides a framework for recognizing and embracing the discomfort of conscious incompetence as a necessary step towards growth, and it offers a roadmap for the journey towards embodying positive changes and achieving a sense of mastery over one’s life.[1][3]

Citations:
[1] https://www.mentaltoughness.partners/stages-of-competence/
[2] https://blog.hptbydts.com/in-a-nutshell-four-stages-of-competence
[3] https://scottjeffrey.com/four-stages-of-learning/
[4] https://www.businessballs.com/self-awareness/conscious-competence-learning-model/
[5] https://themindcollection.com/four-stages-of-competence/

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Why Are Some People Happier Than Others?

Happiness Quiz:

For each statement, rate how strongly you agree or disagree on a scale of 1-5:
1 = Strongly Disagree
2 = Disagree
3 = Neutral
4 = Agree
5 = Strongly Agree

  1. I feel satisfied with my life overall.
    1 2 3 4 5
  2. I frequently experience positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and contentment.
    1 2 3 4 5
  3. I have close, supportive relationships that bring me happiness.
    1 2 3 4 5
  4. I am engaged in activities that give me a sense of meaning and purpose.
    1 2 3 4 5
  5. I am generally able to stay present and appreciate the current moment.
    1 2 3 4 5
  6. I actively practice gratitude and look for the positive in life.
    1 2 3 4 5
  7. I make time for self-care activities that are important for my well-being.
    1 2 3 4 5
  8. I am resilient and able to bounce back from difficult situations.
    1 2 3 4 5
  9. I feel inspired and motivated to pursue my goals.
    1 2 3 4 5
  10. I have a general sense of peace and life satisfaction.
    1 2 3 4 5

Scoring:
40-50 Points: You have a very high level of happiness! You embrace positivity and well-being.
30-39 Points: You have an above-average level of happiness and life satisfaction.
20-29 Points: Your happiness level is moderate. There are some areas you could work on.
10-19 Points: Your happiness level is below average. Focusing on key areas could increase well-being.
Below 10 Points: Your happiness level is very low. Seeking help from a professional may be beneficial.

This quiz covers key factors like life satisfaction, positive emotions, relationships, meaning, mindfulness, gratitude, self-care, resilience, motivation, and overall peace. While just a snapshot, it can provide insight into your general happiness level and areas to cultivate more well-being.

The question is why are some people happier than others?

Happiness is a universal human desire, yet some people seem to enjoy life with a more perpetual positive outlook than others. While life circumstances certainly play a role, research shows there are some key reasons why certain individuals can cultivate greater happiness.

It’s In Their Genes

Studies suggest that genetics account for approximately 50% of the variation in human happiness levels.[1] Some people’s “set ranges” for happiness are simply higher based on their DNA and brain chemistry related to the production and reception of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin.[2]

They Nurture Relationships

Having strong social ties is one of the greatest predictors of happiness. People who prioritize close relationships with family and friends and actively work on nurturing those bonds tend to be happier.[1][3] Humans are social creatures who thrive through connection.

They Find Purpose

A deep sense of meaning and purpose in life is associated with greater well-being and happiness. Those who pursue goals, causes or beliefs that are greater than themselves tend to lead more satisfied lives.[1][4] Having a “why” to work towards provides motivation.

They Practice Gratitude

Making a conscious effort to appreciate the positive aspects of life, no matter how small can boost happiness levels. Happier people make gratitude a habit by keeping gratitude journals, savoring positive experiences, and avoiding taking things for granted.[3]

They Live in the Present

Rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, happier individuals have a greater tendency to stay focused on the present moment. This mindful presence allows them to fully experience and appreciate the current circumstances.[3]

They Take Care of Themselves

Self-care isn’t selfish – it’s essential for well-being. Happier people prioritize their physical and mental health through exercise, nutrition, sleep, stress management, and doing activities they enjoy.[1][4] Caring for oneself provides resilience.

While happiness levels have a genetic baseline, there are absolutely habits and perspectives that can be cultivated to increase life satisfaction. By nurturing relationships, finding meaning, practicing gratitude, being present, and caring for themselves, some people can experience more frequent and lasting happiness.

Sources:
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/happiness/the-science-happiness
[2] https://www.ipsos.com/en/global-happiness-survey-march-2022
[3] https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-reasons-why-some-people-are-always-happy.html
[4] https://study.com/learn/lesson/what-makes-people-happy-research-causes-of-happiness.html
[5] https://www.purdue.edu/stepstoleaps/new/featured/well-being-tips/2021/2021_0308.php

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The Power of Momentum: Achieving Change Through Consistent Effort

When it comes to creating lasting change, motivation alone is often not enough. While motivation provides the initial spark and desire to take action, it’s momentum that truly propels us towards our goals through small, consistent efforts over time.[2]

Motivation is a fleeting state, fueled by willpower and mental strength. It can be challenging to sustain, especially for those dealing with trauma, stress, or other significant life challenges. Relying solely on motivation can lead to a cycle of starting strong but losing steam, leaving us feeling discouraged and unable to make meaningful progress.[3]

On the other hand, momentum is the force that keeps us moving forward, even when motivation wanes. It’s the habit of taking active steps, day after day, towards our desired outcome. Momentum doesn’t require the same level of mental fortitude as motivation; instead, it relies on the power of consistency and the compounding effect of small, incremental actions.[1]

Building Momentum: A Sustainable Path to Change

Creating momentum is about establishing routines and habits that align with your goals. By breaking down larger objectives into manageable tasks and incorporating them into your daily routine, you eliminate the need for constant motivation. These small, consistent efforts gradually build upon each other, creating a sense of forward motion and progress.[2]

“Small, consistent efforts over time will result in the momentum needed to see real change!”

One effective strategy for building momentum is to start with a single, achievable task and focus on making it a habit. Once that task becomes second nature, you can then introduce another small step, and so on. This approach allows you to build momentum gradually, without overwhelming yourself or relying too heavily on willpower.[3]

For example, if your goal is to improve your physical health, you could start by committing to a daily 10-minute walk. Once that becomes a habit, you could add a simple strength training routine or make a dietary change. Each small step reinforces the previous one, creating a snowball effect of positive change.

The Role of Momentum in Trauma and Stress Recovery

For individuals who have experienced trauma or are under significant stress, relying on motivation alone can be particularly challenging. Trauma and stress can deplete mental and emotional resources, making it difficult to summon the willpower required for sustained motivation.[4]

In these situations, building momentum through small, consistent actions can be a more accessible and sustainable approach to recovery and growth. By focusing on manageable tasks and establishing routines, individuals can gradually regain a sense of control and progress, without the added pressure of relying solely on motivation.

For example, someone recovering from trauma might start by committing to a daily journaling practice or a brief mindfulness exercise. As these small habits become ingrained, they can serve as a foundation for introducing additional coping strategies or therapeutic interventions.

Embracing the Power of Momentum

While motivation can provide an initial burst of energy and inspiration, true and lasting change often requires the sustained effort that comes from building momentum. By breaking down goals into manageable steps and consistently taking action, we can create a powerful force that propels us forward, even when motivation falters.

Embracing the power of momentum allows us to approach change in a more sustainable and accessible way, particularly for those facing significant life challenges. It’s a reminder that progress doesn’t require grand gestures or superhuman willpower; instead, it’s the culmination of small, consistent efforts that ultimately lead to transformative change.

———

Motivation’s wildfire blazes bright
Spurring heroic acts of might

But flames demand endless stoking
When willpower wanes, fire’s choking

Momentum whispers: “I’ll carry you through”
Asking little, just one step will do

One small action, then another
Mighty rivers, they will follow

Motivation craves grand feats
Momentum nurtures humble seeds

When trauma weighs heavy
Let momentum’s gentle flow
One breath, one step
The way ahead will show

Embrace motivation’s wildfire zeal
But tend momentum’s coals that glow

The small things, steadily unfurled
Change your world

——-

Citations:
[1] https://www.team3xt.com/blog/motivation-vs-momentum/
[2] https://barbstone.me/motivation-vs-momentum/
[3] https://camillemartinrd.com/why-momentum-matters-more-than-motivation-and-how-to-get-it/
[4] https://www.princetonhcs.org/care-services/princeton-house-behavioral-health/news-events/newsletters/winter-2019/motivational-interviewing-creating-momentum-for-change
[5] https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/truth-change-motivation-momentum-haley-gallant

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When “THEY” Won’t Change! What do I do?

When dealing with people who refuse to change, it’s important to accept that you cannot force them to change, but you can control your own reactions and boundaries. Here are some suggestions based on the search results:

Focus on what you can control. You cannot change others, only yourself. Recognize that their resistance to change is not about you, but their own fears, habits or mindset. Ask yourself if this is truly your problem to solve or theirs.[3]

Communicate clearly and compassionately. Express how their behavior impacts you using “I” statements, without criticism or judgment.[1][4] Listen to understand their perspective. Brainstorm solutions together if they are open to it.[4]

Set boundaries. If their behavior is unacceptable, calmly explain your boundaries and the consequences if they continue, such as limiting contact.[1][4] Follow through consistently.

Give them space. Avoid nagging, passive aggression or controlling language.[1] Pressuring someone often backfires. Allow them time and space to consider change at their own pace.[4]

Focus on your relationship. Compliment positive traits, spend quality time together, and look for areas you both can grow.[1] A strong bond can sometimes motivate change more than criticism.

Know when to disengage. If they remain unwilling to change hurtful patterns after you’ve communicated needs and boundaries, you may need to accept them as they are or re-evaluate the relationship.[3][5]

Prioritize your wellbeing. Don’t sacrifice your own mental health trying to change someone unwilling. Seek support, set firm boundaries, and detach with love if needed.[5][1]

The key is balancing compassion for their journey with prioritizing your own peace of mind. Change is an inside job – you can inspire but not force it upon others.[3][5]

Citations:
[1] https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Loved-Ones-Who-Refuse-to-Change
[2] https://hbr.org/2001/11/the-real-reason-people-wont-change
[3] https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/04/stop-trying-to-change-people-who-dont-want-to-change
[4] https://www.verywellmind.com/when-your-spouse-doesnt-want-change-2302197
[5] https://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-to-do-when-people-dont-want-to-change/

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Faith is a Guiding Light Through Dark Seasons

How Individual and Couples Can Find Strength Through Shared Faith

Life’s journey is often marked by unexpected twists and turns, presenting us with challenges that can test our resilience and inner strength. In the face of adversity, many individuals and couples turn to faith as a source of solace, guidance, and empowerment. Experts across various fields have recognized the profound impact that faith can have on our ability to navigate life’s difficulties with grace and fortitude.

“Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark,” said Rabindranath Tagore, the renowned poet and philosopher. This sentiment resonates deeply, as faith can provide a glimmer of hope and clarity even in the darkest of times, illuminating the path forward.

Dr. Kendra Cherry, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes the role of faith in fostering resilience: “Faith can serve as a powerful coping mechanism, offering individuals a sense of purpose and meaning, even in the midst of adversity. It can provide a framework for understanding and accepting life’s challenges, enabling them to persevere with greater strength and determination.”

For couples facing shared struggles, faith can be a unifying force, strengthening their bond and enabling them to support one another through difficult times. “Faith has the power to bring couples together, fostering a deeper emotional connection and shared understanding,” explains Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert. “It can provide a common language and set of values to navigate challenges as a team, reinforcing their commitment to one another.”

Faith can also play a crucial role in promoting mental and emotional well-being. “Spiritual practices, such as prayer, meditation, or contemplation, can have a calming effect on the mind and body,” says Dr. Lisa Miller, a professor of psychology and education at Columbia University. “These practices can help individuals and couples find inner peace, reduce stress and anxiety, and cultivate a sense of gratitude and acceptance, even in the face of adversity.”

Moreover, faith-based communities often provide a supportive network, offering practical assistance, emotional support, and a sense of belonging. “Being part of a faith community can be a powerful source of strength,” notes Dr. Harold Koenig, a leading researcher in the field of spirituality and health. “It can provide a safe space for individuals and couples to share their experiences, receive encouragement, and access resources to help them navigate life’s challenges.”

While faith can manifest in various forms and traditions, its essence lies in the belief in something greater than oneself, a guiding force that transcends the physical realm. As Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and author, eloquently states, “Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.”

In the tapestry of life, faith can serve as a powerful thread, weaving together hope, resilience, and inner strength. Whether facing personal struggles, relationship challenges, or shared adversities, embracing faith can provide individuals and couples with a profound sense of purpose, guidance, and the fortitude to navigate life’s complexities with grace and courage.

Here is an exercise to help couples discuss and share their faith with each other:

Faith Sharing Exercise

The goal of this exercise is to create a safe, open space for you and your partner to share your personal faith journeys, beliefs, and spiritual practices with one another. It is an opportunity to deepen your understanding of each other’s spiritual selves and find ways to honor and support one another’s faith within your relationship.

Materials Needed:

  • A quiet, comfortable space free from distractions
  • A small object or item that holds spiritual significance for each partner (e.g., a religious symbol, a meaningful photograph, a cherished book, etc.)

Instructions:

  1. Begin by setting an intention for the exercise. You may choose to light a candle, say a prayer, or engage in a brief meditation to create a sense of reverence and openness.
  2. Take turns sharing your spiritual item with your partner. Explain what the item represents and why it holds significance for you in your faith journey.
  3. After sharing the item, take turns responding to the following prompts:
  • Describe your earliest memory or experience related to faith or spirituality.
  • What role did faith play in your upbringing and family life?
  • How has your faith evolved or changed over time?
  • What aspects of your faith or spiritual beliefs bring you the most comfort or strength?
  • Are there any specific practices, rituals, or traditions that are particularly meaningful to you?
  • How do you envision faith playing a role in our relationship and family life?
  1. As your partner shares, practice active listening without judgment or interruption. Seek to understand their perspective and experiences with an open heart and mind.
  2. After each partner has had the opportunity to share, engage in an open dialogue. Discuss any similarities or differences in your faith journeys, beliefs, or practices. Explore ways you can support and honor each other’s spiritual needs within your relationship.
  3. Conclude the exercise by expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share and learn more about each other’s spiritual selves. You may choose to hold hands, embrace, or engage in a closing ritual or prayer that feels meaningful to both of you.

Remember, this exercise is not about convincing or converting one another but rather about fostering a deeper understanding, respect, and appreciation for each other’s spiritual paths. Approach the exercise with an open mind, a compassionate heart, and a willingness to listen and learn from one another.

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Unlocking Inner Healing: The Role of Procedural Memory in Trauma Recovery

Trauma leaves an indelible mark on our minds and bodies. Whether it’s a single distressing event or prolonged exposure to adverse circumstances, trauma can disrupt our sense of safety, trust, and well-being. As mental health practitioners, we strive to guide individuals toward healing and resilience. One powerful ally in this journey is procedural memory.

What Is Procedural Memory?

Procedural memory is a type of implicit memory—meaning it operates unconsciously. It involves the memory of how to do certain things. Think of it as the mental blueprint for tasks we’ve learned over time. Riding a bike, tying shoelaces, cooking an omelet without a recipe—these are all examples of procedural memories.

Why Is Procedural Memory Relevant in Trauma Recovery?

  1. Implicit Learning and Skills:
  • Trauma survivors often struggle with conscious memories related to their traumatic experiences (declarative memory). However, procedural memory remains relatively intact.
  • Psychologists can leverage this by focusing on activities that engage procedural memory. Engaging in repetitive, rhythmic, or sensory experiences can help regulate emotions and create a sense of safety.
  1. Mind-Body Connection:
  • Trauma affects both the mind and body. Procedural memory links physical sensations and emotional states.
  • Psychologists can guide clients to notice bodily sensations during therapy. By paying attention to these cues, clients can process trauma more effectively.
  1. Mindfulness and Presence:
  • Practices like mindfulness enhance procedural memory.
  • Psychologists can teach trauma survivors mindfulness techniques to regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and stay grounded.
  • Mindfulness helps clients access their present-moment experiences, aiding in trauma processing.
  1. Completing Traumatic Memory Processing:
  • Trauma memories are often fragmented and incomplete due to dissociation (a protective mechanism).
  • Procedural memory can help fill in gaps. By engaging in activities that evoke procedural memory (e.g., drawing, dancing, playing music), clients access implicit aspects of their trauma.
  • This completeness contributes to healing and resolution.
  1. Integration of Multiple Approaches:
  • Complex trauma requires an integrative approach.
  • Psychologists combine evidence-based techniques, including mindfulness, somatic experiencing, and cognitive-behavioral strategies.
  • Procedural memory allows for a holistic treatment approach, addressing both cognitive and somatic aspects of trauma.

Practical Applications

  1. Art Therapy: Engaging in creative activities (painting, sculpting, writing) taps into procedural memory. It provides an avenue for expression and healing.
  2. Movement-Based Therapies: Yoga, dance, and tai chi activate procedural memory. These practices promote relaxation, embodiment, and emotional regulation.
  3. Breathing Exercises: Focusing on breath patterns engages procedural memory. Deep, rhythmic breathing calms the nervous system.
  4. Grounding Techniques: Sensory grounding (touching objects, feeling textures) connects clients to the present moment.

Conclusion

As mental health professionals, we honor the resilience within each person. Procedural memory, with its implicit wisdom, guides us toward inner healing. By integrating it into trauma therapy, we empower survivors to reclaim their lives—one procedural step at a time. 🌟🧠

Remember, healing is a journey, and every small step matters. Let’s walk alongside our clients, fostering hope and transformation. 💙

Disclaimer: This article provides general information and is not a substitute for professional advice. Consult a qualified therapist for personalized guidance.

References:

  1. Schacter, D. L., & Tulving, E. (Eds.). (1994). Memory systems 1994. MIT Press.
  2. van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin.
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Boundaried Generosity

FamilyHealer.tv

Why is it that we are always saying yes but feel guilty whenever we say no? Caregivers give, but we need deep roots in order to survive the wins and storms of life. The more we give to ourselves the more we can give to others. This emotional bank account often runs dry because we are continuously donating ourselves and time and energy to others.

We need to practice the cycle of Carey. Being able to take care of ourselves allows us to avoid the impact a secondary traumatic stress, vicarious, trauma, compassion, fatigue, and burn out!

Too often our identities are wrapped around what we do versus who we are. Find way to set boundaries in your time between home and work life. Learn how much energy you are allowed to give away and start feeling comfortable with saying no. Herself moments to breathe, take a walk, and utilize Microsoft Care strategies.

Make self-care and necessity and not an option. Find little ways to promote your own physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and social development.

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Parenting Through the Behavioral Storm: Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD) is a relatively newly recognized mental health disorder that primarily affects children and adolescents. It is characterized by severe and recurrent temper outbursts that are out of proportion to the situation, along with a persistently irritable or angry mood between outbursts. These symptoms must be present for at least 12 months and be severe in at least two settings (e.g., home, school, with peers).

DMDD was introduced in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), which was published in May 2013. It was created to address concerns about overdiagnosis of bipolar disorder in children and to provide a more accurate diagnosis for children who exhibit chronic irritability and temper outbursts without meeting the criteria for bipolar disorder.

DMDD is seen as a way to better classify and treat children with severe irritability and temper outbursts, helping to differentiate them from those with bipolar disorder or oppositional defiant disorder. It’s important to note that DMDD is a relatively new diagnosis and research into its causes and treatment is ongoing.

Treatment for children with Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD) typically involves a combination of therapeutic interventions and, in some cases, medication management. Here are some common treatment options:

  1. Psychotherapy: Various forms of psychotherapy can be beneficial for children with DMDD:
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps children learn to identify and challenge negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies to manage their emotions and behavior.
  • Parent Management Training (PMT): Teaches parents effective techniques for managing their child’s behavior, setting appropriate limits, and providing positive reinforcement.
  • Family Therapy: Addresses family dynamics and communication patterns, improves conflict resolution skills, and fosters a supportive environment for the child.
  1. Social Skills Training: Helps children develop interpersonal skills, such as problem-solving, conflict resolution, empathy, and communication skills, which can improve their relationships with peers and family members.
  2. Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to manage specific symptoms associated with DMDD or co-occurring conditions:
  • Antidepressants: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or other antidepressants may be prescribed to alleviate symptoms of depression or anxiety.
  • Mood Stabilizers: In cases where mood swings are severe or resemble bipolar disorder, mood stabilizers such as lithium or atypical antipsychotics may be considered.
  1. Parent Education and Support: Providing parents with education about DMDD, guidance on effective parenting strategies, and support in managing their child’s behavior can be crucial in improving family functioning and reducing stress.
  2. School Interventions: Collaboration with teachers and school staff to implement behavior management strategies, accommodations, and supports can help address academic and social difficulties and create a more supportive learning environment for the child.
  3. Stress Management Techniques: Teaching the child relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation, can help them regulate their emotions and reduce stress levels.

Treatment plans should be individualized to meet the specific needs of each child and may involve a multidisciplinary approach involving mental health professionals, educators, and medical providers. Regular monitoring and adjustment of treatment strategies based on the child’s progress are also important for optimal outcomes.

Here are some books and resources that provide information and support specifically on Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD):

  1. “The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children” by Ross W. Greene – While not exclusively focused on DMDD, this book offers valuable insights and strategies for parenting children with explosive behaviors, including those with DMDD.
  2. “Your Defiant Child, Second Edition: Eight Steps to Better Behavior” by Russell A. Barkley and Christine M. Benton – This book provides practical guidance for parents dealing with challenging behaviors in children, including those with DMDD or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).
  3. “Parenting Your Child with Autism: Practical Solutions, Strategies, and Advice for Helping Your Family” by Anjali Sastry and Blaise Aguirre – Although targeted towards parents of children with autism, this book offers strategies for managing challenging behaviors that may apply to children with DMDD.
  4. “Managing the Meltdown: A Parent’s Guide to The Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder” by Naomi Henderson – This book specifically focuses on DMDD and offers guidance for parents on understanding the disorder, managing meltdowns, and supporting their child’s emotional well-being.
  5. “Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman – While not specifically about DMDD, this book provides insights into fostering emotional intelligence in children, which can be beneficial for parents navigating the challenges of DMDD.
  6. “Parenting Children with ADHD: 10 Lessons That Medicine Cannot Teach” by Vincent J. Monastra – While ADHD and DMDD are distinct disorders, they can share some overlapping symptoms and challenges. This book provides practical advice for parents dealing with behavioral issues in children, including those with DMDD.
  7. “The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them” by Elaine N. Aron – While not directly related to DMDD, this book offers insights into understanding and supporting highly sensitive children, which may be relevant for parents of children with DMDD who are easily overwhelmed by emotions.

These resources can provide valuable information and support for parents seeking to better understand and manage DMDD in their children. It’s important to consult with mental health professionals for personalized guidance and treatment recommendations tailored to the individual needs of the child and family.